Rewrite - Different Paths, Different People
by LilyHellsing
Summary: DIVERGES AFTER BK 4. Samantha Ivy leaves her fallen family simply because her tongue slipped. While she travels with Mr. Crepsley as his assistant, she can't help but feel as though she took someone's place. But it's just a fleeting feeling. Really she should be focusing on what the Vampaneze want, how to adjust to being a vampire, or why it becomes hard to breathe near Crepsley...
1. Chapter 1

Hi all! So I saw the movie Cirque du Freak on Syfy…then after remembering how awful it was, I re-read some old fanfics (and plan on re-reading the book series soon). And when I got to "Different Paths, Different People"…I got all giddy even though it was my own story that I was reading, haha! But I noticed several things…like grammar, spelling, and, more importantly, plot. I feel like so much of it was rushed or condensed…

So I have decided to re-write it but REALLY write it! Really make it novel size! I hope that's interesting to y'all because I want to expand on characters (both my own and not) as well as improve some of the plotholes (i.e. the arranged marriage…). Or by not being so blunt (like the romance with Crepsley and Sam, haha). Also I plan on altering some things just completely…because I re-read some parts and just stared going, "Uuuuuhhhh…where the HELL was I going with THAT?!" Lol.

With that being said, I hope I keep your attention and maybe even gain some new readers, for I'll be pouring my heart and soul into this!

* * *

I don't even know how it happened. Ok, no, that's a lie. I know how it happened but sometimes, like now, I feel like it was all just by random chance. Did I really have a choice? Was I really that foolish and impulsive?

Uh…well, I was sixteen at the time. So…technically, _duh_! I was sixteen and thought the world, not "my" world, but _the _world was caving in around me. How sad to realize years later that it wasn't really the sky falling on my head…just the ceiling.

But look where it got me! Away from my family, my friends, my school, my home…and into the arms of a circus of freaks. Well, to make it sound fancier to the common folk, they called it _Cirque du Freak_…but come on; a freak is a freak no matter the language. They are exotic, period.

Not that I don't like the circus…or the vampire that became my Maker. In fact, quite the opposite! I really like the "freaks" I travel with…and the vampire, eh, he's not bad. So long as I don't interrupt his beauty sleep, he tends to be really chill. Alas, they are no substitute for what I had lost.

I guess I'm at that stage in life where I start realizing that there isn't a defined Beginning and End…it's just a blur, all of it. There isn't Black and White, but, like, fifty shades of grey (and let me tell you, pretending to read that in front of the vampire makes him shift uncomfortably and shut right the heck up!). But seriously, there is no Gain and Loss in such strict, defined terms…it's more of…well…I don't know. I guess that's the part where I'm at.

Naturally speaking about ends and starts, defined or not, has got me thinking of the past few years. Where to start? Well…let's start at the part that I call "Makings of a Bridge".

That is, when I first met the vampire, Mr. Larten Crepsley. I was sixteen years old and I was with my two best friends, Darren Shan and Steve Leopard. And I had stupidly opened my mouth to challenge them to a race…

* * *

"Did you finish the history paper?" We three walked through the streets at a casual pace. It was myself, Steve, and Darren. I had known the two since about first grade; at that time, they came in a pair, having befriended each other in kindergarten. Despite having "cooties" for the first few months, being a girl and all, the two took to me like a fish to water. Ok, maybe I took to them first…and subsequently wouldn't stop following them around until they let me play with them. Same difference.

Steve snorted as he stretched his arms in the sky, "Do I ever even do the reading, let alone the papers?"

I smacked his forearm and smirked. "I know, that's why I was asking Darren, dork."

Darren looked over just as Steve smacked me back. I was, in a sense, one of the boys. "Yeah, I finished it last night…I'm not sure if I had all the sources though." In the meanwhile, I had given Steve a playful shove…to which he did right back, creating the domino effect of me slamming into Darren. Not to be outdone, Darren shoved back and lo and behold, a human ping pong ball I became!

After about the first few yards of this, I finally stopped walking and couldn't stop laughing. "Alright guys, quit your shit! I'm gonna end up slamming into a fence or something stupid because someone's aim is bad." There was no basis to this, especially when the guys played soccer, but it certainly got them up to defend their pride!

"Hey, that wouldn't be me!"

"I never miss!"

I still laughed at their overlapping protests, regaining my balance as I did. When I looked back up, I noticed a sort of softness flash across Steve's eyes. That had happened before…as to why, I was clueless, but I knew I saw it. I pushed my blond bangs from my eyes, adjusting my backwards blue hat to keep them away. When I started to move again, the wind blew across the road and filled the area with the scent of grass. Ahh grass…it smelt lovely, and looked better when it was being ran on.

Suddenly an idea came to mind. "Hey guys." My green eyes darted between them both. "Last one to Baker Street plays soccer on Alan's team!" And despite being sixteen, we three sprinted like we were ten once more.

My well used tennis shoes were both a help and a hindrance. While they were certainly comfortable enough to run in, they weren't quite as strong as they once were for sharp turns. And I knew that if I fell or skid again in these brown capri pants, I'd rip them up for sure.

Despite having the last name of Ivy, my family was anything but wealthy. We scraped by on a single income source for our household. Being a tomboy to me saved money – have you _seen _the price of a stick of eyeliner lately? – although my mother would disagree. Conscious of these things in the back of my head, I took a left into an alley.

As I started down the less sharp path (ok, maybe it was a shortcut), I looked over my shoulder. Good, no one was following! Yet as I turned around, I found myself slamming into something similar to a wall, but warm, and flew back.

There was the sound of a slight rip – so much for my genius plan of taking care of my clothes – and a grunt from me as I hit the loose gravel. Once I stopped moving, I looked up with a grimace and snarled, "Hey, the hell man?! Watch it!" Yup, dude looks like a lady. Talks like one too.

The body before me turned to face me as if I had been just a mere fly. Imagine! A hand was offered though, the man's voice pleasant and polite enough with just a sharpness to the edge. It was certainly something I hadn't heard before…it wasn't a restrained sort of sharpness, just one that demanded something like respect. "I believe it was both of our eyes that failed to see one another."

He was so calm that I felt my peak of rage drop. I reached out without thinking and took his hand, brushing off my butt when he helped me up. "I guess…sorry." I muttered, a bit embarrassed at how I had went off on the guy. After looking up and studying the man who was a good foot taller than me, I paused. "You…aren't from here are you?" I would have definitely remembered seeing orange hair…and…and a scar. Yikes, that looked painful!

The man's eyes held a mischievous glint to them – proof that you could be old but still be young! "Do you not have a race to win, young lady?" His hand had extended out once more but this time it held a piece of bright green paper.

"Oh! Yeah!" With adrenaline kicking back in and the task at hand again, I grabbed the flyer without thinking and took off. Damned if I would be playing on Uncoordinated Alan's team!

As I jumped out of the alley and back to the outside world once more, I started to laugh. I could hear Steve's cursing and Darren's panting from behind me. They weren't too far behind, but enough to consider me a victor! Spotting the street sign, I cackled and jumped up, my hand wrapping around the pole as I spun around it. "I WIN!" I all but shouted, holding on tight as my body wrapped itself around the pole. Without having meant to and with gravity have taken care of it, I was hugging the pole like a drunk. "You're both last! You're both on Alan's team, ha!"

Before I could start doing my victory dance, failing to notice that sort of light, soft flash over Steve's eyes again, Darren spoke up. "What do you have there?" He pointed to my hand, the one that around the pole.

I looked down and uncrumbled the flyer as much as I could. Maybe it was my lucky token since I won the race. "I dunno, some weirdo I ran into in the alley gave it to me." A skip of silence. "Uh. Wait. No that sounded really wrong."

Before jokes could be made, however, we three stared down and fell silent.

**Cirque du Freak**

* * *

A/N: I upped the age for the characters in order to make better sense and reason for Sam's issues throughout the story. Again, I hope you enjoyed the re-write and will continue to enjoy each chapter that I post, new and improved!


	2. Chapter 2

"Wait, and some guy in the alley gave you this?" Steve asked to confirm, a deep frown on his face. It wasn't that he was upset about the flyer exactly, but rather the fact that a stranger, clearly someone who wasn't of that small town, was handing stuff out. "I want to see this."

"What, do you think I'm lying?" I scoffed and gave a sharp yank to the back of my hat, fixing it so that my bangs were just over my eyes. "If I had some mad art skills for this, I wouldn't be playing soccer all day." Nevertheless where Steve went, Darren and I followed. As we moved, something occurred to me. "He helped me up after I literally ran into him and reminded me that I had the race to win – looks like you owe him a swift kick in the ass, otherwise I would have lost!" My laughter lightened the mood for I could see Darren grin and Steve's walk slow a bit. As unpredictable as he could be at times, I was a bit proud that I could read his body language usually.

When we three got to the alley, we stared in for a long moment. Despite it being day with the sun shining and winking at us, no one really wanted to go into the dim slab of space. Of course perhaps it had something to do with the fact that the flyer we had, the Cirque du Freak, meant that he was part of it…and therefore a freak. But besides a scar on his face and his hair being as ridiculous as the fruit, I couldn't quite figure what made him a freak. Maybe it was just a marketing position…yeah, maybe he was an intern or something.

With that thought taking off the edge, I stepped in and turned around to face the boys. "Well, he _was _here." I turned back around and looked around, not thinking he had shrunk or anything but more for some sort of proof. "Let's see…oh, there! That's where I ran into him and skidded into the loose gravel." I nodded at the area that showed a total wipe out.

Steve walked after me first, Darren lagging behind. I shot him a quizzical glance to which Darren muttered, "I dunno…gut feeling."

When I felt Steve's warm body next to me, he snorted. "Clumsy."

"Hey, this clumsy ass beat yours to the street sign! What does _that _say?!" I elbowed him in the side before walking Darren out of the alley. "Anyway," I must have had a shit eating grin on my face, "we have the flyer…and you have Alan as a teammate. Let's call it a day, it's dinner time!"

After a quick round of byes, as well as a plan to meet up tomorrow at noon for said soccer game, I went to call it quits. Darren left but Steve lingered, following me after a few steps until I felt a tug on my arm. "Hey?" I looked over at him, a bit startled from the look in his eyes. My hand went to my neck, rubbing the back softly and completely oblivious to my own body language.

"Would…you like to uh…go grab a burger at the old DQ?" He seemed twice as nervous as I felt even though he'd never admit it. Well, hell, neither would I. I had known this guy since we were six…a decade later and here we are now. He and Darren treated me like one of the guys and lord knows I behaved and dressed like one – must to my mother's everlasting annoyance. So why was he nervous now? Why was I?

Shifting to my other foot, I went to speak…but felt like…we were being watched. The sun was starting to sink so I couldn't see into the new forming shadows, but I definitely felt it. Just like Darren's "gut feelings", I learned to trust some instincts of my own long ago. Turning back to look at Steve, I shook my head. "Sorry, I'm flat broke. Raincheck it to next week?" Wait, why would he ask me and not Darren? "There a reason for craving cow suddenly?" I tried to pull off my curiosity by adding a smile but even then that looked awkward.

Steve would have hid his disappointment well…from anyone but me. His shoulders slacked for a moment before he pulled them up, standing straight to compensate. Even his jaw had slacked before he took on the usual over-confident Steve Leopard mask. "I…just wanted to look at the flyer a bit more."

"Oh!" I had forgotten the flyer and therefore when he brought it up, forgot all about how his answer was a load of crap. Digging it out of my pocket, I held it out, "Here…you keep it tonight. I don't think my family would be happy if they found it somehow. I don't think Jamie," my sister, "would look through my stuff, but mom might. I swear she's expecting me to come home with cigarettes one day and blame you and Darren." I finished it off with a laugh but even that felt weird in my throat. Mom wouldn't blame Darren and Steve, just Steve and we both knew it.

Still, he took the paper and folded it back up into his own pocket. "Alright well…I'll see you at school tomorrow. We'll have to tell Alan and Tommy about this show!" There was at least a light that came back into his eyes at the mention of the show.

Grinning without any weirdness once more, I waved as he took off and followed suit. As I started down the road to my house, I shivered. It was fall, yeah, but nowhere near that chilly yet. When I looked around, again allowing my body to react when my mind couldn't, I saw a shadow move…or was it a tree branch? Swallowing thickly, I walked a bit quicker, my heart mimicking the speed of my feet. Within minutes I had broken into a full sprint, feeling as though the shadows – or whatever they hid – were keeping up with me.

When I got to my house, I knew the door open, spun around inside, and slammed it shut before locking it. My heart started to calm, my body starting to relax…I was safe in this house. Yes.

It may not be much, but it was protection. I finally let go of the locks and stepped back, tossing my hat off to the counter, avoiding the broken edge of the wooden table that we had gotten at a yard sale. "Hey, I'm home." I called out, heading to the living room. That was, after all, where my dad spent most of his time. Plus I heard the television on low. "Anyone gonna answer me back?" For a brief fleeting moment, I imagined that there would be no one in the house, no one in the living room…that I was alone, that my family had just…disappeared.

The irrational fear was proved to be just that when I poked my head in and saw…my dad on the couch. Whew! "Hey dad, what are you up to?" The man before me had his leg, or what was left of it, on the foot rest of the couch. A few years back, due to an accident at the job, he lost it…as well as the job. The sleazy company managed to get away with saying that it was an accident that _he_ could have prevented, that it was _his_ fault…so there was no compensation. And since my mother was a banker and the only one making an income from then on, we weren't as well off as we once were. Despite the last name being Ivy, sounding all fancy and wealthy, we were far from such.

"Hello Sam." He muttered, his eyes glued to the television. I stared for a moment, catching that something was off. Tone and body language was the complete 180 of how my father usually acted. He was the type that saw the glass half full, a trait that I strived for.

"Um…where's Jamie?" I looked at the coffee table and caught third grade homework from my little sister's class just…there. She had been right in the middle of a math problem too…where did she just up and go to? "Hm," I decided to try and lighten the mood, "the pencil is still warm…someone was here doing her homework for her!" I looked up at my dad with a grin…which fell a bit. He didn't react.

Before I could question it further, for now I was really suspect, my mother's voice rang out from the kitchen. "Samantha, can you come here please?" I grimaced a little. No one called me by my full name, it was always just Sam. Alas, my mother was determined to keep it as Samantha and continuously called me it despite my constant protests. I was a lady, she stated, not some roughhousing boy.

Walking into the kitchen, I spotted my mother at the table with a cup of Earl Grey tea at the table. Originally I had planned to get a soda but at the smell of lemon and tea, I quickly made a shift to the stove where the kettle was. "Hey mom." I muttered as I poured myself a glass. That drove my mother up a wall, I knew, but it was my way for getting back at her using my full name. With a glass, not a tea cup, of Earl Grey in my hand, I plopped into a seat and looked up at her.

With a tight, almost grim look on her face, she swallowed her criticism with her drink. Huh…that only happened when she knew there would be a fight to come, so she didn't want to push tempers quite so early. Uh-oh. "Am…I in trouble or something? Dad looked…I don't know. And where's Jamie?" Once again, my body reacted and became alert when my mind was sluggish.

"There is something we need to discuss."

Snorting softly, another habit that was un-ladylike, I took a sip of the warm drink and nodded. "Well, yes, which makes my question all the more urgent. What did I do now?"

"You've done nothing wrong, Samantha." Talk about a rare order of words put together. "I have news for you. You'll be turning seventeen soon…graduating high school." I nodded, following so far. She continued, "We don't have the money for college." Uh…well…yeah. I had to take a long gulp of tea to keep from expressing my sarcasm and, honestly, annoyance at how she was stalling. Of course we didn't have money for college…we could barely pay the bills. "Yeah? I'll get a job."

My mother scoffed, her usual spark of pride (arrogance?) coming back to life. "You will do no such thing! You are an Ivy and we are a proud line of people. None of the women on my side of the family," the cliché Southern Belles, "ever worked a day in their life."

"You work. You're a banker." I pointed out a bit dryly, my lids lowering just enough to give a dull stare.

"_I_ had no choice…our family has to be provided for and that responsibility had fallen to me to take care of." She pointed out with her feathers ruffled. I didn't mention how my grandparents, her wealthy parents, refused to help us out. Despite the opposite personalities from mom and dad, mom had been disowned from her family (siblings and aunts/uncles included…haughty bunch) for marrying dad, a lowly "poor" man. It was a marriage of love…which always left me in awe I have to admit, since I rarely saw that side of her. "And brush your bangs out of your face! You are not an urchin on the streets, even if you dress like once."

"Mom, they're blue jeans! Women have been wearing them for, like, fifty years or something!" I quickly moved on to keep her from calling me out on my lack of historical knowledge, "And I don't know what you're talking about, I have a choice too…find a job. I don't mind it. I get bored anyway." Okay, maybe that was a lie. I'd rather play soccer or just hang out with Darren and Steve all day, but she didn't need to know that.

My mother let go of her tea cup and nodded. "You are right, you _do _have a choice...and that is what I wanted to talk about. A very old friend of mine has spent the year trying to find a match for her son – he's about twenty now and already working in a company – so she reached out to me." It didn't quite hit me what she was gunning for, I was more distracted by the fact that she still had contact with her uppity old friends. "Her son is already on track for a high management position and therefore quite a large salary. He wants someone to take care of with that salary…so I suggested a marriage between you two."

It took a total of three seconds for me to process what she said, and another three seconds to react. "WHAT?!" I yelped, standing so quick that the chair fell back. "Wait, whoa, hold right up there, what?!" My palms were flat against the table now, my body tense. "Marriage?! With a stranger?! Like, an arranged one?! Um, no!"

"Samantha, this is the chance to get out of here! You'll be taken care of, you can go to college, and you can help support your family now! You need to and will do this and that's final, young lady." Despite my hostile and shocked body language, she merely sat there. Always in control, that one, always concerned about the public eye.

I spluttered, struggling to really understand this. I thought arranged marriages had died out like…decades ago. "Wait, is that why dad was acting so weird?!" Oh god, I realized, he knew and he couldn't look me in the eye because…he knew mother was right. "You sent Jamie to her room so she wouldn't tell me, didn't you?!" Good job self, you notice all this about four pages later in the story. "No! No I refuse to marry someone I haven't even met!"

Occasionally mother would get…well, she'd be a smart ass. Which, hey, I got from her to begin with and could usually appreciate the humor after the fight…but not this time. "Oh good, your only concern is meeting? Then I've got pleasant news that will calm your mind. Your fiancée, Mark, will be coming down for dinner tomorrow night." My heart stopped for a second. It wasn't the fact that she had said "fiancée" or that he was visiting, it was the fact that tomorrow night was…well, the Cirque. Glad to see I had my priorities straight.

"You…you hypocrite, how can you push me into an arranged marriage when you married dad for love?!" I yelped, hitting below the belt pretty quick.

Mother's jaw set and she glared, her voice cool but sharp. "I am trying to prevent you from making the same mistakes I did – though I love your dad and I love my children, I have always wished I had handled the situation differently." What, I thought, and not married the man? "And the marriage will blossom into love…as you said yourself, you haven't even met him, so how do you know you won't love him?"

I stuttered quite loudly for a moment, feeling my brain slowing down and sputter out. Finally I slapped the table and snapped, "No, I refuse to go through with this and you can't make me!" Instead of running out the door, I ran upstairs to my room…then, later, would climb through the window to Steve's. But for now, my room to pack.


	3. Chapter 3

Aaaaaaand new plot to deviate from both the book and my old fanfic!

* * *

I managed to escape Steve's questioning that night by just flopping onto the pallet of blankets he made on the floor and falling asleep. Truthfully I couldn't sleep though, but he backed off once he had a full five minutes of silence from me. When the light was out, thoughts about the marriage came back to haunt me. I wasn't concerned about what we'd tell Steve's mom tomorrow morning before school because, frankly, she was never awake at that time. In fact, though she was awake right now, she was more, uh, "awake" than awake…she was drunk. It made it real simple to just slip in through the front door.

By the time Steve's clock showed it was three in the morning, reality had just started to settle in. My "fiancé" was to come into town tomorrow night…dear god. How was I to get out of that one? Even if I missed dinner or faked being sick, I would still have to marry the man, wouldn't I? Wait, did mother even say when the marriage was?! I groaned at this, unable to believe how big of a loophole I may have just missed. If it was a month, I'd be screwed…but if it was over a year or so, well I could simply start saving money and jump on a train.

Steve had always wanted to run off to Mexico after all and it's safer to travel in pairs. Buddy system and all that.

"You still won't tell me why you showed up on my doorstep?" Steve's sleep-ridden voice rang out so suddenly that I jumped from my makeshift bed.

"Damn it Steve, don't do that! I thought you were asleep!" I sat up and looked over at him, the moonlight peeking through the curtains just enough to let me see his facial features.

My friend sat up as well and looked down at me, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. "Yeah well, I was until you kept shifting and turning and groaning. What were you doing anyway?" The end of his question sounded suspicious, even insinuating.

My cheeks warmed at his dirty mind and I clung my, er his, pillow at his face. "I was just thinking. And before you ask, no I won't tell you yet. I'm still thinking about it." I hugged my bare knees though, having borrowed some of his pajama shorts for the night. They were so much better than the pink nightgown I had.

Catching the pillow with ease, Steve muttered, "Not that I mind having you here…" When I looked up, he spoke up with the change in topic, "So the Cirque…"

I stared for a moment, my plan suddenly falling into place. "Steve…let's skip school tomorrow…er, today. Sleep in. Maybe go explore the woods or something, like old times." Mother would look for me at school, not in the morning since she would think I had just left the house early, but in the afternoon. She would, I knew, think I'd skip the end or hide afterwards and snatch me before. Little did she know that I was two steps ahead! "Just you and me." The less people who knew, the better. "Then we can grab Darren and go to the show." There, afterwards she would tell her two best friends what had happened…and what, at that moment, she was skipping.

Steve's eyes lit up and it wasn't from the moonlight. "Sure!" He started to rattle on about plans in the woods, of games to play as we waited out the day. Night, he said and I agreed, would be the best part of it all. And I tried so very hard to believe it with my heart.

That evening Darren met up with us outside the theatre on the flyer. Steve and I were a bit sunburnt but nothing too bad…that's what happens when you nap on a field with few trees. No matter! When Darren asked us why we weren't at school, I claimed we were both on our periods and smirked at both the boys' faces scrunching up. "So, ready to see some freaks Shan?!" I punched his arm lightly and bounced on the heels of my worn out tennis shoes.

Something flashed in Darren's eyes before he became nervous, his arm grabbing his forearm and looking away from me. "Um…listen guys…I don't think I should go in." At Steve's noise of protest and my slacking of jaw, he quickly added, "I just have this bad feeling that something's going to happen!"

"Take some Pepto Bismol and get over it. Come on man, this will be lots of fun!" I tried to push him.

Steve added in his two cents, "Alan and Tommy couldn't get out of their house but you did…don't throw that away."

Darren shook his head, a true grimace on his face. "I'm sorry guys but…tell me all about it tomorrow, alright?" He stepped back and walked away. I couldn't help but stand there an extra moment and be sucked into my confusion.

Finally I muttered, "That Shan kid ain't right." It was half a joke really, since he was the goody-two-shoes of we three, but it was also half true. Shaking my head, I looked up at Steve and smiled. "Well, guess it's a date then!" I laughed so hard at the very idea of dating a boy that I missed Steve's facial expression.

Looping my arm around his, we walked up to the ticket booth that was old and locked up. Alas, within twenty minutes of trying to find a way to buy a ticket, we were still ticketless. It was as though a door had been shut in our face! If only I had known what the door stop to that had been, to realize why said "door" had shut. But at the time, I was more pissed that my escape from reality was shoving me away. "Maybe if we go in and show that we have the flyer…?"

Steve snorted and shook his head, kicking the stupid ticket booth once more for good measure. "No…no, I have a better idea. Come on, I saw a broken window on the second floor near the fire escape. Let's just save our money and sneak in!"

Knowing just how hard pressed for money we both were, a huge grin grew on my face. "I dig it! Come on!" It was now dark but with Steve at my side, and the fact that all the freaks were _inside _the theatre and not outside, I felt no fear in running into the dark alley. And apparently neither did the boy who took that as a challenge!

When we got to the fire escape and climbed up carefully, I muttered, "Do you have a flashlight or a lighter or something? I don't think it'll be light inside the part of building we're going into…pretty sure they weren't expecting anyone to use this lovely red carpet entrance." The fire escape, after all, was quite stable. And if we didn't die from the fall of the ladder then we may just end up stabbing ourselves with the broken window. Ah, so many ways to die, how to pick just one!

Steve shook his head and paused at the window. "No…we'll have to just feel around. Here, let me just…" he looked around before punched a part of the window that would have impaled our stomachs. I stared for a moment at how effective it was, at how he had punched it without second thought or injury. "Ladies first."

"But…then we'll miss the show." I smirked at the old joke, crossing my arms. "You be the look in and I'll be the look out." With a light chuckle, Steve slid in and held his hand out for me to join. I mimicked him as best as I could, I gasped only when the broken window tried to steal my backwards cap. When I stood up and looked around, I could hardly see the back of my hand, it was so dark! "Steve?" I whispered, taking a cautious step forward.

A hand was slapped over my mouth, muffling my yelp that I gave to just feel the sensation. My heart skipped a beat and my first thought was how I knew we shouldn't have snuck in, how some freaks had found us, how…how much of a jerk Steve was! "Shh, I'm right here, dork. Come on Sam." It was Steve who had snuck up behind me. With an unseen scowl, I took his hand and followed his hesitant lead.

What felt like half an hour was probably only a few minutes but we could hear the show start. Quickly, we followed the noise all the while my hand was in his. When we stopped, we could see the giant stage bathed in green and other lights. My lips parted in silent awe and I stepped closer to the edge, letting my hand drop from his. It was…it was stunning in an odd way. A creepy way.

Steve quickly sat down at a nearby chair and I followed suit, grinning from ear to ear that we had succeeded. Not only that, but we had balcony seats all to ourselves! I nearly clapped at our accomplishment before remembering we weren't supposed to be there. And in fact, that feeling of "out of place"ness or "not supposed to be there" hit me hard. I almost contemplated going back down and leaving…but to go through that utter, inhuman darkness again by myself…no. It was just the fact that we "broke" in through an already broken window…that was why I felt so wrong. Yeah, that was it.

Lucky for me, the show started with a very, very tall man on stage wearing a ridiculously tall hat. In fact, I'm not sure which one was more ridiculously tall, but dear god! As he started to talk giving a brief history of the Cirque, my smile grew and grew until it hurt. Even though I didn't look since Steve was to my left, furthest from the stage, I knew he was doing the same. At the end of his – Mr. Tall was his name – speech, his dark eyes shifted ever so slightly and suddenly I felt the weight of them.

I almost choked on simple air, unable to breathe or think for a moment. When he finally moved off stage, I inhaled deeply as though coming up from a lake. I turned and shot a look at Steve, seeing how his smile had fallen flat like mine. So I wasn't the only one who felt exposed and caught…

My hand darted out and I lightly smacked Steve with the back of it. I nodded sharply to the darkness behind us, the path we had taken to get here. Should we leave? That was the question but the worry was if we had gotten caught or not. His eyes met my and although there was just a flicker of fear, they hardened. No, he would have said if he had been able to speak, we came all this way for this. I nodded and turned back, figuring that if they were caught…well, let the "bouncer" escort them out. After all, they were just sixteen, soon to be seventeen, so they could play off the Ignorant Youth card.


	4. Chapter 4

Even though we weren't in the first row or even the last row on the ground floor, the show was just as terrifying – and entertaining. Perhaps even more so, since we had nothing but pure darkness behind us…who knew what lurked there, watching and waiting for us? Every time Mr. Tall would come on stage and announce the next performer, I'd feel his gaze flicker over to us. And when he left the stage…I don't know about Steve, but my back would straighten and tense as if I felt him behind us. I never dared once to turn around though.

Once, in between the Limbs man and another, I had turned just a little to look at Steve with wonder, awe, and amazement in my gaze…but I saw something. Steve looked the same way I did, his face lit up like I rarely saw it in this small town, but I saw something behind him. It was just the slightest shift of the curtain that had been pulled back for the seats. Just a nudge, really, as if someone had been touching it and jumped back suddenly. I swallowed thickly, feeling sweat run down my neck. I adjusted my backwards hat as if it was silently saying I was brave, I was a punk…but I scooted to the edge of my seat. Better to jump over the balcony and end with a broken leg than be eaten…especially if it was by the Wolf Man. I shuddered.

My dark thoughts went away though when the next performer stepped on stage. He wore a beautifully brilliant red outfit, cape and all. I leaned forward, my hands resting on the balcony as I tried to get a better look. I even brushed my bangs back from my eyes. His hair was obnoxiously red and his face, even though distant from me, held a scar…it took my sluggish brain to process. I had to dig past what happened last night, the marriage order and all, and get back to yesterday afternoon. And when it hit me, I gasped ever so slightly and spun around to look at Steve.

He, too, was just as pale as I must have been…perhaps worse. It was the same man who had given me the flyer in the alley, I wanted to shout! But…wait. Steve had never seen the guy before; he was gone by the time we went to the alley to check. So…why was Steve so pale?

Did I just see something from the curtains again?

My grip on the balcony tightened to where it lightly groaned, threatening to break. I quickly let go and looked back on stage. So far no one (that I could see) had noticed the noises from the seats above them…good. I willed myself to enjoy it, to focus on the stage. Yet as soon as I did, I regretted it. A spider!

I wanted to kick Darren for leaving us mostly because I knew I'd never be able to describe this large spider's beauty in justice. Darren loved spiders as much as Steve loved vampires…it always made for easy birthday and Christmas gifts over the years (another reason mother didn't like my male friends). I willed myself to stop feeling so nervous, so on edge. After all, I reasoned, the huge ass spider was waaaay away from me!

It certainly helped with the man…what did he say his name was….Mr. Crepsley started to play the flute. The spider, Madame something or another, wasn't the only one pleased or hyponotized by the lovely noise. While she performed her tricks, looking obnoxiously stunning in the light, I felt my muscles relax. My mind even started to unwind, if that were possible. I leaned closer from the edge of my seat, my heart beating strong but pleasantly. Every breath I took felt like I was inhaling a part of a cloud, Heaven or something. Before I knew it, I had stood and had the balcony ledge against my thighs. The music…that sweet, calming music that took away all my fears and worries about the marriage, about my family, about how I would tell my friends about it all…

The spell – for what else could one call it? – was broken violently when Steve grabbed my forearm and yanked me down. Not down on the seat again, but down-down to where we crouched in the balcony, hidden to all. Luckily the dull thud on these worn out, old floors were masked by the crowd's gasps and screams – the spider had jumped into the audience. Feeling as though I had just been pulled out of a dream, feeling quite overwhelmed, I took a second to collect myself. There was no way I'd cry in front of Steve! It was as though the flute had physically taken all my negative thoughts from my mind and memory…and when I had been brought back to reality, they all punched me right in the jaw.

"What?!" I hissed, choosing anger instead of the acute sadness I felt to express.

Our faces were merely inches away; I could feel his hot breath on my face. My friend glared hard at me but there was also something else in his scorning gaze…something…I'm not sure. Worry maybe? "The hell was that, Sam?!" He hissed back, taking advantage of the crowd's reactions again to cover our talk. "Do you know who that is?!"

I tried my best to control my fist as I met his sharp gaze. He wasn't quite close to one of his moods – those infamous moods that gave him the name Leopard from his real last name Leonard – but I knew the limit. "Uh, Larten Crepsley?!" I hoped to avoid talking about why I had suddenly been drawn in by a pseudo-siren.

"He's not…" Steve shut up, perhaps because the crowd had gone silent but maybe for another reason too. I stopped paying attention and sat back up, looking out to the stage. The man had the huge ass spider in his mouth…like, on-in his mouth! I almost fell backwards from my chair, my jaw dropped.

Just then, the flute played again…but it wasn't Crepsley's since his was in his hand. No, from the side of the stage walked in Mr. Tall playing the flute. How…how odd, I thought, that I should be enraptured with Crepsley's flute and not Mr. Tall's. Was it the flute or the flute player that had brought me a slice of heaven just then?

I had been so lost in my thoughts that I almost missed it when the spider jumped away and Crepsley licked off the fresh web in his mouth. When it was safe, we all clapped and applauded. I turned back to look at Steve since he should have cooled off by then…but he was just pensive. Thinking hard. I looked away again; I didn't want to get involved.

At the end of the show, or so Mr. Tall claimed to be the end, I looked over at Steve who, lo and behold, still had thinking wrinkles in his forehead. I was just about to comment on how weak an ending the show ended on when I saw the curtain move…and the thing that moved it.

My hand darted out and grabbed Steve's forearm hard enough to bruise it, eyes wide and not even daring to gulp as I stared. When Steve jolted in his chair almost like waking from a nap, about to snarl at me, I held my finger to my lips. Not once, however, did I look away from what was behind him…and what was slowly coming closer to us.

A huge, long (admittedly beautiful) snake.

It slithered around our chairs, almost reaching my knees and it took all my effect not to make a sound. Snakes "saw" sound rather than actual sight…so if we stayed perfectly silent…

Within moments the snake had wrapped itself down the column below us and was now scaring those down below. I exhaled and fell back against my chair, my grip on Steve's forearm slackened but still existing. "Oh dear god, did you…", my sentence trailed off as we saw the snake-boy on stage. Once again, I grew excited while Steve sulked, my hands clapping along with the rest of the people. "Damn they got us good!" I stood and quickly ducked to the curtains, to the darkness so no one would spot me. Steve did the same but as soon as I took a step deeper into the abyss to go to the window, he finally acted.

"Sam, I want you to leave."

"What?!" I could only see the outline of him since he was between me and the dim light of the audience. "What are you talking about? We _are _leaving!" Judging from his tone, I knew there was no 'we' involved…and that terrified me.

My best friend took my shoulders and pulled me close so that way we could at least see each other's eyes. "Sam, go back to my place and go to sleep. I'll be there in the morning. I hope." He muttered the last part almost as if to himself but I heard it.

My hands darted to grab his before he pulled away, refusing to budge. "What the hell do you think you're gonna do? Go talk to Crepsley or something? Ask Tall to join? You aren't leaving me alone Steve!"

"I said go!" He yanked his hands free of mine and shoved me into the dark abyss. "Go back and I'll come home later. I have to take care of something before…go!" And just like that, he set an example that he wanted me to follow…and disappeared into the halls.

After a moment of standing there, hearing the footsteps of the crowd below start to thin out, I whispered, "Steve?" I took a hesitant step forward, whispering his name once more but louder. Although I heard nothing, in fact the last audience member had left now, I felt as though someone or thing was behind me. I swallowed dryly and spun around, seeing…nothing. Nothing but darkness again. This was getting old.

"S-Steve is that you?" I dared to call out again. I didn't want to leave…I couldn't, really. Assuming I could even work my way through the maze we had gone through to get here blindly, I didn't know what was following my footsteps. To leave with Steve as I had arrived would have given me security…

Don't get me wrong, I can throw a pretty mean punch! But dealing with freaks by myself who lived in the darkness…I was at a disadvantage. So my next question, the one that got me angry at Steve instead of frightened for myself, was…what the hell was so important that Steve would just up and ditch me?!

I decided to go the direction that Steve had gone. In case there was something where the window-exit was, I didn't want to know! After several twists, turns, and (ok, ok) running into walls, I found the stairs. Or…rather…I nearly fell and broke my neck. By the time I had all but crawled down the stairs, I heard Steve's voice. I walked closer to the light and found myself on the ground floor. Quickly I ducked in between the rows of chairs and stuck my head out. A few yards away was the stage where a light rest on and on that stage in that light was Steve Leopard.

He was looking around from side to side, his legs trembling and his hands shaking. His lips were parted as if he was gonna speak but nothing came out. I don't blame him…we had snuck in and he was on the stage where any freak could have seen him. Wait, so why did he think it was such a good idea to be on the stage then?!

I was just about to stand out and call to him when someone beat me to it. "Looking for me?" Steve jumped a foot in the air and I barely managed not to knock any chairs over in my surprise. From above fell a body, graceful landing and all…Larten Crepsley, the spider man. "You have quite the nerve, boy, to enter without permission and to even show your face afterwards." So they knew all the time…terrifying!

Steve stuttered – that was a first in the decade that I knew him that he had stuttered! – as his knees knocked. "I-I know w-w-who y-you are!"

Although Crepsley's laugh boomed throughout the empty theatre, I heard nothing past that. Instead I was more absorbed with seeing the flute at the man's belt loop. That instrument that had given me such tranquility, a sensation and state I wasn't too familiar with. If only I could…

"You're a vampire and I want you to make me into one."


	5. Chapter 5

Steve's sudden clear statement snapped me out of my daydream. Since I was on my hands and knees to hide between the rows, my arms started to shake from supporting me. A…a vampire? What was Steve smoking?! And to turn into one…I knew he was obsessed but damn.

I would have scoffed at the notion until I heard the man's reply. "Who sent you?" Wait, Steve was right?! What?! I started to crawl slowly, hoping to make a quick escape if need be. If the man was a real vampire and he found me…

When I looked up again at the end of my row, closer to the exit door, I saw Crepsley spitting out blood! I gagged, the noise covered up with what the man had to shout at Steve next. "You have bad blood! There is menace in your blood! You are evil!" Even though I could only see the side of Steve, I knew, and could feel, that his heart broke. I stopped moving, sat on my feet and looked up as if this were all some sort of sick tragic play before me.

I had just a split second to process what I had overheard so far. Crepsley was a vampire and Steve had wanted to join…but he was evil. And for a good moment there, I felt nothing only because I didn't know what aspect of those three to feel most shocked about. The next thing I knew, Steve flew pass me as he ran up the aisle. The only reason he didn't notice me was because he was laughing in a manic state I had never seen him in before, shouting, "I'll make you pay! I'll grow up and become a vampire hunter! I'll kill you, you'll see!"

Quickly I ducked back down, realizing finally that my entire body was shaking like a leaf. I heard more spitting from the stage…no doubt that monster was trying to rid himself of the taste of "evil blood". What nonsense was that anyway?! Blood didn't have characteristics like that…did it? I knew Steve had his moods, I knew he could be violent when he wanted to…but to go as far as evil? That just wasn't my best friend.

Licking my lips nervously, I glanced up to see Crepsley's back turned to me, meaning he was leaving. Each step he took meant another light turned off; soon I'd be encased in total darkness again! Only this time, I suspect I wouldn't be able to navigate with so many chairs if I couldn't see my path.

I did what he did and at least got an early start. Unfortunately my mind decided to be the boss, not my body, and when it stood to walk silently away in the remaining light…my legs failed me. I had been shaking so bad from the entire night, from the show and, mostly, from the past ten minutes that I had no strength despite the state of shock I was in. So down I went, my hands automatically reaching for something, anything, that they could grab to lessen the fall.

And the only thing they could reach were the chairs that had been set up, the chairs that weren't grounded. My knees hit the floor, a sharp crack in contrast to my cry. The chair I had grabbed tumbled over, knocking the one behind it down and so on like a domino effect. My heart stopped for a good moment and it became quite painful to breathe. Finally, at long last, my mind caught up to my body…and they were both aware of the vampire having turned around to stare at me.

Shit.

I didn't turn around, I didn't want to. I couldn't stand (literally, ha) to see the vampire run at me with his fangs bare and in bat form or something. It would only give him time to capture me, sink his teeth into my neck, and suck me dry. So as quick as I had fallen, although it all felt like slow motion, I pushed myself back up. My body followed commands as best as it could as I started to run. My heart was racing and I could feel the adrenaline take over, I could feel everything else shrinking. Nothing mattered but my survival.

I got a couple of rows in distance; I almost started to feel arrogant that I was going to make it out of there alive. Alas, the vampire must have been playing with me to just see my spunk for no further than the third row did he strike. I felt a hand grab my shoulder and spin me around, my footing thrown completely off. I yelped as I fell back, my hat flying off my head and landing on the ground. Who the hell cared about a hat at a time like this though?! I started to crawl backwards as fast as I could, looking up with sheer terror that I had got caught.

Larten Crepsley, or whatever his real name was, stood above me, slowly advancing…he was the cat playing with his food, me the mouse. That bastard! His face held an expression of almost indifference, a gleam of amusement in his eyes and just a hint of a smirk. "Back off!" Somehow I managed to find the words and the guts to shout at him.

My hands were so filthy from the floor but I hardly noticed it. I had been sweating up a storm and I could feel my clothes stick to me. All in all, I felt exactly how he was treating me: a prey. It was only when he took an extra step closer, a quicker one as if to mock my demand, did I act. I swung around, grabbed a chair by the legs and as I stood, I flung it to make contact with his ugly face!

Only problem was…he caught it. With ease. And threw it behind him as if it were a feather. When it slammed into other chairs, the horrendous crash it made, I yelped without restraint. Now was not the time to play the tomboy card, not to start fighting. My hands went up to protect my face as I kept stepping back, my throat forgetting how to work. I hadn't even realized how he was advancing on me at a stupidly calm pace or how panicked I was until my back hit a column – oh, the one that held the balcony Steve and I were on earlier. Naturally.

Crepsley placed his hands on either side of my head and leaned forward, as if my hands that hovered right before my face weren't there. What was he going to do? He had me cornered in a sense…even without my back against something, he still had the upper hand by, like, a wing span. Would he kill me? Drink me dry? Kidnap me? He was playing with me…had been since I had stupidly collapsed against the chairs. God, how I wish Steve had gone with me to leave after the show. How I wish _I _had gone after the show!

The man stared me dead in the eye, a serious look on his face. He opened his mouth and said, "I see you won the race." At such a sudden and random comment, given the situation, I froze. My hands slowly fell by themselves to my side and I caught a gleam, just a hint of a gleam, of amusement in his eyes.

I tried to speak but looked like a fish, unable to produce words. I tried again…nothing. As my mouth figured out how to produce coherent sounds once more, I took in the situation. There I was against a column, my short, choppy blond hair matted against my face. It wasn't from sweat, I realized with a hint of self loathe, it was a combination of snot and tears. Evidently I had cried somewhere between the end of the show and here. My clothes were filthy and no doubt stunk of sweat, my hands even worse off since I had crawled away. My knees were probably bruised from the fall earlier and had given out once more – the only thing keeping me up was leaning against the column. And before me, right in front of me by a foot, was a vampire. A pale, scarred, orange haired vampire dressed in brilliant shades of red…with a flute at his side. He wasn't just in front of me, he was leaning forward, close to me without touching me. And he was the perfect picture of poise and grace, especially compared to me. Dear god, I thought with dry humor, what a pair we must make right now!

"S-Steve will realize I-I'm missing." The words tumbled out of my mouth, my voice cracked from both a lack of beverage, fear, and, well, crying. I tried to calm down; I tried so hard to bring myself back to a level of coherence. The vampire was playing with me, that comment of his made it even more apparent. "He'll…he'll call the cops." It was a prayer. It really was. And what did it matter since I'd be dead by then? When he stared at me for a moment longer, I tried one last desperate measure. "My blood is evil too."

At this, Crepsley threw his head back and laughed with his mouth wide open. I tried not to look at where I thought I saw fangs. I flinched and tried to make myself small, my shoulders raised almost to my ears…like a turtle. At the end of his laugh, he looked back down at me and smirked. "Eavesdropping is impolite, has no one ever taught you manners?"

My mind instantly went to my mother…oh god. My family, they'd never see me again! I must have looked even worse than I already was, for Mr. Crepsley took pity on me and stood up straight. Now without him leaning close to me, I slowly slid down the column and onto the ground. I wasn't sure the correlation there, but it made me feel better. Well, sort of. "What…what are you going to do to me?" I almost wondered how no one else had heard this ruckus. I almost wanted to be morally outraged at how no one came to my rescue. But then I remembered that we were at the Cirque, they were a family, and I was threatening their safety and peace. If anything, they might be in the shadows cheering Crepsley on to take care of me! Steve and I had not only put Crepsley's safety in danger at announcing his nature, but the Cirque itself.

When I felt my strength had returned, even a little, I forced myself to stand back up. I stayed against the column though for support, even if it made me more of a target. "Please, I won't tell anyone that you're a vampire." The word left my lips as though it were a foreign language, one of which I had just slaughtered by trying to pronounce.

Crepsley studied me for a moment as I collected myself. Now that I knew what I was dealing with, as opposed to sheer unknown mystery, I was able to bring myself back around. He looked intrigued and perhaps a little disgusted…pity? I couldn't tell the difference. He stroked his scar on the side of his face, thinking. "It would not look good for me to do something with you when I allowed your boyfriend to leave unscathed."

I jumped but not from fear this time. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, back right the hell up!" I waved my arms around me in a furiously fast manner, making no sense or reason of it though. "Steve is _not _my boyfriend, alright? No. No, ew, no, he's like a brother! I've known him for a decade…not like…that's a long time for you. But for me it is!"

There was that gleam of amusement in his eyes again. His grin was tight but it existed. "That is enough. If I let you leave, leave knowing that the consequences for revealing my secret are grave!" I couldn't quite figure if he meant literally or figuratively…or if the figurative language could leave to the literal translation of it.

Either way, I nodded twice. "I won't, I swear!" Wait, the voice in the back of my head spoke up, how would he know? He couldn't watch me all the time…well, not in the daylight at least. "I have no reason to, really!"

He studied me for another moment though it felt like an hour. I hoped I looked truthful, I hoped I didn't raise suspicion. I had stopped crying, stopped panicking, stopped breathing heavily and freaking out. Now I just watched him as he watched me. And suddenly, on their own accord, my eyes shifted down to his belt. No, not _below_ it! To the _side_ of it! My eyes must have brightened with a lighter shade of green when I saw the flute.

That thing that had given me such relief, such escape…I wanted to hear it again. Just one song of it earlier and I was hooked. Crepsley caught my gaze and followed it, his eyebrow raising high in perplexity. He freed it from his belt loop and held it out to me. "I…can't play." I whispered softly, almost forgetting who was offering it to me. As if I was really considering taking it.

The vampire grinned even wider, a few of his teeth showing. Had I seen it, I would have slipped away, but I didn't. I was too busy staring at the little flute in his outstretched, large hand. "Learn. Take it. Since you did not get a sovereign from the balcony seats," I felt my face warm at being exposed, "take it. Use it a reminder to never reveal my secret."

I had started to like the idea of having that little flute, praying that it was the flute itself and not the player that had calmed me so much earlier. Alas, the last part that Crepsley mentioned brought me back to reality, the threat making me shiver. Still, my hand reached out without thinking; damn the war of mind and body, with body winning at each battle. When I felt the cool metal instrument in my hand, I shoved it in my pocket and looked up at him.

I couldn't thank him. Literally, I couldn't form the words.

Crepsley took a step back, silent as well. He was saying to leave. Who was I to disobey?


	6. Chapter 6

My feet carried me to the right place; finally I could trust my body to do something right without my instructions. I was very aware of the flute in my pocket. Why had he done that? Was it really to serve as a reminder? What if it wasn't the flute itself, but the flute player (i.e. him) who had brought me into such a hypnotic state…what use was it then except a tortured reminder of the peace I'd never have?

When I reached Steve's house, I slipped in through the front door and didn't stop until I entered his bedroom. By that point, I was panting heavily and had to stop for a moment to catch my breath. When I looked around to realize there were no lights, I wondered if he had gone to bed somehow. After the darkness we encountered in the theatre, this didn't scare me. "Steve?" I stood and brushed my hair back – no, my hat! I had left my hat back there! No doubt I'd never get it back now; I didn't think they had a Lost and Found anywhere in the Cirque. "Damn it, my hat!" I whined before turning the light on.

There was Steve on the bed alright, but he wasn't sleeping. He had been weeping and at the light being switched on, he quickly turned away and tried to wipe his face. I stared for a long moment, unable to believe what I was seeing. It wasn't that I found it disgusting or shameful or even silly. It was just…well, I have never seen him cry before, not even when he broke his arm a few summers back. It was worse, the feeling of empathy, to know what had been said to make him break down.

"Steve…" I whispered as I stepped forward. He heard the shuffle of my shoes ran his sheet over his face as a quick cover.

Then he turned around and snapped, "I'm fine! Where were you? How come I got here first?!"

I could see that look in his eye and knew that twisted frowned (almost like a growl) on his face all too well. He was so close to just giving into another fit, another mood. I knew I'd have to leave – no one handled Steve's moods that well – and it would just ruin the entire night…as if the vampire hadn't already. Desperately, I tried to stop it. "It doesn't matter…come on, let's go grab some food from the freezer and sit on the roof. Does that sound good?"

I went to the door to open it. There was another reason that I wanted to open the door, to get him downstairs. I wasn't too terribly scared of him reacting badly, but I knew wide open spaces (well, wider than his room) might help calm him down. It always worked with me when I was in a bad mood.

But as soon as I got to the door and opened it an inch, a hand darted forward and slammed it shut. Deju vu, I thought, as Steve leaned over me like Crepsley had at the column. The difference, besides the obvious nature of the two, was that Steve had one hand on the side of my head, not two. I wasn't _entirely_ boxed in. "Where were you?"

I stood up straight and met his gaze, my chin up and defiant. Temper or not, he wasn't a vampire, he wouldn't kill me, and I was tired of being cowardly. "Steve, step back and let me out. I'm going to get some food. If you want something, I can get it as well."

He gritted his teeth and punched the door, making me jump in the air, before turning away and going to the window. After a moment of collecting myself, I slipped out and went to the kitchen. I was trembling but I chalked it up to being scared of the dark, not frightened of Steve. He would never hurt me after all.

After I got a couple of ice cream bars, peaking out the window to see the backyard was clear, I started to head upstairs again. Yet I paused, spotting Steve's mom's liquor cabinet. It was open. She must have forgotten to close and lock it. Well…a little thing of rum wouldn't hurt, would it?

By the time I got back to Steve's room with the wrapped ice cream bars in my hand and a water bottle of a few shots of spiced rum in the other, I wondered if he had calmed down a little. I slipped the water bottle in my bag and walked to the window, slipping out to see Steve already on the roof. "It's…really nice weather." I commented as I handed him ice cream. How awkward, I thought, that we just saw the most amazing show ever…and we couldn't even talk about it.

I unwrapped my treat and started to nibble on the edge when he spoke. "How did your hands get so filthy? And where is your hat?"

I stayed still a moment, my teeth starting to ache from the cold ice cream. Finally I took a bite and chewed thoughtfully, weighing the options. I could lie to him…but when he didn't believe me and threw a fit…well, we were on a roof. "I didn't want to leave by myself, not down the dark way we came. I felt like some…thing was there. So I followed you and hid in between the rows of chairs." Now was the chance to come completely clean, to tell him everything that happened after he stormed out. But…but I didn't. I don't know why but I wanted to keep that part to myself, my own secret. "That's how my hands got so gross…when I left, I almost fell against the chairs and my hat fell off."

If ever an awkward moment existed between us, this was it. "You," he paused as he fiddled with his ice cream bar, just moving it in his hand, wrapped, "you don't…you heard it all. And you're still…here."

I took another big bite of the bar, thanking whatever heavens there was that I had such a great disguise of thinking. When I finished the bite, I knew what to say now. "You're not evil, Steve." It was the first thing I said – not that, oh hey you played I Spy the vampire and won. "Maybe…I mean, he's an old fart. Maybe he has a different idea of what 'evil' is. Like old people who say rock'n'roll is evil!" I looked at him with a stupid grin on my face, aware that there was a small part of me that did not believe that. "Or that women wearing jeans are evil…says my mother." I muttered, and then froze; I forgot to tell him about the marriage!

"You're not upset that I wanted to become a vampire and leave here? Leave school and home and Darren…leave you?" His voice was a bit calmer but it was still tinged with worry. I could see from the corner of my eye that he was tense.

Instead of copping out and taking another bite of the treat, this time I stayed silent. I thought it over and then turned to face him. "I don't blame you for wanting to leave," thinking of my own situation, I spoke the truth, "I'd leave this place too if I got a chance. A choice of my own to make, not someone else's."

At long last, Steve unwrapped his ice cream and devoured it quickly. I smiled a little and finished mine off, leaning back to lay on the roof with my hands behind my head. I looked up at the little sliver of a moon and sighed, trying to relax. How could I though? Tonight I had purposely evaded my "fiancée" at dinner, I was going to get married to a stranger, and, possibly worse of all, there may have been a vampire watching us. When I shifted, I felt the flute in my pocket quite acutely, tempted to take it out and play it. Maybe it would calm me again.

"What do you mean 'not someone else's choice'?" Steve was as sharp as ever no matter the chaos we had just gone through. Now I shifted uncomfortably.

Clearing my throat, I sat up and started to play with my shoelaces. I couldn't meet his eyes. "Well…you know how my family is, like, flat ass broke right? Like, not even for college? My mom…proud as she is, doesn't want me to get a job at a fast food joint – the only job around this town that would hire a high schooler. So um…she…has it set up to where, in a few months, I'll be…marriedtoarichstranger."

It took a good moment for Steve to understand me and, I think, even register what I meant. And another long moment to realize I wasn't joking. I must have looked miserable enough to prevent him to think I wasn't pulling his leg at first. "What?!" He turned to face me, "You shouldn't have to if you don't want to! That's stupid!"

I nodded glumly. "Believe me, I know…I agree…but my family needs the money. I was supposed to have dinner with him tonight but clearly I didn't go. That's why…"

"That's why you came over yesterday…and why you skipped school!" Clever boy, he caught on quick. "There has to be another way! Just go get a job or something! Don't marry this guy, whoever he is!"

I was quiet for a moment, unable to look him in the eye. Finally I spoke, soft as the wind that blew. "Steve…I have to admit, it…it would solve…so many problems. For my father, my sister…my mother…myself. A minimum paying job wouldn't solve anything. It might help pay a bill or two, but to spend my entire life like that? Just…just working for scraps? If this guy is…nice and…rich then…I have to."

It was quiet again, longer than before. I'm not quite sure where or when I had come to that realization – but very possibly during that flute solo Crepsley had. Just as I started to look up, to see what Steve was thinking, he reacted. He stood on the roof and shouted down at me, "You're just gonna give up?! Just like that?! You're gonna sell yourself to some man because of money?!"

"Steve, calm down." I didn't want to wake the neighbors.

"No! No, you're stupid! You know what that makes you?!" His face was red now, that much I could tell. "It makes you a whore!"

I stood up fast and moved without thinking. My fist suddenly connected to his jaw as I stood, a cheap shot but it was impulse. He flew back and I snarled, "I am NOT a whore! Get the hell over yourself, it isn't happening to YOU!" Part of me must have been aware of how dangerous this could have gotten, fighting on a roof. So I ducked into the window, grabbed my stuff with the rum inside it, and stormed out.

I'd rather risk it back at home than stay there.


	7. Chapter 7

When I had gotten home the following afternoon, I was horrified to hear that my plan didn't quite work. That is to say, my mother had guessed I would skip out on dinner and told me the wrong day! Instead of it having been Friday, like I thought it was last night, it was tonight…and I was home, caught and all. I think what little bit of hope I had left just kind of fell and shattered, honestly. My mother knew me well and had proved it.

So I spent the day in my room, pacing and thinking. Even though I had come to accept that it was for the best, I still didn't like playing the part of a martyr. By the time evening fell, I had completely forgotten about the vampire, Steve, and even the flute in my pocket. I was more distracted (and horrified) with the thing that my mother told me to wear: a pink dress.

Dear. God.

If it had been on anyone else, I'm sure it would have been fine and lovely…but it wasn't. It was on me. Oh how I itched for my hat back! Once I looked presentable – whatever that meant – I stepped downstairs and held my breath. There was my fiancée to be.

The dinner was a blur in my mind; I don't even remember eating anything. All I did remember is staring at Mark as he talked about himself. Constantly. Nonstop. It was hell. Even my father started to nod off and would have too if my mother hadn't jabbed him. Mark wasn't too bad looking, but he was older for certain…and just…so distant from me. I mean, we were on separate planets and he was only aware of his own pull.

By the time it ended, I had quietly walked back up to my room. I knew my sister and father wanted to talk to me, to cheer me up even, but I had avoided them all day and now into the night. What could I say to them? Everything would be awkward. And truth be told, I just needed time to process it all. Alone. No Steve, to Jaime, no dad…just myself…and that flute.

It was well past dark by the time I got into my room and locked the door. I went to find my jeans from earlier, pausing to open the window. I wouldn't run off…but it felt nice to have the wild wind breeze into my room. Such a tease!

When I found the flute, my hands were trembling. I was excited to see, to feel what I had last night. I kicked off my stupid wedges and went to the window, sitting at the edge. I licked my dry lips and wrapped them around the flute, my arms shaking. When I inhaled deeply however, my body stilled just long enough for me to try and play something.

….Nothing. There was no effect no matter how close I got to the song that Crepsley had played yesterday. My body started to shake again as I stared at the little silver thing in my hand. Thank goodness I had been sitting on the edge; otherwise I might have fallen back. This…this flute didn't work. It didn't do what I wanted it to do. I was no calmer than before, perhaps even less so. With a touch of horror, I realized that it had been the flute player, not the song or instrument itself that had hypnotized me last night.

Suddenly the flute burned in my hand and I felt a spike of rage, a pale imitation of Steve's fits. I grunted as I heaved the flute out the window, scowling. I spun around and went to my bag under my bed, the one I had brought back from Steve's house. In it I found the bottle of rum I had taken from his mom's cabinet.

If the flute wouldn't take my mind off reality, then this would!

* * *

And so it did. Here I am now…three hours later and an empty water bottle that hadn't contained water in quite some time. I was half in the house and half out, partially sitting on the roof as I sang quietly to the radio that was playing on my nightstand. I could see everything with a slight blur when I moved…that is to say, when I looked at something, there was a slight lag. Oh yes, I thought, I wouldn't mind living like this. And with this rich stranger, perhaps I could!

I flinched a little, remembering what Steve called me. I hugged myself, refusing to admit how much that hurt me. Out of all he could have lashed out at, why did he pick me? I rubbed my arms, startled to realize finally that I was still in my dress. That stupid pink dress! Scowling, I stood on the roof, wobbly but smart enough to lean back against the window.

There were no sleeves on this thing other than the slit opening of lace on the shoulders, the window chilled against my arm. It reached just below my knees, mere fabric with a lace design over it. Had it not, the bruises I got from crawling last night would have been evident. And although I didn't like to admit it, it dipped just enough to show a hint of cleavage…and I liked it. The 'v' in the front was matched in the back, making for a very uncomfortable outfit on a chilly night like this.

I was about to go inside and change but…I paused, looking around. I grew up here…and I had to leave…when? I forgot to ask. I didn't want to. I suspected it would be shortly after graduation. Great, so a year left…less, actually. No doubt it would be peppered with visits from Mark.

I shivered and looked around sharply…as sharp as I could in my drunken state. I grabbed hold of the window behind me, refusing to fall. What was that though? There was a noise nearby…wasn't there? I frowned and wasn't sure if I felt someone watching me or not.

My mind went from thought A to Thought 4. I didn't know why, it made sense that it all didn't make sense, but it went to Crepsley. That sadistic vampire! How dare he give me a flute that didn't work! Er, wait…was that the rum talking?

"Bastard." I hissed as I looked up at the moon above. It was almost a full one, bright enough to illuminate me and a bit of the yard. Where was that instrument thing anyway? I couldn't see any sparkles or flashes of the silver flute…did I throw it further into the woods? I mean, I knew my arm was good but not _that_ good!

What would he do, I wondered, if he knew I had tossed his "gift" to me? What would he do if I told everyone that he was a vampire? The thought struck me so suddenly that I wobbled. He would either kill me or take me away from here…as his assistant! It was like my veins had been flushed with ice cold water, the excitement and realization, the possibility of it all coming to front. Either way, I would win: I would be able to leave here on my own accord, not someone else's! And so what if it had been Steve's idea originally? He was "evil", I drunkenly reasoned, and thought I was a whore…why not prove him right (in a sense)?!

How to get the vampire's attention though…

I laughed as the radio played another song. It was so easy, so simple! I took a small step away from the window, my stance wavering though it held. My head tilted back to the moon and my bare arms went out to the side, a smile on my lips. And without fear, without hesitation, without really even thinking it through, I shouted, "Larten Crepsley is a vampire! Larten Crepsley is a vampire! Larten Crepsley is a vampi-oomph!"

I flew. Not off the roof…well, yes, off the roof but in a different direction than the ground. I found myself in my bed suddenly, my body having been snapped forward into a practical "L" so I wouldn't hit my head on the window. The entire room spun and wouldn't relent for a full moment. There was something heavy over my mouth and something far heavier over my body.

When I tried to move my arms, I realized two things: I couldn't and they were warm. When the room stopped spinning at last, I realized with a wave of dread that I was staring into the eyes of the vampire, Mr. Crepsley! He had tackled me through the window and onto my bed directly in front of said window. Within a mere second, he had covered my mouth, pinned my wrists above my head, and settled over me so that my legs wouldn't be able to lash out.

Almost like a joke, the radio kept playing soft tunes in the background.

For one sobering moment, as if fear had just slapped me back into reality, I realized there was a vampire on top of me…the same vampire I had just outed…and no one was none the wiser of the situation. My breathing picked up, the only noise as I had to breathe from my nose in the room other than the music. I could feel panic start to blossom and struggled pointlessly against him, feeling blood leave my face.

Like a statue, he didn't budge, not even when I tried to yank my hands free. It was only when I calmed down – "calm" wasn't the right word, not when I could start to feel my stomach act up – did he speak. "If I let remove my hand from your mouth, will you scream?"

I shook my head slightly, my angry stomach starting to move when I couldn't. When he removed his hand, I turned to the side where my trash can was (thank god) and lost all contents in my stomach. It took that split second for him to release my hands and get off the bed. I turned my entire body to the edge, half on and half off as I threw up in the trash can.

"That," I spoke in between spitting the remains with a grimace, "is what happens," I wiped my mouth with a tissue from my nightstand, "when you hit a drunk at 100 miles per hour." I wasn't sure if it was the vomiting or simply him letting me go, but I felt calmer…way calmer now.

Ignoring his noise of disgust, I slowly sat up and grabbed an old water bottle – yes, it had water in it – from the side of my bed and gargled before spitting into the trash can once more. When I felt like it, I stood up and brushed off my dress. "Well…that still worked." I looked over at him, unsteady on my feet. "Hi."

The vampire stood at the window, studying me closely. "You are drunk."

"Was." I corrected. "I think most of that just left my system."

"You shouted to the world what I am." It was a statement lacking in tone and emotion, simply just pointing out what I had done. I saw the correlation of his previous statement.

I nodded and immediately regretted it, tilting to my left. I stumbled slightly before I found myself leaning against the dresser. "Yes." I remained standing, leaning, but stared at him. "I knew you'd come. Or kill me first…either way, I would have got what I wanted." Did it take being intoxicated to deal with the vampire so cooly?

He stepped forward, a growl in his voice, "Even though I told you not to speak it?!" He caught it though; he caught what I had said. I saw it in his eyes, the realization of how I had spoken so evenly of my own death. Compared to last night, I was indeed an entire different person – thanks Captain Morgan, I thought bitterly. "What are you playing at, girl?"

I tensed when he stepped closer, old habits die hard. Still, I willed myself to keep my tone firm. "I have a proposition for you, Mr. Crepsley." I pushed myself up from the dresser, trying to stand tall and straight. "You see…I am to be wedded. I have a dress on. See, wedding foreshadow." I waved my hand up and down as if he hadn't spotted the dress before.

"And you saw this celebration cause for drinking, did you?"

"Do not lecture me!" I snapped, slurring my speech. "I don't want to marry. I don't. Not to this….this self-absorbed…I don't know what! I want an out. You happen to be that out." I looked and sounded suddenly quite serious. "You can either kill me…or take me as your assistant. Make your choice."

At this, Mr. Crepsley emitted a deep but quiet laugh, one that would stay within my room. I shuddered at the noise. When he looked at him again, the moon shining on him to make him all the more menacing looking, his eyes looked a bit crazed. Not crazed, but…certainly more vicious than before. Angry.

"This must be a joke," he spat, "a little girl trying to blackmail me? While she is _drunk_ and has just damned herself, she thinks she has the upper hand?" He took a sudden step closer to me, proving a point.

Although I was ashamed afterwards, I helped him prove the point. When he got closer, I lost my pseudo-nerve and jumped back. Had my sense of balance been stable, I would have been able to pull it off; however, I tripped over nothing and fell on my ass. "Do not tell me what I have or do not have as an option, child." His voice was almost as dark as his laugh had been; he enjoyed my reaction so much that he took another step closer.

I kept our distance at least a yard apart, scrambling a little to scoot back. When my hand hit the bedpost, I stopped moving and registered just what I had been doing. I was acting on fear…I was scared of him. That needed to stop if I was to become his assistant. My eyes hardened and I stood, wobbly yes, but that was easily forgotten by the way I took three steps closer to him. Suddenly we were almost touching, my gaze locked on his. "I am not a child. If I were, I wouldn't be making this huge decision. I want you to either take me as your half-vampire assistant," that was what Steve had called it, didn't he?, "or kill me. Right now, right here. If you don't, I'll go out to the streets in the morning and sic the cops on your freak show…where your coffin is."

Even though I was trembling, I could see a new spark in his eyes, one of admiration and amusement. That was good, wasn't it?


	8. Chapter 8

"Hold out your hand." It felt like an eternity on waiting for his answer. My body had been so tense, so waiting for death that I flinched at his command. Still, I had walked straight up to him nearly chest to chest. To shy and shrink away now would just make it all a joke.

So I held up my hand and inhaled sharply when he cut my fingertip. His hand quickly grabbed my wrist and held me still as he let his tongue lap up the blood that had escaped. A shudder so great that my knees threatened to give out went through me. Something about his action just made my skin crawl. It wasn't of disgust, I think, but of…well, and here was the gross part, sensuality.

Oblivious to my reaction, or at least intentionally ignoring it, Crepsley stood back up and nodded. "It is good blood." When he saw me waver in my stance, he scoffed. "How do you hope to be a half-vampire when you cannot handle a simple testing?" His eyes softened though as he stared me down. "The life of a half-vampire is not easy. There is pain, a lot of pain…you can never…"

But me in my drunken state didn't think it through, didn't want to listen after his insult. "My nerves are as strong as steel, you old ox! Now either turn me or…"

His hand moved so swiftly that I choked on the next words. He brought his hand down and on my head I felt a constant, new pressure. When I relaxed my shoulders and opened my eyes, sheepishly peaking up, I realized that he had…placed my hat on my head! "My hat!" I exclaimed, taking it off and looking at it with awe. "I thought I would never see it again…" and indeed I hadn't. It was, I thought with bitter irony, the perfect way to symbolize the loss of my freedom and entrance to marriage.

"If you truly mean to hold me over such a barrel," Mr. Crepsley spoke again to catch my attention, "then hold up both your hands…and do not move until I say so." Even my in intoxicated state, I knew he was being serious.

So I held my hands up as if we were going to high five, trembling though my gaze was steady and hard. When I felt the sharp pain on my fingertips, I opened my mouth to yelp, but the sound never came out. It was his hand, yet again, that had stopped such an alarming noise. His eyes were hard and unsympathetic; his finger pressed against his lips to show silence was required.

When a moment had passed and my heart had stopped beating so wildly, he stepped back and pressed his nails against his own fingertips. Contrary to my near yelp, he merely grimaced and looked up at me, locking our gazes. It was almost like a challenge, a "ha ha, I can handle it, pussy". For a second, I thought of Steve not because I was about to become what he had wanted, but because that was what he would have said.

But I was a "whore". So let me become what he couldn't be.

I stepped forward with renewed motivation and held my bleeding fingertips up again. I wouldn't back down, especially after such a threat and ultimatum. When he did the same, he spoke cooly, "Do not make a sound and do not move until I tell you to. This must be done very precisely or it will end terribly." And with that, clearly being confident in my ability to obey with how determined I looked, he pressed our fingertips together.

I kept my eyes on him, my hat on backwards once more. What was he talking about, making a sound? I didn't feel…and suddenly I felt the sharp, agonizing stab to my heart. It was like his blood was attacking mine – and winning! Just when I thought I couldn't handle anymore, when my body would shake itself to the ground, he pulled back with a hiss.

I stumbled back before falling against the dresser, panting as though I had just sprinted. What was that?! Slowly, ever so slowly, I could feel my heart slow down…but beat stronger at the same time. It was more certain, if that made sense. And the more that time passed, the more I started to sober up – the vampire blood must have "healed" it from me. And the more that I started to sober up, the more I realized how bad of an idea this was.

Just as I opened my mouth, there was a shuffle and knock at the door. Both of us froze, looking over at the door. Softly, ever so uncertain, my sister Jaime spoke. "Sam? Sam, I heard something…are you alright? May I come in?"

"Hide." I mouthed as I opened the dresser, nodding at Crepsley to get in. He gave me a dull look before stepping in, sucking on his fingers as he did. Um, ew, gross. Why? Was he such a baby that he was scared of the closet? When he humored me and hid, I shut the door and whispered for my sister to come in.

Jaime stepped in and shut the door behind her, rubbing her eyes as she did. "Did I wake you?" I asked without a slur in my speech. I sat on my bed which despite having been tackled on it, was relatively neat still.

The young girl was smart and noticed it as well as the window being open. "You haven't been sleeping."

"Nope. I'm a creature of the night – a vampire." Normally it would have been a joke, something to take the edge off of what we both knew was an awkward and tense situation. Alas, a mere two minutes ago made it reality. I swallowed thickly as Jaime laughed, none the wiser. For a split second, I thought I heard shifting in my dresser – could she hear it too or was it my new hearing? "What's up, Jam?" Again, the nickname was another attempt to take the edge off.

When she stepped closer to sit on the bed with me, Jaime froze. "Your hands, they're bleeding!" I looked down and realized that my fingertips were still cut open.

"Uh…" I looked at the dresser for a split second, almost able to _feel _Crepsley's glare on me through the door. Not even five minutes into this nonsense and not only was I regretting it, but I was fucking up left and right! "I…I almost fell off the roof," I half lied, "and had to grab the edge to save myself. I um…well, yeah. Here, let me wipe off the blood." I hid my hands from my sister, for how could I explain away the precise cuts of all ten fingers?

"You should wash that." She muttered as I wiped it off on a used towel. I nodded but said nothing. When enough time had passed, she spoke, "Are you going to do it? Will you marry that guy?"

I felt the words get stuck in my throat. How could I tell her no, that I just took a way out right before she walked in? That my joke from earlier _was _my way out? Could I lie to her? "Do you think I should?"

She crossed her arms and stared down at the floor, what she did usually when she thought about something hard. Finally she shook her head. "No. You and I could get jobs one day. It wouldn't be easy, but we could help dad and mom. I mean, a lot of people do it in this town…what could be so hard about it?"

I smiled with a touch more of gratitude than I thought I'd have at her reasoning. I was relieved that she agreed and that she understood. "Well then, there we go! Now, you should really get to bed before mom wakes up." What time was it anyway?

Jaime smiled a little and nodded, satisfied with my response though I said nothing of an answer. When she closed my door on her way out, I sighed heavily. What did I just do in my rum influenced state? I went to open the dresser door, but as soon as I turned from standing up, I froze.

Mr. Crepsley was right in front of me, mere inches away. Before I could say anything, even think anything, he took my wrists and held them up. Without a word – though it wasn't needed since we both could hear Jaime go to bed – he placed each of my fingertips in his mouth to lick. I shivered as my shoulders let go of all tension and control. I felt like puddy once more.

When he finished, I barely noticed that the cuts were mere scars. "How…"

"One of the many perks of being a full vampire."

"And I'm…what?"

"A half vampire assistant." He looked down at me, the shadows not so dark with my new vision and, therefore, not so scary. "You still do want that position, do you not?"

My eyes hardened and my jaw tensed. "We both know the answer to that." I couldn't go back now. I knew that I was different…I suspected my taste would be different soon too. How was I to hide the fact that I longed for blood while I married that guy? He'd say my cooking was horrible since all my meat would be bloody!

Again, we both went silent. It wasn't out of need but out of observation. I could feel my body start to relax, to lessen as regret filled me and made me heavy. It was only when we both could hear my mother wake and start to get ready for her day did we move. "I will come for you tonight. Say your goodbyes. We will discuss this further when I return." He stepped towards the window, pausing only when he had one foot on the ledge.

I hadn't moved. I just kept staring, processing it all bit by bit. Mr. Crepsley gripped the window as he was about to leave, studying me for another moment before he spoke. "You have no idea what you have gotten yourself into, Mistress Ivy." And then he was gone.

It was then I realized he hadn't been silent for the sake of the house, but for reading and deciphering my thoughts.


	9. Chapter 9

Been a while. Sorry about that. I've had the idea for the chapter, but no time or, worse, motivation to write it. Here we are now!

* * *

I had spent an excessive amount of time with my family that morning. Since I was up anyway – and hungover – I made breakfast for dad and my sister, right after mom left for work. While dad and Jamie wouldn't question it, mom would definitely give me a look of questioning. Then again, she had right to be suspicious didn't she? Just…she had no idea how desperate and stupid – did I mention stupid? – I was to get out of the marriage.

After Jamie took off for school, I went down the sidewalk to the high school. So this would be my last day with my family and friends, eh? In my life, this town? It hadn't hit me yet. It could have been from the dreamlike state I was in, from the shock, or just…I don't know. Maybe I was really just heartless, maybe I was just a bitch.

"Hey Sam, wait up!" Oh god…speaking of, it was Steve! I froze not to wait up but because I was just…frozen, shocked. That realization of this being my last day, of what I did…yeah, it hit me just now. It hit me fucking hard too. My heart skipped a beat and I felt like I couldn't swallow.

When I looked over to my side, Steve was next to me, out of breath and sweaty, but smiling shakily. "Hey…do you uh…want to…walk to school?"

This wasn't the Steve I knew. This wasn't even the Steve that had lashed out and called me a whore. "Well, yeah…that's…kind of where I'm going." I muttered, each word heavier and heavier to say. I didn't know what else to say to him though. I couldn't ask him how his night went and I hadn't told him that my mother tricked me into dinner with my "fiancée".

We walked a couple more blocks before he cleared his throat. "Uh, Sam? Here, just, just stop walking." He did himself and it took me a moment to do the same. Was that what my life would have been if I married? Following orders from a man? I almost scoffed – what was the difference in my life with Crepsley as his assistant? "Sam…"

When there was silence again, I scoffed. "Look Steve," it was easier to handle this when I was angry, "we're going to be late to class. Can we just…?"

He shook his head, frustrated with his inability to speak. "No, not yet, I just…we…damn it Sam." Steve ran a hand through his already wild hair – an action that was familiar to the old Steve I knew. Wait, where was Darren? "Look, about the other night…when…when we were on the roof."

"What about it?" My tone was sharp once more. For a moment, I blamed him. I blamed him entirely. He took me to the circus, he mentioned the vampire, he stayed afterwards, he called me a whore, he…

He didn't hold a gun to my head to make me become a vampire. He didn't place the rum in my water bottle. He didn't arrange the marriage for me. If anything, I should feel horrible that I was what he longed his entire life to be – and could never be, because he was "evil". And just like that, guilt washed over me like a waterfall. I didn't even _want _to be a vampire when I was sober…and now look at me.

"I'm sorry, alright?!" Steve did what only Steve could do when confronted with emotions; he rejected them and overreacted. "I didn't mean it! I just got so…so angry when you…you shouldn't have to marry him! You don't even know him! You've never met him! And now you just rolled over and took it…that isn't the Sam I know! You should be with someone your own age, someone like…" he paused, swallowing thickly. "I didn't mean to call you a…you know." He muttered quietly.

God, how did adults deal with these emotional roller coasters every day? I went from bad, to upset, to angry, to guilty, and now I was angry again. "A what, Steve? A what?! You can at least say it when you're calm as when you were angry! Come on Steve, say it!" Say what caused me to get drunk and make a deal with a foul, student vampire! I wanted to scream it so bad. "Call me that word again! Say you're sorry for saying I was a whore!" The last part I did scream…and it caused a few people to glance out their shop and house windows.

I spun around, flustered and hearing the blood rush through my ears. I couldn't handle him, not today. Even if it was my last day, perhaps it was better to leave him alone. If he found out what happened, he'd never forgive me. He'd have the right to be angry at me now, not the other way around. Just as I took a step away though, Steve reached out…and I wished he hadn't.

Because as soon as he grabbed my wrist and pulled me around, I panicked. He glanced down when I tried to pull away, no doubt surprised at himself for acting on such a violent impulse yet again, but froze in his "self-aware remorse". My fingertips were scarred. They were scarred in the way of the vampire. And here before me was the vampire expert…fuck.

The silence around us was deafening. I felt my body go slack for a second before I recalled how to breathe, to hold myself up. "Steve…"

"How…how could you?!" He hissed darkly, his grip tightening on my wrist though his face only changed by a millimeter. "You…how did you…he…you're a vampire!" He threw my hand back at me as if it were tainted, as if he had burned himself. I stumbled a bit and stared, uncertain what to say. "You betrayed me! You went to Crepsley and had him turn you! You…"

"Steve, stop. I was drunk, he…" oh god, that didn't sound any better. "I didn't mean to…he just…appeared on my roof and…" fuck, that was worse! "Steve, listen. I didn't do it to hurt you. I had to get out of the marriage and…"

"No! No, you were getting back at me! You knew that I've wanted to become a vampire ever since I was little…you knew, you heard what he said to me after the show! How could you summon him, how can you…you traitor! You summoned him! You planned this entire thing after the show didn't you?!" Steve's thoughts, like his emotions, became more and more paranoid and made less and less sense.

"What!? No, of course not! It wasn't…"

"You really are a whore!" He snarled at me, my eyes widening when I realized he was in full-rage mode. He didn't stop at that, not like before. He went on with the name calling, with the threats, the scowls and even spat at me.

By the time I regained consciousness and awareness again, I had tears in my eyes. That…that bastard. I blinked and turned, walking away this time. "Stay away from me Steve." I whispered, knowing he could hear it downwind. "Just fucking stay away from me…"

That would be the last time he ever hurt me…or so I thought.

* * *

My heart was heavy, my head ached, and my mind was fuzzy by the end of dinner. I had said my good-byes as well as I could to my family and friends. When they all had gone to bed, and after I had glanced over at the window enough times to be called paranoid, I went to bed too. I stepped in and started to pack my bag, the tears from early on falling bit by bit. I shoved clothes and pictures and journals in it, even a book or two…anything to keep my mind from reality. It was only when I punched a book into the bag to make it fit, feeling hardly any pain, did I sniff and realize…I couldn't keep running from reality.

Not only that, but a pushy vampire was in the room – had been for a while, I bet. "You are going to _die_; you cannot pack a bag for it."

I stared at the bag for a moment to regain my control, what little was left after today. When I finally looked up, I felt my stomach churn. Crepsley sat on my bed, legs up and arms crossed over his chest. "No, I'm not. I'm running away." I had thought it through instead of listening to history class – after all, I had plenty of time to learn about the Boston Tea Party. "It makes more sense, causes less pain. Arranged marriage, run away, I'm good…"

"It will also allow people to search for you – an annoying little thing that can come back to bite you in the behind." He pointed out smoothly, thinking he had trumped him.

I snorted, having thought that through as well. "Wrong." Oh yes, I certainly sounded arrogant, I definitely felt it…and I knew faintly that he'd get back at me for it later. "My mother is the sort that would be ashamed of my runaway…so she would hide it. She wouldn't look for me. We're good. Like I said, less pain for my family and me. And you…unless you want to dig."

There was a moment where he studied him and I fought to just keep his gaze. If I was going to live with him for the next, gods, thousand years, I needed to get over my fear of him. I needed to assert my independence and stance…at least enough to hold my chin up high most days. "Fine. You know your family best…if you believe that they will be better off and not look for you, you will leave a note and we will leave soon. I trust you said farewell to your friends?" No doubt he was thinking about Steve, referring to the boy I had been with when I first got into all this trouble.

I swallowed thickly and finally looked away, zipping up my bag. When I tossed it onto the bed, watching it tap his foot lightly, I nodded. "I said what needed to be said." I didn't want to tell him that Steve knew, that the clever "evil" boy had found out. God knows what he might do to Steve. "Now can we…"

There was a knock at the door. We both tensed, our gaze looking over. As I went to unlock it, he slipped into the wardrobe – it amused me briefly. I opened the door slightly and stared for a second. "Oh, dad? What…what's up? It's late, I thought you'd be in bed."

I opened the door more for him as he walked in slowly, a cane in his hand. "Sammy…I wanted to talk to you about something while your mother was asleep. This…" he fell silent and stopped moving, his eyes on the bag. "I see you're already one step ahead of me." It almost sounded like a bad pun. "You're leaving."

"Dad, I…"

He shook his head, a small grin on his face though his eyes looked miserable. "I never wanted you to be in this awkward position. I never wanted to see you forced to marry someone just to 'save' your family. Hell, your sister is smart and your mother holds a job…we can make it. We won't make it in jewels and silver, but we'll make it like anyone else in this town." He looked up with a grin. "I wanted to see you marry someone you want…walk you down the aisle to a man I trust and have met more than once."

"What…I mean, what are you…" I swallowed thickly, sensing that he knew this was the end.

"Here, I took some of the 'dowry'…but better in the bride's hands than in the bride price." He placed two crisp hundred dollar bills in my hands. "I want you in a safe place when you rest, use the money to start somewhere else new. You're nearly eighteen; you're certainly able to work at your age."

I shook my head, having not realized once again that tears were falling. My backwards cap was suddenly quite tight on my head. "Dad, no. Take this money and pay some bills, buy some food. I'll be fine. I just…"

"No, let me do this one last thing for my daughter." Now he sounded as sad as his eyes looked. "Samantha, take this money as a wedding gift…and have my blessing to run away, run far, far away from this man. From this town, this world…just go and build your own. You'll do great things."

"D-Dad, I…" I inhaled shakily, sobbing quietly for a moment before I swallowed thickly. When I had it under control, wiping my eyes dry, I looked up with determination. "I'll make you proud." I placed the money in my pocket and hugged him tight, wondering once more what was the worse path: marriage or vampirism. And once again, I blamed Crepsley for making a deal with a drunk, stupid teenager.

When dad pulled away, his eyes suspiciously bright, he cleared his throat. "I'll tell your sister you said good-bye. Don't forget to call every now and then and…have fun. You're young." He smiled tightly as he walked out, limping slowly. I was young…he had no idea for how long.

I started to cry again, everything was starting to really sink in now. I didn't know how long I stood there hunched over, trembling and gasping for air, but Crepsley stood nearby patiently. In fact, I barely even registered that he had stepped out of the closet – ha! – until I finished wiping my eyes. He offered me a tissue as I started to sniffle, silently watching me blow my nose.

"I…I told you so." My voice was hoarse, my eyes burned. "I'm ready." I looked up, startled to see what looked to be a glimmer of sympathy in the vampire's eyes.

He nodded to the bag which I threw over my shoulder, stepped out onto the roof with him. Strange to think that just twenty-four hours before I had stood on the roof, drunk and spinning screaming for the vampire to come. So much had changed…but my sleep deprived state was starting to work against me, fuzziness eating away at my thoughts.

"Hop onto my back. We will flit." Crepsley turned and held his hands so that I could jump on his back. As I started do as he said, I saw movement in the trees down below. It was soft, slight enough to be ignored or chalked up to the wind. It was…it was Steve!

The blood drained from my face as I froze, one leg around Crepsley's waist and the other on the roof. My hands felt cold around his shoulder. "Mistress Ivy?" He spoke softly as he looked over his shoulder at him, knowing his voice would float if he said anything louder.

I knew that if I kept staring where I saw Steve, he would look and he'd…he'd kill the "evil" child. And even if the boy was evil, even if he was a bastard…god damn it, he was still my friend. So I quickly hopped up and cleared my throat. "It's nothing. Let's go."

After we got situated and he warned me not to breathe, he crouched, ready to take off. My gaze shifted from over his shoulder to down below, where I knew Steve could hear us on such a relatively still night. Everyone else I had said goodbye to…except him. I had told him to fuck off…what sort of friend was I to depart on that note? So I opened my mouth and spoke quietly but firmly, confident in my statement.

"I'm not a whore."

And just like that, we were gone.


	10. Chapter 10

So sorry about the wait guys…lack of time, motivation, and inspiration.

* * *

My head was spinning. I believe Crepsley would have kept going with small breaks (breathers, really) in between had I not yanked on his neck and made a whimpering noise. When he stopped fully and let me down, I fell backwards flat on my back and stared at the dark sky. "All the effects of being drunk without the fun." I mumbled, finally getting my ability to see straight back.

When I sat up, I noticed Crepsley turning away with a hint of a smirk on his face. Was he laughing at me?! "How far are we?" I stood and dusted myself off.

"Nearly three hundred miles away. To put it in perspective, Mistress Ivy, we traveled four to five hours within a mere thirty minutes." He bragged slyly while informing me, looking around us to make sure no human was near, no doubt. We were on the outskirts on a town, of which I had no idea. After a pause, he looked over at me and asked casually, "I know you are not a whore."

"Huh?" Startled, I looked up with my body tensing. My comment…well of course he had heard it; I said it loud enough for Steve the human to hear it, why shouldn't a vampire I was hopping onto not hear it?

"Have I ever led you to believe I thought you were a whore?" Such a foul word leaving his graceful tone, I thought, was nearly blasphemous.

I shook my head and tried to play it off, suspecting he was oblivious to what was the truth. "No, I just…I was thinking about my marriage. Arranged marriage, I mean – and how I became a…you know."

"A half-vampire. Say it, Mistress Ivy."

My brow raised. "Why do you keep calling me that? Stop mocking me." I avoided the word like the plague – though I was pretty certain I could live through that too.

Not missing how I dodged, Crepsley leaned against a tree and grinned widely in the moonlight. It was enough to make me shudder, how much of a predator he looked. "The last thing I would wish to do is mock you – for now, at least. Do you truly wish to know why I continue to call you 'Mistress Ivy'?" When I nodded, he spoke with a hint of humor, "Because a gentleman does not address a _lady_ by her name without permission." I could feel the heat in my cheeks.

I started to walk around to get the feeling back in my legs, also to just scout about. I had no idea where we were if we were over four hundred miles away from home – I had only ever traveled about a hundred on a family vacation. It was both upsetting but exciting to be alive in this moment.

Before I had time to get sad about my losses, Crepsley spoke up, "The sun will be up in two hours and we still have many miles to travel. Come, are you ready?" I hesitated, not quite liking this method of travel. Still, I knew it was the fastest so I hopped onto his back once more – this time without any "evil" staring me down.

* * *

I couldn't sleep. We had stopped in the middle of a dense forest once the sun rose, where Crepsley made a bed of the ground and used his coat as a blanket – all the way up to his face. I supposed I had a small blessing thing, that I could still deal with sunlight as a halfing. Still, I couldn't sleep because it was light outside and I was still…well, traumatized from it all. No, not traumatized but…taking it all in.

By the time noon rolled around, I had gotten bored where I was. Crepsley had said not to wonder off, but just a peak around the area wouldn't hurt! Not only that but I was hungry, maybe I could find some berries.

When I started to roam, I caught on very quickly how far up north we were. It was cooler here and the vegetation was different, greener. I started to thumb through the bushes when I heard something move. I looked, my heart rate speeding slightly, to see only…a bunny. A rabbit stared at me curiously as I did it. My hunger peaked.

I made to jump and grab, but the rabbit was too quick. By the time he hopped away, I had already cursed fairly loud and stood to dust myself off once more. I looked up and realized the sun was slowly sinking…perhaps I should get back, I thought.

I turned to retrace my footsteps, but before I could move forward, I flew backwards. I grunted from the impact of hitting a tree, feeling something just as heavy pressed against me. "I believe I told you to not wonder away." It was Crepsley! How was I surprised at that?

Glaring up at the man, his hand around my shirt collar and our bodies against the tree, I tried to fight blushing. "Yeah well…when have I ever listened?" I pointed out, struggling beneath him. "You can let go of me now. No one saw me…so get off." When he merely only looked amused, I punched his shoulder.

"Hm, you are weak…you must not have eaten yet." When I gave him a dull stare, he explained, "If you do not drink, you will lose your strength."

"Drink?" The curious question slipped out before I could stop it.

Once more, he gave me that predator smile. "Drink blood, of course." He only chuckled when I shuddered. "Have you forgotten what you are so soon?"

"How can I forget? I'm being whisked away for what I am." I glared at him before turning away, pausing. Already I had started to become more…mouthy with him, comfortable even.

"Regardless it is time to travel once more." As soon as he said this, the sun disappeared completely. I raised an eyebrow and wondered if I'd get that good at telling time one day. "Hop on."

"Where are we going to anyway?" I did as he said, grimacing when he gripped my legs a bit harshly. Was he toying with me?

With a grin, he set off.

* * *

Sorry guys, short chapter. Had to get it out and set it all up. Next we will see the Cirque! ;)


	11. Chapter 11

Hello one and all! Long time, no write, eh? I do apologize for that. I just finished up my last year of college (Bachelor's of Arts, woo) and now have the free time, and right mental health frame, to write once more. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

* * *

The Cirque du Freak…the reason, the opportunity for my escape. I wasn't sure whether to look upon the many rows of tents and spit at or embrace them. I would have still be presented with the arranged marriage, but what would I have done if the Cirque hadn't been in town? Would I have gone through with it? Ran off to another city? Lived with…no. It was a bit too early to think of him, my friend. Too early to say or think his name.

For better or for worse, I was no longer entirely human and god knew how many miles from home. I had lost many things and people, but I had gained a new status and a new life. And perhaps sooner or later, new friends. That is, if the freaks would accept me as one of their own.

When Crepsley finally put me down, I wobbled but didn't fall flat on my back like before. I was getting used to this fast travel thing! "Come," Crepsley ordered, "we will see Mr. Tall first and figure out sleeping arrangements. Then I suspect he will assign you chores for tomorrow."

"Great," I scoffed, "I run away from home and I'm still stuck with chores!"

Crepsley looked entertained for a brief second before he turned away from me. As we walked through the many tents, I wanted so much to stop and stare at the people who were waking. It wasn't just the fascination of how they looked or their abilities – still stuck in spectator mode I guess – but the fact that they could be my next friend. They were to be my next…family. These tents would be my next…home.

To put it into words like that even with just a thought made me miss a step. I stumbled but maintained my balance, ignoring the glance at the vampire must have given me. "After we figure out your chores," he said, "we will find you blood before bed."

"From a person?" I squeaked with much embarrassment.

Crepsley turned so suddenly that I bumped into him. Ignoring my sharp glare of annoyance, he snorted softly. "I expected more from you, tomboy."

My jaw tensed and I could feet my teeth grind together as my temper spiked. "Screw you!" Was it the 'tomboy' comment or the condescending sneer that came with it that got me? Better yet, what made me feel so brave – or stupid – to speak such words to the vampire? Maybe it was because I was part vampire now too. As if, you know, that really mattered any since I was a weak half-vampire.

A sharp pain shot through my upper arm. He had grabbed me! Just as I saw a glimpse of people looking our way, even walking towards us for entertainment probably, I was moving against my will. Crepsley was all but dragging me by my arm. No words had to be said for me to get the message: he was displeased with me for my language.

"Do you really have to dig your nails into me too?! As if being carted around like a spoiled brat isn't humiliating enough! Injury to insult much?!" I hissed, feeling my face warm as we traveled through the grounds. Suddenly I wanted to be at Mr. Tall's trailer, inside, underneath, whatever; just as long as it wasn't in public!

The vampire spoke without glancing backwards at me. "I am hardly applying any pressure; you would realize this if you were not so hungry."

It was a subtle way, I figured, of telling me to go screw myself in response. "Okay, okay, I shouldn't have been so…vulgar." Yes, that was the word he would have used. "Can you stop ragdolling me? It's embarrassing for this to be my first impression of these people; I'll never make a friend if…"

"We are here." Crepsley released me as he knocked on a large trailer. Moments later, the door opened to reveal a familiar tall man. "Ah, Hibernius!"

I stood there like an idiot as the two talked, rubbing my arm, fighting, and losing, the battle of a blush. I didn't want to look around but I could feel at least three pair of eyes on me. God, this was humiliating! Shouldn't they be in bed already?! Could I just dart away like Crepsley did? Oh, right, hunger.

Two new pair of eyes were suddenly resting on me, intent and demanding. I blinked and realized with a start that Tall and the vampire were staring at me. "Uh, what?" How poetic.

"He asked you a question."

"Uh, sorry Mr. Tall, what did you ask?" I took a slight side step away from Crepsley, in case he was tempted to grab me again. He was a bit physical wasn't he?

As annoyed as the vampire was, the circus ring leader looked calm with a hint of amusement. "I asked how your experience thus far has been, Mistress Ivy?"

Glad to see they were both gentlemen – well, one more so than the other. I think. It was hard to pinpoint what Crepsley was exactly. "No tougher than a tumble down a hill." Well, sort of. "Um, so place to stay, maybe wash up?"

"Pardon my rude assistant, I suspect she is far more tired than she is letting on." Crepsley gave me a sharp warning look. I wanted to ignore it and pretend that he wouldn't dare touch me before Mr. Tall; however, given the recent interaction, well…

"No worries, Larten. There are several freshly caught rabbits and deer in the back. If you would like, Mistress Ivy, you may feast upon one of them." Mr. Tall said without any reservations.

"Sorry? I thought I needed human blood?" Even in the dark night, I caught a shift in Crepsley's body from the nearby firelight. On top of that, Mr. Tall was looking down at Crepsley now. No doubt he realized, whether accidently or on purpose, that he had told me something new. "Is there something you want to tell me, Crepsley?" Suddenly my outrage was justified.

There was a moment of silence as the two looked at each other, almost as if having a private conversation. Finally Crepsley sighed sharply. "I was hoping you would start on human blood instead of fighting me. No doubt you will wish to keep to animal blood until it becomes unhealthy and impossible to sustain on."

So he didn't want to tell me there was an alternative to drink from because he knew I would fight him?! I scowled but this time held my tongue. Instead, I looked at Mr. Tall and said with tense politeness, "Thank you for informing me, sir. I would love to drink animal blood and go to bed. I don't think Crepsley will be needing or wanting me tonight." Not in the mood I was in at least.

Again there was a silent conversation between the two of them. Finally Mr. Tall nodded. "Larten, we will talk more when I return."

"Of course, old friend." Crepsley agreed while glancing over at me. "Mistress Ivy…"

"Good night." I said quickly, no longer wishing to be near him. I was tired, having not really slept in the past day or two, coupled with all of this stress and change. Without being given actual permission – what was I saying, I didn't need permission, he wasn't my father or whatever – I turned to follow Mr. Tall.

Thankfully the vampire stayed behind, or left us at least. As we walked, Mr. Tall explained the layout of the grounds, the rules and such. I was only partly listening. I could smell the blood before we got to the rabbits. Moments later, I blinked and there was food before me. "You will be resting in the third tent to the right when you return. It is with someone you have seen before, she will treat you nice. That will be your place for the time being until we find a more permanent space." He paused, catching me eyeing the rabbit. "And Mistress Ivy…_Mr. _Crepsley is only looking out for you in the long run."

I suppose I couldn't deny that necessarily. I mean, he did save me from the arranged marriage, even if I did force his hand by screaming his true identity while drunk on my roof. He could have easily just killed me. "Thank you sir." I muttered instead. "Good night."

"Until the morning." Mr. Tall nodded with a slight bow, looking like a sky scraper about to fall.

Whatever tomorrow held, I would deal with tomorrow. Be it chores, potential new friends, _Mr. _Crepsley, or even more humiliation. For now, rabbit sounded good…


	12. Chapter 12

My roommate was Madame Truska, aka the bearded lady.

Each morning for a week, I would wake, dress, and go to breakfast. The others had been fairly quick to warm up to me and I to them. From there, Evra Von – the snake boy who could lick the inside of his nose – and I would go do a few chores around the grounds. Lunch would happen and then some free time. Dinner – which was usually in form of liquid red for myself – came and went too soon. By the evening, I was back to helping Mr. Crepsley.

For the first week, I treated him coolly. I wasn't rude, which was quite a feat, and yet I wasn't nice. I was civil. Oh and it irked him, I could tell. Revenge! Ha! I still hadn't forgiven him for the blood incident quite yet. It wasn't from a lack of trying on his part. More than once he tried to bring it up when I would excuse myself – anything from a task he needed to nature calling.

The truth was, I wasn't ready quite yet. I knew that he made sense, that his apology would hit home…and I didn't want to get sucked into that quite yet. It wasn't like I was going to put off drinking human blood forever. I intended to drink it just…just…on my own terms. More importantly, he didn't need to know that part just yet. Let him worry, I thought stubbornly.

I vented all of this to Evra. I don't know why, but he seemed so…chill. So calm. So…reptilian. It was easy to talk to him. I also mentioned it to Madame Truska because, well, after the third time of entering the tent late at night with Crepsley shouting after me, she deserved the right to know by being a tolerant roommate. She didn't speak much English, aside from what Evra taught her, but I could tell she understood.

At the end of the week, Crepsley announced something different. He wanted to take me to hunt for human blood – without killing, of course. I admittedly was curious and agreed to go without a fight. Perhaps it was just the lighting but I thought I saw his eyes brighten at my compliance. Weird.

I didn't drink from the Scouts Leader. I turned my head and looked at nothing. I heard him scowl, scoff…then I heard him sigh. I crossed my arms and shifted my body away from him. Since my cool, aloof behavior towards him this week, he had been keen on reading my body language. As a result, I worked especially hard on speaking through it.

"Mistress Ivy," he spoke with a tired tone, "you need to…"

And for the first time all week, my temper lashed out. "I know what I need to do, how could I not know when you talk about it like you're a broken record?" Then I bit my bottom lip. Fuck.

He stood from his crouching position. He didn't speak right away which concerned me. Still, I stood facing away and refused to look at him. I did tense though and hated myself for it. Given his history of being grabby, I wouldn't have been surprised if a hand shot out and…

"Then when will you take my advice that I continue to repeat like a 'broken record'? When you are near death?" His voice was sterner, irritation bubbling underneath. That was a relief comparatively speaking.

I wasn't fool enough to ignore that this was a real conversation. It was the first one we had in…a while. A serious one, that was. So I brushed a strand of hair behind my ear and shrugged. "When I'm ready. Don't push." Pause. A devious smirk came across my face. I couldn't resist. "You should know that a gentleman shouldn't pressure a young woman into anything before she's ready."

This time, I turned to look and wasn't disappointed. Crepsley's face was as red as his coat! I laughed without a care at his embarrassment. His half-scowl only made it better. I held my sides as I doubled over, tears springing from my eyes due to the intensity. Oh, I'd regret that later but it was worth it.

When I had finally calmed, I stood and blinked. Crepsley was already on the move back to the circus. "Hey!" I called out, "Wait up!"

And just like that, things went back to normal. Well, whatever "normal" was. For the moment, it would work.

* * *

The next day, I told Truska about what happened while it was our turn to cook for the camp. She shook her head but I could see a smile that she hid. She told me to do something and I assumed it was to get the bowls for the stew.

All in all, the chores I had weren't too bad. I did some manual labor with Evra some days and some days I helped Truska with laundry or sewing. It was a good balance and, much to my delight, no one thought to give me the 'easy' tasks because I was a girl. Ignoring the fact that I was stronger than most men as a half-vampire, I was glad to be treated as an equal. That's what it was in this circus, to be a performer and work together.

It was funny, I thought as I brought over the bowls, how my view of Truska altered. I mean, when I first realized that I was to share a tent with her, there was a small part of me that whispered. She was beautiful even with the beard, I was…sixteen, soon to turn seventeen in December. I'd be stuck in this body for quite a few years before I looked anything similar to Truska. I was nervous that I might have an attack of self-consciousness, of suddenly loathing my body.

Yet, I didn't. Truska didn't make me think past that point. Like Evra, she just had something calming and even warm about her. I didn't question how I saw myself because I saw no need to, just like in my previous, er, life. I was confident and secure in my tomboy getup. That was enough.

With the bowls present and the stew done, dinner was served.

I sat and talked with Evra. This was the bittersweet part of the day. From here, I would have to go spend the evening with Crepsley and his lessons. Ugh. At least he had stopped harping on me about the blood…for the moment. For the moment though, Evra and I were discussing some hiding spots we saw around the grounds.

Evra was another person I found myself to be grateful to know in this place. He was a year or two younger than me, but he had lived…boy did he live. He told me about his past and I felt a sort of respect for him. Not only him, but Mr. Tall as well. More than once I would looked up literally to the man and wonder in awe. He truly did care about his performers, this was his family…he was a good man.

And each time I fell into this sentimental, sappy thoughts, he would glance down at me with a grin. I would turn away while my face warmed and busy myself with something. It only encouraged my theory that he could read minds.

* * *

It was late fall. Several months passed since we came here. Honestly I didn't keep track of the time. What would be the point? We knew what time the show started, when to prepare, and when to end. There were no appointments or parties or anything, so why bother keeping track of the specific date?

I did know it was late fall though by the weather. It was colder, but the first snow hadn't fallen yet. That meant my birthday was coming up. Admittedly, I hadn't told many except for Truska and Evra. I was hoping to tell Crepsley and, in the same breathe, request the chance to call my family. I knew by then that the birthday _and_ holiday blues would hit me.

One afternoon was marked with something different in the past few months I had been here. It broke routine. What was 'it'? A headache. I tried to shake it off at first, drank a bottle of water, and even took a short nap. None of it worked though. I ate something light and hid from the sun, what little bit was out in this season. Short daylight, long nights. The headache remained. In fact, it grew in the intensity.

Just before dinner, I went back to my cot in the tent. I had changed to my shorts and a loose t-shirt before hiding under the blanket. Lucky for me that the tent was heated by a small heater. When I closed my eyes, it was still light outside. When I opened them again, it was dark…and I wasn't alone.

Before me sat one Larten Crepsley cross-legged. I blinked and raised my eyes, wincing not at his face but at the pain at my temple. "Hi." I said in a croaky voice. Clearing my throat, I tried again, "This is a lady's tent, what are you…?"

"Truska allowed me permission." If I didn't know better, I could have sworn there was a bit of teasing in his voice. Maybe I was hallucinating because his next words were cool and indifferent. "Evra told me that you have been fighting a headache all day."

Part of me felt that I should sit up. I didn't like him towering over me like that. It was a matter of pride. Alas, the headache won out and I remained laying down. "Yeah. Guess I won't be assisting today." Pause. "I didn't mean to oversleep like that. Second nap of the day turned into…what time is it?"

"Nine. You slept for over three hours. And you are right, you cannot play the role of my assistant today." He hesitated. "Do you know why you have a headache?"

I opened my mouth but then closed it. Actually, no. I had just focused on getting rid of it. I didn't even know vampires could get sick. "Allergies?"

"No," his eyes hardened at my jest, "it is because you are getting weaker. Your body cannot sustain itself on animal blood alone any longer." His jaw tensed. "You have to drink human blood, Mistress Ivy."

My grip on the blanket tightened. Always went back to the blood, didn't it? I scowled, refusing to see past his tense body and stiff tone. I pulled the blanket up to my nose and turned around so my back faced him. "You're wrong." I denied, lying to myself. "It's just…a symptom of my menstrual cycle." Never mind that vampires, half or not, didn't get it – at least, I hadn't in the past few months. We hadn't really spoken of that just yet, reproduction and such. Something told me in the back of my mind that I would never have a child…and from that logic, no period.

And, alright, it was also meant to make him uncomfortable enough to leave. Still, it hadn't been uncommon to get a headache during my cycle before. Maybe that was the extra part of the curse of being a half-vampire.

I had to believe it. I had to or else I would have to face what was happening. My body was weakening, my senses dulling, my reactions becoming poor. I wasn't ready to drink human blood yet…but my body was having none of the battle my mind was. So…for one more day, I would put it off.

And I hoped Crepsley would shove off as well. The least he could do was let me sink in this delusion for a bit longer. Right?

I heard a soft sigh behind me. Nothing else. Well, he hadn't ran off like I hoped. I could feel his eyes on me. After what felt like an eternity, I heard his clothes rustling. Was he standing up?

When I felt a gentle, warm pressure rest on my temple and drape over my forehead, I jumped. Before I could panic and spin around, I heard his voice. "As you say…Mistress Ivy."

My heart ached fiercely. His voice…it was laced with weariness from our fighting, with concern. His words relented, allowing me to stay in my delusion. No, it was to keep my headache from spiking any further. His body language…that was his hand on my head.

And it was warm. The warmth, the light pressure batted the pain away. I must have made a noise, perhaps exhaled in relief, because he didn't pull away. My body relaxed further under the covers. For whatever reason, pity or concern or whatever, he performed something quite out of the norm.

Crepsley started to stroke my hair with his thumb, a careful, soft touch. Before I could question what he was doing or why, my eyes closed. It was soothing, relaxing…the pain was going away…it was hypnotic. Perhaps my eyes had filled with fear when he had spoken so bluntly. Perhaps that was how he saw through my nonsense.

Or maybe…

Well…whatever it was, I fell asleep to Crepsley playing my role of an assistant.


	13. Chapter 13

The headache was gone when I woke the next day. Apparently sleeping over twelve hours was the cure. Somehow I doubted my ability to make such a thing a habit. I got up and got dressed, wondering if I had dreamt that last night. His hand, his care…

I shook my head and put my hair into a ponytail. Hm, it was getting pretty long. Making a mental note to cut it, I went out and started my day.

That evening as Evra and I finished dinner, a car drove by in the distance. I raised a brow not at the car, but at Evra's reaction. His plate and fork hit the ground with a loud thud. "You look like you've seen a ghost, what's up?" I picked up the plate and utensil, setting it down next to him. Even his scales had gone a bit pale.

"M-M-Mr. T-Tiny!" He managed to spit out.

I set the plate aside. "Mr. Tiny? Is he…tiny?" I couldn't resist. Plus I was a bit unnerved to see Evra so….unnerved as well. Even against the Wolf Man, he had never withered this much.

Evra shot me a glare, reminding me of Mr. Crepsley for a moment. "He isn't someone you want to mess with." He shifted. "He's the spookiest man I've ever met…the others feel the same. I don't think anyone really likes him. Even Mr. Tall is put on edge when he's here."

I frowned and fought the bundle of nerves I felt. "Why? Is he…really ugly or something?" I tried to make light once more but failed.

Evra's snake wrapped around him like a hug. "It's hard to explain…every time he looks at me, I feel…terror."

My eyes flickered towards where the car disappeared to. Was he really so bad? Well, I thought, best to lay low then.

Unfortunately Hans popped up at the last second. I was just finishing the dishes with Evra when he spoke. "Um, Evra, Sam? wants you both to go to his trailer as soon as you're done." Pause. "Mr. Tiny wants to see you."

Evra dropped the plate and this time it broke. I swallowed thickly and worked on keeping the uncertainty off my face. "Alright, thanks Hans. Be there in a tick." I picked up the broken shards.

When we started off to Mr. Tall's, silence consumed us. It was only at the last minute did Evra speak. "Whatever happens, don't talk back." Evra warned in a whisper.

I couldn't resist. "Oh come on, we're both at that age of flippantry. And telling me not to do something makes it all so much more appealing." I nudged him with my elbow. He stumbled a bit. Either I had misjudged my strength or he wasn't prepared.

"I'm serious Sam." He looked up at him, pausing in his walk. "Just say 'yes sir' and shut up."

I was a bit nervous but I shrugged. "Alright, as you say." He was younger than me anyway, we had very different experiences with authority in the past, and...well, the mind often created nightmares when it is young. That's what I told myself.

So when we knocked and entered Mr. Tall's trailer, my stomach dropped. Both Mr. Tall and Crepsley were tense and looking…uneasy. Alright, I thought faintly, now is the time to panic and listen to Evra. I'll apologize for thinking he was wrong later.

"Ah," a new voice rang out, "so good of you to come, Evra Von…ah, so you're Samantha Ivy!" A few feet before me in between the two misters stood a tiny man – I was right about that at least. If I had to name it, he looked like an eccentric old man. He wore an odd suit, circular glasses, a twisted smile, and a…was that a heart clock?! It looked real even from here – I wonder where he got it made. "I've heard so much about you."

"Er." I glanced at Crepsley. He didn't seem the type to be gossiping and praising me, not to this man that made him shrink like a child. I had to swallow the fear that pranced about suddenly.

"The young lady," Mr. Tiny continued, "who turned half-vampire in order to escape the most horrifying fate of an older husband."

I had no control over the blood that drained from my face. How did he know that?! Only Crepsley knew, maybe even Mr. Tall, but I hadn't told anyone! My reaction seemed to please Mr. Tiny who walked up with a large smile.

"Indeed," Mr. Tiny started again, "Larten tells me that you're reluctant to drink blood. I can't say I blame you, nasty, repulsive business drinking blood. Unless it's from children."

I managed to gain some sensation in my body back. I raised a brow. "So you're a vampire as well then, Mr. Tiny?"

The man let loose a hair-curling laugh. I had to sink my nails into my palm to keep from shivering. I'd much prefer that of a machete scraping against a chalkboard. "Me, a vampire?! Oh, you found a funny one Larten! No, no, I am no vampire." His smile was chilling. "And please…call me 'Des'."

Des? What was it short for? His parents surely couldn't have named him Des Tiny, co- oh. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or grimace. Destiny. Well, I thought faintly, his parents were quite the…oddly humored folk.

Before I could speak, or perhaps knowing that I couldn't at the moment, 'Des' waved his hand. "Anyway, down to business. You are familiar with my Little People, aren't you, Samantha?" My jaw tensed at the use of my full name. I nodded nonetheless. "Great! I've brought several more and they will need to eat...something. They aren't terribly picky, in fact they'd even eat their host if they were so hungry. As a result, you and Evra Von to locate food for them on a daily basis. I've discussed it with your guardians and they've given their permission. So, how about it?"

I glanced at Crepsley at the mention of 'guardians'. That was a hoot, but any humor I felt died when I saw him. He was staring off to some spec in the corner, refusing to lift his gaze or meet mine. I wanted to say something – what, I didn't know – but nothing came out.

Luckily, Evra spoke for both of us. "Yes sir."

"Excellent!" If possible, his smile grew wider. "Then you'll be starting first thing tomorrow morning! That is all, you're dismissed."

Evra nodded and turned, taking hold of my wrist. Leave? But…Crepsley was…I didn't budge. Even being weak from a lack of blood, Evra couldn't overpower me on the first try. Suddenly the words tumbled out of my mouth, "Pardon," I recalled a bit of mother's polite language, "but how did you know how I became a half-vampire?" It went unsaid that Crepsley couldn't have mentioned it.

I felt the air in the room shift to high tension, wariness. I wanted to glance at the two misters on either side, but I could already feel their gazes of surprise and, perhaps, astonishment on me. Mr. Tiny raised a brow and then chuckled. He toyed with his watch as he stepped closer. "How? Why, from one of my many sources, of course."

"Who?" I pressed with a sense of urgency. Sources? Did he mean…Steve? I had to know.

I could almost feel Evra straighten next to me. Mr. Tiny's eyes darkened as he paused. Then he made a soft 'heh' and stepped forward. I wanted to turn or step away, but my feet were like lead. He stopped just a foot away. His breath reeked.

"Nosy little thing, aren't you?" He spoke without humor. "At least your behavior is consistent, just like when you stayed after the show despite your friend's warning."

My knees became weak, but some miracle I managed to keep standing. I knew my skin was pale. I wouldn't realize it until later, but my nails had sunk so deep into my palm that I had drawn blood. "H-how do you…know that?"

Once again, he avoided the question. "I've wondered why Larten had blooded such an irritating pest like youself. Perhaps," his expression took on a sadistic grin as he whispered, "he did it in hopes that you would marry a much older gentleman."

Static filled my ears. Was he really suggesting that Crepsley turned me only so he could make me his wife or his mate or whatever later on? How dare he!? And how…how did he know all of this? Was he talking to…where was Steve? What was going on?

Just before I could speak, a blur of red blocked my vision of the tiny man. It was Crepsley! "Tomorrow will be a long day, you should go to bed now. Evra, see that Mistress Ivy gets to her tent, please."

I stared up at Crepsley's marked face. I was still in shock and couldn't react. When Evra took my arm and pulled harder this time, I followed. When we got outside, I uncurled my fist and hissed, the pain bringing me back to reality.

Evra was saying something as he pulled me, led me to Truska's tent. I wasn't listening, though I'm sure I knew what he was talking about. I was too preoccupied with my thoughts. Steve…Crepsley…oh. When we arrived to the tent and Evra left, mostly because I immediately walked into the tent, I felt just how shaky I was.

Truska hadn't seen or heard me yet, so I turned and left the tent. I ran. Where? I had no idea, there wasn't a specific location. I just ran away from Mr. Tall's trailer, the opposite direction. If I hadn't thought much of my family and ex-friend before in the past few months, I was flooded with thoughts and concerns now.

Only when I got to the middle of the forest, halfway between the circus and a few villagers down the way, did I stop. Mr. Tiny's words echoed in my head. Escaped from an older husband…the show…Crepsley's reason. Steve.

I grabbed a tree and leaned forward, vomiting up the dinner I had just hours ago. When I spat the last bit and stood, I felt only a fraction better than before. My palms stung. My head started to ache. I wanted to cry. I wanted to sit there and fucking cry.

Just as I took a step, hoping to run again, I walked into something hard. I looked up with surprise and froze. "Mr. Crepsley!" I startled. "What…"

"I could ask you the same thing, Mistress Ivy." He frowned. "I visited Truska's tent just as you ran off." He sighed. "I should have prepared you for Mr. Tiny."

I blinked. "I…" Why couldn't I put together a sentence? I sniffed and made to raise my hand to push away a lock of hair that got wrapped around my neck.

He caught my wrist and looked at my palm. He gave a heavier sigh. "You would have healed by now if you…"

Anger was the first emotion that snapped me completely out of my shock. I yanked my hand back and scowled. "Human blood, yeah, I know! It's always human blood with you! If it isn't criticizing my form or giving me dodgy answers, then it's blood! Always harping on it! Damn it, if you're that concerned and impatient then force feed me with a tube! Otherwise just stop…"

With a blink of the eye, he had grabbed both my wrists and held my hands up. I stopped talking as he studied each of the cuts on my palms. My nails were stained with blood as well. Then in silence, he leaned forward and let his tongue drag over the crescent-shaped marks. I flinched and felt a chill down my spine. The cuts closed.

He released my hands and stood there for another moment. "Is that what it will take?" He spoke softly, "Will I have to trick you? Hold you down?" As angry as I had been was as calm and, maybe I imagined it, sad as he was. "At this rate, Sam, you will die before the first snowfall."

My lips parted. It wasn't the death sentence, but…my name. I don't think I've heard him say my first name before, had I? I would have remembered the sensation it caused. When I crossed my arms over my chest but stayed quiet, he had his answer.

Crepsley changed the topic. "I suspect you will not sleep right away with such heavy topics on your mind. Would you like to accompany me to a drink?" Pause. "I will not force or trick you tonight."

It would get my mind off Mr. Tiny, I thought. I mean, I knew I would have nightmares but at least I could keep them at bay for a bit longer. I nodded and we were off. The walk was pretty uneventful. When we reached the town, he spoke suddenly, "What did Mr. Tiny say to you anyway?"

I tripped over my own foot and nearly fell. Barely managing to catch myself, I looked up. "You didn't hear him?!"

"No, he whispered it to where only you could hear." He raised a brow at my strange behavior.

I could feel my face warm. "Erm. Nothing." I quickly amended my obvious answer, "I mean, he told me that I was annoying and…yeah. Stuff."

Crepsley let it go for now. His attention was brought to someone walking by. For once, I was relieved to be on the hunt.


	14. Chapter 14

A couple weeks passed quietly. Things had settled back into a routine. The nightmares faded away and the Little People weren't so bad. It was also colder. This point made me happy, excited. I would be seventeen soon!

Evra hadn't brought up Mr. Tiny and his words either, thankfully. He knew that I didn't want to discuss how and why I became half-vampire. I tried my best to ignore and forget the man's words about Crepsley as well. It made it…less awkward.

When I woke one day, I felt the cold seep into our normally warm tent. I dressed appropriately and stepped out. Snow! I gasped and held my hands out. It was snowing! I forgot breakfast and ran to Mr. Tall's trailer, nearly running into his legs when I turned a corner.

"Ah!" I looked up, "Mr. Tall, morning!"

"Ah, Mistress Ivy, hello. How are you today?" He inquired in his booming voice.

I offered a smile. "Great, actually." I was tired all the time, but I had adjusted to that. "Can you tell me what today's date is?"

"The date?" He looked thoughtful. "I believe it's November 28th. Why do you ask?"

My smile grew. "Yes!" I bounced on my heels, suddenly aware of how long my hair had gotten. I needed to cut it. "I'm turning seventeen in four days!"

Mr. Tall smiled. "Is it now? That's great. We need a reason to celebrate."

I looked up with a hint of confusion. Before I could inquire, he walked away. I blinked and slowly walked back to the camp fire to get breakfast. Hm.

* * *

It was pleasant to live with Truska and not have her criticize my outfits. My clothes ranged from shorts, pants, and long and short sleeve shirts. And my hat, of course, which I always wore no matter the weather. Truska wore stunning dresses most of the time which…admittedly I envied a bit. I lacked the figure to fill those out, otherwise I would have dared to try one on. Just for a minute, that was. Dresses and chores didn't match well together. Hell, dresses and me didn't match well because I was bound to tear it somehow. Still, despite this, Truska never tsked or scolded me for my clothes. It was lovely.

The last day of November, I had asked her if she could cut my hair to my shoulders. It was already mid-back. She nodded and made a gesture that implied 'tomorrow'. I accepted this and went off to find Crepsley as night fell. My mind was on how to ask him for…well, my 'gift'.

I barely even noticed when I walked by Crepsley's trailer with him standing outside of it. "Mistress Ivy?" He raised a brow as he called out to me.

I stopped in mid-step and looked over, realizing I was a few yards farther than I should have been. "Oh." Well then. "Hi." I walked back with a sheepish look on my face. "Evening."

"Good morning. Is there something on your mind?"

"Yeah, actually." I hesitated. "I…I'm…thinking about…getting…my…hair cut." I blinked twice. No, that wasn't it at all! I wanted to mention my birthday, a phone call, anything but my hair! What the hell was...

"Hm." Crepsley reached out and took hold of a strand that rested over my shoulder. "How short?"

"To…my…shoulders." Was he pretending to be interested, humoring my idiocy? It wouldn't be the first time.

The man nodded and released the lock. "It would fit you." He turned away. "Now, tonight I hope to go over the…"

"Wait just a second!" I called out once I beat down the blush that tried to rise. "What's that mean, it would 'fit me'?!" I wondered if I should feel insulted. "What, boy-like?" Again, I wasn't sure if I should feel insulted.

He looked over his shoulder at me with a hint of surprise in his eyes. He turned to face me, looking slightly amused. "I mean that you would not be hindered by short hair, as you are now with long." Ah, I blushed, he meant the time I caught tangled up in some tree branches. And the other time I got tangled up in a bush. "You are not the kind to be hindered by anything…or anyone." With that, he kept walking with the expectation that I would follow.

I did after a moment only because it took that long for me to grasp his words. It was true, I thought. Frightening to be put like that, but true. With that, I jogged to match his steps so far ahead.

The night went on smoothly, our lessons calm. I kept thinking about what he said. Finally just shy of midnight, I spoke. "Mr. Crepsley?" He made a noise to acknowledge me. "My birthday is in…er, tomorrow technically. The second of December." He looked up with surprise. Before he could interrupt, I hurriedly added, "And I was hoping, I mean, call it as 'present' or something, but…can we find a payphone so I can call my family?" I swallowed thickly, waiting.

The town we were near didn't have a payphone, oddly enough. There was a city several miles way that would – cities always did – but I couldn't travel there myself. Not in my state at least, weak and tired. I would need him…even though it irked me to admit.

He studied him in the dark. That much I could tell even with my diming eyesight. I tried not to squirm. Finally he nodded once. "Alright, that is fair enough." He offered something of a gentle smile. "In fact, we will visit and linger in the city for the evening. Tomorrow."

My eyes widened. Visit and linger…like tourists?! I smiled. I was thrilled with the idea of exploring another area, a city! "Yes, that's great! Thanks!" If my eyesight had been a bit sharper, perhaps I would have been able to catch the gleam in his eyes.

* * *

The second day of December arrived.

I woke and dressed in my warm blue jeans, although torn from a fall recently, a long sleeve green shirt that was also ripped from the same fall, and some gloves. I put my hand on backwards, my fingertips brushing over the shortened length of my hair. Ah, it felt nice.

I paused before I left the tent. I caught sight of a rich blue jacket with something plush and velvety around the edges on the inside. On top of it was a note, shakily written.

'Happy day of birth.

Truska.'

I laughed quietly and looked over the nice article of clothing. It was gorgeous from the color to the material. I slid it on and felt twice as warm, relieved since it was snowing again outside. The older woman had been quite kind lately. Well, actually since I first stepped into the tent all those months ago. Warm, kind…it felt as though…

"Hey, Sam!" Evra's voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked up and waved with a smile. "Happy birthday!"

I laughed and felt giddy all over. "Hey, thanks. I'm an old hag now!"

Evra snorted. "Yeah, right. Come on, the other performers have a surprise for you!" He took my hand and pulled me along.

I blinked. "Er, doesn't telling someone about the surprise…ruin the surprise?" I noticed that his face had gotten darker – was he blushing under those scales?

"No because I didn't tell you what it was." He had a point.

When we got to the Mess Tent – a play on 'Mess Hall' – I stopped in mid-step. Nearly the whole gang was there, talking quietly. When they heard me, they turned and shouted in unison, "Happy birthday!" Even Truska's seal-like bark was heard. At the table between them was a large cake with blue frosting.

Evra let go of my hand and I walked over slowly, jaw hanging. "What…how…?"

"We were going to present the cake at dinner," Mr. Tall appeared seemingly out of nowhere, "but Larten mentioned that you two would be leaving for a trip just before dinner." I jumped and mentally cursed at him for the fright. Granted, I knew that if I had just drank blood like a normal half-vampire, I would have at least sensed him but…eh.

"Oh, really?" I paused. "Oh, right! The, right." I was so flustered at the surprise that I nearly forgot how to talk. I looked over at the group who smiled back, then at the cake. With green icing it read 'Happy Birthday Sam'. "T-thank you, all of you. This is really…sweet," I gave a short laugh, "I never thought I'd find a second home with…" I laughed again, blinking away the tears in my eyes. "Thanks!"

"We should really be thanking you, we never get to have sweets in the morning!" Evra supplied.

"Happy to help." I chuckled.

Just before dinner, as the sun was usually down by then, I stopped by the tent to see what Truska had wanted when she waved me over. When I spotted her, I quickly thanked her for the jacket and hugged it, with myself in it, to show how much I adored it. She gave something of a laugh and nodded to her wardrobe closet. I raised a brow.

She shook her head before digging into it. When I walked over, taking off my gloves, I wondered if I should get Evra to translate. Then she pulled out an emerald colored dress with a long skirt and a black leather closet, the sleeves loose and white as the snow outside. I stared. It was beautiful. Then she gestured it to me and I caught on.

"What?! No, I mean…no thanks. I don't do dresses." I stuck my hands into the pockets of my new jacket, turning partly away from her and the gown. My eyes, however, lingered.

She said something then paused, trying to figure the word for it. "City." She gestured to it again.

"Oh, to wear to the city tonight?" I glanced at myself. "Yeah, I suppose I should look better than looking like I crawled out of a grave." Pause. "Wait, this isn't a date! I can't dress fancy, that's so…no! It's just Crepsley!"

Truska spoke and I could have sworn she was laughing at me. She gestured me towards the gown and when I got closer, she tapped it, tapped my hat, and then tapped my jacket. "Oooohh." I understood. "This with my hat and jacket…okay, that's an acceptable amount of…" I shifted, pausing. "I don't know…that might still look like a date." My face warmed.

She offered me a gentle smile before placing the dress on the wardrobe door. She pointed for me to sit at the vanity mirror. I did as she said and mumbled, "I'm not wearing makeup…it'll just freeze on by midnight." Still, I took off my hat.

Much to my surprise, she reached for a brush and only a brush. She seemed to be humming something as she carefully dragged the brush through my hair. Although short, I still managed to get a few knots from time to time. Truska didn't yank them out but worked with them, undoing them with care.

As I looked in the mirror, watching her, it hit me. My earlier thought form the morning finished at last. Truska reminded me of a mother – not my mother, since Truska was far too warm for that, but a mother. And…it felt…nice.

I blinked and was startled to feel something wet travel down my cheek. I wiped the tear away quickly before smiling up at the woman, refusing to give any suspicion. She smiled back before finishing her task. She then pointed to the dress and left to give me privacy.

Well…it was really pretty. The colors were amazing. Perhaps just this once it was okay – and with my jacket, hat, and sneakers, well…no one could mistake me as being fancy. And it wasn't a date! It was just a…celebration. Yeah, people got dressed up for their birthdays all the time.

With this justification, I stripped and put the gown on, grateful I had bathed yesterday. It felt nice, surprisingly. I had a bit of trouble with the corset part, but I figured Truska would help me with that when she returned. I stuck my head out of the tent and saw her approaching.

With a few swift practiced moves, she had laced it up just enough to make me feel like I was being hugged, but I could still breathe. I thanked her and then looked up at the full-length mirror she had. My eyes widened and I gasped.

The dark green of the fabric complimented my light green eyes, the black leather of the corset made my short blonde hair especially noticeable, and it pulled at me in such a way that I…had curves. I ran my hands over my hips, smiling. I looked…lovely.

Truska made a noise of question.

I nodded and thanked her with a hug. Just as I stepped back, I heard a familiar voice outside the tent. "Madame Truska, Mistress Ivy, may I come in?"

"Ah!" I yelped, my face turned pink. "No! Get out, stay out! Not yet! Don't look!" I all but darted to where my jacket was, slipping it on and zipping it up. I put my blue hat on backwards, paused, and then flipped it forward to where I could hide my face.

Truska looked at me as if I had grown a second head before chuckling. She looked at my bare feet, then at my sneakers. Shaking her head, she walked to her wardrobe and pulled out black boots. They were flat, thankfully, but would reach just below my knees. She placed them in my hand before going to the tent opening.

I ducked as Crepsley was let in, quickly slipping the boots on. Thankfully they really were just slip ons, my socks allowing them to glide. If I had to have bent over to put them on, I think the corset would have worked against me. As I did, I heard the two of them speaking.

"Mistress Ivy? Are you ready?"

I looked at the mirror one more time and inhaled deeply. "Y-yeah." I cursed myself for stuttering. Just as I stepped out of the privacy area, I paused. I glanced at the mirror once more and felt a strange desire to unzip my jacket. At least until we went outside…it was too warm in here. Yeah, too warm. So I did.

I walked out in this new, strange outfit and cleared my throat. When I looked up at him from under the cap, I saw him staring. "Truska said I should dress up for the city, and for, you know, my birthday." Pause. He said nothing. I could feel my face turn pink. "And if you dare laugh or mock me, I'll punch you where it hurts, consequences be damned!" The end sounded a bit panicky there and, honestly, who could blame me? I couldn't recall a time I had been so…feminine in front of this man. Or in general. Gods, was I actually worried about what he thought?

I was.

I hated myself for it.

Just as I looked down, unable to stand how his eyes took me in, drank the sight of me in, and how his lips parted, I cursed. My hand went to pull the cap down further, to hide my red face – his silence was worse than any mockery – something stopped me. Him, to be specific. He caught my wrist with one hand and then with the other took my hand off. Before I could protest, he turned it backwards and placed it back on my head. Just like I always wore it.

"There." His voice carried a depth I couldn't quite name, "Perfect." Then he let me go and turned towards the entrance. "Are you ready to flit then? The sun just set."

I swallowed thickly. Where did this emotion come from, what the hell was it? It felt like I was a cup overfilling with water. It wasn't bad, just…scary, I thought. I blinked rapidly to vanish the tears that sprung at the corner of my eyes. Just, all the excitement, I told myself, made me so emotion. That was it.

"Yup!" I said with a smile, willing my heart to stop beating so hard and loud. Zipping up my jacket in preparation for the outside world, I waved at Truska. "See you later, good night! And thank you for the gown and boots!"

She must have said that I was welcome.

When we stepped out to the edge of the forest, I had my hands in my pocket. He stopped walking and I put my gloves on, prepared for the sharp cold that would hit us. Crepsley crouched slightly, allowing me to hop onto his back as usual. I was glad that the dress was…what, big enough? Chill enough? Floofy? Whatever the word, it allowed me to do this without restraining me in any way. Good, I thought, I hate clothes that restrain.

My arms wrapped around his neck and he stood as he placed his hands underneath my knees, his palms against my thigh to hold me. When he did, I jolted slightly. The gown was definitely made of a material that wasn't jean-like. That was, I could…I could feel his warmth, feel the pressure of his hands against my flesh through the gown. In my blue jeans, I hardly noticed the pressure, but this?

"Are you alright?" He asked as he turned his head slightly.

I was relieved that he couldn't see how hot my face had gotten. "Y-yup." I cursed myself once again. It was then I noticed that he was holding a basket. Before I could inquire, he set off. Within moments, we were at the edge of the city.

He let me off and I stumbled slightly, more from the noise than anything. "I have scouted the area," he admitted, "and we will be away from most of the noise here. There is a payphone and…other things around the corner. I hope you do not mind?" He looked over at me.

I tried to ignore how my heart skipped a beat when we locked gazes. "No, that's more than fine. I had no idea I'd be so sensitive to this stuff."

He nodded as we walked. "The snow has dampened most of it, but it can be disorienting at first." He held out a few coins for me to take. "The phone is there. When you are done, come find me." Then he walked off, basket in hand.

I raised a brow. That was…weird. Oh well, I smiled. My attention was more on a call to my family than of the weird vampire and his odd behavior. What had they been up to in the past few months since I left? I put the coins in the phone booth and dialed my own number.

It rang five times before it went to the machine. Interesting, I thought, but perhaps they were out or at dinner or something. "Hey dad, hey sis…hey mom." That was an awkward start to the message. "Just calling to say hey. I'm doing just fine. In a big city currently," it wasn't a lie, "and about to head off to dinner. Hope everyone's doing alright. I'll call again around Christmas, alright? Love you guys." I hesitated, waiting for someone to pick up.

After five seconds it became apparent that they wouldn't, so I hung up. Strange, I thought with a slight frown. Shaking my head, I stepped out and looked around for Crepsley. Well, my sense of smell was shot so how was I to find him? There were a few people walking by, but it was definitely the more quiet area of the city.

As I turned, I caught sight of footsteps. Were those from the couple or…no, they had to be Crepsley's. I smirked and followed them, switching from one side to the other of them occasionally. After about a block, they ended at a large gate. I raised a brow and looked through, catching sight that the footfalls continued after what looked to be a smooth landing.

That devil! I chuckled as I looked around, making sure I was alone. Then I grabbed the locked gates and…paused. Shit, I thought, I was wearing a dress. It wasn't even mine so I definitely couldn't risk tearing it! Surely Crepsley knew that, wouldn't he?

Making a face, I thought carefully. Could I pick the lock? Nah, it would make too much noise anyway with the chain attached. I couldn't just jump over either…I don't think my body would permit it. Or maybe I could?

I stepped up on a rock nearby and carefully pulled the skirt around my thighs, holding it tight with one hand. Ignoring what a sight I must look, I focused and jumped off of the rock. I landed on the edge of the stone wall right next to the gate. With a soft laugh of relief, I hopped off and stumbled slightly.

Not as smooth, but it would do!

I continued following the footsteps. Was this a private park or just a park closed after dark? It was too big to be someone's backyard. Yeah, I thought, it had to be a park. As I reached a small hill, I glanced up and stopped walking.

There was a gazebo at the top of the small hill with a certain orange haired vampire in it. Smirking, I walked up and looked around. The gazebo, despite being on the small incline, was fairly warm. There was snow on the top but no wind. Plus, I realized with surprise, he had a few candles lit around. They weren't the long, skinny ones but just simple candles for warmth spread around.

I laughed. "Oh, good, they aren't scented sweet pea candles; I would have never let you live it down."

Crepsley looked up as he finished unpacking the basket. "Thankfully Truska took mercy on both of our noses." He stood and faced me.

"Truska?" I raised a brow.

"She was the one who packed all of this." I looked at 'this' and gaped. There were thermos of soup, warm bread, and some sort of bread pudding. My mouth watered. I made a mental note to thank Truska. "How was your conversation? That was quick."

I stole the bread loaf and tore of a small piece, relishing the warmth and fresh taste. "I had to leave a message. They might be at my sister's school function or dinner or something." I shrugged. "It's alright, I figure I would contact them again closer to Christmas. If you're willing to flit me, I mean."

An expression flashed over his face though I couldn't name it right away. "I will and you will consider it my gift to you on such a foolish holiday."

I smirked. "Someone's a Grinch." I sat and picked up my thermos of soup. "Do you not like the holidays?"

He gave me a look. "Vampires do not celebrate such a thing." He left it as that and sat a foot away from me. I turned to face him, carefully arranging my skirt so it wouldn't get dirty or tangled.

"This is really nice." I commented as we ate.

He smiled and nodded. "I am glad to hear it."

As we ate, I suddenly wondered something. "How old are you anyway?"

Crepsley glanced up and smirked. "You should know better than to ask an old man that."

"So, a hundred?" I returned the smirk.

"I was born in 1794." He provided.

After a quick calculator, I gaped. "You're two hundred years old?! Oh my god!" Pause. "Well, whatever cream you're using works…you hardly look a day over a hundred fifty." I hid my smile behind the bread.

Crepsley chuckled. "Charmer." He finished eating a piece of bread before adding, "There are vampires that are well over five hundred years old."

"That's…wow." I blinked, wondering if I'd ever meet them. We finished dinner in silence, both in our thoughts. Warm and full, I figured I'd wait a while before eating the bread pudding. "Did she pack anything to drink by chance?" I asked as I rest my head on my forearm on the edge of the gazebo.

He looked through the basket and hesitated before pulling out a bottle of wine. I raised a brow and he chuckled. "Well, it is your birthday."

"I've never tried." Pause. "I can't believe she packed that!" I laughed, "How old does she think I am?"

"I am sure it is different in her culture." He pointed out as he pulled out the cork. Faintly I noted that it had already been open and re-corked. I didn't much of it. Pouring two glasses, he held one out for me to take. "Happy birthday, Mistress Ivy."

My cheeks were aching from how much I was smiling. I held up the glass and we clinked the two together gently. "Thank you…Mr. Crepsley." I murmured before taking a sip. It certainly smelt interesting. I could feel my face warm under his stare.

He pointedly said nothing, as if uttering a noise would ruin the moment. I took another drink and made a soft 'mm' noise. It tasted…interesting, more so than how it smelt. I could understand why people drank red wine. By the third drink, my gut told me something wasn't right.

I paused and looked at him closer. His eyes were darker but otherwise he wore a calm expression. I noticed that he wasn't looking away either. When I raised the glass to my nose for the fourth time, I caught something. It was hard to explain how I knew or why, but it…didn't seem to smell entirely like red wine. But I had never smelt wine of any color before, so surely I was just…losing it.

When I raised it, allowing the crimson liquid to splash over my tongue once more, my stomach dropped. Placing the glass down, I looked up at him with suspicion in my gaze. Now he looked away. "Mr. Crepsley," I spoke slowly, "had this bottle been open before you poured?"

And that was when I noticed something. The dark wasn't so dark anymore. The faint headache that had been accompanying me on and off throughout the past few weeks, the one I had just grown accustomed to, was completely gone. Any weariness I felt in my legs from that jump and stumble was gone. The tired feeling I felt and had been in the background was also gone.

My heart sunk. "You didn't."

He turned his head away.

Truska wouldn't have placed a bottle of wine into the basket, and she certainly wouldn't have laced it with human blood. I swallowed thickly, still able to taste it. In that instant, I hated myself more than I hated him for liking it. "You bastard!" I shouted, standing. The dress thankfully fell as it should without a stain or rip, although it seemed so trivial in this situation. "You tricked me?! You made this, this magical adventure for the sole purpose of tricking me?!" Pause. "Is that why we're in a locked park?! To keep anyone from hearing me while I shout at your betrayal?!"

The last word brought him back to life. "I did not betray you," he stated firmly, "I helped you. Even with that bit of blood, I have bought you nearly a month at the least to come to your senses! Without it, you would have been seventeen for only a week."

I felt cold, numb suddenly despite the fire around us. I took half a step back. Even as he sat, he had such a presence. He had tricked me to save my life. All of this had been a lie though. The willingness for the phone call had only been encouraged by my wasting away, evidently. The tracking game, the gate, the picnic dinner at the park…possibly even his earlier compliment about my outfit.

Oh, I felt like a complete idiot. I thought that this would be an adventure, an experience to have fun and bond over. I even let Truska dress me up because it was going to be a celebration. I was wearing a gown! And all of it was just so he could force me to drink before I was ready…

"Fuck you." I spat, allowing my shame and embarrassment to convert to fury. I turned with the intent to run out, but I didn't get very far.

The old familiar grabby Crepsley sprang forth. He grabbed my arm and gave a sharp jerk, stopping me in my tracks. "You will not understand what I did until you are either dead or older, one of which I refuse to allow to happen. You are my assistant and therefore you must listen and help me. I have already spent too much energy on you to allow you to waste away."

I tried to pull away as I turned to face him. I kept my gaze on his chest however, refusing to meet his. "Get off of me!" I shouted, punching and scratching at him. I felt myself draw blood but I didn't know how much or where. Still, he wouldn't let me go. "Let me go, you lying bastard!" I shouted even louder.

Crepsley pushed me backwards and I found myself against one of the columns, his free hand over my mouth. "Locked gate or not, you will attract unwanted attention by having a tantrum!" He was so close that I could see even the most minor detail of his scar.

Tantrum? I scowled inwardly, I'll show him a tantrum. I opened my mouth and bit his hand. He gave something of a yelp and pulled away. I let him, staying where I was as his grip on my arm tightened. For a split second, he looked like he was going to strike me but resisted with a deep scowl.

"So that's all I am? An investment? A fucking slave to obey and listen, to be tricked into do something I'm not ready for? What if I rebel completely, what then? Will you kill me? No, you can't because you've 'invested' so much already! Well you know Crepsley? I wish you had killed me that night on the roof!" My eyes stung as I yelled. "Because death would be preferable than this existence you've forced me into!"

In a blink of the eye, he let go of my arm and punched the column above my head. It cracked and as I darted away from him and it, he turned his back to me. His form was trembling and it wasn't from the cold. We stood like that for a minute or two, both trying to grapple with what just unfolded in the past five minutes. Our relationship, which I thought had grown so much, crumbled into nothing more than dirt.

"That is enough talk for tonight. We will be returning to the Cirque." He crouched slightly, the sign for me to hop on.

I shook my head without pause. "No." He snapped his head to look at me. I tried not to grimace. "No. I'll walk."

He turned to face me but did not take a step closer. "The camp is at least twenty miles away. Now stop acting like a child and…"

"Do you _really_ want to keep fighting about this? What are you going to do, throw me over your shoulder? I'll drag my nails up your back before you can reach Mr. Tall's trailer!" My heart skipped a beat. "If you try to harm me, to knock me unconscious or something, I'll never forgive you!" My teeth chattered. When did the candles go out? "You've already forced your decisions upon me once, I won't be a slave or some doll for you to control anymore! Half vampire or not, I am still a person and I demand my own autonomy!" My gaze remained on his though it pained me to do so.

His expression turned stony. He stiffened, but I could tell I had gotten through to him with my threats. Or maybe it was my logic more than my threats; what did he care if his assistant didn't forgive him? So long as I served him…I bit my tongue.

"If you wish to walk twenty miles in the snow, fine." His voice was colder than that around us. "You are still expected to perform your chores in the morning." He looked like he wanted to say more, but held back. Then he turned and was gone in a blink.


	15. Chapter 15

I poured the red wine-blood mixture out in a bush. The thought of anyone drinking it…I shuddered. I placed the candles and dishes back in the basket and put my gloves on. I felt better physically, but I felt like shit emotionally. Today wasn't quite as I had hoped it to be.

I started the first mile of the twenty miles. I could run through the city, but I knew I'd have to be slow and careful in the woods. The dress would, with my luck, catch and rip if I did. So I jogged for the first five miles, thankful the food and, reluctantly thankful, that the blood had helped my energy levels.

The blood…I scowled and stopped jogging once I got to the edge of the woods. About fifteen miles to go. I wondered how much time had passed. If only Crepsley hadn't tricked me with the blood…if he hadn't lied about the entire evening…I sighed. None of this would have happened. My arm ached from his hold, but I had satisfaction that his hand had my teeth marks. And, as I glanced at the blood under my fingernails, some part of him was scratched. Good, I thought bitterly.

I was sweaty and cold after the run. I cursed and tugged at the dress. Why did I agree to wear this?

His assistant…all the energy invested…must listen and help…

His words echoed in my mind. Not for the first time, I wished that wine hadn't been laced with blood because getting intoxicated sounded like a great idea. Ignoring the fact that had there been no blood, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place, I scowled. The decision to become half-vampire had been made when I was shitfaced too, with rum from Steve's mom's cabinet.

Maybe someone in the circus had…well, even if they had alcohol I doubted I'd be able to snag any. By the time I got back, I suspected it'd be near morning if not morning itself. Maybe I could just find some place to stay the night. Immediately after the thought, I scoffed at myself. Who would let me stay for the night? It had to be midnight by now. Who was even awake?

I rubbed my free hand against my eyes, wiping away the tears before they could hurt from the cold. Sniffing, I spotted the village that I had to travel through to get to the circus. I paused. Maybe someone there would let me stay?

I glanced up at the sky. If I was at the village, that meant I was about five miles from the circus. I looked around but saw, felt, no one. I sighed and sat near a tree, looking at the houses. I needed to rest, I didn't want to get to the circus anyway. Crepsley was still awake, but who knew where he was? What if he was waiting for me? I scowled.

As I observed the houses, imagining what the people inside did during the day, a candle flickered in one room close by. I tensed. The candle moved closer to the window. I stood, prepared to dart off, dress be damned if I had to.

But the person who walked up to the window was…a boy. He couldn't be older than twelve or so, blond like me and rubbing his sleepy eyes. I blinked and he blinked. We stared at each other for a moment before he waved. I slowly waved back. Then I held my finger to my lips, the signal to stay quiet, and walked away.

That curious interaction had cooled my temper completely. I headed back to the circus with my mind a bit clearer than before. When I arrived, I looked around for any sign of Mr. Crepsley. Nothing. Good, I thought as I made my way to Truska's tent.

I stopped. I didn't want to go to sleep. After the run and the thinking, I was still wide awake. Drained, but awake. I ended up walking, feeling as though if I stopped then all my thoughts would crush me.

It seemed that I wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep. As I made my second round through the tents, I spotted a familiar bundled up snake boy. "Evra?" I called out gently as to not wake anyone or startle him.

He turned around and gaped openly at me. It took a moment to recall what I was wearing to provoke such a reaction. "I must be dreaming…are you in a…?"

"Mock or laugh me and you'll be head first in the snow." I growled perhaps with a bit too much venom.

He held his hands up in surrender. "Whoa, I was just going to say that you look different…the hat makes it unmistakable that it's you though." He blinked as he remembered something. "Oh, how was the city?"

My mood, like my face, darkened. He shifted uncomfortably. "Why are you up? It's gotta be like three in the morning." I tried to change the topic.

"I had a nightmare." Evra admitted with a hint of sheepishness.

I frowned, my irritation dropped. "I'm sorry. Distract or discuss?"

"Distract." He said almost immediately, relieved at the prospect.

I grinned. "Alright…well, let's go somewhere warm. I've been outside since…what time did I leave? Oh, right, when was dinner?"

His eyes grew almost comically wide. "You've been outside in a dress for nine hours?! How are you not dead?! Here, let's go…er." He looked at his tent, then at me.

It took a moment to understand. "Better yours than mine, Truska would strangle you." I shrugged. It was weird how it was implied no boys unless allowed in the women's tent. Evra hesitated still and I smirked. "Oh come on, are you going to let me freeze my nose off just because you haven't cleaned your tent in a year?"

"It's clean!" He protested though he did get flustered. "I just…don't want anyone to see. Last time that happened, I got the birds and bees talk." He made a face.

I burst out laughing and had to quickly cover my mouth to keep silent. When no one called out or moved around us, we wisely entered his tent. I sighed in relief, it was much warmer here than outside. As I removed my boots, he went to move his snakes around. I thought for a second before sitting on his hammock sideways, hugging a blanket around me. He stared at me as if I had eaten his slice of cake. "Just get over here, we're just sitting together. Not my fault that you have a hammock."

He did and we were instantly squished together. I nearly laughed again when he suggested, "Feet to head?"

"Feet to head."

With that and some great deal of maneuvering, we laid in the hammock with our bare, numb feet at each other's shoulders. The blanket rest over our middle comfortably. Distract…I didn't want to talk about tonight, not yet. So how could I distract him from a nightmare that no doubt involved the freak show?

I got an idea. "You know," I rest my head on my uninjured forearm behind me, "I consider you a good friend. Best, even. You remind me a bit of another I used to have. His name was Darren Shan…kid was really good at soccer." I grinned at some memories that resurfaced at the boy's name. "He loved spiders too. He was so bummed when it was me and St-…" I frowned.

"Who?" Evra asked without pause. When he realized what he had said, he looked awkward. "Sorry. Blame the lack of sleep."

I made a scoffing noise but still grinned. "Yeah, sure." There was a part of me that suddenly found this situation too intense, physically too close to Evra. The other part of me, however, the larger part, welcomed it. I rarely got to be so intimate with someone, so vulnerable without being called out. It was sappy and stupid. But…I wanted to talk to _someone_ about it at least. I couldn't with Crepsley, especially not now, so Evra was the next one I could trust. "My old best friend…was named Steve Leopard. Well, that wasn't his real last name but it fit so it stuck." I grinned more. "We were partners in crime, possibly as tight as he and Darren." I glanced at Evra, then away. "He wasn't…he's…he's the reason why I'm here. I mean, not really, but…sort of. He's the start."

"How about starting from the beginning?" Evra nudged.

I rolled my eyes but I knew he had a point. This could get confusing. I shifted, toying with the blanket for the sake of moving my hands. He was relaxed next to me, so calm…I was glad. It rubbed off on me and I was also glad to have helped him rid his mind of his nightmare. It encouraged me to keep talking. "We, Darren, Steve, and I got to the theatre. At the last minute, Darren chickened out and said he had a bad feeling about it all." I paused before giving something between a laugh and a brief cry. "Oh god, he was fucking right! Oh, that kid, I should have listened to him." I shook my head. "Anyway, Steve and I snuck in to the second floor balcony. Watched the show…afterwards, Steve told me to get lost, he was going to talk to someone.

"I stayed. I was his friend, how could I just ditch him in a strange place with strange people – no offense – for some strange reason? I watched. I found out that Crepsley was a vampire." My eyes darkened. "He wanted to turn…Crepsley said his blood tasted evil." Evra's brows shot up in surprise. "He ran off. I fell. Got myself caught. But Crepsley let me go…after I swore to never speak of it." I snorted. "He gave me the flute…I don't know why, actually. He just did. It soothed me while he played it on stage…god, it was amazing. I still have it, just…haven't played it." Why hadn't I played it since then?

"So…what happened?" Evra asked after a moment when I had fallen quiet.

I blinked rapidly, feeling almost sluggish, sleepy. It felt like the memory was a dream. "Oh, right. Well…" I tensed and he felt it, "I…I was gonna be married. Arranged marriage, mother's idea. All prim and proper she was. She hated my tomboy attitude and looks. We weren't…the best off family in town. This groom was gonna save us from financial bankruptcy. My sister was too young to play as bride-bait so lucky me, it was my role.

"I told Steve. He wasn't happy. I wasn't happy. He called me a 'whore', as if I had slept with the guy already. As if I wanted to marry him!" A growl escaped me at the memory. Yes, it still hurt to remember my best friend calling me such a thing.

I bit my bottom lip for a moment before smiling. I'm not sure why I smiled, but something about it seemed hilarious, tragically hilarious. "So as a last resort…I stole some rum from Steve's mom…went back home after our fight…and drank. Sometime during the night I had gotten shitfaced and stepped out onto the roof – how I didn't fall and die is beyond me. But I shouted to the heavens that Larten Crepsley was a vampire. I think it was…the third time I said it, or nearly said it, that he literally tackled me into my room. Thank god my bed was there." I laughed, "It's funny to remember and picture now. Like a ragdoll, ya know? I threw up, luckily not on him…though I wish I had." I smirked.

"What did he do?!" Evra's eyes were wide. This was all reading like a scary story, I thought.

I chuckled dryly. "Oh, I was drunk and arrogant as ever. I basically told him, _told_ him, that he had two options: change me or kill me." It was amazing that he had picked the former. My heart ached as I recalled what I shouted at him earlier that night, that I wish he had killed me.

Evra laughed softly. "Oh my god, and he changed you! After you told him?! You've got some luck, Sam."

"Luck. Yeah." I wondered if I would dream of Steve tonight.

"So…after you changed, you ran off?"

"Yeah." I grimaced at how weak my voice sounded then. "Yeah, mother would never dare broadcast or look for me. Dad even gave me his permission and blessing. My sister, Jaime…I wonder how she is." Pause. "I called them today by payphone…when we went to the city. It went to the machine, I left a message."

"I'm sorry." Evra spoke softly. I waved it away. That was the least of my sorrows tonight. I bit my bottom lip. He must have caught on that I was upset. "Sam? What is it?" When I didn't respond right away, he reached over and placed his hand on mine. "You can tell me if you want, I won't laugh or mock."

I blinked. No, of course he wouldn't. If he didn't laugh when he saw me, he could be trusted in this. It's just that…to speak of it was…opening the lid that I had closed so long ago. "Was it worth it?" The question wasn't asked to Evra, but to myself. A sob came with it, catching in my throat as I struggled not to cry. "Was it worth turning into this, being alone, being far more isolated than before? Stuck with a man who treats and thinks of me as just his slave to use and order around? Was it worth avoiding a marriage to some arrogant, rich prick?" I covered my face in my hands, trembling. The hammock shook. "I'm scared to answer that," I sniffed, "because what if the answer is…no, it wasn't worth it?" The sob ripped from my throat. "I miss my family, I miss Steve…I miss them all so much!"

I broke.

I sat up and lost it. I'm not sure how much time passed, but when I had managed to quiet my cries, I realized several things. Evra was sitting up with me, his hand was awkwardly patting my back, and I felt ready to pass out. When I had calmed, I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my jacket. "I'm sorry." I grimaced, my throat protesting. "I don't…I don't mean to sound…" I stopped and tried again. "I'm glad you're my friend, Evra. Seriously."

He smiled though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "I'm glad to be your friend, Sam. Do you feel better?"

I sniffed. "Do you?"

We both chuckled quietly. "Alright," Evra decided, "enough of that. Perhaps we should try to catch a few hours of sleep – er, two or three hours for you."

I grimaced. Shit, he was right. I was going to be grumpy tomorrow. "Yeah…do you," I hesitated, "do you mind if I…slept here? I mean, I'm good on the floor, I just don't want to go back to Truska's and risk running into Crepsley."

"Tonight go that bad?"

"Did I mention I walked twenty miles back here?"

"YOU WHAT?!" He covered his mouth after the shriek. When no one called out or moved much, he spoke quietly, "You did what?! Why?!"

I sighed. "Another story for another night. Let's just say Crepsley is a bastard and it was the safest route for both of us to take."

"That's fine then," curiosity laced his tone but he didn't push, "and you don't have to sleep on the floor. Just…get out of my hammock before they find us, alright? I don't want to have another…discussion."

I snickered at his discomfort. "So glad you see me more as a boy than girl." I teased before laying back.

"You would." He smirked as he laid back down.

"Heh. Night Evra. Night Evra's twenty thousand snakes." I fell asleep almost instantly with a smile on my face, worn from the adventure and tears. I did not dream of my family or even of Crepsley's deceit, but of Steve.

He towered over me and asked me the same question again and again.

_"Was it worth it, Sam?"_


	16. Chapter 16

Both of us must have been exhausted because by the usual time we should have been up, we weren't. In fact, it got to be about half an hour after the fact that we were woken up – rudely, at that. Truska's seal-like language made up both yelp and flip off the hammock. I looked up, dressed all wrinkled and to my knees from the fall, to see her and Mr. Tall in the background.

"Shit!" I hissed to Evra as I sat up. "Truska, I…"

She scolded me it sounded like. She scolded Evra too, going off of his embarrassed look. I stood and she shooed me out. When I stepped outside, wincing at the cold, I glanced up at Mr. Tall. "Erm." This was…awkward. "You know we didn't…?" He could read minds, couldn't he?

He nodded, his gaze on me. "Mr. Crepsley was worried when you did not appear in Truska's tent. He had to retire for the day when the sun started to come up." Worried? "He even flitted between here and the city again to ensure you weren't lost."

If this was a ploy to make me feel bad, I didn't fall for it. I shrugged. "Well, I was here safe and sound. I ran into Evra when I returned and he apparently had a nightmare. We decided to hide in the warmth and talk…next thing we know, we crashed." And didn't mean to sleep so late, I added mentally. I was, after all, running on only a couple hours' worth of sleep.

"You do not have to explain to me, but to him." He warned. "As long as you are not hurt, please attend to your chores. You missed breakfast."

Great, I thought grumpily, a great start to the day. "Right." I paused. "I'm curious, what if Evra and I had 'slept' together?" My lack of tact was due to a lack of z's.

He raised a brow slowly, not embarrassed in the slightest. "I believe that's a question for your mentor, if you're brave, or foolish, enough to provoke him further. In any case, there would be a discussion about safety."

"Wait," I snapped my head up to see him, "provoke him further?! Me?! Provoke him?! Do you have any idea what he…"

"I do," Mr. Tall interrupted calmly, "and I will point out that you were strong enough to travel twenty miles by foot." Pause. "Sometimes it is easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission."

"Yeah well…when he begs forgiveness, we'll see. Until then…"

* * *

I dreaded when the sun would go down. I had managed to take a nap after lunch and woke just before dinner. I had told Truska what happened so she would be able to understand why I went to Evra's tent and, as a result, gave them a scare. I also apologized for the dress being wrinkled, but she smiled, shook her head, and pointed to me. It was mine to keep, in other words.

I decided to save it for special occasions – and times I wanted bad luck, apparently. I changed back to my torn jeans and ripped shirt, wearing my hat and jacket with it all. When I walked towards Crepsley's trailer, I dragged my feet. Ugh, a slave…that's what went through my head on repeat.

Just before the door opened, I glanced behind me – did I spy someone blond?

Crepsley stood before me, drawing my attention back. He glared and growled slightly. "Where were you?! I could not find you anywhere!"

"Maybe if you looked harder…or just not trick me." I mumbled and stepped back, just in case he was in another grabby mood.

He didn't budge. "Where were you?"

"I slept with Evra." Although I had stated it so casually, my heart was racing.

Crepsley twitched. Why, I wonder? Was it at my subtle jab or genuine uncomfortable…wait, did he feel bad for that? "We need to talk."

"We are talking." This only make my stomach plunge further to the depths of Hades.

"You know what I mean." He closed his trailer door and stepped down.

I crossed my arms over my chest, looking away. "You make it sound like we're breaking up or something." I could practically feel his glare. Still, I walked with him into the woods in silence.

When we got far enough, he sighed. "I thought about what you said last night."

"Which part, calling you a bastard or the slave mention?" Alright, perhaps I was still angry.

Crepsley gave me a side-glance as we walked. "Both."

"Yeah, bo-…both?" My brows raised.

"It was not right to trick you. It was not right to say you were just my assistant to listen and serve me." Pause. "It is difficult for me to express my…emotions completely." He stopped walking and turned to face me. I did the same. "You do have your own autonomy, Mistress Ivy, even though it irritates me. It is also a reason why I had turned you instead of killing you that night. There has not been a boring day since." He looked awkward, embarrassed. "I apologize for my behavior and words." He gave a short bow.

I gaped. He had…begged forgiveness. Well then. I shifted on my feet. "I'm…glad to hear you say that. All of that." I pulled at my sleeve. It was interesting to have relived how we met last night with Evra, then to be before him now. "But before I forgive you, do you…promise to never do that again? Trick me? Refer to me as my only purpose and use to kiss your feet?" I crossed my arms over my chest.

Crepsley chuckled softly. "I promise to never trick or refer to your sole purpose as kissing my feet ever again."

I watched him for a long moment before nodding. "Alright, fine, you're forgiven." We started to walk once more. I could tell his stance wasn't so tense. After a few more yards, I muttered, "I don't feel any less human than I did before." The blood, that was. "Stronger, obviously, but not less human." Wisely, he stayed silent. "I think…that I'm…okay with drinking blood. Not in great quantities or in excess, and certainly not from an old, fat guy…but ya know. In general." Before he could gloat or even respond, I added sharply, "And you owe me a bottle of wine!"

"So long as you do not behave as foolish as you did before."

"Scared that I'll embarrass you?" I smirked. "Or are you going to have a hard time not tackling me again?"

Crepsley raised a brow at me. "Guess."

"I'll behave so long as you help me finish the bottle." I dared to make a deal with him.

He shook his head with a chuckle. "As you wish, Mistress Ivy."

* * *

A few weeks passed before it was Christmas Eve. No one in the circus seemed to make a big deal, so I didn't either. I had no money and no idea what to get anyone anyway. I did, however, pester Crepsley about his previous agreement.

After a few nights of pestering, he finally agreed to take me to the city that evening. I would call my family on Christmas Eve night. There was no way they couldn't be home then. I also pestered Crepsley about that bottle of wine, but he wouldn't buy me it in the city. I let that one go; I didn't like the idea of being hungover Christmas day, celebrated or not.

When we arrived to the same area as before, I felt a mixture of emotions. I focused on the good though, refusing to let my mood be spoiled. I took the coins from him and watched him walk away to pretend to window-shop as I called.

It rang five times before the machine answered. I glanced at a nearby clock – it was only nine at night. "Hey…you guys. It's me again. Are you there?" I counted to six before I sighed. "Maybe you're at mass or something, or some play from school. Well anyway, happy Christmas, miss you all. Love you." Again, I counted but this time I waited until seven seconds passed before I hung up.

I stared at the phone, baffled as to why neither times had been fruitful. Were they busy? Or was something wrong?

A knock at the booth window made me jump. I turned to see Crepsley with a raised brow. I stepped out and he inquired, "Is everything alright? You were standing there for a few minutes."

"Yeah," I hesitated before shaking my head. "No, I mean…I don't know. They didn't pick up that time either." I bit my bottom lip. "I hope nothing bad has happened."

Crepsley frowned. "I wish I could say that we could find out…but…"

"No, no, we can't. I know." I paused. "Unless…I call a friend." I glanced up at him with a mix of hope and hesitation. "Darren would know. I mean, he might tell St-…" I turned away to hide the expression on my face. Steve. Ah. Well. "Never mind, I'll worry about it later." I shifted before looking back at him. "Can we walk around, see the lights for a bit before going back?" All that way for a message wasn't much, after all.

He nodded and off we went, deeper into the city. We passed several people and I was glad I had consumed blood the day before. As we got closer to the center of the city, we could hear live singing. I smiled wide and found myself singing along by habit.

"So climb down the chimney  
Put up the brightest string of lights I've ever seen  
Slice up the fruitcake  
It's time we hung some tinsel on that evergreen bough

For I've grown a little leaner, grown a little colder  
Grown a little sadder, grown a little older  
And I need a little angel sitting on my shoulder  
I need a little Christmas now."

Crepsley chuckled beside me and I turned a vivid pink. Before I could snap at him for laughing at me, he corrected the misunderstanding. "You sing well, Mistress Ivy, though I fear the lyrics may be slightly ironic."

I blinked and laughed quietly. "Possibly." I looked up to see a group of people singing modern twists on the old Christmas songs. I couldn't help myself, I clapped in excitement. Christmas was a time to be a child, after all.

When they started singing an upbeat 'Jingle Bells', I grinned. I took Crepsley's hand without thinking and pulled him forth. We weren't quite in the middle of the circle, but we were close enough to be in the group's sight. A few other people were dancing and I tried to do the same with Crepsley. He, however, would have none of it. Evidently doing anything that wasn't a structured waltz was a no-go.

When Crepsley pulled away and shook his head, I sighed. The people caught sight of us and seemed to share a glance. They paused and switched to a new song. "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch." I laughed at their play, looking pointedly at Crepsley who appeared even grouchier.

"Come on, Mr. Crepsley," I made sure that only he could hear me, "one dance? Think of it as my present to you."

"From you to me?! I believe you have that backwards, Mistress Ivy."

"Psh, it's an honor to dance with me. Fine, we'll do something boring and stiff. We'll do a waltz, surely you remember how to do that, hm?" When he gave me a dull glare, I had my answer. "You'll be floored with how amazing I am. Come on, please?" I held my hand out and held my breath.

He sighed and nodded. "I hope I will not regret this." He mumbled. As he took my hand, I led him further into the large crowd and felt my heart start to pound. His hand was warm even with my gloves on. "I lead." He added firmly.

I snickered. Yes, that was and would be an issue I naturally had. "This one time, I will allow it." I winked before resting my hand on his shoulder. Thankfully I was just a head or so shorter. His other hand rested on my waist. A sharp inhale escaped my control, a sign that he took as good. He even looked pleased at this.

The group finished the Grinch song before switching to something that had the ability to waltz to.

"Frosted window panes  
Candles gleaming inside  
Painted candy canes on the tree…"

I cursed inwardly. They would pick this song. I squeezed his shoulder as we started off, following his lead. Though my face had to be pink, there was a look on his face besides amusement that told me he was impressed.

"Santa's on his way  
He's filled his sleigh with things  
Things for you and for me

It's that time of year when the world falls in love  
Every song you hear seems to say  
"Merry Christmas, may your New Year dreams come true"."

When he was satisfied that I wasn't going to step on his toes or try to lead, he pulled me closer. I could hear my breath catch. His smile was a bit more…dark? Charming? It was hard to figure what to call it. Seductive…that was the word. Thank goodness he was leading or I would have forgotten the moves.

"And this song of mine in three-quarter time  
Wishes you and yours the same thing too

It's that time of year when the world falls in love  
Every song you hear seems to say  
"Merry Christmas, may your New Year dreams come true"

And this song of mine in three-quarter time  
Wishes you and yours the same thing too."

Others had joined the dance, but I hardly noticed. As we finished another box, I silently thanked my mother for forcing me to take all those years of formal dance. With the last set of lyrics, he raised the hand he held mine with. I took the hint and slowly passed through, walking a small circle before returning before him.

When the group finished singing, the group that had gathered clapped for those brave enough to dance. I slowly released Crepsley's hands before clapping as well, my heart pounding. He gave a short bow and I, though it was against every fiber of my being, curtsied in response.

The group of singers took a small break, the crowd grew smaller. I was smiling like an idiot as I caught my breath. Crepsley was grinning down at me. "You are right," he spoke at last, "it was an honor and surprise to dance with you. How did you become so…"

"Obedient when I choose?" I teased lightly, referring to the following part of the dance. "Mother forced me into years of formal dance classes. I didn't like them because I never trusted the guy who was leading…but I still knew the steps." I touched my hot cheek, realizing what I had just officially stated. Crepsley's eyes widened slightly as he caught it as well.

I trusted him.

"Happy Christmas." I mumbled as I looked away, sheepish.

Crepsley chuckled softly, amused at my reaction. "Happy Christmas, Mistress Ivy." Pause. "There is a present waiting for you on your cot."

"Hm? From…you? I'm surprised! I thought you were 'bah humbug'."

"I am," he reassured me, "but I also owed you something. Are you ready to return to the circus?"

I glanced back over the lights, the large town tree, the people and the noise. With a bittersweet smile, I nodded. "Let's go home."


	17. Chapter 17

Time flew by. For New Years, we set off so many fireworks, it was practically daylight! It hurt a bit, the noise, but after the third set, Crepsley came up and placed earplugs in my hands.

January came and we packed up, heading to a new location. I saw the little blonde boy a few more times throughout those two months, but he always seemed a bit too shy to say anything. As we were driving away and I sat on the truck ledge, I spotted him on the side of the road. I waved and he waved back with a big smile. I wonder what his life would be like.

February came around and we were fairly busy. I took pleasure in seeing the men who brought their lovers with the hopes of having them hide against them, of appearing to be the knight to save them, actually be shaken up just as bad. The night of Valentine's Day, I nearly fell over when I saw a card on my cot. It was unsigned and the handwriting quite pleasant. So I had a secret admirer…I wondered who.

When March arrived…many things changed. Spring Break was around the corner which, unsurprisingly, would be incredibly busy for us that week. Jaime's, my sister's, birthday was just before that so I pestered Crepsley one night to take me to the nearest payphone. To my calculations, it was something like fifteen miles away. It wasn't bad at all and since I was regularly feeding, I could have made it myself. Still, I had a bad feeling in my gut and wanted him there.

Why? I wasn't sure. Perhaps I had thought the card was from him. Perhaps throughout the months I had grown accustomed to his proper speech. Or maybe it was just because he was mentor and I was uneasy. Mentors are there for a reason, right?

He must have been able to read me like an open book because he agreed the third time I asked.

The night of the third, we set out. When we arrived, I all but bounced towards the payphone. I put the coins in and called my house. This time…there was nothing. In fact, it was disconnected. I swallowed the bile that had crept up in my throat and glanced over my shoulder. Crepsley was a block away, just far enough to give me privacy.

With a shaky hand, I dialed another number I knew. It was only eight…er, it should have been six where home was concerned. It took only three rings before he answered. "Hello, Shan house."

My mouth went dry. When he repeated his words, I forced myself to speak. "D-Darren, hey. It's…Sam." He exclaimed in shock and instantly asked me half a dozen questions. I had to keep myself from grinning. Or, as I thought faintly back, from telling him that he was right all along about the circus. "Nah, I'm fine. Just fine. Listen, um, first don't tell Steve I called alright?" There was silence before he agreed. I had to bite my lip to keep from asking what was happening with him. "Second…I tried calling my parents but the number is disconnected. Do you know anything about that?"

This silence drew out longer than before. "Sam, um…"

My stomach dropped. "What?" I demanded a bit more vicious than I intended. "Tell me." Why hadn't I done this sooner? Why didn't I call him after Christmas immediately? Why did I wait until March?

"Sam, they…a few months ago, they just…packed up and moved. Just, moved." Darren informed me.

I gripped the phone receiver tighter. "What do you mean packed and moved?!" I nearly shouted. "How?! They were broke, they had no money to move! When was this?! Darren, when?!"

"I don't know how but…they left around Thanksgiving. I think it was around New Years when the utility companies started to…shut things off. I overheard that part from my parents." He spoke into the receiver.

Companies shut…so they hadn't paid their bills for a while. They just left in the middle of the night. I felt sick. I squeezed the phone so hard that it snapped in half. I dropped it and stepped backwards, nearly falling out of the booth as it opened from the pressure.

There was still a light dusting of snow on the ground, not quit as fine or clean since it was the city. I staggered and fell onto my knees, my head spinning. What…why? Where did they go? How…was it my…

"Sam! What happened?" Crepsley's voice dragged me from the whirlwind of thoughts. I was grateful. When I looked up to see him crouching next to me, dirtying his cloak, I felt a sharp pang of desperation. I reached out and wrapped my arms around him, clinging to him as though I would vanish to nothing without something grounding me. He jumped but did not pull away. In fact, after a moment, he slowly placed his arms around me, though stiff in his movements.

I'm not sure when I started to cry, but I knew I couldn't talk properly. I must have made him think the worse. Hell, _I_ was thinking the worse. "T-they…just, moved! Vanished in November!" I managed to gasp out, trying to calm myself. "Their phone, it was dis-disconnected New Years. They didn't pay, they just…they left! I don't know where, why, how! I…" I clung to the man's coat, clung to any strand of comfort and stability.

He waited until I had calmed some before speaking. "I am sure there is a reasonable explanation for it all. There is no reason to fear the worse, Mistress Ivy." Pause. I noticed he held me tight. "If you would like, I can try to locate them. It will take time though, my sources are far and wide."

How would I wait? How would I keep from going mad? Or deciding to look for them myself? "Please." I whispered the word.

Crepsley nodded. "Can you stand?" He inquired.

I did as he asked, wincing at the cold sludge that clung to my blue jeans. "Hot bath with a glass of wine sounds like a bandaid for tonight." I mumbled, clearing my throat.

He glanced down at his own ruined coat. "I wise decision, I think. Here, we will flit back."

"But, I'll just ruin your coat even more."

"It makes no difference to me."

Too tired to argue, I hopped onto his back and we took off. When we returned, I headed towards the area for bathing, prepared to bring hot water to it. Crepsley hadn't moved from his spot just yet. Just as I turned to disappear, he called out, "And Mistress Ivy?" I glanced back. "Do not fall asleep in there."

* * *

Summer had just started when we got the news. I had been laughing with Evra about something when Crepsley seemed to materialize behind me. I jumped and glared, but it softened once I saw his face. Solemn. Serious. I said a quick goodbye to Evra and followed Crepsley into the woods for privacy.

When we were far enough, I tugged on his sleeve and stopped walking. My heart was racing as if we had just ran. "Well?" I choked out, my eyes wide.

Crepsley sighed as he looked down at me. "Your father seems to have gotten sick from something he had previous – my source mentioned a leg issue? He is now in a rehabilitation center. He has been there since October." Pause. "Your mother is in the same city, I have been told she works at a bank."

"And my sister?" My throat threatened to close. "Mr. Crepsley, my sister?!" Without realizing it, I had gripped his arm in my panic.

He rest his free hand on my shoulder, a comforting gesture. "She is living with your aunt and cousins in another state. She is safe."

I nearly collapsed with relief. I must have started to fall back after all because I felt Crepsley's arms wrap around my waist, keeping me standing. My arms moved on their own accord, slipping around him. A hug. "Thank whatever there is in this world for that." I breathed out with a weak laugh. It was not ideal…but it made sense. They really must have been broke, I thought, to leave my sister with our aunt. Mother must have a small dwelling as she worked. And dad…he was recovering from whatever hit him.

They were all alright.

I looked up at him and felt my heart skip a beat. "Thank you." I muttered, suddenly awkward about the position I found myself in.

He seemed to be of similar thought. "Of course. I could not have my assistant worrying herself into an early grave." He half joked.

Throughout summer, Crepsley had surprised me with the addresses of my family. The physical therapy rehab center, my mother's apartment, and my aunt. His only stipulation was to make sure not to give a return address or stamp.

I wrote to two of the three members of my family.

Then I carried on.

The seasons changed quickly, it felt. One evening I was roaming our new location, exploring while Evra took care of his snake. It was a woodsy area, naturally, but the trees were different. I loved the scents, the sounds, the feeling of it all. There was another noise, a soft rushing.

I followed it until I reached the source: a river!

Slipping off my shoe, I walked over on the damp banks. Just as I stuck my toe in, I heard a voice behind me speak, "It is already October. That water must be freezing."

I jumped and spun around with a curse. "Mr. Crepsley, you ass, don't do that!" My heart refused to calm.

He raised a brow and walked closer, pausing to pick up my abandoned shoe. "I am not an 'ass' just because you failed to hear me arrive." He had me there. I sheepishly grabbed my shoe from him before he carried on, "When I did not see you at my trailer door when the sun fell, I had a sneaking suspicion that you would be out here. Then I remembered that there was a river not too far away."

"The circus has been here before?" I asked as I hopped on one foot, putting my shoe back on. I cursed and barely managed to keep myself from falling into the water.

"Many decades ago," he answered, "though I suspect our audience then is either dead or grandparents now."

I glanced up at the sky that had just finished turning completely to night. The moon was full so we had plenty of light for the time being. Even if we hadn't, our senses were heightened to see just as well. "Right, of course." I mused quietly. "So what is the plan today?"

"Considering we just settled camp," Crepsley gave me something of a smile, "I thought we might simply rest." For the past few months, we had been sparring. Well, he called it sparring and I called it getting my ass handed to me. I was getting better, but he had a good century and some change on me.

I couldn't resist though. "What, scared I'll break your nose this time?" As if I had ever gotten close to that so far.

I blinked and suddenly he stood right before me. I jumped but forced myself to stay still. "I am more concerned that you will break your own nose by walking into a branch." Then he stepped away and seated himself on a tall rock nearby.

"Hilarious." I scoffed before copying his action. I leaned back on the rock and looked up at the sky. It was weird, I thought, how far we'd come. The distance of land, obviously, but also just…the relationship between us. We had come to some strange understanding. He taught me lessons and actions, but respected my need for space. I did the same to him, all while provoking him as well. We got along, I think is the phrase.

We weren't…friends like Evra and I were, but we weren't enemies either. Mentor and student…yeah, that fit. It made the most sense. But…sometimes, just once in a blue moon or so, I would…find myself feeling…something more when I looked at him.

Perhaps it was after something insightful he said. Or maybe it was some random act of kindness he did. Sometimes it was a compliment to my attention or behavior from a lesson of history or fighting. And occasionally it was his reaction to glare at me dully when I mocked him. Whatever it was on these rare instances, I felt a…surge of…of…

"Do you enjoy forms of water?" He asked out of the blue, snatching me from my thoughts.

And sometimes it was random questions about me and my preferences that he asked that brought forth that feeling. "I do, I love to be in them. Oceans, lakes, rivers…they feel great to be in. Especially the moving ones, obviously, because it's…don't laugh, when I was a kid, I thought that was the way the earth hugged, through moving water." He turned his head to look at me with a grin but did not laugh. "What about you? Got any favorite places or elements?"

That grin dampened. I sat up a bit, wondering what provoked it. "I used to enjoy the ocean." He left it at that.

And then there were times where I wanted to strangle him. He was so…cryptic, not about vampire history, but about his own! His preferences, his history, his thoughts…it irked me to know end. I figured it was just because he had been so accustomed to being alone that it was habit to keep himself to himself. It was a habit I intended to break.

"What made you stop enjoying it?" I added with a bit of cheek, "I mean, if you don't like one part of the ocean, you've got a bajillion more parts to meet and greet, right?"

Crepsley didn't respond at first. He looked back out to the forest or maybe the sky. It was hard to tell from this angle. "There was a…accident when I was younger."

I wanted to push further, but something told me that this was as far as it went tonight. I sighed inwardly before nodding. "Favorite scent?" I asked instead as I laid back on the rock. My back popped and I smiled at the pleasant sensation.

He looked back at me with a raised brow. I wondered how many times a day he thought that I was weird. "Hm, that is a tough question, so many to pick from." He scratched at his scar in thought, not for the first time. "The rain when it first comes down, I think."

I smiled, ignoring how my heart had leapt when he answered. "I can understand that…especially in the summer." I mused. When he gave me a pointed look, questioning what about me, I made a similar noise. "Hm." Favorite smell? He had answered in context of nature or perhaps he meant in general. What did I like to smell? "Dirt. Freshly dug dirt." I looked over to see him chuckling. "What? We used to garden when I was younger."

"No, no, I was just thinking…you will enjoy sleeping in a coffin then."

I burst out laughing.

* * *

Just shy of a week later, we ventured back out to the river. Crepsley had told me he didn't have much planned other than feeding later one, so I told him that I was going to go swim. The sun had just set down and I didn't mind the cold. I added that he should come keep me company or save me if I were to drown. When he looked at my skeptically, I rolled my eyes and added that I would be clothed. He blushed and mumbled that nudity wasn't the issue. I scoffed unbelieving and took off.

He followed after shortly.

When we got there, I bounced on my heels. Taking off my shoes, I paused and started to unbutton my shorts before shimmying out of them. It was when I started to take off my shirt that I heard a brief commotion behind me. When I looked, Crepsley had spun to have his back towards me. I laughed, unable to resist. "I have a swim suit underneath!"

"You will be the reason my first gray hair, Mistress Ivy." I heard him growl though he didn't turn back.

I snickered. "What an honor." In my two-piece, I stepped into the river and yelped, jumping back. My foot slipped on the rock underneath and suddenly I was falling backwards.

Before I hit the ground, however, I felt warm hands grab me. I looked up and nearly collapsed. "I told you that it was bound to be cold." He grumbled as he helped me stand back up.

Shivering, I shrugged. "And I told you that you'd save me from an accident…or something like that." When he gave me a dull stare, I sighed. "Alright, alright! It is too cold." I admitted before putting my shirt back on. I decided to go without shoes and my shorts for now. "At least I tried."

He smirked, content that I had admitted defeat. "Shall we return to the circus then?"

"Eh." I plopped onto the rock from before. "I dunno."

Crepsley raised an eyebrow slowly. "You do not know?"

I shrugged again. When he gave me a stern look, I sighed. "I want to stay here a bit, listen to the river. If I can't submerge myself in it, then at least I can do so next to it, right?"

Crepsley shook his head as he sat on the other rock. I laid down on mine. "Is there a particular reason for the sudden desire to get close to nature?"

He knew something was up and I cursed inwardly for that. I didn't react at first, until I replayed the scene in my mind. I sighed. "Evra and I got into a disagreement of sorts." I shifted on my rock, not like it was terribly comfortable to begin with. "He said that he…"

Cold metal pressed against my throat while someone's hot breath hit my face. "Freeze!" The new voice growled, "One move and you're dead, Larten Crepsley!"

I didn't dare exhale as I glanced over to my mentor who sat next to me. I regretted lying down. When I made to look up, I heard Crepsley speak. "Gavner, Gavner, Gavner. I heard you coming from half a mile away."

The knives were pulled away. "Impossible!" The same voice called out in shock.

Crepsley gave a soft scoff. "Nobody in the world breathes as heavily as you."

"Is that how you treat a friend you haven't seen in seventeen years, Larten?!" My first thought about this person was, wow, he hadn't seen Crepsley since about the time I was born. My second thought as I sat up from my rock and turned to look was, they're friends who knife each other?!

I glared at the man, disliking how shaken up I was from being caught off guard. Gods, I had a long way to go. "Mistress Ivy, this is Gavner Purl. He is an old, trusted, rather clumsy friend. Gavner, this is Samantha Ivy."

"Hm? A female? Pleasure to meet you, Samantha." Gavner, who wore several scars and looked a bit gruffer than Crepsley, nodded to me.

I swear Crepsley used my first name on purpose to get his friend to say it. My wrath doubled. I stood from the rock. "You prick, who the hell goes around putting knives to people's throats?! You could have seriously harmed me! And what were you doing, spying?! What if I had undressed completely to go bathe in the river?! And the name is Sam!" I shouted, kicking some dirt and rocks at his shins.

Purl jumped both at the rocks flying and at my temper. "Where'd you find this one, Larten?!"

"That doesn't answer my questions!" I startled when Crepsley gently placed his hand on my forearm. He looked to be struggling to keep from laughing.

"That is plenty, Mistress Ivy. Gavner, you would do well to apologize." He suggested.

"Er, right…sorry about that…Sam." He offered awkwardly.

I nodded and sat back down, refusing to acknowledge how my legs trembled. Purl sat on another rock before us, smirking. Crepsley was the one who spoke first. "You might be surprised to learn that Gavner is a vampire general."

"A…vampire general?" I raised a brow.

"We keep an eye on scoundrels like these!" Gavner smirked as he nudged Crepsley.

This was certainly a new side to Crepsley, I thought as I watched him smile. "The vampire generals monitor the behavior of the vampire clan." He supplied. "If they find any of us killing innocents or using our powers for evil, they have the authority to judge the guilty."

"Judge? Can't imagine vampire jail is terribly fun." I mumbled.

"Oh, no, we can kill the offending vampire." Purl clarified. I gaped. "It's not so serious as that all the time though. I'm more of a…village policeman than a soldier."

Crepsley gave a heavy sigh and stood. "Well, enough of the small talk. I was expecting you to find us sooner or later."

"Wait, you were expecting me?" Purl looked utterly baffled.

"Of course. Word was bound to get out eventually. Though I will point out that I have not tried to hide the girl or the truth, something I will bring up to my trial if needed."

My heart skipped a beat. "Trial?!" I looked up with a bit of horror in my voice. Trial? For what? Would he be killed?!

"I'm with Sam on this one, what trial?!" Gavner's brows furrowed.

"About blooding a child, surely you were here on that account?"

Pause.

"This girl's a vampire?!"

"Hey! I'm not a damn child, I'm seventeen!"

Crepsley blinked. "Of course she is," I wasn't sure if he meant the vampire comment or the child comment, "is that not why you came to see me? No matter, you are a vampire general, you can pass judgement and serve the verdict now."

"Half-vampire." I corrected after a moment. Purl grabbed my hands and looked at my fingertips to see the marks.

"What kind of joke is this?! Larten, what…"

I pulled my hands away with a slight huff. "What verdict? What did you do wrong, Mr. Crepsley?" I looked up, willing my voice to keep steady.

"I wouldn't pass judgement on you anyway, I'll leave that to the council." Gavner's response only brought up more questions. "As to why I'm here, it is of a personal nature."

Crepsley's jaw tensed. "Mistress Ivy, return to camp please." He ordered.

I bristled at his tone but focused on the topic at hand. "Wait a second, why would you be on trial?! Tell me that at least before you send me to bed without supper." Ironic, I thought, of how accurate my sarcasm was.

He looked down at me and appeared to be thinking. I wondered if I looked as horrified as I felt right that moment. "It is against our laws to blood children."

"But I'm not a child, I'm seventeen!" I protested.

"How long ago were you blooded?" Gavner inquired.

"A bit over a year ago, when I was sixteen." Gavner shot Larten a look and the two seemed to land on similar pages of thought. My heart stopped for a second. "Wait, no, he can't get in trouble for that! It was my choice, I pushed his hand! I left him with no other choice unless he wanted to kill me, an innocent – which is worse than blooding me, right?! I'm not a damn child, you can't put him on trial and…"

"Shh," Crepsley placed a familiar weight on my shoulder, his hand, "it is alright, do not fret." He spoke calmly. "The definition of 'child' has changed in society throughout the year, but the council have a different view. Admittedly sixteen is an age that is in the gray area," before I could interrupt, he squeezed my shoulder gently, "but that is why it will be discussed before the council."

When did my mouth go dry or my limbs go numb? "I don't understand, council? Where are they? When will we have to see them? What happens to me if they decide you did wrong? What if I did wrong? The situation…"

"The situation was complicated," he agreed, "which is why it will be discussed. Do not worry yourself, please. I will explain more later after I talk to Gavner."

"But…" His words did little to reassure me. Even his touch did little to revive my panic-striken body.

"Sam," his voice was a bit firmer this time, "it will be alright. Now please go back to camp."

My lips parted once, twice, before I nodded. Though my heart was racing, I could at least feel my legs once more. I stood, retrieved my shorts and shoes, and walked away quickly. I didn't bother glancing at Purl again, embarrassed at how I had acted before him.

As I walked through the mess of trees, I pondered. He never brought this up before. So, no blooding children, even into half-vampires hm? Sixteen didn't count…did it? What would the council say? Who were the council? What if they didn't like me? Didn't like him? Didn't like how I became what I am now? Would he be killed? What would they do with me? Would I die too? Would they let me wander the world with the circus?

But, to live without Larten…

When did I start thinking of him as 'Larten'?!

I leaned against a tree, shaking. In one hand I held my shoes, my other hand with my shorts. I raised the second hand to my face, trying to muffle the noise. Tears fell and my breathing quickened, the thoughts spinning on a loop. Crepsley, dead…council…trial…all because of me. All because I ran from my life, from the arranged marriage…because…

"Hey, you alright?" A gruff voice snapped me out of my stupor.

I looked up and stared stupidly at Gavner Purl. After a moment, I blinked and wiped away any trace of tears. "Yeah, just…fell." I lied without conviction. "Where's…?"

"Larten? He's trying to find you actually."

I looked around and could have groaned. Apparently in my thinking I took a few wrong turns. "Oh." I mumbled. I shifted, thinking to take advantage of the moment. "So, is he in trouble? I mean, what are the chances of him being killed?" My throat closed at the words.

Purl studied me for a moment with something like curiosity covering his expression. "I wouldn't fret much about it. He's well-liked and respected up at Vampire Mountain. In fact, he was once a general…he almost became a prince until he just up and left one day."

"A…prince?"

"The ones on the council." He supplied. "Worse they'll do is give him a slack on the wrist and scold him. 'Never do it again' stuff. Especially at sixteen…with a threat behind it. Did you really?"

I felt relieved at his words, the background he provided. A near-prince? Never mind the hilariousness of the idea, it meant that he was indeed well-liked. He'd be safe. "Did I…oh, yeah." I offered a weak smile, still recovering from the earlier turmoil. "Yeah, I got shitfaced and shouted that he was a vampire on my roof three times. Mid-third sentence, he tackled me through my window and onto my bed." I laughed. "Told him he either turns me or I would go to the cops…so he'd have to kill me."

Gavner's brows shot up. "And you told him this while he was…on your bed with you?"

It dawned on me. "No! Shut up, it isn't like that! He had…I…shut up." Judging by his smirk, I suspected this would come back to haunt me. "Anyway, what'd you come to see him for if it wasn't because of me?"

"Er, I'll let you ask him that. If I say anymore, he might scalp me." He chuckled weakly. This caught my attention. Before I could comment, however, he said, "Anyway, come on, I'll walk you back to where Larten should be."

"I can find himself myself." I bristled slightly.

He smirked as he looked down at me. "Of course you can, my lady." I glared and he roared with laughter. "I must be off then. Many miles to travel. Good night, my lady." Before I could throw my shoes at him, he flitted off.


	18. Chapter 18

When I found Crepsley, he looked uneasy. I raised a brow and waved. "Hi."

"Mistress Ivy." He greeted me.

Before he could continue, I said, "Gavner told me about everything, I'm not as worried anymore." His eyes narrowed. "I mean, about you being a general once, almost a prince…which, I don't see it, but alright. Nevertheless, you shouldn't get in trouble for…me." I offered a smile although it was forced.

"Is that all he told you?"

"Um, yes?" I blinked. "What did he tell you?"

"Nothing." He said shortly. "You will need to pack, we're leaving the circus for a while."

"What?! Why?! But…"

"I will remind you," his voice was firm, "that the circus is not our home, but our cover." He turned to look at me. "We are vampires first, not performers."

I tensed. I wasn't sure if it was his words or his tone that set me on edge. "How long will we be gone?"

"I am not sure." Crepsley said honestly. When he saw the look on my face, he sighed and relented. "If you wish, you can ask young Evra Von if he would like to join." Pause. "You will have separate rooms."

I had lit up with excitement at the idea of taking Evra with us, but at his last comment, my face fell. "What? Why? I don't want to be left alone. I've grown accustomed to having a roommate, not to mention that's a waste of money. You can take the bedroom and we'll camp out in the living room." It took me another moment to realize what he had been suggesting. "Wait, are you implying that Evra and I would…are you mad?!"

He frowned, unamused at my words. Instead of arguing about it, or apparently without bringing up how vampires reproduced or lack thereof, he simply sighed. "Alright, we will do as you suggested."

"Of course you will." I frowned back. "He and I are just friends. Anyway, I doubt I could get pregnant even if we did have sex." With that, I turned and walked off. I hoped he was disturbed.

* * *

The next day, we three were packed and on a train. Evra dozed since we traveled at night. I sat next to him and was skimming a book I had bought at a thrift store on the way over. Crepsley stared out the window across form me. I glanced up after every line to him but he didn't do much.

For his part, Evra was excited to go to the city. He had never had a vacation before and was excited to swim and go to the theatre. Hell, I was excited to do the same thing. It had been so long since I was just a normal teen. Junk food, TV, sports...it would be great, I told myself. Plus, it was nearly December and, therefore, nearly my birthday. And Christmas, of course.

I might be able to send letters to my family too, I thought with a grin.

It was then that I realized, however, that Crepsley was being…unusually serious. I raised a brow and shifted. I tapped my foot. I kicked at the trunk underneath me with my heel. Just as I made to plop my foot onto his lap, he grabbed my ankle and looked at me. I felt myself blush. "Yes?" He inquired.

"You still haven't told me why we're going to some city for an indefinite amount of time." I spoke softly so Evra wouldn't wake. Something dawned on me. "What did Gavner tell you about this place that made us travel?"

His thumb pressed against my ankle but it wasn't painful. "Do not worry about it." Crepsley sat back in his chair.

"You can't be serious. You know I…"

"Mistress Ivy. Now is not the time to discuss it." He let go of my foot. I let it fall to the floor once again. Then he turned towards the window again.

With a sigh, I buried my nose back into my book.

* * *

The next two weeks were…interesting. For one, Crepsley. For all the progress we made between us, I felt like it was immediately shut down once we arrived in the city. Furthermore, it continued to deteriorate as time went on.

Our conversations were limited to only a few words. Grunts and one worded responses were common. I had to get blood by myself a couple times since he would go out every night. I had no idea why. When I asked, he merely grumbled something and went out…or to bed. He locked the door each night.

It was…stressful. More so than I care to admit, that was. It was when I got to the complaint to Evra about how Crepsley barely even looked at me anymore did I realize how absurd I was being. I brushed it off and tried my best to not think about it anymore after that.

For another thing that made the past two weeks interesting was…us. Evra and I, I mean, and how we spent our time. We'd go out and explore the city, sure, but we'd also watch TV and movies and eat junk food. It was great! We even went swimming in the hotel's indoor pool. I was also acutely aware that it was shy of two weeks before my birthday. I think I was more excited than I let on about it. Even if I didn't look it, I was turning eighteen! An adult! A legal adult! Technically.

The middle of the third week changed…everything, actually.

Evra and I were out at a bookstore store when it happened. Or rather, he happened. I had reached over to pick up a copy of Bram Stoker's _Dracula_ – just for shits and giggles – when my fingertips brushed against someone else's. I jumped and looked to my right. There stood a young man a few years older than me with black hair and bright blue eyes. He looked at me with surprise as he pulled away. "Ah, sorry about that." His voice was deep but had a certain warmth to it. In fact, it reminded me of a fireplace.

"No, no, my bad. I didn't notice you." I could feel my heartrate increase and my face warm. Suddenly I wondered if my backwards hat and short hair made him think I was a boy. With my torn blue jeans, boots, loose shirt, and blue jacket…well, it didn't do much to add to my feminine figure. "You go ahead, I was just going to look it over anyway."

"Nah, go ahead." He gestured at the remaining book.

I wanted to say, no it's alright, I'm a vampire and half that shit is, well, shit, but I resisted. "I don't have any money to buy it, you go ahead." I chose the safer route.

The man, probably about twenty, grinned at me. "You a fan of vampires?" He asked as he picked up the last copy of _Dracula_.

Again, I had to keep from snickering. "You could say I'm something of an expert. You?"

"Ah, then allow me to bow to the master. I'm more of what you'd call a…novice, I guess." He glanced at the book before looking back at me. "How is it?"

"How's what?" I blinked. Being one?

"The book." He gestured.

I laughed. "Oh, that. I've no idea, I've never read it."

The young man laughed and it wrapped around me like a comforter fresh from the dryer. "You're funny. Sorry, I didn't get your name." He held out his hand. "I'm Erik."

I took his hand with a hint of eagerness, squeezing just a bit too hard. He grimaced but didn't comment on it – great job, I thought, furthering my feminine perfection. "I'm Sam. Nice to meet you. And you should see me all the other times I don't mean to be funny…I'm a riot."

He chuckled. "I can tell already." His eyes scanned the area. "Are you…here with your boyfriend?"

My heart did a funny cartwheel or something. "No, just Evra, my…brother." Right, that was the story. "You? I don't see any girls hanging off your coat there."

Erik gave a short laugh. "And you won't, I'm single." We both smiled awkwardly at each other. "Do you live around here?"

"Ah, just for a bit. Our…guardian," I couldn't call Crepsley a 'father' even if there was a gun to my head, "is here for a business meeting. Bunch of stubborn old farts, can't agree on anything – my guardian included. So my brother and I are just here for the holidays, it seems. You?"

Erik seemed to find me hilarious because he was laughing again. Honestly I was glad, my confidence was sky-rocketing. "Just moved here, I live a few blocks east. So, holidays huh? That mean you're…"

"Sam, check this out!" Evra's excited voice rang out, interrupting us. Seconds later, my friend was at my side shoving the newest rock CD in my face. "They have three new songs that we haven't…oh." He noticed Erik before me.

"Er, Erik." I said, "This is my brother, Evra. Evra, this is…some random guy who thinks I'm a riot, Erik. We met over _Dracula_."

"Nice to meet you. I didn't know you were her kid brother." Erik held his hand out.

Evra looked at me with a raised brow before shaking his gloved hand with Erik's. "Yeah, nice to meet you. Uh…we should get going, actually. Dad's going to be home soon, sunset and all."

"Like a vampire." Erik laughed at himself. I gave a weaker chuckle. "Dad?"

"Uh, yeah, foster. Anyway," I felt myself scrambling, "maybe I'll see you around?"

"Yeah," Erik flashed that smile once more, "maybe."

When he slipped away, I turned to Evra and slammed my forehead into his shoulder. "Oh, that was horrible! I'm such a loser, did you see that falter?!"

Evra awkwardly patted my head. "Um…yes. But what does it matter? It's not like you like…" I glared at him. "Oh my god, you do?! You thought he was cute?!" He blinked. "Why?"

"You know, there are moments like this where I wish I had a female friend. I wouldn't have to explain the natural process of finding someone attractive. Just because I dress like a boy doesn't mean I'm not interested in them."

"Alright, alright, fine. I mean, I'll listen for a block if you want to gripe and moan about how you failed…but I will not do nails or hair or whatever girls do to cheer each other up." He set the CD aside.

I laughed and pointed out, "Good, neither will I. Oh well…you're right, we should get back. I'll make something for Crepsley before he wakes, if he doesn't run out right away." I tried to keep the disappointment from my face. Was it from Crepsley or Erik? I wasn't sure.

As we exited the bookstore, a familiar blur came up beside me. "Oh, uh," the warm voice rang out, "Sam, wait up. I um…well, since you haven't read it yet and you're the expert, I thought it vital that you should have it." I turned to see him holding up the _Dracula_ book before me. "Here. I'll see you around. Nice to meet you, Evra."

I took the book mostly from reflex, too stunned to protest. When he walked around a corner, I glanced down. Did he just…buy me a book? I opened the first page where a bit of paper was sticking out. It was a bookmark with Erik's name, address, and phone number scribbled on the back. My heart jumped and I smiled until my cheeks ached.

Evra nudged me with a smirk behind his mask, I could tell how his eyes crinkled. "Total failure." He agreed.

"Utterly." I hugged the book before we started off in the opposite direction. "Though I wonder what I should say if Mr. Crepsley asks why I have a vampire book." Pause. "Not that he'd notice."

"Are you going to see him?" Evra asked as we turned a corner.

"Who, Crepsley? Well, he has to get out the front door doesn't he?"

Evra rolled his eyes. "No, I mean the book guy."

"Oh! Erik!" I glanced at the bookmark again. "Maybe." I giggled and quickly slapped my hand over my face. "Never mention that giggle again."

"Didn't hear a thing." Evra snickered.


	19. Chapter 19

I had just finished the prologue when Crepsley stepped out of the bedroom. I looked, stood, and put the book behind my back quickly. Totally not suspicious. "Evening!" I chirped.

He stopped scratching his scar as he turned to look at me. I smiled wide and could hear Evra groan and shake his head. "Evening." He greeted in respond as he walked towards the kitchen area. I had made him a sandwich and left it on the counter just a few minutes ago. "What kind of sandwich is this?"

"Ham and cheese. We're running out of food. Evra and I were going to do a grocery run today but uh…traffic." I glanced towards the snake-boy. He only nodded.

"And what are you holding behind your back?" Crepsley inquired as he sat, facing me.

I froze once more. "Erm." He raised a brow as though daring me to lie.

I glanced at Evra who quickly looked away as if to say 'don't get me involved!'. I bit my bottom lip before holding out the _Dracula_ book.

Crepsley looked it over for a moment before nodding and returning to his dinner. I blinked. Did he just…accept what I was reading? I looked at Evra who gave me a thumbs up. No suspicion, no questions that might bring up the guy I met there and who charmed me by buying me a book. I was, as Evra's gesture suggested, home free.

Then I hoped my big mouth. "Wait, you're okay with me reading this? I thought you would scoff and scold me for wasting money on something that we already are!"

Evra groaned as he slapped his forehead with his palm. This made Crepsley look up and swallow. "What are you talking about, Mistress Ivy?"

I blinked before looking at the book, then at him. "Is your eyesight bad, when was the last time you fed? Can't you see that it's…"

Evra very smartly decided to walk over and cover my mouth to keep from talking. He gave a nervous grin to the vampire and took the book away from me. Then he shot me a look.

Crepsley set the sandwich down and stood. "If that is all, I should be going."

Evra sighed in relief and stepped back. I only kept speaking stupidly. "Wait a second, you're just, going to leave? But the book, it's, how do you not…?" I felt a sharp kick to my shin and jumped, wincing from Evra's action.

"Do not get in trouble while I am gone," Crepsley said as he walked towards the door.

When he left, Evra nearly fell over. "That was close! What were you doing?! You were home free, like, four times! Were you _trying_ to get him to yell at you?"

I glanced at the book on the table, then towards the door. That was a good question, was I? It was so childish and such a silly way of thinking, but…well. Since we had arrived, even before, he barely paid me any mind. His answers became short and clipped, his gazes off to the distance or simply dim. He did not accompany me to feed more than necessary, always short, quiet travels, and he didn't…he just barely acknowledged me. I might as well be a Little Person.

So maybe I was trying to get him to shout at me. To fight, to scowl. At least then I would be more than a pet he was obligated to take care of, like a dog.

Evra caught the slump in my shoulders and understood. "Hey, I think _The Simpsons_ is on. Come on, let's watch!" He took my hand and pulled me both to the couch and to the present once again.

* * *

Several hours later, I woke. I wasn't sure why, I just did. Evra was out snoring next to me on the pull-out bed. I carefully got out and picked up my book before slipping through the balcony door. Judging by the light that was starting to peak over, it was just around six.

I sat on a chair, feet curled underneath me as it was cold and I was just in my pajamas, and opened the book. My eyes flickered to the bookmark and I grinned, feeling like…well, like a girl. I started to read, my mind buzzing.

Not long after I reached the end of the first chapter did I feel something warm and heavy drape over my frame. I jumped and looked behind me, realizing that it was Crepsley who put a plush blanket around me. "Mr. Crepsley," I whispered, my throat too sleepy to speak proper. I cleared it and tried again. "What are you doing out here?"

The man raised a brow and looked from the building silhouettes to me. "I could ask the same of you, with no source or warmth at that."

"Oh," I pulled the blanket around my numb frame, "yeah, I woke and couldn't fall back asleep. Decided to read ins- oh." He studied me for a moment, me and the book. Then he nodded. As he started to turn, my heart did a leap of panic. I reached out and grabbed his coat. "Wait!" The word jumped from my lips.

He stopped and looked at him, hand on the door handle. "Yes?" He seemed calm, tired even. My mind told me he was annoyed. He was irritated and putting up with me. The panic and fear must have shown on my face because he turned to face me completely. "What is it, Mistress Ivy?" His voice was decidedly gentler this time.

I let go of his coat and hid my arm under the blanket cocoon. "I..did I do something wrong? Are you upset with me?" My face burned. "Do you think I'm an idiot for reading _Dracula _and you just don't want to tell me? You can, if you want. I mean, I didn't spend any more on it, but I know it's, you know, fake and all given what we are. Whatever it is though, can you just tell me what I did so I can fix it already?" My heavy heart felt a bit lighter at being so blunt.

Crepsley's brows furrowed as he took in what I said. For a moment, he looked genuinely confused. "Why would you think I am upset with you?"

I swallowed thickly. "Because, because you…your behavior. Short, clipped, you're barely here, hardly acknowledge me, barely…you just…" I wanted to hide under the blanket. Was it too late for that?

Understanding softened his face. "I see. I can assure you that you have done nothing wrong, I just have quite a bit on my mind. Please do not worry yourself with that."

I blinked. It wasn't something I did? So then… "What? I mean, what's on your mind? Why do you keep going out every night? You're like a zombie more than a vampire. Can I help? Can I do something?" I stood from the chair, ignoring how my feet protested against the cold concrete. After a moment of just staring up at him, I whispered, "Can we go back to the circus finally?"

His eyes flashed, his lips thinning. "Do not concern yourself with it. I am not sure when we will return to the circus, but…"

"You can't do that!" I protested, "You can't make me worry like that and simply say 'don't'! I still do! I have no idea what's happening and I want to! And every time I ask, you leave, you run! It isn't…"

His hand sat on my shoulder. I could feel the pressure, the warmth through the blanket. "Mistress Ivy, it is late. I need to go to sleep as the sun is rising as we speak. I left money on the table for the grocery trip. Thank you for your concern, but please do not waste it. Good night." Just like that, he had shut himself up and walked back inside.

I watched through the glass door as he walked to the bedroom. I held onto the book tighter. Even through the glass, I could hear the clink of his lock.

* * *

I was in a bit of a foul mood the next day. After the trip to the store, Evra watched TV and let me alone. That was fine, as I wasn't in the mood to pretend either. I opened the book and had started to read when my eyes flickered to the bookmark. I glanced at the window. I had probably twenty minutes before Crepsley woke up.

I stood with the bookmark, leaving the novel on the table, and told Evra, "I'm going to use the lobby phone to call him."

The snake-boy smiled wide. "Do it!" He encouraged.

I walked down to the ground floor and dialed the number on the bookmark. After the third rang, a familiar voice answered.

The conversation lasted exactly twenty minutes. As I hung up, I was giddy. We decided to meet at the big tree in the center of the city tomorrow at noon. As I walked back to the hotel room, I did a little dance. Ah, this was great!

I stopped at the door. Shit, what do I wear? I opened it with this question on my lips when I saw the vampire right in front of me. Evidently he was just about to leave as I was coming in. My eyes widened and I grew nervous. "Er…hi."

Crepsley studied me closely, then the lone bookmark I held onto. I hid it and he looked back at my eyes. "Good evening. Where were you?" He inquired casually.

"Downstairs." I answered honestly.

"Why?"

"We…" shit, I thought, I hadn't thought to think of a lie. The pause made him suspicious. "I was…shouldn't you be leaving?" I took the defensive mode. After all, that's what he had been doing every night for nearly the entire past month. With a start, I realized that it was the 29th on November.

"Indeed." He walked past me and didn't look back.

I scowled and slammed the door shut before returning to my book. I noticed that it wasn't in the position I had left it. Did Crepsley…? I placed the bookmark in it. "So?" Evra called out from the bathroom.

Glad that he had missed that interaction between the grouch and myself, I focused on the news. "We're meeting at the tree at noon! We're going to roam the mall and grab something to drink. Will you be alright here alone tomorrow?" I bounced on my heels.

"Alone with the TV? Of course! And that's exciting!" He smiled honestly at me.

I felt the irritation at Crepsley disappear. My friend was genuinely thrilled for me. "Yes! I just, don't know what to wear."

He laughed, "I imagine clothes would be a good start."

I stuck my tongue out at him. "Yeah, yeah, shut up." Pause. "Maybe I should go naked, we might end up having a grand ol' time!" I laughed when Evra blushed.

"Do you really think you and him might…you know?"

Now it was my turn to flush a soft pink. "Maybe. I mean, not tomorrow, but…hey, why not? If I'm going to live forever…"

Evra shook his head as he walked to the pull-out bed. I went to change into my pajamas although I was too excited to sleep.

Somehow I did sleep, but I didn't wake until I heard the familiar irritating noise of a lock of the bedroom. Crepsley returned. I sat up and rubbed my eyes before going to the bathroom to shower. As I did, I noticed the book was on its front. Had Crepsley read it or…I froze. I quickly glanced to see the bookmark slightly tucked in more than before. He saw the bookmark?! My heart leapt. Did he know? Was he upset? Would he…

I frowned at my thoughts. No, I thought, if he was going to brush me off then I could and would brush him off. Anyway, there was no rule against dating. Oh, the thought made me giddy all over again. I was going to go on my first real date!

By the time I finished showering and dressing – same torn blue jeans, boots, blue jacket, loose shirt, and hat, it was only 8:30. Well, I thought with a hint of irritation, what to do for the next three hours? I read. Evra made us breakfast and teased me a bit.

By 11:30, I took off. I was at the tree just shy of noon and looked around with a bit of nervousness. I tapped the back of my hat, wondering if I should take it off. I glanced up at the sky. It was dark, ready to snow, and the sun wasn't out. Did I look okay? I mean, I had to if Erik was interested before, right? I was wearing the same thing as before. Er, maybe he wouldn't notice.

"Hey there." Warm cloaked me as I turned to face the speaker. I looked at Erik and thought of a fireplace instantly. "Were you waiting long?"

"Oh, hey Erik." I couldn't help but smile like an idiot. Great start. "Nah, just a few minutes. Glad you found me, this place is swamped."

"Yeah…I forgot the mall tends to be covered in people around this time of year, so close to December. My bad. Would you…maybe like to go to another area? I mean, there's a strip of shops a few blocks away, they have a bubble tea café you might enjoy. Video games too, free." Erik gave an apologetic smile.

"Oh, video games? Yeah, of course! I've never had bubble tea but I can't imagine it tasting too bad." Not when you drank blood for a living. "Let's go. I don't like too many people anyway. Too noisy." And smelly, though I didn't mention this. Ah, the backlash of having heightened senses.

As we made our way through the crowd, Erik called out, "I'm sorry if this is too forward, Sam, but would you like to hold hands? To keep from getting separated?"

I was so glad that some kid shouted nearby because they covered my embarrassing squeak. I nodded and held my hand out, cursing the glove I wore. He smiled and took it nevertheless, lacing out fingers together as we pushed through the crowd. My heart was going a mile a minute.

As we got past the people, it started to snow. It was slow and soft, hardly any wind. I looked up at the sky and…did I see a shadow on the edge of that building? I frowned. I must be seeing things.

"Whew, we made it." I caught the nervousness in Erik's voice which brought my attention back.

"Thank gods." I chuckled as we started on the sidewalk. We still held hands. "So…why'd you move here for? I don't think I asked last time." Our faces were both pink from the cold and the intimacy.

"I don't think you did either. I got accepted to a nearby art school, real prestigious. And before you ask, it's all paid for by a scholarship. No debt for me." He grinned.

I looked up and shivered. I quickly glanced over my shoulder. Did I see another shadow duck behind the corner there? I frowned. Something wasn't right…but I didn't want to ruin the date. Hehe, the date. This delightful thought made me grin once more. "That's great! Wow, an art school? What media?" Damn I hoped I sounded smart.

Erik looked over, our eyes meeting. He squeezed my hand and gave a nervous laugh. "Oh, um, yeah. Sorry, your hand is distracting me." I couldn't help it, I laughed at how absurd it sounded. "Glad I could make you laugh…I like how it sounds. Your smile is…sorry, being weird. Carrying on. Art…oh, I paint mostly."

I knew my face was a hot red right now, but I didn't care. I squeezed his hand back. I made a note to take off my glove later so we could do this again. "I don't think I've ever had someone say that so bluntly." I tried to ignore the feeling of being watched. "Thank you. I like your voice as well, actually…warms me every time."

We both shared a nervous laugh. Oh, this was…this was so dorky. "Ah, here it is." He nodded to the store we nearly walked by. I glanced at the sign – Tea Co. 64 – and raised a brow. Tea and video games, I smirked, at the design. Clever name.

He held the door open for me and I walked in, glancing through the door once more. Did I…see…orange? No, I had to be losing it. It was daytime, why would Crepsley be out here stalking me? Well, I thought as Erik followed me in, it was cloudy and snowing…there was no sun. So it was possible that he…nah, I thought, how would he know where to find me?

"I'd recommend the green passion tea."

"Er, I'll take whatever you're having since I'm oblivious to this." I mumbled, eyes wide at how big the list was. He ordered for us and before I could pull out my money, he had paid for mine. "Hey!"

"What?"

"I…you didn't have to…"

"You can buy me a drink tomorrow." Erik boldly stated before offering a shy smile. "If…there is a tomorrow, I mean."

I felt a flutter in my stomach. Tomorrow? Already he wanted to see more of me past today? That was thrilling! "Well," I teased, "that depends. I usually only go out with the same guy twice if he can beat me in a game." I nodded towards the variety they offered. Pac-man, Mortal Kombat something, some zombie shooting game, and Mario Kart. There were more but that was when our orders were up.

"Oh? If you say so, you just turned this into a fierce competition! Prepare for my skills!" He proclaimed as he took his cup.

I took mine and grinned. "You'll need them to defeat the King!"

Hours flew by between drinks of the surprisingly good tea, fits of laughter, bouts of curses, and a ton of button-smashing. There were a few times that one of us would try to trip the other up by nudging and leaning against the other. By five o'clock, he had beaten me one more time than I had him in Mario Kart.

"So I suppose I _will_ be seeing you tomorrow!" He declared after finishing off his second cup of tea.

I laughed and did the same, sitting back in the plush couch. "Yeah, yeah…oh, what a sacrifice I shall make for it!" I winked.

"It's alright, I understand you need to get home to lick your wounded ego from being kicked off your throne by The Great Knight!" He stretched and flexed.

I laughed harder, holding my side as it started to ache. When I realized what time it was by the clock they had hanging up in the back, my laugh got caught in my throat. It was nearly sundown! Shit! I stood so suddenly that my legs wobbled and my head pulsed. "Ack…I need to get back home before dark."

Erik's expression went from amused to serious. "Damn, I'm sorry, I didn't think to ask about a curfew. Come on, I'll walk you back."

I thought about the location, running through a mental map in my mind. "Actually," I said as we threw our trash away, "it's not too far, but it might be farther for you to return home."

He thought for a moment before glancing at me. "Don't want your 'guardian' to see me?" We walked outside. It had been so warm inside that the outside was a shock. Half of foot of snow had gathered since we arrived though no more fell from the sky.

I hugged myself and was about to put on my gloves when I recalled the handholding earlier. "Well…" I looked away. He was right. I wasn't sure what Crepsley would say or do, if anything. Maybe nothing, like lately. "It's nothing against you. I just…the topic of, er, dating hasn't been brought up yet." Skated around, yeah, but discussed, no.

"No, that's alright, I understand." Erik reassured me.

"But…you can walk me to the block away from the hotel we're at."

"You just want an excuse to hold my hand again, hm?" He teased me. "That's alright, I do too." Our fingers laced together without the interference of my glove this time. I tried to ignore how my heart did a little jump.

As we walked, the feeling of being watched came back. I tried to shrug it off. I also tried to subtly look around, but in the fading day – not that there was much sun to begin with – it was difficult to spot anything. "So a guardian and a kid brother…that mean your parents…?"

I tensed. What was I to say? "Um…yeah. Not really here." I mumbled, uncomfortable.

Luckily he understood and changed the topic. "So tomorrow, maybe we can see a movie? Or actually, if you know how to ice skate, they've got a pretty awesome hockey game going on."

"Ah, I wish I knew how to skate," my tone was lighter, "so movie it is. Although I'm pretty sure there are people who would accuse you of just wanting to make out in the theatre." Where did I have the guts to say that?! I cursed and felt my face grow hot.

Erik stopped walking and turned to face me. It worked out since we were a block from the hotel. He blinked and then smiled widely. He didn't let go of my hand, but reached up with his free one to lightly touch my cheek. "Wow, you're absolutely hot! Although I already knew that." I tried to glare but could only look more embarrassed. He snickered, clearly pleased with himself. "And I'd like to go to the movies with you for more than just making out. In fact…to combat that idea," he grinned slyly, "that I'm going _just_ to kiss you…perhaps I should kiss you now. If you'd like."

My heart skipped a beat and my eyes widened. I nodded, not trusting my voice. The feeling of being watched be damned, my entire focus remained on this moment. He tugged on my hand, pulling me closer while his other hand cupped my face. I tilted my head back and stared into his eyes. He tilted his head slightly to the left and our lips met.

He was warm and tasted sweet, like the tea we had. There was a spark that traveled through my body. I wanted more, I didn't want to…

The feeling of being watched turned into being glared at. It distracted me and I pulled away, a cloud of cold air between us as we exhaled. "Wow." I whispered, touching my lips carefully.

"Wow indeed." Erik whispered just as awe-struck. It was then that I realized that sometime during our kiss, I had stepped forward – or had he? – and our bodies were pressed together.

A gust of wind passed by us. I shivered. Oh, I thought, right. Time. Crepsley. "So um…tomorrow, noon? Movie theatres?"

"Sounds good." Erik reluctantly untangled himself from me. He waved as he walked the other way.

I sighed and touched my lips once more. My first kiss! My actual, real first kiss!

I giggled and turned, prepared to go inside and be ignored once more by Crepsley. I was so happy, excited to tell Evra about every detail, that I failed to notice a body in front of me. A hand grabbed my arm and I looked up, a sharp gasp leaving my lips.


	20. Chapter 20

"Mr. Crepsley!" I nearly yelped. "What are you…? Isn't not quite night yet!"

He looked…worn down, exhausted. He also looked a bit irritated, though I couldn't guess why right off the bat. "The sun has hidden all day."

"Oh. Right, the snow. Well, what are you…" I trailed off, realizing something. "Wait, you _were_ following me then!" The shadows and blur of orange were real! "Why? How?!"

His jaw was set but he spoke calmly. "I asked young Evra where you were and what you were doing. He lied to me." I flinched. "Then he told me that you were going to meet some boy at noon."

I felt bad for Evra, he must have been quite shaken. I wish I had thought to tell him not to lie, but it never was brought up; Crepsley slept during the day so how was I to know? Wait, something nudged me. Crepsley had to ask Evra? But…didn't he see the bookmark I had held onto when we ran into each other earlier?

"I didn't think I needed your permission or to tell you of my plans while you slept." Pause. "You certainly don't tell me anything…and you're not my husband, boyfriend, or father so…" Where was this defensive attitude coming from? It wasn't like I was…cheating on him or whatever.

Evidently Crepsley thought the same thing because his brows shot up. "Is there a reason you are so aggressive?"

I frowned, shifting on my feet. "I'm…tired. Can we go inside? It's cold."

He turned and we walked side by side. After we got inside, he pointed out, "You are acting quite guilty."

"You caught me off guard." I admitted. "And did you watch us kiss?!" My face turned a vivid crimson once more.

He didn't respond for two flights of stairs. When he did, he sounded as tired as he looked, "Do not make it more than what it can be, Mistress Ivy. You are half-vampire, he is human, and this is only temporary."

I flinched as if he had hit me. Honestly, I would have preferred him to strike me with his fist than the cold water he just poured with his words. He caught my reaction from a side glance. I wanted to think that he said it out of spite, out of jealousy…but he didn't. I sighed and nodded, my mood destroyed. "Yes Mr. Crepsley." I muttered as we entered the hotel room.

Evra jumped off the couch. "What happened, how did it go?! Oh, hi Mr. Crepsley." He looked embarrassed. I glanced at the table, my book was still there.

"I need to leave," Crepsley announced, "stay out of trouble, the both of you."

I nodded and walked over to the book, lightly touching it. "Mr. Crepsley?" He paused as he held the door open. "Did you…look at my book last night?"

He watched me from the doorway. "Why do you ask?"

"Just wondered." I shrugged. If he had, he would have seen the bookmark with Erik's name. If he had seen that, surely he wouldn't have asked Evra who I was with, right? "Good night." I turned away from him so he couldn't see the emotions on my face.

Once we were alone, Evra became animated once more. "I'm sorry! I didn't know what to tell him! But he left almost right after you did, so I guess he didn't disturb your date huh? What happened with Erik? What did you do? Buy anything? Come on, I want to hear!"

My mood perked once again and I chuckled at his enthusiasm. As I told him about my day, I realized how exhausted I felt. I finished with the last bit about what Crepsley said on the way up. By then, I had laid on the ground on a few pillows.

"Well…at least he wasn't upset." He suggested weakly.

"Yeah…we didn't fight about him owning me as his assistant." I rolled my eyes. "Though that would require him to care to start with." I laid on my side and closed my eyes. "Is that why my heart hurts? Or is the fact that he's right, it all doesn't matter?"

Evra didn't respond. In fact, I thought he hadn't heard me or was just plain ignoring me for a minute. When he reached over and patted my shoulder in an awkwardly comforting gesture, I let myself drift off into a slumber.

* * *

The next day was bittersweet. I met up with Erik, we chitchatted, picked a movie, and bought some drinks. The movie was alright, but honestly we were too busy swapping spit to really pay attention to it. I had decided that even if this was temporary, I would make the best of it. First kiss? First make out session? I sure as hell was going to remember this as a positive thing.

When we were leaving the movies, I glanced up at him and started at a sight. "Erik, your cheek! Did I scratch you?" Worry laced my words. Had I done that? The three scratches were small and upon closer inspection, they looked older than just a few hours. Where did he get it?

"Hm? What scratch? I didn't feel anything." He patted his face before catching it. "Huh, weird. Maybe I cut myself while shaving?" He shrugged, indifferent to it.

I shrugged as well. If he wasn't concerned, and if I didn't cut him, then who cared? Still, it stuck in my mind for the rest of the 'date'.

Just like before, he walked me to the block before the hotel at five o'clock. Even though Crepsley had seen Erik, I didn't want to give Erik reason to be alarmed so we kept up the ruse. "So, there's this concert tomorrow night…" Erik started slowly.

My heart sunk. "I'm…not sure. I mean, maybe. Let me ask my…guardian and I'll call you, fair?" If Crepsley was just going to dart out alone again, perhaps he wouldn't mind so much if I did too.

We kissed for…well, I lost count honestly. I waved goodbye and headed back to the room. When I entered, I saw the bedroom door open. I raised an eyebrow and gestured to it, looking at Evra. "Uh?"

"He left almost right before you walked in. Didn't you see him?" Evra said around a mouthful of popcorn.

"I…guess not." I frowned. I'd write him a note in the morning then. Or wake up and ask him. Something like that. Shrugging, I plopped down next to Evra and filled him in. As we spoke, he flipped to another channel. It was the news. We both stopped when we heard that bodies had been found with puncture wounds…and drained of blood.

Our eyes, wide with horror, met and a silent thought was shared.

Mr. Crepsley.

So much for going to the concert tomorrow…

* * *

I called and apologized to Erik the next morning. Then Evra and I spent the afternoon preparing to follow the old vampire that night. I felt like I was forgetting something, but I couldn't figure out what. When night fell and he left, we packed up and followed after.

It was about eleven when Crepsley seemed to stop wondering aimlessly. He had found his next victim. Evra followed by ground and I followed by rooftop. Another hour and we saw that he was getting closer to whoever he was following. His movements were quicker, more precise.

I followed him into an old warehouse, wincing at the strong smell when I entered. Paint, old, new, and lots of paint. I had to keep from gagging at the sharp scent, trying to focus. When I got to the balcony ledge, I peeked over.

What I saw nearly made me shout. Had it not been for my own hand slapping across my mouth, I would have given myself away. Below me, before Crepsley, was his next victim…Erik!

I felt cold, my entire body numb. And I became acutely aware of the large knife I had in my belt loop. I had to stop him…if he was killing these people, if he was going to kill Erik…because of me…I had to stop him! I pulled the knife and jumped off of the ledge just as Crepsley hovered over Erik, who was picking up a tube of red paint. He exhaled that mystical gas of his and I could see Erik's body start to collapse.

"Stop!" I shrieked, knife in hand.

Crepsley spun around. Before he could react, I made my move. Fury filled me, outrage, and the need to protect Erik flooded me. I brought the knife across his upper left arm, hearing the fabric and, judging by the grunt he gave, flesh tear.

I landed on my feet without so much as a grimace, having fed the day before. As I raised my knife again, I felt my arm brush against something. No, not something, but someone! I looked up and saw a blur of purple and red before what felt like a wall knocked into me. I dropped the knife and flew against Crepsley, sending us both flying backwards.

With a groan, I opened my eyes to see a large man with purple flesh, unless the shadows were messing with me somehow. He looked at us with a sickening grin, reminding me of a rabid dog with how crazed his eyes – his red eyes! – were. Then he turned and jumped. He was gone within a second.

It felt like my heart stopped beating for a moment.

My eyes went back to Erik and I felt a deceitful sensation of relief to see he was unharmed. That lasted for all of two seconds as I became keenly aware of Crepsley behind me. I tensed, my stomach churning from more than the smell of the paint. Whoever that was was clearly the 'bad guy'…and Crepsley wasn't.

I turned and started to crawl backwards to create distance. I contemplated grabbing the knife but that would be utterly useless now, I knew. In our sparring sessions, once he became aware, he was unstoppable. I only got about a foot away when I really saw his expression.

Fury. Pure unadulterated rage. Absolute loathing.

I shuddered. Before I could do anything else, he darted forward and grabbed my shirt collar, hoisting me up without an effort. I could smell his blood trailing down his other arm and felt sick once again. _I've made a terrible mistake._

"You fool!" He shouted in my face. I grimaced and on instinct grabbed his forearm, visibly trembling. "You damn, meddling idiot!" Roar, that was the word I was looking for. He roared in my face and I felt myself go slack, like a doll. "Do you have any idea what you have done?!" He shook me with each word.

My attention was on him, no longer on Erik. My heart sunk and I could feel tears start to prick my eyes. "I-I thought…"

"You have let a mad vampaneze escape! A serial killer is loose once again!" He snarled at me as if I were a lowly worm. I couldn't recall a time he had even been a quarter of this furious.

"But I...you were…" my teeth chatted.

"Why?! Why did you interfere?!" Crepsley demanded.

The words were spat in terror. "I thought you were the killer!"

Stillness. Silence. It was eerie compared to just a few moments ago. Only Erik's snoring broke the tension. "Fool! Have you so little trust in me?!" He released me with a shove and turned away.

I stumbled, not prepared for such an action. Legs refusing to work from the ordeal, I fell flat on my ass and grimaced. I looked over at Erik, then at Crepsley as he howled with displeasure, cursing my very existence with words I hadn't thought to use. I wanted to know who that purple man was, I wanted to know what vampaneze were, I wanted to know everything…but I was too scared to speak. Mortified.

The knife sat just a foot away from me, red with his blood. Guilt overwhelmed me. I looked over at Erik and nearly fainted – there was red liquid around his hand. It took a moment to realize that it was paint from the tube he had opened, and probably squeezed on reflex as he fell asleep.

When Crepsley seemed to have calmed a bit, I swallowed. My hands ached from the rough landing. I could tell my jeans were a bit more ripped as I remained seated. "M-Mr. Crepsley…?"

"What?" He hissed sharply.

I winced. I forced myself to speak though. "What…are vampanezes? And who…who was that?" My voice still shook.

He didn't answer right away, looking between me and the fallen boy. Finally he sighed. "Where is young Evra?"

"Outside."

"Let us get him and return to the room. I will explain there as you sew my jacket and shirt." Then he walked past me.

This was the point that snapped me back to reality. I turned to look at him and frowned, regaining the feel of my limbs once more. "No." I stated as I forced myself to stand. "You'll explain everything right here, this instance." He turned to look at me with an arched brow and a stony look. Before he could react, I pressed on, "I just cut you and might have killed you all because you refuse to tell me anything. Since the moment on the train here, you've shut me out and I'm god damn sick of it! I thought, we thought, you were a murderer! Even if we had asked, you would have shrugged us off. It looked bad, your avoidance." My eyes flickered towards Erik. "And now I see that the guy I've been hanging out with is involved?" Guilt dripped off of my words and I knew he caught it. "You tell me everything. Right now. Or else I'm not budging."

His eyes were cold and dark, his jaw tense and lips thin. It was difficult to read him. Then he sighed heavily. "Yes," he relented, "I can see how suspicious it must have looked. I can especially appreciate it in the moments leading up to your attack." He glanced at his left arm where the bleeding still trickled. "For me to tell you that this, he," he nodded towards Erik, "was temporary and then to find me…heh." It was a bitter sound.

I nodded and struggled to keep my gaze on him. "Do you see those three marks on his face?" I looked over and nodded, recalling the conversation the other day I had with him. "That is how vampaneze mark their next meal." I went pale.

So he explained who that creature was. Murlough, a mad vampaneze that was killing humans. The differences and history between vampires and vampaneze. Before I could ask why here, he told me that this was the city he was born in so many years ago. Sure it had changed, progressed, evolved…but it was still home to him.

"Will he be safe if we leave him here?" I asked after Crepsley was done.

"Yes, Murlough will not return for him." He stated it with such confidence that I believed him.

Still, I walked over to Erik and knelt beside him. I lightly touched his back, then his arm. To think…he could have died tonight. He was marked…there couldn't be any coincidence in it. He was marked because of me. I sighed at such bad luck. Then I leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "Good night, Erik." I muttered before standing.

As Crepsley and I walked out, I looked and called out for Evra. Nothing. I frowned. I called out again as I retraced my steps back to the alleyway I left him at. I froze when I saw only his white mask. "E-Evra?!" I shouted with panic.

Crepsley's hand grabbed my shoulder. He shook his head. "If Murlough has him, it is very likely that he is already dead." Sympathy, sadness.

_It's all my fault! _Everything I touched turned to shit. "No!" My knees turned to goo. I would have fallen if Crepsley didn't grab me at the last second around the waist. He didn't seem to mind despite the injury on his arm. "No, he can't be! You're not, he's…no!" I shouted like a child throwing a tantrum. Something crossed my mind, flickered, as I let myself be held by the man for a second time that night. "Snake. We can't, we can't drink snake blood right? Maybe, Maybe Evra…?"

Crepsley looked at me with surprise before nodding. "Let us get to the hotel and we will create a plan."

When we got back, Crepsley took his coat and shirt off. I took them and decided to sew it before I washed the blood out. Or tried to at least; good thing it was all red. I could hear him washing up in the bathroom as I sewed each article. My hands kept me busy, fought to keep my mind off of Evra.

It was quiet without him. I turned on the TV for noise. When I finished Crepsley's shirt, I started on his jacket. It didn't take too long. As I finished the last stitch, I started to find that a tear had dropped from my eye and onto the cloth. I wiped my eyes before putting the needle away.

We made a plan as I worked to get his clothing clean. When I felt that it was good enough, I hung them up and looked at Crepsley for the first time since we got back. My heart and mind was heavy, dark, with fear for Evra. As he started to speak about a plan, I realized that he was…shirtless.

Inappropriate time to gawk? Yes. Did I care after the emotional roller coaster tonight? Nope. He had several scars over his skin, not including the wound he had just healed from me. I wondered what had made those scars. He also was…well, he was in shape at the very least. I had to blinked twice to break my trance.

After we came up with a plan, I went to take a shower before I slept. As I opened the bathroom door, I heard Crepsley's tired voice behind me. "And Sam?" I glanced at him over my shoulder. "For what it is worth…happy birthday."

That's what I was forgetting earlier. Today was December second. Or, rather, technically the third now. I gave a bitter smile and nodded, my throat closed. Eighteen and so many mistakes.


	21. Chapter 21

It all seemed like a bad dream now.

It was New Years day and the circus was preparing for the fireworks. We had made it back a bit over a week ago. 'We' being Crepsley, myself, and Evra of course. I hadn't left Evra's side until Mr. Tall gently but firmly pointed out that my task was sewing and Evra was not good with needles. So, though my guilt didn't subside entirely, we parted.

In truth, since that night, I hadn't done much of anything that I normally did. I was racked with guilt even afterwards, even when we returned to the circus. I smiled, but I didn't laugh so easily anymore. I was serious most of the time, as though it was a self-imposed punishment.

Crepsley and I had performed quite a gamble with everyone's life involved. In the end though, we had Evra back, Erik was safe and sound – though occasionally missed – and Murlough was dead and secretly buried. Something about violating the treaty, of course. After that incident, we spent just shy of another week in the city.

Evra and I hung out with Erik. When Evra would slip away to get another snack or some other excuse, Erik and I would kiss. I never thought I could feel such a strong mixture of giddy joy and bitter longing as I did with the man. I was glad to have met him, to spend all that time with him, to share the conversations and laughs…but I was also angry that it was just a memory as it happened. It could never be anything serious. Never mind the truth, the age issue would be soon apparent.

Still, I tried to cherish the lessons he taught me. I would never fall in love with someone who didn't love my laugh, who didn't light up when they saw me, who didn't know how to be themselves and accept me as myself – well, nearly entirely at least. I hoped I taught him a few lessons as well.

So when we left the city, I wrote him a note with doodles of Mario Kart, bubble tea, hand holding, and my lips – well "my" lips – on the edges. I thanked him for how he helped shape my expectations for the future and apologized for the brief time. 'One day', I added towards the bottom, 'when you're opening your own gallery, you will see me again'. I signed it with my full name.

I left the note and a small box of well-reviewed brushes at his house before we left.

Evra and Crepsley had let me have my space around then. I was relieved. I wasn't sure how I'd react given that it was all my first time, but…well. I think the heartache was easier to deal with when Crepsley spoke to me. We resumed our lessons, both historical and sparring, which took my mind off of the recent past.

So now it was New Years day. I helped around as much as I could while bundling up, wary of the snow. In all honesty, I was pushing myself to help as many people as I could. Guilt was a wonderful, irritating thing. I suspected, hoped really, that it would fade away soon. Even with Evra's reassurances, I still felt a tug at my heart when I thought back to that night.

When night came, I had just finished changing into my good jeans and jacket, adjusting my backwards hat. It didn't take long to find Crepsley. We darted out for a quick drink – many would be too drunk the following night to do it then – and returned just before midnight.

The circus members gathered around in a clearing. Crepsley and I stayed on the edge of the woods, our heightened senses making fireworks a brilliantly bad idea. I sat on a rock and leaned against the tree behind me as the others prepared. Crepsley stood near me, chuckling. Everyone had lined up and was thrilled, talking excitedly.

Mr. Tall gave the signal to start the countdown. Everyone started at ten and went backwards. When they reached zero, midnight, they lit the fireworks and shouted, "Happy New Year!"

Crepsley grimaced at the noise and sounds, but put up with it. "What is your New Years wish, Mistress Ivy?" He inquired as a particularly bright green firework exploded above. "Mistress Ivy?" Pause. "Sam?" He turned to look where I sat.

I was half asleep, using the tree behind me as a bed. I thought I had mumbled something, but it didn't appear so. I heard a soft scoff from the vampire and pictured him smirking. He must have thought I was out cold – and honestly, I was an inch from being so. "You have worked yourself to the bone this year, Sam." His voice got closer as he walked over to my other side, his whisper clear despite the fireworks. "So tired that you have run yourself down. Well…no matter." I felt his arms slip behind my back and under my knees as he lifted me without trouble.

Part of me thought I should speak, tell him I could walk. The other part, however, wanted to just sleep. It felt nice, this source of warmth that I could feel through my jacket. My head lolled to the side, resting against his shoulder. One of my arms dangled. When he started to walk, the rocking motion shut the other part of me up. This was too good to stop, too relaxing.

I sensed we entered the tent. My cot was bound to be my next destination. I wouldn't feel much of it though as I fell into a dead slumber then and there. Just before I did, however, I thought I heard Crepsley speak again. "I wish to hear your laugh again soon."

* * *

Eventually over the next month, I worked on living with myself. Forgiving myself, really. In the end, after all, we had all survived and walked in victory. No one blamed me but myself, so I learned to do the same.

By Valentine's, I walked into my tent to see another card. It was simple enough but with a little heart on the inside. Again, like the two years previous, it was unsigned. Who was my well-wisher and secret admirer?

My mind flickered to Crepsley. I blushed at the thought. Before letting myself get too far in that daydream, I took the three cards and walked over to his trailer. Could it be him? Our sparring sessions had gotten more…physical lately. Well, if one could call flipping each other over shoulders and tackling 'physical'. How did vampires even date?

At a complete loss, I knocked on his door. Judging by the sun setting, he was probably just waking up. "What is it?" His grouchy voice rang out.

I smirked. "Are you dressed?"

"Yes, what are you…"

I entered before he could finish his statement. "Morning."

Crepsley glared at me from across the room. He wore his usual outfit which made me blink. How did he sleep in that? Vampires. "Is there something you need that could not wait, Mistress Ivy?"

I held up the three cards. "I was wondering, are you the one behind these?"

"Behind what?" He raised a brow as he walked over. When he realized I was talking about the cards, he shook his head. "Of course not."

"Oh." I was surprised at how much disappointment I felt. "I wonder who…wait." I placed my hand on my hip. "Are you saying that I'm not worthy of such love from you?!"

His eyes widened and I nearly laughed at how horrified he looked. "What?! What are you talking about?"

"The Valentine's cards, you…" I stopped, looking at them, then at him. Didn't he know what I was asking about before he answered? Then again, he…an idea came to mind, though it was a bit laughable. But still. "Mr. Crepsley...how do you pronounce this word?" I opened the recent card and pointed to 'Day'.

His eyes glanced over it and something flashed over them. Then he scoffed and adjusted his coat. "I am not your English teacher, Mistress Ivy. If that is all, we will…"

"Mr. Crepsley, can you read?" I asked so bluntly that even I grimaced.

His face darkened and his lips twitched. "Of course I can, you insufferable brat! Now go…"

"But you couldn't even read 'day'!" I paused. "Alright, sorry, I should have had more tact, but…you really don't?!"

"Mistress Ivy," he growled as he shot daggers at me with his eyes, "leave me this instance."

I shook my head. "It would make sense," I mused aloud, "that you wouldn't since literacy wasn't a huge thing when you were born. I imagine by the time you were older, it didn't seem terribly i-…"

"Mistress Ivy! Enough!" His face was flush with embarrassment. "Outside, now!"

I obeyed only because I knew we wouldn't get anywhere with him like this. As I waited outside, I looked over at the cards. Well, that answered something, just not the thing I wanted. I waited for him to cool down and step outside. No doubt sparring would be brutal today, I thought.

When he did step outside, he looked tense and irritable. I couldn't resist. "Mr. Crepsley?"

"What is it?" He glared, miffed that I had found out.

"If you want," I said slowly before quickening my speech, "I can teach you how to…you know."

Crepsley watched me closely before sighing. "If you breathe even a word of it to anyone…"

"I won't!" I smiled up at him.

He gave me a short nod, his approval of the idea, and started to walk. I followed him into the forest with a grin. This would be fun.

* * *

Five years passed.

It pleased me to say that my ability to fight improved greatly since then. In fact, many things changed over the years. Crepsley could read and write – it was a sadistic pleasure of mine to know that he found me just as irritating as I found him, as a student does to the teacher. And Evra had grown! In fact, he even had a _girlfriend_, which I teased him without mercy.

And I…didn't really change much. Not physically, like Evra. I looked seventeen even though in truth I was twenty-three. I still wore blue jeans, shorts, and whatever shirt would fit, but over the years I compensated by adding a bit to my outfits. Having learned from Truska, who really did feel like a second mother at that point, I changed my shirts by sewing the edges in a certain way or with different colored thread. I would cut at the collar or make patterns from the sleeves. Small things, but it made me feel more…feminine.

My hair stayed just above my shoulders, blonde and messy from my adventures. I never roamed without my hat. That was one thing I refused to give up. Crepsley had his red capes, I had my blue hat, is how I would reason.

We traveled the world with the circus, picking up and bidding farewell to several members. I loved it, being able to see the new places, the new people. And, alright, admittedly I had taken an interest in the men we saw. More than once I would venture towards the city or town closest near our camp, find a guy, and go on a few dates. No one ever said anything against it so long as I finished my tasks at the circus. Crepsley didn't either, though I swore I could see a flash of something, a scowl maybe, pass over his face every time it was brought up.

There was never anything more than a few dates, a make out session…and maybe some feeling. It was impossible to hold a long-term relationship and, honestly, I don't think I wanted one at this point. I was only twenty-three and I was still trying to figure myself out…what would be the point of saddling on another person I'd have to decode on top of that? Still, it was fun.

Over the past few years, I had kept up with where my family was at. The last I knew as of six months ago, they were all living together near my aunt. Once they had moved to the new the state and city where my father had gone through physical therapy, they stayed. I was glad, it suggested the economic climate was better. I made sure to call or at least write near holidays and their birthdays – even my mother's, though I doubted she ever opened my letters.

So when my sister's birthday, Jaime, came around, I opted to call her. She was turning eighteen! I couldn't miss that milestone. I had to wait until it was six in the evening over there – time zones were trippy. When it was, I made my way into the town nearby and used their payphone. It took only two rings for her to answer.

"Happy birthday!" I shouted into the receiver, laughing as I heard her curse. "Hey Jam, you're now legal! How's it feel?"

"Ouch, Sam, you shouldn't shout at people through the phone when they first pick up!" She protested although it only encouraged my laughter.

Over the years, she had taken my times of contact and updated me with her life. To her, it was as though I had just wondered off to college or something. We never spoke of when we'd see each other next and I was grateful for that. At this point, I couldn't no matter how much I wanted – she would look older than me!

"Well I've gotta shout, you're old so your hearing might be shot." I snickered.

I heard a smile in her words. "If it wasn't before, it is now. And hey, who are you calling old, big sis?"

"Touche. So what have you done today?!" I bounced on my heels in the booth, curious to hear. "Big cake? Presents? Hang out with friends? How are mother and dad doing?"

I was so excited for her that I failed to notice the pause on the other line. "Good," she answered lightly, "and uh, yeah, cake and presents. Friends. And…"

"And what?" I raised a brow, then grinned. "Did you get a booooooyfrieeeend?" I could only imagine how dad reacted to that.

"No, I um…" her hesitation made me stop smiling. "Look, Sam, I'm…I'm just going to be honest with you. I…I got married today."

Silence.

"Sam? You still there?"

"To…who? I mean, congrats! Er. Who is the…guy?" I forced the words out of my throat. Marriage? She hadn't mentioned a boyfriend last time we spoke.

"To uh…one of…mother's friend's son. Jeffrey." Then it sounded like she was holding her breath.

I froze as I processed this. She married…a man with money, an arranged marriage…that was what she was telling me. Only when the phone receiver cracked did I realize my grip had been tightening. "You…you mean like a…you mean…but why?! How?! I thought you were doing better!"

"Why do you have to attack the idea?!" She instantly protested.

I felt my teeth gnash together. "Because you haven't said you loved him yet." Silence. "Oh my god. Did she force you into this? Jaime? Tell me, did she pressure you to marry this creep? If she did, you can get a divorce and…"

"Samantha, stop." I started at how grown up my baby sister sounded. "You make it sound so easy…but it isn't. We can't all run away like you did. Some of us aren't built for that, we aren't strong enough for that. Some of us…just want a place to call 'home'…and financial stability. Look, it's true that we weren't well off…and it's true that mother introduced me to Jeffrey. But it was my decision to marry him, alright?" Pause. "It was the best option I had." There was a hint of exhaustion in her voice.

"Do you love him?" I asked with a firm tone.

"What? What does that matter if…"

"Do you love him? Mother married dad for love. Do you. Love your husband?"

Jaime didn't respond right away. In fact, I counted to forty-six before she did speak. "Mother married for love and look how her life turned out." Pause. "I have to go. We're going to go on our honeymoon. I'll let you speak to dad if you wa-..."

I hung up on her before I could stop myself. By the time I regained sensation in my legs and my cognitive functions, I was halfway back to the circus. Married? My little sister…married? To some guy for money nonetheless? How much older was he? What was he like? Would she go through hell? Be miserable? Or would she be content? Maybe she'd even be happy, if only I could be so optimistic. But…married. She took the path I fled from…because of me?

Was it my fault? If I had stayed and married, would she have gone off to college? Would she have met someone she liked? Oh, the thoughts multiplied until I couldn't breathe. Was it my fault that she married someone possibly evil and foul? Her freedom taken away? Her…we…I…

I was on my knees, hand against the tree as I tried to catch my breath. It felt like I had run. Perhaps I did, as I was at camp now. My body trembled as the questions stayed in my mind, rotating, repeating.

"Sam?" Evra stood before me with a bag of food for the Little People over his shoulder. He frowned. "What is it? Are you hurt?" He offered me his hand.

I took it and stood, squeezing it. "I…no. I just found out that…my sister…she married a man for money. I think for the family."

"What?!"

"She…yeah. Eighteen and married to some stranger. Some douche. I have to stop it, I have to go and…"

"Sam." Evra dropped the bag onto the ground. The noise caught my attention. "You can't."

"But it's my fault! If I hadn't run…"

"Then you'd be miserable right now. You did what you felt was right…and she did what she felt was right. You have to let her make her own choices…and possibly her own mistakes, just like you have."

"Then I have to be there when…"

"Sam." Evra looked tense. "You can't be there when she falls. She has to stand by herself…or with the help of her family and friends there. You left…you're a vampire…you can't just show up now."

He was right. I hated it, but he was right. I stepped forward and hugged him, silent as I adjusted to what life had just thrown.


	22. Chapter 22

One year and a day later, I found myself walking with Crepsley and a Little Person to Vampire Mountain. We were barefoot. I wore what looked like simple fabric, along with a sports bra of course. I cut my hair a bit shorter before we left so it wouldn't get in the way.

For the most part, I was excited. Other vampires? I couldn't wait! Perhaps I'd meet some female vampires while I was there. There had to be other women, right? Plus, I was eager to see the others that were like me, another 'family' outside of the Cirque.

And…I was excited to prove myself. This trek weeded out the weak from the strong? Fine, I thought. I was strong. I would be strong. I would make it and announce myself with pride. I would make Crepsley, my teacher, proud.

Naturally I thought all of this while we were in the warm area. When we arrived at the mountain of snow – I had lost track of time – I wondered more than once if vampires were insane. Still, I pushed on despite the cold, hunger, and weariness.

One day when we were traveling up the mountain, the ground shifted beneath me. Before I could react, I was falling off the side! My eyes widened and I heard Crepsley shout my name, my first name, when something grabbed my hand. I looked up and laughed weakly.

Gavner!

For the next week, we traveled as a trio. I didn't blame Crepsley when he originally groaned at the idea of sleeping near Gavner, not when I did such and was kept awake by his snoring. I wondered how Gavner stayed alive this long.

When we reached an area that looked to be overrun with large thorny vines, I gaped. This would be…fun. When the two took off their shirts, I blinked. Then it hit me what I was seeing and I jumped. "Uh, what are you doing?!" I gaped at Gavner's scars, but found myself staring at Crepsley's bare back.

"If we go over this with our clothes on, they'll all get shredded." Gavner stated matter-of-factly. "Which doesn't seem bad now, but it'll bite you in the ass in the long run." He glanced back at me with a wink as he took his pants off.

Before I could react, I stared openly at the little elephants on his boxers. Crepsley did too. Gavner gave some excuse – something about a woman he loved not having the best taste in underwear – which sent Crepsley off into a roaring fit of laughter. We stared at him and I couldn't recall a time when I had seen him so…well, loud.

I took off my shirt and shot Gavner a glare when he winked at me. I adjusted my sports bra before taking off my pants, my face warm from the action itself. There was really no reason to feel so shy especially since it was for a good reason, to travel over a bunch of thorns. Their attention remained straight ahead and, really, they were vampires. They had seen it all before…just not my 'all' before.

Dealing with the conflicting emotions, I stuffed my clothes into my bag. I was just about to step forward when…Gavner removed his boxers. I spun around so I wasn't facing them, twitching. "Alright, no, no! Those a gift, fine, but I am not traveling right behind you!" I could feel both of them staring at me, practically able to see Gavner's smirk at my discomfort. "You too, Mr. Crepsley, I will not travel close to a naked vampire, especially my mentor!" My face flooded with heat. Crepsley was staring at the back of my form…I wondered what was going through his mind, his expression.

Did…I want him to look at me like this? Or even…more? My nails dug into the palm of my hands as I tried to justify those questions. More so, I tried to ignore them. What did I care? No, he was a gentleman, why would I want him to…

"That is acceptable, but do not fall back too far." Crepsley stated before digging into his bag. He pulled out a jar and cleared his throat. I cautiously looked over, relieved that Gavner had moved ahead just enough to keep from my gaze. "Here, this mixture will seal the pores and make it more difficult to get cuts."

I took it and sniffed, grimacing. "Smell revolting but without marks…sacrifice." I mumbled before applying the lotion over my body. Only when my hands were trailing down my stomach did I pause, realizing that Crepsley hadn't looked away. Instead of outrage, like I would have felt with Gavner, I fell silent and felt…shy. "Er."

He blinked and turned away sharply. "Apologies, Mistress Ivy. Return the mixture when you are done." Was that a blush he wore?

* * *

The rest of the trip was intense and interesting, to say the least. Our cousins, the wolves evidently, visited and I may have fallen in love with the little runt they brought with them. They were certainly great sources of warmth when we slept. We found evidence and, later, the body of a vampaneze which made both the men uncomfortable. Oh, and a mad bear…that provided a nightmare or two. Perhaps most interesting, and eerie, was that the Little Person had spoke! He had a name! And…a message for the Princes that seemed to chill the others to the bone.

When we finally arrived at Vampire Mountain, I felt a second wave of energy. It felt like a blur from the moment we arrived to state our names to when we were eating. When I learned I was eating bat broth, I shuddered and pushed it away. Gavner teased me without mercy. I elbowed him in the ribs before glancing up at Crepsley who sat before me.

A voice boomed next to our table. "I was expecting you weeks ago, Larten. What took so long?"

"Seba!" Crepsley's face transformed from the reserved look to a smile. He stood and hugged the vampire who had walked over. I blinked and took a bite of my bread, watching the pair with curiosity. It has been a long time, old friend!"

"I have often searched for you mentally, in the hope that you would be near. When I finally sensed you coming, I hardly dared believe it!" They pulled away and I could see the man was much older, beard and all.

The man turned and shook Gavner's hand in greeting. Then he paused to look at the blue robed creature beside me. "And…is that a Little Person?"

"Hello." It wasn't the first time the Little Person, Harkat Mulds, could speak.

"And he talks?!"

"Wait until you hear what he has to say." Crepsley mumbled before clearing his throat. "This is my assistant, Samantha Ivy."

I jumped up from my seat, realizing a bit too late that everyone else had stood. Alright, perhaps the warmth, food, and drink had made me sleepier than I expected. "Oh, nice to meet you sir. Uh, please, call me Sam."

"Larten, you, with an assistant?" Seba raised a brow at the man.

Crepsley gave a sheepish nod. "I know. She made me an offer I could not refuse though."

I grinned a bit, catching the humor in his tone. The old vampire named Seba greeted me, "It is a pleasure, Sam." He seemed to take in every detail of myself with his old, but sharp, eyes. Then he glanced at Crepsley and I wondered what thought they shared.

My age? My apparent age? Or that I was female?

"Mistress Ivy," Crepsley spoke, breaking the momentary silence, "This is Seba Niles, Quarter Master of the Mountain and my mentor. Do not let his apparent age deceive you, he is quite the cunning vampire even now."

My jaw dropped. "You're his mentor?!" I felt…strange. So, Seba was Crepsley's mentor and now Crepsley was mine. Weird!

"Of course," Crepsley seemed amused at my disbelief, "you do not think I was simply born like this, do you?"

We all sat back down. I drank a bit more water before I listened to them speak of the early days. There were some hilarious tales, most of which Crepsley was embarrassed about. It pleased me to have something to tease him about later.

At some point, I must have dozed off because I felt a hand gently shake me. When I opened my eyes, I found myself using Gavner as a column to lean against. He was grinning widely. "The ladies can't get enough of me and you're no exception, huh?"

That woke me up. I punched his shoulder and glared. "Sharing a cave with you was plenty enough." I heard a snicker across the table.

"I believe it is time to turn in," Crepsley decided, "the journey up here will get easier with time, Mistress Ivy." Until then, it went unsaid, it was amazing I had stayed awake this long.

The five of us stood and walked through a few halls. I heard Seba naming them, but they went over my head all the same. Even wide awake, I doubted I would be able to pronounce them on the first try.

"Do you wish to share a room or have separate accommodations?" Seba asked the group.

"Separate." Crepsley stated firmly and swift. "I have had enough of Gavner's snoring."

Gavner chuckled at this and shrugged. "Separate it is for me as well. Unless, Sam would you like to share a room?" My mentor glared at Gavner almost as coldly as I did. "What?! Wouldn't you say it's a good idea, Larten? Given…?"

They had a silent conversation and immediately I became suspicious. I glanced at Seba who was studying me. I tensed. "Uh, someone wish to explain to me why it might be a good idea to have a bunk buddy?" This was…interesting.

Crepsley gave a short sigh before answering, "While all the vampires here are respectful and would not try anything improper, do not be surprised if you get a few trying to…impress you."

I blinked. "Impress…me?" I raised a brow.

Gavner added, "Flirt."

Oh. I could feel my face warming under the three vampires stares. Right, female…so they might flirt because…female. That begged the question of how many female vampires there were here, but before I could ask this, Crepsley mused, "I do not think anyone would harass you at your room, but I am still uneasy at the prospect of leaving you alone." Pause. "Truth be told, I had not thought about this situation until just now. I forgot that you were a woman."

Silence.

My expression changed to one of irritation and offense. I stood up taller and tried my best not to throw a punch. "Well then." I wasn't even wearing my hat, how could he forget?! "I'll be sharing a room for Harkat. Seba?"

"Right this way." Seba seemed amused at the hole Crepsley had dug himself into.

When Crepsley took a step forward, I held my hand up. "Don't." I spun around and stormed off.

When Seba showed us a room with two coffins, I felt absolutely drained from that interaction. "Thank you Seba." I mumbled, yawning.

"Of course. Sleep well, Sam." He paused. "And try not to hold earlier against Larten. He is infamous for putting his foot in his mouth."

I glanced over my shoulder at him before nodding. Once he left, Harkat and I spoke briefly. I hadn't slept in a coffin before, but I was too tired to think much of it. I fell into a deep slumber moments after I laid down.


	23. Chapter 23

There was a single wildflower on the table where my seat was. I say 'my seat' only because Gavner and Harkat sat on either side of it. Crepsley and Seba sat before that seat. I slowed my walk at first, raising a brow. When I was sure I wasn't seeing things – where did it come from anyway? – I walked to my seat and picked it up carefully.

"A…flower?" I questioned slowly. I sat down.

Gavner was grinning but stuffed his face with food to keep from commenting. Seba was smiling and looking at Larten. Crepsley was pointedly eating and refusing to talk at first. Harkat lowered his mask and said, "The flower…is from…him." He pointed to Crepsley.

I stared at the vampire for a moment, processing it all. A soft blush came over Crepsley's face. He took a drink from a nearby jug before clearing his throat. "Mistress Ivy, I apologize for my remark last night. It was incorrect and foolish. You are a woman, I only meant that…I had become so accustomed to your company that it was not something on the forefront of my mind constantly."

Surprised, I twirled the flower between my fingers and grinned. I couldn't resist. "And?"

"And?" He blinked, caught off guard.

"And…what else? You acknowledged that I'm a woman…am I a pretty woman?" I smirked evilly.

Gavner seemed to choke on his drink, holding back a laugh. Crepsley's jaw tensed. He sighed before relenting. "You are beautiful, Mistress Ivy."

My heart skipped a beat. That wasn't something I was expecting. I had thought I'd snicker at his reluctant words. Instead, I felt…as though I were talking to Erik from all those years ago. Same feeling, different person. How curious, I thought…but then, Crepsley had never commented on my physical appearance much before. So…

"Now that all is forgiven," Seba interrupted my thoughts, "I trust you will show young Sam around the mountain, Larten?"

* * *

"Huh? _These_ are the showers?!" I gaped openly at the large waterfall. It was stunning, but the idea of showering in it…I shivered. "That's it, I'm convinced vampires are insane."

Gavner laughed as he stripped without any hint of modesty. "Actually, so few use the waterfall since, well you'll see why soon. So in that case, they aren't insane."

"I'm not sure what's worse, not sho- AH! GAVNER!" I shouted as I turned away just as his yellow boxers with pink elephants were pulled down.

I could hear his taunt as he walked towards the falls, "I thought you didn't want to be treated like a lady."

"There's a difference between being treated like a lady and being considerate!" I snapped, my back turned to the falls still.

I looked ahead of me to see Crepsley taking off his clothes. I froze as he stood in just his boxers. I should turn around, I thought, or look away, or something! But I just…

He looked up at me, finally sensing my gaze. My eyes widened before I turned away, covering my eyes to keep any sight of Gavner hidden as well. "You two are evil, to bring me in here."

"The idea is to shower, not to gawk." If I didn't know better, I'd say that Crepsley was amused at my embarrassment. "That goes for all of us."

I cautiously glanced over to see them on one side of the waterfall – and hidden by the water, thank goodness. I bit my bottom lip. The travel had left me feeling rather filthy and gross. Looking around to ensure it was only us there, I turned my back to them and stripped. It felt nice, admittedly, to not have anything on.

Taking a quick glance over my shoulder to ensure their eyes were on anything but me, I walked underneath the water. Immediately I shouted. "FUCK!"

"Mistress Ivy!" Crepsley's would-be scold only came out as a shaky snap of amusement.

"This is why most vampires don't bathe, they wear herbs and flowers around their necks! It's either be filthy or freeze, Sam!" Gavner laughed at my discomfort.

"Bite me!" I shouted at the pair, my teeth chattering as I quickly ran a prickly washcloth over my body. When I felt that I was clean up – mostly when I couldn't take anymore without being an ice sculpture – I jumped out with another curse. When I did, shivering and looking for a towel, I realized that there were eyes on me. I turned away before glancing behind me, seeing Crepsley turn away. He saw me?! I wanted to hide under a rock.

A towel would have to do for now though.

We walked to another room nearby for new clothes. I was relieved. Crepsley tossed me some pants and a shirt before turning to get dressed himself. I noted the barrels around us and wondered if they were filled with wine or blood. "Seba said that those clothes are the best he could locate for you." He said lightly.

I made a noise of acknowledgement but nothing more. I dropped the towel and quickly dressed. The pants fit perfect and the shirt, much to my surprise, was only slightly bigger on me than expected. I glanced over myself and grinned, unable to deny the pleasure I felt in seeing how the fabric clung to my chest and curves.

It had taken many years for me to adjust and accept the fact that yes, I had curves. They weren't as grand as Truska's, but then I wasn't physically a full grown woman yet. As we traveled throughout the world with the Cirque, I had bought a couple new tops that fit properly. No more loose, baggy shirts for me.

I made note to thank Seba, but then wondered where he had gotten this from. The shirt fit too well around certain areas to be a man's shirt. I glanced over at Crepsley with the intent of asking him when I caught his red cape.

Like Seba's.

My brows raised and a grin eased onto my face. "Red cape, huh?"

He looked cautiously over but at seeing I was dressed, he turned around with a chuckle. "Yes, as you can tell, I copy Seba in more than just my speech pattern. It is a way to show how much I respect the man."

"I hope you don't expect me to start talking like you…or dressing like you. Red's too harsh on me." I smirked with a jest.

At the mention of my clothing, his eyes roamed over my attire. I tried not to react. "I do not believe you could talk like I do even if you wanted to. I told Seba when I was younger that I wished to speak like him. That meant no contractions, no 'don't' or 'can't' or 'it's'."

I made a face. "Eh, hearing those words from your mouth sound like nails on a chalkboard, actually." It was something I had noticed but thought it was his own quirk.

He chuckled. "I agree. It feels similar even repeating them. Seba took my intent seriously and for every time I would mess up, he would pull a hair from my nose with his fingernails."

A short laugh escaped me. "Oh, really?! Ouch! Guess you learned eventually, huh?"

"I had no choice but to." He grinned. I looked at him closely. From the stories he and Seba shared the previous night, I was starting to get a better picture of how he was when he was younger. "In any case, I would not have the heart or will to punish you like he did with me."

"Ah, so I can get away with a lot then?" I took the towel and dried my hair as best as I could. It had reached my shoulders once more from the travel. "Although you do grab pretty hard." I thought back to a few instances where I tried his temper. My arm ached at the memory.

His gaze softened. "My apologies then, Mistress Ivy."

We stood in a storage room in new clothes and wet hair, staring at each other. I wasn't sure why this time felt…different. Today, actually, felt different all together. I took the towel from my hair and held it loosely to my side. "Nah, it's fine…I don't doubt there are times where I'm a snot-nosed brat that needs some sense knocked into her. Anyway," I smiled, "what kind of vampire would I be if I couldn't handle a simple grab?"

We observed one another for another long moment.

"Mr. Crepsley, I…"

"Mistress Ivy…"

We both fell silent. "You first."

"Please, speak."

Again, we stopped talking since we spoke at the same time. What did I even want to say? I felt compelled to speak, but…about what? And what was he trying to say?

Suddenly the door opened, a body ran in, and slammed the door behind them. The person wore a bright blue suit, an eyesore in the midst of all this dull color. When they turned to shut the door, I caught sight of long blond hair flying behind them. The person had their back to the door and panted in hopes of catching their breath, unaware of Crepsley and I standing there.

I blinked.

"Is that you, Kurda?" Crepsley asked the worn out person before us.

"No!" The man shouted and turned. His hand took the handle but before he could pull it to escape, he paused. He glanced over his shoulder and stared. "…Larten?"

"Yes," Crepsley confirmed.

"That's different." Relief flooded the man's tone and changed his posture entirely. "I was hoping to run into you. Is it true, the message that Harkat Mulds delivered?"

He stood tall and walked over to the man. I noticed his blond hair was tied back and long, ridiculously so – how did he function without it getting caught in things?! Or was that just my own grace? He looked young, definitely the youngest of the vampires I've seen so far. His eyes were bright blue and there were three marks on his cheek – why was that so familiar? I glanced over his form quickly. He wore a belt with the modified suit. Odd, I thought.

During my not-so-subtle observation, their conversation had carried until it eventually landed on me. I had just raised my eyes from his belt to his face when I realized he was staring at me in return. My body stiffened and I could feel my heart start to race. Hello, I thought, what the hell was this? It reminded me of…Erik…

The cuts! Vampaneze! That's how they were so familiar! He wore the mark of the vampaneze! But how?!

"Ah, I heard there was a new half-vampire around here as Larten's assistant." The blond vampire walked over and smiled. "Samantha Ivy, right?" My lips parted and I tried to remember how to speak again. Before I could, he took my hand and bowed, kissing the back of it. If my face wasn't red before, it was now. "It is a pleasure to meet you, I'm Kurda Smahlt."

"I…N-nice to…meet you too." I managed to spit out, unsure what to do at his greeting. I knew how to shake hands, I even knew how to bow back if they bowed first. But the kiss on the back of my hand? I was at a loss. "Uh…yeah." I flinched, wondering if I could fit and hide in one of those barrels for the rest of the trip here.

Kurda stood and looked confused at first before he smiled. A soft chuckle escaped his lips and I felt my heart skip once more. Maybe I was sick, I tried to convince myself, refusing to equate my every reaction with him as I had with Erik those years ago – even though I was lying.

Crepsley came to my rescue, "Why were you running away?"

"Questions," Kurda looked back to my mentor with a tired sigh, "As soon as the Little Person's message spread, everyone came to me asking if it was true."

The orange haired vampire narrowed his eyes. "Why would everyone go to ask _you_?" Was it me or did I sense some sort of…resentment or dislike in Crepsley's tone?

"Because I know more about the vampaneze than most. And because of my investiture – it's amazing how much more you're expected to know when you move up in the world."

"Gavner Purl told me about that. Congratulations," my mentor seemed to speak through gritted teeth.

Kurda's brow raised. "You don't approve." Neutral. Statement.

"I did not say that."

"You didn't have to. It's written in everything except your words." He shrugged lightly. "But I don't mind, you aren't the first and won't be the last."

"Uh," I spoke and immediately wondered how my vocabulary had shrunk so much, "what doesn't Mr. Crepsley approve of?"

They both looked at me as though realizing I was still there. Kurda smiled and looked a bit sheepish. "Ah, well, I'm to become a Prince soon."

"What?!" My eyes widened. "Really?! That's amazing! But how do you become one?" Pause. "And…I mean, you look really young to be a…" I recalled Gavner telling me once that Crepsley could have been one. To think that this man before me was going to be one blew my mind.

Looking pleased at my questions, Kurda responded, "It's true, I'll be the youngest Prince at one hundred and twenty years old." I stared. Gavner was, what, just over a hundred? And he looked as grisly as Crepsley, if not more so. This man before me, one hundred twenty and he looked my age?

He told me how the process of becoming a Prince was. Voting, voting, and accomplishments seemed to be the summary. "Not that I've done anything wondrous yet." He laughed at himself.

"But you mentioned you know the most about the vampaneze? Is that why?" Pause. "Did you…get into some battle with them or something?" It would make sense for the vampire lifestyle for this to be a plausible thought.

Our eyes met. He was studying me curiously as I was him. I liked it, the spark of question and intrigue in his blue orbs. "Not quite, the opposite in fact. I believe we should move forward and adapt to the life of the 21st century. More so, we should reunite with our brothers, the vampaneze. It is the only way to progress."

I blinked. Reunite? Well, that would solve the issue of the Lord Vampaneze message. And to adapt to the 21st century? I thought of some of the rules, customs, I've seen so far. Well…I couldn't say it was a bad idea of his. "I see." Pause. "Is that how you got those…uh…?" I felt a bit awkward for the perfect excuse to stare at his face. I blinked and looked away momentarily. When I did, I caught that Crepsley's jaw was tense.

"The scars?" Kurda tapped the thee marks on his cheek, directing my attention back to him – not that it was a difficult task to begin with, apparently. "Yes. They're a sign of trust, a good faith gesture if you will. I've been meeting with them for forty years, trying to iron out a better treaty, an understanding."

I shifted on my feet. "But I thought they…wanted us dead?" This man was either out of his mind or brilliant. Maybe both.

"Not at all, in fact, most of them would jump at the chance of being on the same side once more. Besides a few ideals, they're really not so different than us. More importantly, the majority of them do not wish to come to blows with us in a war." As Harkat's message suggested. I shivered.

"They are not alone either," Crepsley spoke, reminding me he was there, "fifty-four percent of the Generals agree that it is time to re-join into one race. The vampaneze trust Kurda but no other else. When he is Prince, he will have control over the Generals; this is when the vampaneze will be able to trust the compromises we make as a whole. Or so it is thought."

The blond man looked up as though reminded of Crepsley as well. "You don't agree, Larten?"

My mentor took a moment to collect his thoughts. "I have never been against bridging the gap between us, but I do not like the idea of giving them a voice to the Princes so easily."

Although I couldn't see his eyes, Kurda's voice darkened. "You think they would use me to force their customs on us than we force on them?" My thoughts flickered back to the purple skin, the way they killed their prey. Erik. I shuddered and scowled at the memory. Both men took note of the movement.

"Something like that." Crepsley and I locked eyes briefly, the memory shared between us

Kurda shook his head and spoke with a firmer voice, "I'm looking to create equals of both sides. I will not impose any changes through that the other Princes and Generals won't agree with."

"If that is so, I wish you luck." The orange vampire stiffly responded. "But if I were a General at the time, I would have campaigned as hard as I could against you."

Would they come to blows? The tension between the two was palpable. I decided to speak up before it could go any further. "That must be exciting to be the lead for change…and frustrating," I realized with a frown, "since I can't imagine many vampires around here understanding your goal." Not quite what I hoped to say, but better than 'uh, um' on a three minute loop.

Crepsley made a disagreeable noise, but Kurda's gaze and words warmed. "It can be." He agreed. "What about you? What do you think?"

"About the…vampaneze and vampires coming together again?" When he nodded, I glanced at Crepsley. Oh, he was staring intently at me as well. I did have my clothes on, right? "Well," my mind flickered back to my first encounter of them, "I think that killing a human in order to feed is wrong. Not only that, but it's cruel and seems dangerous since they start looking then." Pause. "But if that 'custom' can be taken off the table, then sacrificing a few of our own customs seems to be a reasonable price to pay if we can avoid war." The Lord of the Vampaneze…

His smile grew as I spoke. When I finished my thought, he nodded. "That's nearly my argument in a nutshell." I smiled back at him, pleased with his praise. He cleared his throat. "Well, I must be going back to the Princes. There is much to discuss and decide before the entire mountain turns itself upside down." As he started to the door, he paused. "Perhaps once the chaos has calmed, I can show you around, Samantha?"

I could see Crepsley stiffen out of the corner of my eye. No one had used my full name except my mother, and even then that was years ago. I hated it, I hated how feminine it sounded, how prissy and suggestive it was of how I should act; this was why I never let anyone call me by it. Crepsley knew this. And yet…I felt no irritation. In fact, I felt the very opposite. I felt…pleased at hearing my full name leave Kurda's lips.

"I'd enjoy that, Kurda." I smiled as I ran my fingers through my damp hair. Again, from the corner of my eye, I saw Crepsley move and look at me in surprise.

"Fantastic. I'll find you then." He looked at Crepsley. "Until next time, Larten." He slipped out of the room.

Once the door was shut, I heard a faint growl in my mentor's voice. "'Samantha'?" He looked as though he was interrogating me, trying to find some flaw on my person.

I must have looked embarrassed or guilty, but I refused to sound it. "He seems rather nice. I didn't want to correct him. Easy mistake to make."

"And if _I_ were to call you such?"

I twitched at the very idea. "You don't want to test that idea."

"Hmph." He looked at me suspiciously before walking towards the door. I followed with a smile plastered to my face.


	24. Chapter 24

The rest of the day was spent following Crepsley. We visited different halls but mostly sat and chatted with his old friends to catch up. His mood had increased significantly since the morning. I listened to all the stories between sips of wine, entertained by it all. It felt good to simply exist after so many weeks of travel and struggle.

Throughout the tales of all the vampires, I couldn't help but notice a common theme. Even in my constant fuzzy state – damn that wine was good – I realized that they were all…aggressive. That was, they pushed themselves to the limits and past for…no reason other than to say they did it. To accomplish something absurd and risk death was worthy of gloating, almost like an economical system. Tales were swapped for tales. Honestly, I struggled to remind myself that these…bold and brash actions were in the culture.

I wondered if this was normal or if they were just trying to 'impress' me.

I suppose they got tired after x number of years with spectacular near "super powers". It made sense that they'd become adrenaline junkies. I just…struggled to imagine that I would ever be like that. Want to prove your bad ass-ery? Go stand out under the sun for five minutes. Chance of death? Just makes it so much sweeter!

No.

Maybe it was a man thing?

I shrugged it off and enjoyed the company anyway.

When it came time for bed, I was…less than sober. I had survived to dinner and ate slowly. I was mindful of how my stomach felt at all times, refusing to be a vomiting mess. Still, after dinner the gang – Gavner, Seba, Harkat, and Crepsley – gathered and told tales of epic battle. Earlier during lunch with the other vampires that visited, Crepsley had sat next to me. I noted it faintly but didn't think much of it, perhaps to keep me close.

At this point so late into the night and with nearly a barrel of wine downed, I didn't mind. I didn't care. In fact, I cared so little that when I started to drift off in an intoxicated stupor, I used Crepsley as a pillow and column. Out of all the vampires thus far, he wasn't likely to burst into action and, really, I knew him best. So when I dozed off against him, he didn't budge and didn't mind for nearly an hour.

When I felt a hand shaking me gently awake, I grumbled something. "You had better not called me a name, Mistress Ivy." I felt his warm breath as he spoke. "Come on, let us get you to a proper place to sleep."

Some part of me was aware however faintly that being carried throughout the halls…was not a good idea. So I nodded and opened my eyes, a yawn escaping. Gavner said something but I couldn't understand it. Whatever it was, it earned a glare from Crepsley. I stood and wobbled, having to use my mentor as support.

I bid Seba and Gavner something similar to 'good night' and knew I would see Harkat in the room sooner or later. As Crepsley and I walked, I yawned again and mumbled, "I'm a boring drunk."

"I would prefer that over a teary or angry one." He admitted as we walked. "Will this be a common occurrence?"

I hadn't had access to alcohol in this quantity back at the circus. I smirked a bit as he led me. "It gets boring. No." As we walked, I slid my arm around his and mumbled something. When I opened my eyes again, my coffin sat before the fire. We were in my room. "Oh, already? Wow, that was…fast." I yawned.

Crepsley seemed somewhat amused. "Yes, that fast just from walking."

The words left my mouth without thought. "Will _you_ drink if I see Kurda again?"

The orange haired man stared at me for a long moment. "I do not know what you mean. You need to sleep. I will leave you here. Good night, Mistress Ivy."

"Mm, night Crepsley." Instead of letting go of his arm, I raised my other and hugged him. He tensed before slowly relaxing. His hand hesitantly patted my back before resting. We stayed like that for another moment before he shifted. I must have dozed off and started at the movement. Giving a sheepish smile, I all but collapsed into the coffin and succumb to sleep.

* * *

One grand thing, I realized the next morning, about being a healthy half-vampire was…no hangover. At least not from a modest tipsy level. I dare not push it further again but I enjoyed the ability to wake without my stomach churning or head bursting.

At breakfast, I ate a hearty amount and greeted the usual folk. Once again, a few other vampires came over and eventually tales of daring greatness were exchanged. I twitched and leaned over to Crepsley who, for the second time, sat next to me instead of across. "I hope they're talking as they would even if I weren't here. Because if this is their attempt to woo me…I just…can't comprehend how they're…" alive, I finished in my mind.

The orange vampire smirked. He turned his head slightly and whispered back, "If feats of strength will not impress you, I fear you will be forever bored with vampires."

His good mood only perked mine further. "Not true." I added in a hushed tone, "I'm never bored with you."

A new voice stole away my attention almost immediately after. "Samantha!"

I turned and felt my heart jump. "Kurda! Hey, you survived the mob!" I grinned shyly, only faintly aware that I should feel irked at him using my full name. I wasn't though.

"Greeting." He nodded to the others around the table. "I found that I have a few hours to spare before the Princes require me again. I thought I'd take Samantha on a tour of the Halls. Unless, of course, you've memorized the location and name of each already?"

I gave a scoffing noise. "As if." I brushed my fingertips through my messy, short locks and cursed inwardly. I had chosen to leave my hat off although it was in my bag. It was a bit too 'human' for my taste up here. That wasn't what I was cursing myself for. It was that my hair was messy and…well, not terribly attractive, I thought. "I may be quick, but I'm not that quick."

I heard Seba provide across from me, "You may have been had you not consumed a barrel of wine yesterday."

I looked at him with surprise and then shifted awkwardly in my seat. "Wait just a second, is my mentor's mentor scolding me for such youthful behavior?" I grinned.

"Well I was not originally going to, until you told that humiliating story about when you were six. Kurda, would you care to hear it?" Seba provided with ease.

This made me jump. "What?! I did no such thing! Did I? I wasn't that…no, you lie! You definitely lie! Don't spread lies like that!" And not before Kurda! Wait, did I really tell a story? I wasn't that shitfaced was I? How…?

Seba laughed at my panic and I could tell from the corner of my eye that both my mentor and Kurda, who stood on the other side of Crepsley, were smirking as well. "Peace, Sam. I could not resist the taunt. Forgive me."

"You are so cruel." I gave a weak chuckle. "Anyway…Mr. Crepsley, do you mind if I go with Kurda? I mean, I know you wanted to take me around but we kept running into your friends." And ending up back here with blood, booze, and stories told.

"Not in the slightest," Crepsley looked at me before looking ahead. "I am overwhelmed that one of your eminence has found the time to act as a guide so close to your investiture." There was harshness in his sarcasm. I shrunk slightly, wondering if there would be more words exchanged between the pair.

Kurda chose to ignore this. "You can always tag along."

"No thank you." Crepsley said coolly. "Mistress Ivy," he glanced at me, "be careful."

"Alright. Your loss. Ready, Samantha?" Again I caught Crepsley tense beside me from Kurda's use of my name. Even Seba raised a brow nearby.

"Definitely!" I stood and quickly followed after him.

When we traveled through a couple halls, the blond man glanced sideways at me and grinned. "So 'Sam'…or should I say 'Mistress Ivy'…why do you call Larten 'Mr. Crepsley' still?"

I could have groaned. "Oh, that. Well, it's just what me and Crepsley have always called each other. I thought it was normal for mentor and student to do so? I mean, I know he calls Seba 'Seba' but isn't that because he's…moved past 'student'?" Why did we? "As for 'Sam', well…that's usually what I prefer people to call me."

He looked at him in surprise. "Oh, then I apologize for not asking earlier. I hope I didn't offend you?"

I waved my hand and grinned. "No, no, really. It's fine. Actually," I cursed how my hesitation spoke in volumes more than my words, "I..like it…from you. I mean, it sounds…nice. And not…implying. Ahem." Since when did I babble? "So! What's that Hall?"

Kurda paused at the one I pointed to. He also watched me for a second before smiling. "That is the kitchen. The cooks work in shifts around the clock when council is in. As you can guess from your adventure in the dining hall. Any other time, it's quieter. On average there's about thirty vampires that reside here year-round. If you miss the scheduled meal times, you have to come in and cook for yourself." Something told me that he did this quite often for one reason or another.

We walked in and walked through, pausing to enter another room full of pigs, sheep, and cows. "This is where we raised the animals we use. More reliable than hunting the animals around the mountain."

"Uh, where do you keep the bats?" I must have made a face at recalling the leathery wing in my broth the first night.

Kurda chuckled and shook his head. "We prefer to leave them in the caves until needed."

We walked on. As we did, he mentioned a few names and the history of said names. I tried to keep them in mind. When we passed a fourth one, he spoke again, "Perhaps I have lost touch in the human world, but what exactly does 'Samantha' imply?"

I glanced up at him, relieved that he wasn't looking right at me. I don't think I could have spoken much if I tried then. "Oh, it isn't a human thing. I mean…it's a…oh, it's so silly. It's…always made me think of some…proper, frilly lady who wears skirts and swoons."

"And you aren't one?" He looked at me this time, teasing in his voice.

I glared slightly before grinning. "Have I collapsed into your arms once so far?"

"No," he agreed, "but there is always time." He winked and I shook my head, grinning. "I still don't understand, if you feel that your name implies that, how are you alright with me using it?"

How could I say that it made me feel, it sounded, feminine without the implications? There really was no way, not until…well, maybe one day way, way later. "There are so many tunnels!" I commented suddenly, hoping to distract him smoothly. "Are they all natural or vampire-made?" I reached out to brush my hand against the wall.

If he caught it or not, he didn't mention it. "Both, actually. They all criss-cross throughout the mountain. Some are well-maintained, some aren't. Don't be surprised if you come across one that is caved in. Most of them connect to major Halls, but there are some that lead off to…well, there is a maze underneath the major Halls." He paused, then smiled. "I'll tell you something personal," since I had told him something a bit personal, I caught the implication, "you may laugh but one of my favorite hobbies is mapmaking. I hope to map out all the tunnels of the mountain one day."

"Really?!" I looked up at him with a smile. "That's awesome!" I thought back to the time when Steve and I had made a 'treasure map' at Darren's house. My heart ached for a moment. "How far have you gotten?"

Kurda looked visibly more relaxed after that. He really thought I was going to laugh? I wondered if any of the other vampires had showed any support for…well, no, they were vampires. They didn't need a map to know where they were going. "Not as far as I wish. Every time I have the luxury of exploring a new tunnel, I noticed some have collapsed since then and, oddly enough, a new one has opened. It sometimes makes me feel like I'm chasing a shadow."

"Well, if anyone has the patience and call for detail for it, it's you." I paused as I started to think. "You…aren't like the other vampires I've met. I mean, aside from Seba and Mr. Crepsley who seem fairly level-headed. Even with your negotiations with the vampaneze, you take on frustrating, detail-oriented…tasks that…seem to benefit the future. A pay off in the long run, as it were. Actually…come to think of it…you seem to look forward while most of the others so far have only talked of the past."

We both stopped walking. He was looking at me strangely. His blue eyes seemed to soften, his body language more relaxed. Faintly I wondered if that meant he had been in 'Prince mode' until now. "Thank you for your kind observation, Samantha." I tried not to smile like an idiot, but evidently lost that battle. "Come on, there is still lots to see."

We started to walk again and I noticed that the distance between us wasn't so great as before. I cursed inwardly. Great, I thought, now I would be reading into every little thing. It…was like my time with Erik. This wasn't the first time that the thought came up. It startled me, but I pushed it away before I could figure out why.

"This is the Hall of Cremation." He said as we walked into a large room. I could smell the wood, the burn, and something else ever so faintly. "We cremate the vampires who had died here. Long ago, we would lower their bower into an underground stream and let the water wash them away. There's a cave deep below called the Hall of Final Voyage. We can go there if you'd like. It's quite something."

I nodded and agreed with the idea. For the moment, I took in the Hall of Cremation. It was a huge octagonal room, the ceiling high as can be. As I walked around, I heard something nearby. I froze when I saw two women and a man on a bench. They were sickly looking, tired, but whispering to one another as what looked like a child played at their feet. They definitely weren't vampires.

They froze and stared at me for a moment. I raised my hand to wave, but they quickly grabbed the child and left through a door in the back of the room. I noted the tattered clothes and caught what the child had been playing with before: animal bones.

I frowned and finally tore my eyes away to look back at Kurda. "Who," I jumped slightly to see how close he had gotten, "uh, who are they?"

"The Guardians of this chamber." He took half a step back, suggesting that we leave.

"I…thought…but they aren't vampires, are they?"

"No." Kurda stated, "Let's go."

"But, wait, who are they then? I thought only vampires were allowed in the…"

"Ask me later!" Kurda demanded sharply, startling me. He exhaled, some of the tension gone for the moment. "Apologies, I'll tell you about them later." He added quietly, "It's bad luck to speak of them here. I'm not superstitious normally, but testing the fates where the Guardians are concerned are a bit much for me."

I stared at him, not from the snap, but from surprise. There was a child though, surely that mattered. When I didn't budge, Kurda seemed to make a choice and stepped forward. Before I could react, he muttered, "Apologies again for the forwardness." His arm slid around my waist and pulled me along.

When we exited that Hall, he sighed in relief and stepped away. I tried to remember how to speak, warmth from my cheeks to my neck from his touch. Could we do that again? "Guess it's an uneasy place." I muttered.

"Just a bit." He admitted with a shy chuckle. "I…"

"Onward?" I didn't want to hear him apologize.

He nodded and off we went. We passed several Halls until we reached an ominous looking set of doors. "What's that one?" I asked, looking at Kurda to see him making some sort of gesture towards the room. It made me think of Catholics signing the cross.

"The Hall of Death." He answered grimly.

"Hm? Like, another Hall of Cremation?" I could start to feel myself grow uneasy just from his behavior.

Kurda shook his head. "No, it's a place for executions."

"What?!" I gaped. "Can…I see?"

"You really want to?" He raised a brow. When I nodded, he sighed and relented. When we entered, we walked to the middle of the room. I noticed another Guardian at the back of the room and turned to speak to Kurda when I realized he had tensed, pale. "Not here." He muttered before taking my wrist and guiding me to the center. He must have thought I wouldn't follow him like before unless I had some persuasion.

My heart sped up briefly. When he let go and stopped, we were before a large pit. I peaked in and gasped. "That…those are stakes!"

He nodded. "It's where the origin of the 'stake to the heart' came from. The vampire is placed in a box, like over there, and set to the pits. They don't die right away so sometimes it takes three or four times of dropping them in."

I shuddered and stepped back, brushing against Kurda as I did. "For traitors then?" I looked up at him. His eyes, I noticed, were cold and distant.

"Yes although there has only ever been six traitors in our history. Unlike the others, they are blindfolded and placed with their back facing the spikes – it is a great dishonor to die stabbed in the back." His voice was quiet.

"Others?" I blinked. "What others?"

"Any crippled or aged vampires that cannot face death on their feet often ask to come here."

"Ask?! Wait, they kill the old vampires?! But…" I frowned. "That's…well." I hesitated. It was sad, but I had quickly picked up on the idea of not commenting like that around this area. Yet this was Kurda who, so far, proved to be different than the others. "That's so sad. Even if they ask, that…do they feel like they're a burden on their friends?" When he nodded, I swallowed. My mind flickered back to Seba. "I see." I understood though…it just…still sucked. "Such a brutal way to go."

Kurda gave something of a dry grin. "It is the life of the vampire, to face death bravely. The more gruesome, the better." Sarcasm, I caught.

"You don't agree." I stated.

"No." He glanced over the pit again. "I don't like the mentality that the old and feeble should feel useless and ask for death. All because they're no longer able to fend for themselves. I think they have a great deal of wisdom and advice to offer." Pause. "I intend to live as long as I can."

I nodded slowly. Yes, I thought, the mentality was warped even if they asked. The somber gloom started to sink. Not wanting to feel it sink further, it was my turn to take Kurda's hand. "As do I. Now come on, show me this Hall of Sports." I offered a smile before pulling him along. It only took a moment for him to get over the surprise, or perhaps to get out of his thoughts, to walk with me.


	25. Chapter 25

Commotion and chaos filled the room we walked into. It was huge, probably larger than the dining hall! Grunts, shouts, and clanks of weapons echoed in it. I looked around with my jaw hanging, surprised. "Whoa." No wonder Crepsley had persisted and kept up the sparring lessons with me. I didn't feel quite as intimidated looking at all the fighting, but it did blow my mind.

"These are the Hall of Sports." Kurda said over the racket.

When I turned to look around, I saw a spear slit past his eye. I yelped and covered my mouth. The man only laughed! He laughed and congratulated his opponent. "He, he just lost an eye though! How could he just laugh?!" I spun to Kurda, shocked. I knew vampires were reckless but not this extreme! "I thought you were supposed to wear armor when you spar?!" Again, I forgot temporarily that I was speaking about vampires.

"They used to, but given our heightened strength…armor and other protective measures became pointless. Now they choose speed and ease of movement rather than protection." Kurda explained, seemingly unsurprised at the scene before us.

Before I could comment, there was a booming voice behind us. "You're wrong, Kurda! It's because armor is cowardly!"

I turned as he did and stared up at a man who had a scar over his eye. His body, however, was strikingly similar to most of the others I had met so: big muscles. He had short hair and a smile that teased. "Heh, there are times I don't think I know my own people. I wish you would see the logical side of it, Vanez." Kurda gave a weak chuckle. "Samantha, this is Vanez Blane, a Game's Master."

"Oh! Hi, I'm Sam." I held my hand out, startled slightly when his rough, large hand took mine and shook. That snapped me out of my daze.

"Ah, Larten's assistant." I wondered how my name got around so much. Well, then again, youngest one around to my knowledge and female. That explained it. Not to mention that Crepsley was well-respected and known around here. "Did that match scare you?" He chuckled at my discomfort.

When I got my hand back, I tensed slightly. "No! I was just…taken aback." Yup, time to try and be as tough as I could fake. I was only faintly aware that I had acted in two very separate, but similar, fashions to each of the two men here. I wondered if Kurda caught it too, the honest shock I gave him and the lie to save face with Vanez. He must have because I felt his stare. "Is that how you lost your eye?" I inquired.

"No," Vanez laughed, "I lost mine when I fought a lion!"

I stared for a moment. "Ah, well…glad to see you won." I shifted on my feet. "Sorry, your title is Game's Master? What's that?"

"Ah, a fancy title but it doesn't add up to much. I just watch over the hall to make sure people can get injured or killed any way they want!" He crossed his arms with a wide grin. He reminded me a bit of Gavner actually, though he didn't seem to want to get under my skin as much.

I looked at Kurda, ensuring I heard him right. Ah, judging by Kurda's expression, I had. Well then.

"Vanez is also one of our best instructors. He trains vampires to fight. In fact, most of the Generals learn under him, myself included." Kurda offered a smile as he praised his former-teacher.

"Kurda was fast as an eel, and wiry, but he hated getting his hands bloody. Can you imagine, a vampire who didn't like blood?" Vanez only laughed when Kurda protested at such a comment. "What about you, Sam? Has Larten shirked his duties in teaching his assistant how to handle a spear?"

I blinked. "Well, uh, technically yes but no. He's taught me how to fight in hand-to-hand combat, sword, environment, and knives." Spears? Never thought much to do that. It was the same thing as a sword…just lighter, right?

"Environment?" Vanez raised a brow at the word.

"Last ditch effort to just use whatever is near. It focused more on being aware and thoughtful into what is near." I shrugged lightly. I hadn't needed to make use of this so far in my eight or so years. I was relieved, really, but I suspected I'd have to test it out during this trip for one reason or another. "He did mention that guns and missile weapons were, uh, frowned upon."

"Well, at least Larten did that right! Any vampire who would resort to such would be held in contempt for the rest of his life." He gave a once-over of me and I felt uncomfortable. "Hm, with your small frame you'd be able to be quick and flexible, am I right? Glad to see Larten hasn't got too easy on you." Too easy?

Before I could respond, a body flew and landed just a bit away from us. I looked. Another body landed but on their feet close by. "Well done Arra!" Vanez called out. That's when I looked up from the boots and saw the long dark hair.

My first thought was, how did they move without getting caught up by their hair? My second thought was, woman! I must have gasped loudly in my excitement because I startled Kurda and Vanez at my side. "Another woman!" I nearly shouted and clasped my hands together. The woman, Arra, looked up with similar surprise. Without thinking, I walked quickly over to her and had to be smiling like an idiot as she looked at me as if I had two heads. "Hello! I'm Samantha Ivy, but you can call me Sam! I didn't think there was another woman in Vampire Mountain! Thank the gods!" I held my hand out on habit, thrilled.

I could finally ask her the few questions I didn't quite feel up to or comfortable with asking Crepsley about. I could inquire what this life is like for a woman. I could find out how she fought with such long hair! I could ask about children, men, sex, and…well, I found a would-be sister-friend, so I thought, so we could talk! Actually talk! Not fight and growl like the others! This was exciting!

But she only blinked and looked at my hand. Then she looked over to Vanez and Kurda before turning away from me. The end of her hair brushed against my hand instead as she started to clean her staff. I stared, frozen and confused for a moment. When it dawned on me that I had just been brushed off, a mixture of emotions hit me.

Embarrassment, confusion, and finally fury. "Hey!" I snapped. "What, do you not speak English?!"

Both the men nearby looked horrified as they came to my side. Kurda explained, "Don't take offense, Arra doesn't shake hands with anyone she doesn't respect."

"And she respects very few of us." Vanez added as though that would make me feel better.

"She's got a mouth on her." Arra commented as she turned back around, looking me over. "That can be dangerous around here."

I felt a hot blush creep up my neck. I didn't have to fake tough this time because I was actually angry. Not only did she brush me off and make a veiled threat, but…but…she was the only other woman around here! "I suspect it's only dangerous to those who can't back up their words." I jumped slightly when I felt a firm hand on my shoulder and a communicative squeeze right afterwards: Kurda. A silent warning, I figured. But really, how bad could this Arra be?

"Still refusing to shake hands with _me_, Arra?" The blond man tried to bring the attention to him in order to diffuse the situation. Had I not been so irked, I would have realized the irony since I had done that with him and Crepsley before.

"Hmph." The woman gave Kurda a once-over. "I will never shake the hand of those who don't fight. When you become Prince, I will bow and do your bidding, but I will never shake your hand."

"Hm, I think it's safe to say that Arra didn't vote for me in the election." Somehow I wasn't surprised that this woman was a General.

"It's alright, I didn't either!"

"Vanez! Do you see how my fellow vampires treat me, Samantha? On a typical day, half of them enjoy gloating that they didn't vote for me and the other half who did vote for me say nothing least they get looked down upon!" I couldn't help but grin a bit at Kurda.

"So," Vanez wore a mischievous smirk, "Sam, care to try the bars with Arra?"

I heard the scold and warning in Kurda's voice as he called out Vanez's name. I looked over at the woman and felt my feathers ruffle. Still, Kurda's voice had calmed me enough to where I wasn't seeing red. I shrugged. "Maybe another time, Kurda and I still haven't finished touring the place."

"Hmph." Arra made a noise and I glared at her.

"You'll never fight if you try to explore every inch of the Mountain." Vanez pointed out.

"Perhaps that's how she wants it." Arra stated calmly, picking a splinter off of her staff.

I twitched. "Actually," my voice was airy but cold, "I had wanted to get to know the only other woman around here, but seeing as how she's as uppity as the tip of the mountain, I'll pass."

Arra smirked. I didn't want to know what the two men behind me were expressing. Perhaps my insults weren't quite up to par – when was the last time I needed them? – but it got the point across. "The only 'uppity' I am is from being champion of the bars."

I clenched my fists. "Not for long!" I wasn't sure if Vanez or Arra had played me into that, or if I just shoved my foot in my mouth myself, but I couldn't back down now. I looked to my right. "Vanez, where can I get a staff?"

Arra raised a brow but looked bored otherwise. "If you say so. Just know I won't go easy on you." She started to slowly make her way back to the bars. I twitched again.

"And when I win," I called out, drawing attention unintentionally, "you'll shake my hand and become my friend!" In the very back of my mind, I was aware of how childish it sounded but…woman! Only other woman! I refused to let that slip through my fingers! Kinship! Compadre! Ugh!

"Samantha," Kurda brought my attention back to him, "you…oh, this can't be happening." He groaned. "Please say that Larten taught you how to handle a staff at least!"

I glanced over at him, hearing Vanez start to return with a weapon. "Of all the ironies, you'd think, but no he didn't. But hey, can't be too different than a sword right?"

Kurda stared at me. "Vanez, call this off right now! She's going to get killed!"

"You exaggerate." Vanez shrugged. "Don't put the idea in her head to disgrace herself. She accepted the challenge after all! Now, Sam. Hold the staff in the middle," crash course, I realized, "so you can attack with either side. Don't' swing too hard, jab below her chest, and focus on trying to trip her. Go for her knees and toes, those are the soft points."

I took hold of the medium sized stick and wondered briefly if this _had_ been a mistake. "How about tips on how to defend herself?! I think it's more important to keep her from letting Arra crack her head open!" Er, maybe it had been.

"You worry too much! If she learned anything from Larten, she'll be able to hold her own." Vanez argued casually, as though I wasn't even there.

Kurda scowled, irritated. "She's never even held a staff before and she's going up against an eleven year champion of the bars!"

Alright, I probably made a mistake.

"The trick on the bars," Vanez spoke directly to me again, "is to keep your distance and keep your balance. It isn't like fighting on ground. And sometimes it is better to take a hit than duck out of the way." He patted my back.

"Nonsense," Kurda retorted, "duck all you like Samantha, I have no wish to carry you back to Larten on a stretcher. I don't think he'd ever forgive me."

Totally made a mistake.

Fuck.

"You…Kurda, you _are_ exaggerating, aren't you?" I asked in a quiet voice so the people who had gathered wouldn't hear. "I mean, she won't really hurt me, will she?" Vampires did die to prove themselves quite a bit.

"Nonsense!" Vanez didn't let Kurda respond. "Kurda's just focusing on the gloom! She won't go easy on you, but I'm sure she won't set out to seriously harm you." A bit more relieved, I started to walk up to the bars. "At least, I hope not." His mutter was just a bit too loud.

I gulped. Well, too late to back down now! I hopped up on the bars and hoped for the best.

* * *

Towards the end, I had nearly tripped her off the bars. At the very least, I had made her drop her staff which sat prettily on the ground, so I thought. But, uh, then she took hold of mine. I couldn't do much but either take it or bow out.

At this point, bowing out would only make her dislike me further, I thought. And honestly, I was too prideful to do so – must have been the vampire blood in me! I heard Kurda shouting below and I could make out a few words. I also heard Vanez yell at him to not disgrace me before the clan.

"One last chance to quit." Arra offered again.

Oh this was going to hurt. "I'll stop only when you stop being so uppity." I saw, caught, and felt the staff several times before I felt a sharp pain against my temple. I was faintly aware that I was in the air and…then nothing. Simply nothing.

"Samantha?" I heard someone say my name. Ugh, my full name. It could only be my mother. "Samantha, are you alright?" Wait, concern? Nah, that couldn't be…

"Evra," I mumbled as I started to come to, "I'll strangle you with your own snake if you call me 'Samantha' again."

"Er." I heard the same voice. Then there was laughter on the other side of me.

When I blinked, the surroundings came into view. Vampires. Many of them around me, but Kurda was hovering over me. I looked up at him, lips parted. His long hair slipped over his shoulder and brushed against my shoulder. I slowly moved my hand to touch it before mumbling, "Oh, hi Kurda. What happened?" He looked relieved but still a bit confused, no doubt from my earlier comment.

"You're awake!" He exclaimed.

"Course," I sat up slowly with a grimace, "but what are you doing at the Cirque with me?"

Kurda blinked before frowning. "Poor girl doesn't know if she's coming or going!" He seemed displeased, even irritated no doubt towards…oh, Arra, right! He took my hand and helped me up on wobbly legs. My heart did a leap and I was momentarily distracted by how warm and…damp his hand was. Was he nervous before? Of course he would be, I thought, if his yelling had been any indication. "Come on, we're…"

"Wait!" I reluctantly let go of his hand and walked over to Arra who sat on a rock. She was applying some cream to her cheek and I felt a flicker of pride that I was the cause for that bruise. Though I would have failed a human's sobriety line test, I made it to my destination anyway. "Arra." I held my hand out.

She looked at me curiously and scoffed softly. I could feel Kurda approaching. "One spar doesn't make you a worthy fighter." Her words were as cold as the bars.

I felt Kurda stand a foot or so behind me. Many eyes were on us. I had to focus on Arra's bruised cheek to keep the room from spinning, a point of focus. "Shake. Friend."

"And if I don't?"

"Shake and be my friend or else we'll get on those bars again!" I snapped without much restraint. Between the spinning of my head and blurring of my vision, I couldn't find enough damns to give.

It seemed to amuse Arra nevertheless. She gave me a grin and I saw a different sort of beauty in her then. Amazing how much a smile transformed a face. "Power to you, friend." She took my hand and shook it.

With a smile and increasingly weak legs, I muttered, "Power…friend." My eyes rolled back and I started to crumble to the ground, hand releasing hers. In my last sliver of consciousness, I heard Kurda call me 'Sam' before I felt his warm arms catch me.

* * *

"You are a fool for accepting a one-on-one challenge with Arra Sails. Even _I _would hesitate before taking her on." Crepsley offered a mixture of scolding and awe. It took me two nights to recover from the concussion and most of the injuries – most – so I could only imagine how much Crepsley had internalized this until I was conscious.

I grinned despite myself, standing. "And I nearly won too!" I smirked. "Guess I'm braver than you, hm?"

"Braveness and foolishness are not the same thing, Mistress Ivy." He still held that light scolding tone but his eyes were lit with amusement. This only pleased me further.

"Funny how they coincide though." I mused as I handed him my makeshift brush. My arms were black, blue, and still sore as hell so I had enlisted Crepsley's help in getting me presentable. That also would include helping me wash off with a damp cloth and change into new clothes. Since we weren't there yet, I pushed aside the soon-to-be embarrassment and focused on the now. "Try not to rip the knots out, if you'd be so kind? My skull is still a bit sore in some places."

He gave a soft scoffing noise. "I do not doubt it." He took the brush and waited until I turned my back to him. "What started the challenge anyway?"

I prepared myself for pain, tense and holding my breath. When none came from his first brush, I relaxed. "She didn't want to shake my hand…or be my friend."

He paused for a moment before continuing. His fingertips traveled over my hair before the brush did, feeling for the tangles first instead of just ripping them out with the brush. "I am not surprised at the first part, she does not shake with people she does not respect," he mused, "but did her refusal to be 'friends' really upset you so?"

"Did you not hear the stories?" I raised a brow although I couldn't see his face. Bit by bit as he worked through the third knot, I relaxed. Ironic that a man should be able to handle my hair with better and gentler care than me.

"I did, but I had wished to hear it from your lips. Stories tend to be exaggerated at times."

"True." I shrugged slightly before hissing. Right, sore shoulders, bad idea. "Well, honestly, yeah it infuriated me! She's the only other woman around here! I didn't want to let the chance to talk and ask questions pass me up."

"Questions?" Crepsley asked as he finished brushing out the last knot. He handed me the brush before turning. Picking up a basin of warm water and a cloth half-in, he placed it on the table nearby. "Such as?"

I tried to take my shirt off by pulling it over my head, but I could hardly even raise my arms. I hissed instead. Just as I was going to grumble, I heard a fine _riiip_! Crepsley had cut the shirt off! "It is easier to sew it than it would have been to try and take it off normally, Mistress Ivy." He pointed out softly.

"Ah, right." I mumbled, willing the feeling of shyness to go away. After all, he had seen me naked at the showers a while back. And I wasn't even entirely naked! I still had my sports bra on. "Anyway, I want to ask Arra how life it is being a vampire and a woman – something you can't answer. And I wanted to ask if, well, we even have periods anyway. I mean, I figured we didn't since I hadn't gotten mine in…nearly a decade, but I thought it wise to check."

I heard him dip the cloth into the water and wring it out. There was a slight pause in his actions. "Ah," I could already hear the blush in his voice, "I should have been more explicit about that. Apologies."

"It's fine." I brushed it off. "I imagine we can't have children either if that's the case?"

"You would be correct."

I sighed in relief when I felt the warm cloth brush over my arms, ridding the dirt and grime. "And I wanted to talk to Arra about…er." I hesitated. Was I being too open? Well, given the position and situation, I doubted that.

He dipped the cloth in the water and wrung it out once more. "About?" He encouraged as the cloth ran down my back.

Momentarily lost in the pleasant sensation, I didn't speak right away. "How to approach someone who is both male and vampire and ask to date." My neck and face warmed instantly. "As women do, gossip and talk of men. And, you know, the vampire thing…kind of…is new. Ahem." I stopped talking.

I could hear the pause in his movements just by how slow the water dripped in the basin. "I see." His answer was short. I jumped when the warm cloth traveled over my sides. "Who were you intending to ask to mate?" His voice was cold.

I looked over my shoulder at him despite the crick in my neck. "Wait, mate?! Who mates?! Why mate? What? Mr. Crepsley, this is what I'm talking about! I'm clueless on the social side of the vampire life!"

He sighed though I could tell he wasn't pleased. He placed the cloth back into the basin and I turned, taking it. I ran it over my stomach and neck, wincing. Water dripped down my bra. I couldn't wait to heal enough to shower even if it was under a fall of ice. "Mating is the term used when two vampires decide to enter into a temporary mating commitment. Since we cannot have children, it makes no sense to stay with a partner for the rest of our lives. Once the mating period agreed upon – usually five to ten years – ends, the two can either continue or separate."

"Huh." I mused as I tossed the cloth back into the basin for the final time. "Interesting. But does that require…I mean, if…never mind, I'll wait to ask Arra." It didn't occur to me to ask Crepsley if and who he had mated with. Somehow based on his reserved nature, I struggled to picture it – just like with the funny stories of his youth.

I turned to see him picking up the new shirt. "Who do you have in mind to approach with the subject of mating involved?" He asked it so casually but I could see the stiffness of disapproval in his movements.

With the shirt held up, I slid my arms and head through by standing like Frankenstein's monster. I hissed when he pushed it down, cursing how form fitting it was. "N-no one." I lied poorly.

"Hmph." He made a noise of disbelief as his hands rolled out the last bit of cloth over my waist. I shivered but didn't have much time to think of it as he guessed, "Perhaps Gavner?"

"No!" I nearly shouted. On impulse and outrage, I punched his arm. Instantly I regretted it with a short howl of pain, my arms screaming obscenities at me.

Crepsley clearly had a hard time not laughing, his lips twitching.

I glared despite myself and thought of how to get back at him. "Actually, I was going to ask you." I smiled wide.

He stared at me with wide eyes, no longer trying not to laugh. In fact, he was stunned. Unfortunately it only lasted a few seconds before I laughed, unable to hold back. He glared in return. "Very funny, Mistress Ivy."

When I calmed, I teased, "Oh, would it really be so awful to be my mate for the next decade? We've already spent nearly exactly that amount together. Only difference would…be…" I could feel my face heat up as my mind flashed to a mental image.

While I had kissed and messed around with guys in the past, I had not, however, actually had sex so far. I wanted it to be with someone I adored and loved. Given the movement of the Cirque, I had yet been able to find this. Still, I wasn't terribly shy when it came to the topic. When it came to the topic and Crepsley in the same sentence, however…well.

"Shut up." I muttered before picking up the basin of water and going to leave. It was a small relief to know that he was just as embarrassed as I was.

Just as I got to the door, although I wouldn't be able to open it without his help, he spoke, "Sam."

My heart jumped. "Y-yes?"

"…I have little place to request such a thing, but if…when you approach someone with such an intent, whenever it may be…please see me before." I tried to recall the last time I heard him struggle with words. He was usually so calm and at ease, his thoughts and words put together ahead of time. This seemed…well, awkward and not terribly eloquent.

I could feel his eyes on my back though I didn't want to turn around. "So uh, so you can tell me if the guy is a scumbag or something?" I half-joked.

"For my blessing." He stated matter-of-factly.

I nearly dropped the basin. I glanced down at it, the candles around providing my reflection in the water to see. I didn't know who or when I'd ask…I had a few in mind, sure, but…well, I had one in mind. Either way, that was so far in the future, but…

"Yeah," I cleared my throat, "I mean, I figured whenever I have the guy in mind, I'd gossip to my friends. Female and…male." Friend. I hoped he caught the word. Not mentor but friend.

Crepsley's hand took hold of the door knob as he stood directly behind me, glancing at my reflection in the water as well. I jumped slightly, not having expected him to move so swift and quiet. His body nearly stood against mine perfectly; in fact, I realized with a slight start, I could feel his chest against my back. That was…

"I am honored to be considered a friend." Crepsley admitted while he looked over my shoulder. "Now let us find Seba and perhaps some blood for you. Then we will go to the Prince's meeting."

After disposing of the basin, we traveled to the dining hall for a quick drink. The blood did indeed help me feel better. Not all that was left was rest and waiting for my body to heal. It didn't take long to find the old vampire although, admittedly, my eyes scanned the crowds for a familiar long blond haired man.

"I have a cream for that bruise if you do not intend to wear it as a badge of honor." Seba's voice came from beside me. I turned and smiled. "I am glad to see my assistant's assistant in one piece!"

Crepsley stood at my other side. "I have echoed those same sentiments, as well as others of her rash behavior."

I grinned up at the aged vampire. "I think I'll wear it as a badge of honor. And yes, Mr. Crepsley scolded me thoroughly though I think I may have caught a few hints of awe in there."

"I can be astonished at your actions as well as disagreeing with them." He pointed out.

"Well, I for one am impressed by your strength, Sam." Seba offered with a chuckle. We three started down the hall towards where the meeting was happening. I had to fight to resist looking for Kurda. Crepsley was in a good mood, I didn't want to spoil it by bringing up the General's name. "In fact, I daresay it is the mark of a vampire to be 'rash'."

I thought back to the Hall of Sports. "Yeah…yeah I'd agree with that." I muttered quietly. As we walked through the crowds, something occurred to me. "Seba?" When he acknowledged that he heard me, I asked, "I haven't seen many vampires as old as you so far."

"Sam!" Crepsley scolded me for my bluntness.

Seba laughed on the other hand. "Ah, let her be, Larten. It is refreshing to hear speech so at ease." He glanced at me with a grin. "Very few vampires live to be a ripe, old age." I recalled the Hall of Death and shuddered, recalling what Kurda said. "Hardly any of them make it to seven hundred years old, as I have."

I nearly tripped on myself. Seven hundred?! Crepsley caught my arm carefully so I wouldn't fall. The bit of pain brought me back to my senses. "So then…at what age do they ask to be taken to the Hall of Death?" Crepsley's grip on my arm tightened at such a question, one I didn't realize I asked so casually until then. I hissed and looked up at the orange vampire.

His eyes, however, were on his mentor and his jaw was set. I looked at Seba who wore a soft smile. "There are even less who reach the point where they find themselves without use, at least enough to request such a death. As you can tell, vampires live hard, testing lives. We push ourselves and would rather face death on our feet than let our friends look after us in old age."

I frowned. Crepsley released my arm. "But…" I hesitated. "What if your friends don't mind?" Both of them looked at me. I was glad to be walking or I may have shrunk a bit. "I mean, just because you don't have the physical strength of when you were younger, why should you end your life despite having your mind to offer instead?"

Despite my earlier hopes to keep Crepsley in a good mood, I failed. He gave a 'hmph' before standing taller. "You sound like Kurda."

I looked up at him with surprise. Did I? And… "Is that such a bad thing? I mean, he's going to be a Prince soon. Surely that counts for something."

My mentor glanced at me. "There are worse things." He relented.

There was a few moments of silence as we walked down a large hall. We passed a few others who greeted Crepsley and Seba warmly. They also complimented and congratulated me on my show of courage. Admittedly, I enjoyed that quite a bit.

The talk of age, however, had reminded me of something from long, long ago. "Mr. Crepsley." I looked at him. "What…ever happened to the…turning thing? I mean." I paused to get my thoughts together. "Are you going to get in trouble because of when you turned me?" Sixteen years old.

The two shared a look. Seba answered for his then-student. "While sixteen has recently become an age in the gray area, the reason behind it has made the Princes accept it."

"Reason behind it?"

"Well, the original suspected reason and the truth." Seba answered a bit cryptically, shooting Crepsley a look.

I caught that the orange vampire moved uncomfortably. "They originally thought that my intentions with you were…less than pure, only because Gavner had voiced it in a musing." I suddenly recalled Mr. Tiny's words from what felt like a lifetime ago. Maybe Crepsley turned me to make himself the husband that I couldn't run away from. I felt my face go hot. "The truth, as you know of course, is much simpler."

I swallowed and grinned weakly. "That I held you over a barrel?"

"In a sense."

Well, I thought, at least he wasn't going to get in trouble for it. That was a huge relief. Still, I couldn't help but think of the 'less than pure' comment. How laughable, I thought faintly.

We paused for Security. Then we walked forth. I stared as it got brighter. "Welcome to the Hall of Princes." Crepsley said, amused by my staring.

"Whoa." I gaped. "What's it made of?"

"Place your hand on it."

I raised a brow at him but did as he instructed. I gasped, "It's warm! And it…throbs. What in the world?!"

"Nothing can penetrate its walls, no tool, explosive or acid. Yes, we tried many times in the past. It is the toughest material known to man or vampire." Crepsley stated the history lesson.

"Where did you get it then? I find it hard to think a mountain held it naturally."

"You would be correct," Seba smiled at me. "Mr. Tiny presented it to us, as well as the Stone of Blood, after the vampaneze broke away. No doubt it involves magic."

We entered and I knew my jaw was hanging. I didn't care. It was brighter on the inside if possible. Along with dozens upon dozens of vast rows, there were four seats before us way in the front. Behind them sat a small red egg-shaped orb. "Mr. Crepsley, what's that?" I asked as I turned, pausing.

The stop made him bump into me. He stepped to the side though he held his hand up, as if to grab me if I fell over. In this state, I wouldn't be surprised if I did. "That is the Stone of Blood – the key to the longevity of the vampire race itself."

"You're joking, it looks like a marble from this distance." I commented.

He chuckled and explained the significance as we went to find a seat. We got fairly close to the front when Gavner waved us down. We three walked over as Crepsley finished telling the story. I was concerned about how safe, if at all, the Stone of Blood was if it fell in the wrong hands. From what Crepsley said, it seemed that it would be certain death to the vampire race if the vampaneze got it somehow.

When we sat, however, I brushed it off. "Gavner!" I grinned. "I haven't seen you in days! And Harkat, hey!"

"Well that's what happens when I have General business, and you decide to get yourself knocked off a three story set of bars." Gavner took hold of my chin and tilted my head away from him, allowing him to see my bruised temple better. "Impressive."

I swatted at his hand. "Hey, keep your paws to yourself or you'll be next." I couldn't hide the pleasure behind my words though.

"What in heaven were you thinking to accept her challenge?!" Gavner voiced what nearly everyone had been asking me before.

Before I could answer – no doubt he would get a right kick out of the 'friendship' reason, and possibly even toy with me a bit by acting offended that I didn't value his friendship as much – another voice interrupted us.

"You're awake! I'm glad to see you've recovered, Sam." It was Kurda!

I turned to look up, wincing at the movement. Still, I stood as I grinned. "Kurda!" Er, why did I stand? Did I expect a hug or something? Evidently the same question rest on the others minds as well for they looked at me curiously. "Er…come sit between Gavner and I." I tried to be smooth. "He won't stop poking and prodding me otherwise." It was only as he walked past Seba and Crepsley did I realize what he called me. As he scooted past me, I added in a quieter tone, "And call me 'Samantha'."

We both sat. My thigh brushed against his, then Crepsley's when I tried to pull away. Oh, I was caught in between. Awkward. "Are you certain? When you first roused from your…graceful fall," he smirked, "you had threatened 'Evra' that you would strangle him…with his own snake?"

I paused, trying to recall this. "Had I?" I only remembered shaking Arra's hand. "Well, you aren't Evra so you're safe from any snake I might wield." I grinned. My heart was beginning to race as my shoulder brushed against his and Crepsley's. Did they pack this bench on purpose to be so close?!

"Is this Evra person a friend of yours…or something more?" Kurda asked carefully.

Was it me or was there cautious hope in his words? "Oh, a friend. He's a snake-boy. Er, snake-man technically. From the circus. Has a few pet snakes." I paused, realizing I was rambling.

"Ah, that would explain how you would choke him then." Kurda smiled wide. He said it so cheerfully that I couldn't help but giggle.

"It is about to start." Crepsley warned.

I blinked and looked up at the thrones, three of which were now occupied. My eyes widened. If Kurda was to be up there soon…whoa. My hand went to rest on my thigh, but brushed against his. "S-sorry!" I whispered, unsure if I was more taken aback that I touched Kurda or that I touched one who would be a Prince one day.

"It's alright." Kurda's blue gaze flickered to mine, his smile reassuring.

Before I could make a fool of myself, Crepsley flicked my knee. I jumped and glared at him before looking up at the talking trio. Between these two, it would be an interesting meeting to attend…if I could focus on their words.


	26. Chapter 26

It was interesting to hear them, the Princes, attend to business. I tried to picture Kurda up there a few times – and succeeded – which only made me a bit more nervous to sit so close to him. Paris reminded me faintly of the typical grandfather type. Mika looked a bit unnerving – he reminded me of a raven – and I shifted in my seat whenever I felt, or thought I felt, his gaze flicker over me. Arrow, whose story was whispered to me by Crepsley, looked fierce and…honestly, I felt sympathy. I couldn't blame him for his hatred of the vampaneze. To lose someone you love to them…I looked at my feet.

When I whispered to Crepsley that I wanted to meet them, he gave me a curious but subtle look. "I was planning to introduce you even if you had not asked." He admitted.

Towards the end, I leaned over to Kurda, and flinched when my shoulder brushed against his – my heart also sped up annoyingly. "Is that your chair up there?" I barely exhaled the words partly because of everyone's sensitive hearing and the fact that my lips were close to his ear. Damn it all, my mind flashed to the image of something not innocent. Fuck.

Kurda shook his head. "No, it is for the fourth Prince. Mine will be presented during the Ceremony. It is custom to have at least one Prince away from the Mountain at all times – just in case something should happen."

I wondered who the fourth Prince was.

When it ended, the crowd dispersed. I was both relieved and disappointed to have to move away from Kurda. As we walked, Crepsley mused, "I see the Princes have been swamped by others already. No matter, we will meet up with them later then."

"I can always introduce you, if you'd like, Samantha." Kurda offered.

Before I could respond, my mentor glared over my head at the blond. "We have seen what happens when you are left as tour guide." I could practically see the ice off his words. "I will take my assistant," there was a particularly subtle emphasis on the last two words, "to meet the Princes another time."

I opened my mouth to comment – didn't either care to know when I wanted to meet the touring three figures? – when Gavner stole away Crepsley's attention. I sighed in relief. Well, at least that was one issue diverted.

I looked at Kurda and gestured to the door. I added, "I'm thirsty for some wine. Care to join?" As we started to walk through the crowd together, I pointed out, "I see Mr. Crepsley dislikes your guts a bit more than normal." Increasingly so, I thought, from their first talk to now. I recalled Kurda's comment before I went up to fight Arra, about how Larten would never forgive him for bringing me on a stretcher. He had caught me when I passed out too, I remembered. "So how big was the stretcher after all?" That would make sense, the stretcher, for why Crepsley disliked Kurda further over the past few days.

Kurda caught on quick and wore a humorous grin. "Ah, it didn't exist actually. Actually, if you notice he hasn't challenged me to anything yet. He's tolerating me a lot better than I thought he might otherwise, given the state I returned you in."

"Hm, I suppose you're right. Still, his temper with you has soured since. I keep expecting him to make a comment about how the Arra fight is your fault somehow, Mr. Tour Guide." I teased lightly. Then what he said sunk in. "Wait, if you didn't carry me back on a stretcher, how did you return me to him, other than bruised and busted up?"

"Well," Kurda's smile turned from mischievous to charming, warm even, "I carried you in my arms."

My eyes widened as I stared up at him, my walk slowing ever so slightly. Ah. So that explained Crepsley's renewed dislike for the General. And that also explained why Crepsley had been so insistent on helping me look presentable. Wait, so then…Crepsley was being…possessive? Jealous? Was he trying to make up for the close contact that Kurda and I had, even when I was unconscious? How…why…

My brain hurt.

I immediately stopped thinking about it and caught up to Kurda's pace. Clearing my throat, I said, "You know, I actually never got to thank you for your help. So, er, thanks. Even though I ignored all your advice." I laughed softly.

"Of course…though I think, over all, I'm glad you ignored my warnings. Gaining a friendship with Arra Sails is rare." We reached the dining Hall. I smelt the blood and wine, as well as the bat broth. When we found a table, knowing the others would join soon enough, we sat next to each other. He tilted his head to look at me. "Was it Larten's idea to keep the bruise?"

I blinked, trying to remember what he was talking about. "Oh! My face…no, it was mine." I gave a weak chuckle. I wanted to sit on his other side so he wouldn't see the mark. Why though? I had been proud to show it thus far, but with him… "Surely you've sported some proof of battle yourself?" Come to think of it, I hadn't seen him be physical with anyone, friend or otherwise so far.

"During my training days as a General, as well as my Trials, oh yes."

"Trials?"

Before he could explain, a hand smacked my back. I didn't hear the call of the person who greeted me because I yelped at the pain. Spinning around, I spotted Gavner who paused. "Oh, that's right, I bet you're sore from your…"

"GAVNER!" I shouted and punched his side, my own pain be damned. He grunted and protected his side, grimacing.

A bit breathless, Gavner teased as he sat beside me, "If you think I was bad, wait until you shower!"

I glared at him. He enjoyed provoking a reaction out of me far too much, I thought. Him sitting next to me promised bouts of agony for the both of us in the near future.

Shortly afterwards came Seba, Harkat, and Crepsley. They took a seat, Crepsley across from me. I told the tale of my fight with Arra – it was the only battle I had beside the bear coming up here – and they all seemed impressed. When Kurda pardoned himself, I watched him leave.

Crepsley must have noticed for he put down the barrel he was drinking from with a bit more force than needed. I glanced over at him and felt my racing heart calm a bit. "You don't like Kurda." I spoke since Gavner and Seba were in a discussion. Harkat just listened with interest.

Crepsley stared at me for a moment before speaking with a dismissive tone, "We have had this discussion."

I refused to let it go though. "Even more so since that discussion. In fact, more so since my battle on the bars."

As I had predicted, he stiffened. I had ruffled his feathers. "Yes, I think he failed at his duty to keep you…" He trailed off.

"Keep me what?" I raised a brow.

Crepsley gritted his teeth but forced the words out anyway. "Preferably conscious."

Part of me wanted to ask if he was upset about the fact that I was unconscious when he saw me or that I was unconscious in Kurda's arms when he saw me. Now wasn't the place to do so, my gut told me. And, truly, I wasn't sure how I might react if it were the latter. "Funny, I thought that was my responsibility." I said cheekily as I reached for a barrel of something or another.

Before I could touch it, however, his hand shot out and grabbed my wrist. I startled, looking up with wide eyes. Neither of us said anything at first. We simply…stared. He looked like he knew what to say, but he was debating whether or not to say it. I wanted to know what those thoughts were.

"Mister…Crepsley?"

He blinked and just like that, the debate in his head was decided. He released my wrist and sat up straight. He closed his eyes briefly as he turned his head towards Gavner. Just like that, the conversation was done, but with more questions than answers.

* * *

The next day, I was introduced to the Princes in person with Seba and Crepsley at my side. Paris greeted me warmly and joked about my mentor. Mika nodded and seemed cool otherwise, distant. Arrow was no better. I wasn't sure how to take their reactions, but Seba assured me that it went well.

My worries were quickly tossed aside when I ran into Arra. Knowing that an 'easy spar' wasn't in her vocabulary, I instead suggested that we roam and talk. She agreed, adding that only if we drank afterwards, but towards in the evening. She wanted to fight a few others first. I agreed – how could I not since I was still in no proper shape to fight?

I spent my day trying to familiarize myself with the Halls. By the evening, I found Arra leaving the bars without many marks on her. Waving, she found me and we walked. "So," I asked the question that had been on my mind all day, "what's the protocol for dating with vampires? The fun before mating?" Despite my best attempt, I was blushing. I tried not to acknowledge it, instead staring straight ahead.

Arra, however, would have none of it. She smirked and inquired, "Who are you thinking of when you ask that?"

"No one!" I nearly yelled, my face darkening. "You're as bad as Gavner!"

This only amused her further. "Why haven't you asked your master?"

I snorted and I glanced at her. "Are you joking? Ask Mr. Crepsley? I don't think either of us could handle the conversation." It'd take four times as long to talk about it with how we'd both stumble. Actually, I wasn't sure if I would even learn anything from it.

She smirked. Arra looked me over once and I wondered what she thought. Really, I felt like I were something of a younger sister asking for dating advice – and instantly regretted the thought. My heart ached at the thought of a sibling. How was my own little sister doing right now? Mrs. Whatever Her Rich Husband's Last Name Was?

Thankfully Arra brought me back to the present. "There's no set 'rules'. It works the same way it does with the humans in terms of courtship." I stared blankly. She was showing her age. "It depends on the persons involved. As for the mating commitment, you don't sign anything if that's what you're thinking. It's a simple verbal agreement on the number of years you want to live as mates." As we walked, she raised a brow. "So who are you thinking of mating with?"

I tried to combat the feeling of wanting to hide under a rock. "No one! I told you already! Why are you so instant on that?!"

"Your reaction." Arra didn't skip a beat to answer. "Not to mention, you aren't like the other vampires, woman or not." She was grinning now. "I bet this is your first time surrounded by male vampires. You wouldn't ask without a reason…and person in mind."

I stared at her, wondering if she had the ability to read minds somehow. Was that a vampire power? Nah, impossible. But then again…um. "Perhaps I do." I admitted reluctantly.

"Does Larten know?"

"I don't think so, he suspects that…" I paused. "Wait, 'Larten'? So you know him?"

We turned into another hall. "He hasn't mentioned me?" She raised an eyebrow. I shook my head. Come to think of it, he hasn't mentioned a lot of anything about anyone. "I met him when I was a servant of Evanna." Pause. I had no idea who that was either but no matter. "We were mates for a time."

I stopped walking and stared. Arra and…Mr. Crepsley had…been mates? How long? When?! Why had he never mentioned it?! He never spoke of any past loves, but even when the topic of Arra and mating came up, he stayed silent! How could he not tell me?!

"Are you really that shocked?" Arra sounded surprised at my surprise. It was then I realized my mouth had been hanging open.

"N-no. Okay, yes. How? I mean, no, not how! I mean, when? How long? Did it end badly?" Maybe that was why he had never brought it up. Ooh, maybe she broke his heart.

Arra rest a hand on her waist, shifting her stance as she too stood with me. "Hm. Several decades ago, for about ten years." She offered a small smile. "We simply agreed it was best not to renew the commitment."

Several decades ago? I was floored. This had caught me off guard. In vampire years, this was still fairly recent. But they had…they were…I felt my heart sink a bit. I tried to ignore it, but it was too great to. "Oh." I muttered. Why hadn't Crepsley told me?

More importantly…Arra. Was this the type of woman that Crepsley wanted? She wasn't sure how to ask him that, she wasn't even sure if she would. But…I became sharply aware of the differences between this woman and myself. Not only in looks – total opposite – but behavior and age. I…was nothing like her.

Did I want to be? Why? And why hadn't Crepsley told me?

That orange vampire was just so…reserved all the time. It didn't hit me just how reserved and distant until now. My shoulders slouched a bit. Before Arra could inquire what was with me, an aged hand rested on my shoulder lightly. I jumped, not from any pain of my bruised flesh – it was more of a feather-like touch – but from the surprise of it. How deep in thought had I been?

When I looked up, I felt mixed about seeing Seba Nile. "Good evening, Arra, Sam." He greeted cheerfully. "Arra, would you mind if I stole away your companion for a while? I am in need of someone her size."

Arra smirked. "If you must, Quartermaster. We'll have to drink together another time, Sam." She nodded to me and slipped away into the hall.

My first irrational thought was 'Crepsley's also in that hall'. My second was 'Arra's inside the hall with Crepsley'. Luckily Seba cut me off before my brain could produce a third one. "Sam, would you mind accompanying me to the supply room?"

"Hm? Oh, sure." I walked with him in silence. My attention was shot, my mind elsewhere.

Seba waited until we were in the storage room before speaking, "You did not know that Larten and Arra were once mates."

I started. "N-no, evidently I'm the only one who didn't." I looked up at him as he shut the door. "I…guess you overheard?"

"I did," he said with a bit of apology in his tone, "and I admit, I did not approach you immediately afterwards because I was curious as to what went through your mind." He offered a soft smile. "I don't think I've seen such surprise since Larten drank the vinegar-wine vat he stole from me."

I tried to smile but couldn't. This only furthered my original question. "He…he's never told me much." I said as I went to sit on a barrel. "Mr. Crepsley. He's really reserved. I never realized how much until…"

Like Crepsley, Seba looked like he had something to say but was unsure whether or not to say it. Luckily for me, he did. "I will not tell you how Larten came to be in my care – that is his story to tell – but I will say that we have similar blood." When I raised a brow, he explained, "You are aware that a vampire can taste evil in someone's blood, yes?" I thought back to Steve and nodded solemnly. "Evil will taste sweet, overly so depending on the level. When I first tested Larten, I could taste just a hint of sweetness. It was there, subtle but noticeable. I suggested that it meant that he was strong-willed, easily enraged, and more prone to violence than most. Does this sound like the Mr. Crepsley you know?"

I thought. "Strong-willed, sure, but not the other two. Far from, actually." I made a face, glad of it. Well, even at the beginning when we met…his temper was rare.

Seba nodded. "It is because he heeded my advice, although it took many decades. I told him that he would have to tread cautiously and guard his emotions carefully if he wished to master them. I believe that is part of the reason why he is so reserved. It is not easy for him to be so open after so long of practicing."

"And the other part of the reason?" I asked quietly.

"We all through pain and suffering at one point or another. Some instances stick more with you than others."

"I see." I thought for a long moment. That might explain his behavior. Still, my heart was still gloomy. "Thank you for that, Seba."

"Of course, Sam. Now, if you will, we need to take these two boxes to the kitchen before joining the others in the dining hall."

"Does it matter that I'm injured?" He gave me a look and I laughed as I hopped off the barrel. "Were you so harsh on Mr. Crepsley?"

At this, it was Seba's turn to laugh. "Far worse, Sam, far worse."

As we walked through the halls – he walked freely as I carried two boxes – he explained a bit further. He told me about how he had Crepsley, his human assistant at the time, hunt for him in the wild. They slept outside, rarely built fires no matter how cold it got, and ate raw meat. I shuddered. He spoke of how Crepsley had served him and guarded him during the day. Seba's expectations for his assistant were quite high and Crepsley strived to meet them all. On the off time Crespsley messed up – whether by asking too many questions or otherwise – he would get a cuff around the ears.

I was floored for a second time that evening. I had never had to be so fierce as Crepsley's assistant. Sure I hunted, but I was a half-vampire. To think Crepsley did all that while a human was insane! Not only that, but since we lived mostly at the Cirque, I didn't have to guard Crepsley often during the day or serve him excessively. All in all, it…we were talking about two different worlds, I thought. Above all, I couldn't recall a time when Crepsley struck me. Sure, he had grabbed me and shook me a few times but nothing past that.

Seba was a tough master and Crepsley excelled. Crepsley as a master, however, treated me…differently. Gentler. Was it because he thought I couldn't meet his standards? I _had_ been blooded because I wanted to escape my situation and forced Crepsley's hand. I didn't prove myself as a human as he had done to Seba, just…held him over a barrel, so to speak. Since then, we hadn't been in many situations where I had to prove my worth either. Unless sparring counted, but I doubted it.

When we, I, dropped off the boxes at the kitchen, we went back to the dining hall. Seba was telling me another tale but I was only half-listening. When we got in and sat at the table with Crepsley, Gavner, Harkat, and a few other vampires I hadn't met yet, I nibbled on some bread. Whatever they were saying, I didn't pay attention at all. I wasn't even aware of Crepsley's gaze lingering on me several times throughout the night.

My thoughts consisted of my doubts. Why hadn't Crepsley tested me like that? Did he think less of me? Did he think I couldn't possibly reach his expectations? I was nothing like him when he was younger and certainly not like Arra. I wasn't strong like they were. I hadn't earned anything, just stomped and threw a tantrum for my way. Did he tolerate me because he had to or did he like me? Was he proud? Did he find me embarrassing?

I knew vampires weren't especially emotional and I also knew I had broken down into tears…many times with this man. Was I weak for that? Was I physically weak for not having hunted like he did as a human? For not fighting with the others more often, to make a name for myself? Was I shaming him somehow? Did he treat me gently because I was a girl, a woman first and not seen as a vampire first, as Arra was?

I knew he was reserved and Seba's explanation made sense…but after all we had gone through, surely he should have felt comfortable enough to disclose something, right? Or did he feel not sort of trust and comfort to me, since I had never proven myself worthy?

All of these thoughts swam in my mind in no particular order. I thought about drinking it all away, but I knew I'd regret it in more ways than one. Still, they repeated without mercy as the night went on.

Should I even be a vampire?

That thought made me stop cold. I had just been toying with a barrel, not drinking from it, when I thought of it. I let my hand fall onto the table.

I didn't feel…like I belonged here. It felt like I had taken someone's place. No idea who, but still. I'm not sure why or how, but the feeling hit me like…well, like Arra's staff to my temple. I shouldn't be here, I thought with a flurry of panic traveling through my limbs. I didn't belong here. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be a vampire, half or otherwise. I wasn't meant to be this way. I wasn't supposed to be…

"Sam?" Crepsley's voice cut through the thickening fog of my panic. "Are you alright? You are suddenly quite pale."

He had spoken soft enough but since he was across the table from me, his concern caught the attention of our table mates. I could feel the cold sensation leave my face only to be replaced with an embarrassing warmth. "I…" my voice caught.

I didn't want them to look at me, Seba and Gavner and Harket. I didn't want to be stared at by anyone, not anyone here. I wasn't up to vampire standards. I didn't have the cool exterior they could muster, not with this sharp wave of emotions that hit. I couldn't be seen to break down like this, in a cold sweat, in a panic, in a mess. Not in front of these vampires. Not for my sake and Crepsley's.

"Please excuse me." I managed to choke out as I got up from my seat. I darted through the crowd, glad it swallowed me up and kept their gazes from my trembling form.

With each step, the thoughts worsened, growing louder and quicker in repeating themselves. Not strong enough, not worthy. Don't belong. Not meant to be. Wrong place. Wrong existence. Weak. Lost.

Just as I turned the third hall, close to my room, I ran into a body. I jumped and made to apologize when they beat me to it. "Sorry about that, Samantha, I didn't see you. I thought you were in the…are you alright?" The sheepish tone turned into concern quickly. I looked up and saw Kurda – if I wasn't pale before, I was now.

No, not Kurda. I couldn't face him right now. Not now!

"S-sorry. Yes. Please, just…" I darted around him and ran. Fuck it. Fuck trying to be casual and hide. I ran and I didn't stop until I got to my room, barricading myself in for privacy. In there, I let myself break down and didn't hold back.


	27. Chapter 27

I made a decision the next day.

No more tears. No more panic. No more…nothing.

I let myself experience the emotions and doubts last night. That was it. I resolved to prove myself worthy of being a half-vampire. Last night's breakdown had happened and now I must rebuild myself from it, on it…I was determined.

So despite the lingering soreness and fading bruises, I went to the Hall of Sports after a quick breakfast. Alright, perhaps I was avoiding the usual folks – Crepsley included. I greeted Vanez with a smile and spoke briefly. It didn't take long to find someone who wanted to fight hand-to-hand.

Or with swords.

Or with knives.

I repeated the cycle throughout the rest of the day. Sometimes I won, sometimes I lost – every single time, however, I hurt like hell. In the evening, I slipped by the hall to wave at the usual table from the crowd before slipping away. I grabbed a bite from the kitchen and collapsed in my room with hope to recover.

This pattern continued for a week.

I was relieved to hear that my name had gotten around by the third day for my persistence in hand-to-hand combat. I focused on that after. Knives and swords were intense and interesting, but I had a few cuts and gashes all throughout my body that I knew might scar over. From my ankles to my ears, ugh.

I wasn't able to dodge the people I wanted to dodge for an entire week. I saw Arra daily at the Hall, naturally. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't stop until I could defeat her. I saw Seba a few times throughout the week at a meal. He would inform me of what people were saying, congratulating me. Harkat and I shared a room so we talked daily. Gavner had General business often. Kurda had Princely things to do – thank the gods. Crepsley…was harder to dodge.

He often tried to stop by my room in the evening. I was often out cold by the time though, or at least faked it until I actually did fall asleep. Once or twice I saw him in the crowd as I fought – or I thought I did. Maybe I was hopeful and seeing things then. Otherwise I sat with him at dinner long enough just to scarf down food and duck out.

I knew they were wondering, Crepsley especially. They never asked out right. I think my mentor wanted to, but I suspected his mentor warned him against it. It simply looked like I was trying to make a name for myself – a common practice amongst the vampires. Yet they were suspicious.

Just after a week of this, I got another concussion. I rested for half a day before I grew bored. I had been lucky to keep from breaking my ribs or any bones really. How? I wasn't sure. Truth be told, I had noticed my movements getting slower over the past day. It explained why I got the concussion. I was tired, almost exhausted. I had to take rest or I would mess up and have my bones broken – or, worse, limbs torn off. I shuddered.

So I took this day off as a godsend. I wasn't going to rest myself if I had the choice. No, I was determined to prove myself strong and worthy of the vampire blood that coursed in my veins. But this concussion worked out well enough. So I roamed the halls. If my mentor had heard of it, he did not visit.

When I turned a corner, I spotted a familiar bright blue vampire halfway down the hall. I smiled despite myself. "Hey! Kurda!" I called out since he was walking away from me.

He turned at hearing his name and smiled when he caught sight of me. "Samantha! Hello, I didn't expect to see you outside the Hall of Sports."

I tried to ignore how my heart skipped a beat when he smiled at me. "Neither did I," she admitted, "but a concussion sent me out for a while."

"Only a 'while'?" He half-joked. "You might want to conserve your strength for the Festival, you know."

I blinked as we stood before each other. "Er, Festival?" My head tilted slightly.

His brows furrowed slightly. "Yes, the Festival of the Undead. Didn't…Larten tell you about it?" My heart sunk. Just another thing he refused to mention. This time it seemed harsher since it sounded to be vampire-related. And a festival? That was fairly important to neglect. My emotions must have flickered over my face – damn concussion screwing up my control – for Kurda looked sympathetic. "I'm sure he was just overwhelmed. I've heard his first time in the Festival didn't go so well." Chuckle. "No matter. The Festival of the Undead is a three day event that starts when the last member of the clan arrives – fourth Prince withstanding. It's essentially three days of eating, drinking, and fighting, no one can deny a challenge."

I thought about it. "That doesn't sound too bad. Actually, it sounds like now minus the denying part." I felt excited, this would be a way to win some respect, prove myself worthy.

"Doesn't it?" He smiled. "It's a bit more intense since all the vampires, even the Princes and the more reserved elders, get involved. It's bedlam when the fights break out – all over the place at that, even though the designated areas are the Halls of Sport."

I shifted on my feet. Alright, so perhaps I should save my strength. "Right, good idea then. Thanks for telling me."

"I've heard your name on many lips lately…I suspect you'll get many challenges during those three days." Even though he said it cheerfully, I grimaced. Maybe it was just the injuries that made me feel exhausted at the idea. Kurda then looked slightly confused. He leaned slightly on his right side, his hand half-raised before he caught himself and let it fall. "Is that…on your ear, is that a cut?"

I could feel myself reddening under his observation. "O-oh, yeah. From my…eighteenth match I think? With someone named Gurder. I've…got a few others, but they're healing already." Why did I shrink at telling Kurda about my wounds? With any other vampire, it was seen as a trophy and I gloated at the number of cuts and gashes all over my body. But with Kurda, I felt awkward…and shameful.

"I'm glad to hear it," he admitted, "Is that the most extensive injuries so far?"

I didn't want to tell him. I shifted on my feet. "No, there's three fairly sized…wounds on my leg, ribs, and shoulder. But they're practically healed!" I bit my bottom lip. "What have you been up to since I last saw you at the Prince's meeting?" I wanted to change the subject. I didn't feel right talking about the marks I sustained from my week of fighting. I felt…foolish before him.

I think he caught onto it as well because his eyes were lit with question. For now, however, he played along. I dreaded when he would ask me though. "Mostly trying to answer questions and tackle that message from Mr. Tiny. Harkat really managed to get the vampires riled." He shook his head.

I blinked. Ah, right the Vampaneze Lord. "Think it's real? Something to be concerned about?"

His eyes flashed before he shrugged dismissively. "It's a myth. It isn't the first time that that Mr. Tiny has lied to rile up one side or the other." Pause. "We don't need and shouldn't go to the war again. There are other ways to save our race."

War…I would die. As simple as that. I'm not sure where the thought came from, but there it was. I wondered if it was from my doubts or…something else. I swallowed thickly and tried to shrug it off. I brushed my hair back, mentally noting to cut it soon, and winced when my fingertips brushed against a slight cut on the back of my neck. Had it been any deeper…

"Samantha?" I blinked and looked up at the soon-to-be Prince. "I have some free time…and if you feel up to it, perhaps I could play tour guide again." He grinned. "Hopefully this time I'll return you conscious, if not a bit dirtier than before."

I raised a brow with a grin of intrigue. "I can handle a bit of walking around. But, uh, dirtier?" My mind went to a place it shouldn't have.

"You'll see." He patted his pockets and nodded, evidently having what he hoped to have. "Come on." He started to walk. I caught up quickly and wondered what he had planned up his sleeve. Despite my inquiries, he wouldn't tell me.

It didn't take long for my questions to be answered anyway. We soon entered one of the many tunnels that led throughout the mountain. I looked over as he pulled out a map. That's right! He had a hobby of mapmaking, I nearly forgot that. "We're going to roam and find new places to sketch?" I asked hopefully.

Kurda seemed thrilled with my excitement. "Hopefully, and perhaps mark off any tunnels that have fallen."

"May I see?" I glanced over his arm to see. He offered it to me and I looked it over as we slowly walked. We were on a downward incline, careful of any rocks that we might trip on. My eyes widened as I looked over his work – it was so much nicer than my treasurer map as a kid. "Kurda, this is so precise and detailed!"

"Were you expecting something sloppy?" He chuckled.

I looked up with surprise. "Oh! No, not at all, I…"

"Peace," he smiled at my worry, "I'm only joking." He pointed to a spot on the map. "We're here, soon we'll take a left," his finger traced over the written path, "and then after two rights, we'll end up here."

"What's 'here'?" I raised a brow, looking up. I tried to ignore how my heart leapt when I realized just how close he was to me.

Kurda's blue eyes were bright with mischief and excitement. "You'll see." He took the map back from me and walked.

I couldn't help but feel giddy. The mystery kept it interesting. We walked in silence mostly, talking lightly to discuss when he found one place or another. I complimented him for his patience and he gave a shy laugh. As we turned into the second to last tunnel, he paused.

I glanced up and saw his hesitation. So far the tunnels had been between spacious and wide, but this one was a bit smaller. By 'a bit', I mean only one person could go at a time. We made it through carefully and I was glad to not have any sort of claustrophobia.

The last tunnel before this 'secret' was a downward incline that allowed us room to stretch our arms out but we had to crouch. "I imagine most of the other vampires wouldn't be able to fit down here." I commented, referring to the size of their muscles.

"You'd imagine right." Kurda shot me a grin over his shoulder. "Be careful," he warned, "the ground only lets us walk on the incline because it's of very…rough terrain." I glanced down to see what he meant. They looked like little spikes. I nodded briefly and crouched with him.

"This must be some treasure," I muttered after a minute. Before Kurda could remark, I lost my footing. I gasped as I fell forward, preparing to feel the sharp pain in my knees from the treacherous ground. It never came though. Instead, I found steady, warm arms wrap around me. My hands had grabbed at whatever they could, holding a fistful of fabric as a result. My face was pressed against a shoulder.

A moment passed. I could hear a heartbeat that wasn't mine. I opened my eyes and glanced up, freezing. Merely an inch away from my face was Kurda's, wearing a similar expression of surprise, relief, and…perhaps a bit of awkwardness.

"Thanks." I whispered, throat suddenly dry. If I leaned forward or if he leaned forward…just a bit…we could…

"No problem." He sounded just as strained as I did, perhaps more so. "You've been through enough without the insult of the tunnel to add."

His shifted his hands and I was keenly aware that they were on my lower back. Had I not been crouching, my knees would have gone weak at how lovely it felt. Simple, but lovely, the pressure of touch. Strands of his hair escaped from the ponytail and rest over his shoulder, brushing against my cheek as I was against him.

"Too kind." I managed to spit out, my eyes locked on his. I wanted…more. I wanted to lean into his embrace further. But for a number of reasons, I resisted.

As I pulled away, he kept his arms out until he was sure that I was steady on my feet once more. He shifted and I caught something flash over his face. Pain. I glanced down and realized how he was able to stop me from falling while maintaining his own balance. His knee had sunk into the spikes.

I gasped. The soft scent of blood, his blood, filled the small area. "You're hurt! Damn, I'm sorry, I didn't…" I felt horrible that he had drawn blood because of me, even if it were such a small bit – a scrape, really.

He didn't turn away just yet but looked caught off guard. "It's alright, it just stings a bit. Better it on me than you." He smiled. "Although…I don't think I've ever met a vampire who would apologize for such a small thing." There was teasing in his voice, but there was something else as well. I tried to figure it out and recognized it after a moment: wonder.

I had the brief feeling that if any other vampire had heard that, they would have laughed me out of the mountain. I knew I should feel embarrassed by it. A vampire apologizing for being the cause of a simple itty bitty scrape of another? Few even apologized for spearing off a limb or an eye. But at Kurda said it…I felt…oddly calm. Not quite at peace, but comfortable.

This was a man who didn't like to fight, who preferred logic over pride, and who was to be Prince from the accomplishments he made with his mind rather than his muscles. So I didn't worry that he might laugh at me or take it wrong. I think…I think he was appreciative of my gesture. I think he…well, he was staring at me right now. I cleared my throat. "Yeah, I…guess it's either the part-human or youth in me." I tried to joke.

Kurda's expression softened before he turned away, continuing down the trail carefully. "It's a shame both change then." It was more of a mutter than a statement. It struck me all the same and I lagged behind momentarily.

At the end of the tunnel, Kurda stepped out and stood before offering me a hand. I glanced at it before taking it, stretching out my back as I stood. When I looked before me, I gasped. My hand fell but remained in his, my grip slack but still there from the emotions that coursed through me.

Before us were a field of glowing wildflowers. Yes, that was the first impression. The room was covered with flowers despite the cold and they all glowed softly, providing a light that outlined the flowers perfectly. "What is this…?" I whispered, stepping forward to observe them closer. It was then that I realized I was still holding his hand and quickly let go.

Kurda seemed a bit flustered at that bit too, I could hear it in his voice. "They…ah, they're a unique set of flowers that only grow in this fungus and moss, which glows as you can see." He watched as I knelt down and sniffed them. "When their stems are broken, the smell is stronger – I suspect it's from the moss somehow. The bit of a creek," which I just noticed, "provides them the ability to live. They thrive on darkness though."

I touched the petals of a few flowers, unsure of what to even make of them as a name. They were of an interesting mix. "Amazing." I whispered, "They feel like the moss itself. How…?"

"Not sure, they've been here even before I've been." He chuckled as he knelt beside me on his good knee. "As you can guess, not many know they exist."

I plucked one and brought it up to my nose. Instantly the scent filled the area around us. It was a pleasant scent of moss, fresh flowers, and…something else I couldn't quite identity. If water had a scent, that was it, but sweetly. I made to look at him, to ask if he could name that third scent, when I realized he had been watching me. I froze.

"Beautiful sight to behold." He murmured.

Was he…speaking about the flowers? Or…or me? My lips parted but no sound came out. He seemed to snap out of the moment first by clearing his throat. He stood and looked around, talking more about how he came to find this place. I listened partly while my mind kept spinning. Standing with the flower in my hand, I took in the unusual sight.

After a while, we decided to head back up. A hard trek later, we were back in the halls of the mountain. Voices were down the way, echoing. We were back in…civilization, in a sense. "Thank you for that," I smiled at Kurda. I snickered. "Your poor hair is covered in dirt. So is your face."

"It'll wash out." He grinned back at me and pointed out, "You've got some dirt on you as well, but still conscious!"

I nodded. "Our tours are getting better then." I watched him for a second before clearing my throat. "I should wash up before I go to dinner. Will you be there?"

"I should, if I can avoid Paris between here and there. That man can move for his age." Kurda shook his head in amazement.

"Great." I grimaced at how excited that one word sounded. "Well uh…I'll save you a seat." I made to turn, but paused. With a quick decision made, I slipped the flower – which was pale in the light of the torches – into his vest before running off.


	28. Chapter 28

It finally hit me why I was hesitant to show my wounds with pride to Kurda. While we were at dinner later that evening, I found my gaze lingering a bit more on Kurda than normal. I thought no one noticed, but judging by Crepsley's grumpy mood, he must have. The blond vampire, however, didn't seem any wiser.

In the middle of it all though, I knew. I didn't want to gloat about my injuries to Kurda because I knew that he appreciated something else: the mind. I was conflicted almost immediately. Kurda wasn't a normal vampire by any means…and evidently neither was I. But I wanted to be. I wanted to prove my worth, that I was supposed to be here, that I belonged…

Yet…my ideas and views…didn't match. Not entirely. I understood the vampire way, but I…didn't agree so fully and warmly as the others did. Kurda seemed to be similar. Hell, he was similar. So while I was trying to make a name for myself like the great General Sails or General Purl…I also wanted to make a name for myself like General Smahlt. How could I do both if they did not mesh well together? How could I be myself and be a vampire at the same time?

Never mind finding a place for myself where I could be at peace, what about Kurda? That was, what…was I going to do about him? And me? I couldn't deny it, the feelings I had towards him mirrored the ones I had with Erik so many years ago. I knew what that meant. But did he feel similar about me? How would I find out?

And something told me that Mr. Crepsley wouldn't be happy about it either.

I sighed into my drink. Well, it wasn't like he could forbid me from it. I wasn't a child and he wasn't my…well, alright technically he was my master, but still. Kurda would be a Prince, surely he'd call any unfair nonsense. And even if Crepsley didn't forbid it, he wouldn't approve…and that hurt worse than him forbidding.

"Samantha?" My eyes opened – when did I close them? I looked up to meet Kurda's gaze.

"Hm? Yes?" How long had I been like that?

"You look like you're about to fall asleep." I nearly sighed in relief at hearing that. "I'm about to retire myself. I can walk you to your room if you'd like." He set aside his mug.

I was about to agree when I caught a shift to my side. Crepsley had gripped his drink tighter. "Actually," he spoke suddenly, "I need to talk to my assistant in private." It had been quite a while since I heard his voice, come to think of it. I had been avoiding him as much as I could over the past week.

Kurda nodded and stood. "Good night Samantha, Seba, Gavner…Larten." He slipped away into the crowd.

Seba and Gavner retired shortly, leaving just me and Crepsley at the table. I tensed more and more as they departed one by one. Great, I thought, what was he going to talk to me about now? I contemplated faking ill, but that was a bit childish.

When we were finally alone, I lifted my gaze to look over the orange vampire. He looked tense, irked perhaps…but he also seemed tired. I suddenly missed our nights at the Cirque. I missed our training sessions and light jests. But then I remembered how reserved he had been, how I had to find out about…nearly everything from someone else. Gavner, Seba, Arra, Kurda…it was a pattern.

"Mr. Crepsley." I spoke with an edge to my tone. I swallowed and tried again. "What is it you wanted to talk about?" My voice was softer.

This seemed to take some of the stiffness from his shoulders. He looked at me and I flinched. I'm not sure why, honestly. It just…hurt to see his eyes like that. Like… "I have heard you spent the past week in the Hall of Sports."

"Yup." I said shortly.

"Except for today."

I blinked. News traveled fast. "Yup again." Some part of me told me that this wasn't going to end well.

"When I went to visit you, you were not in your room."

"Am I grounded or something?" I raised a brow.

He gave a snort that was amused and exasperated. "I do not believe I could ground you if I tried." My mind flashed back to Seba, to hearing how he would cuff his assistant. "Where were you?"

I toyed with the barrel before me absentmindedly. "Why do you ask?" Why was I being defensive? Why was I uneasy? Well…Kurda, in a simple word. And honestly…I…didn't want to talk about the place that Kurda took me. It was…'ours', whatever that meant.

This didn't go over well with Crepsley though. He frowned. "Because I am your mentor and I had a task for you to do. When my assistant is nowhere in sight when I need her, what sort of assistant is she then?"

My heart sunk a bit. Guilt. Shame. But then I thought of his silence and felt that sinking feeling turn hot, irked. "I was touring with Kurda, if you must know. Although I don't see why I should have to tell you anything when you tell me nothing." Was I drunk? No, I had been drinking water all night. Great, so this was just my own stupidity working.

Crepsley's eyes darkened as he sat up taller. Clearly he didn't like what I was saying. I was faintly aware that there were others nearby but I wasn't sure whether or not I could take comfort from this. "I do not like your dismissive tone, Mistress Ivy. Would you care to explain your second sentence?"

Now I felt eyes on me, on us. I shifted in my seat. I think he became aware of it too because he stood. To have him reprimand me before others was acceptable, expected possibly – that is at least the impression that Seba gave me in his tales. Yet if I were to speak back and put Crepsley in an awkward position of shame or be shamed…

Perhaps we had the same thought because my arm was grabbed before I could blink. The orange haired vampire led me away, nearly dragged me the first few steps, and I tried to fight the blush that crept up my neck. Oh gods, I thought, it was the first day at the Cirque all over again.

Only when we were alone in a hall did he stop, but he didn't let go at first. "Explain." He stated after releasing me.

I gritted my teeth. I refused to feel like I was a child being scolded, yet I also had to be careful not to act the part either. "Why don't you instead explain the Festival of the Undead? Or how you and Arra were mates not too long ago? Or simply why you never speak a word of the past to me? Why you remain shut up and distant?" My heart was pounding. I wasn't ready for this conversation.

He looked taken aback. He wasn't expecting this. Still, he recovered quickly and spoke evenly, "I was going to explain the Festival when the time came. As to my previous mating experiences, I did not see it relevant to bring up. It is in the past, as you said. Likewise, you could have asked if you were curious."

I tensed and tried not to fly off the handle. "Pardon me, Mr. Crepsley," sarcasm crept into my words, "but I think your sense of timing is shit." Okay, perhaps I was a bit more…irritated than I should have been. "And any time I've asked you something personal, you either dodge it or give me a short answer!"

He stepped forward, closing whatever distance was between us and towered over me. "I will not have my assistant speaking such foul language. I was right to remove you from the dining hall for if you had spoken so freely to me before the others…"

I tensed and scowled up at him. "You'd what?" Now I was just insane. "Cuff me around ears? As Seba did you?" I wasn't sure why I asked. Maybe I wanted to challenge him. Maybe I did want him to hit me. Or maybe I wanted to see his reaction.

His eyes lit with a sense of understanding. Still, his body language was still tense, irritated, restrained. As usual, reserved. Maybe I did want to provoke a reaction from him. "If I ever did something so drastic, I suspect you would never forgive me."

"You're right, I wouldn't…but I'd be more unforgiving if you let it pass." He raised a brow at my statement. Whatever understanding he had, or thought he had, disappeared. A cold hand traveled over my spine. Oh gods, I thought, I did want to provoke some sort of emotional outburst from him. Was this childish? Was I in the wrong?

My self-doubts and shortcomings were forgotten for the moment. I wanted to blow the lid off of his restraint, force him to react on impulse and not logic. In short, I wanted him to show just a clip of himself before and after he met Seba. I wanted to witness firsthand that temper he had in his youth.

Maybe then he would be more open with me.

"If you want your assistant to tell you where she's been, then you need to tell her where you've been." Different time tenses…I ignored how I spoke in third person sort of. And nope, I was sober. "Information is a two-way street." Oh, dangerous territory in the next part. "I went with Kurda and had the best time since the Cirque." Even mentioning the Prince-to-be would irk Crepsley immediately.

I leaned forward in the non-existent space between us, our faces a few inches away. Despite it all, I really didn't want to risk anyone overhearing us just in case the hall wasn't truly empty. "And if you are really so concerned about what I might say in front of the others, your friends…the Princes…then allow me to give you a preview." Oh, my heart felt like it was pounding against my ribcage. "Go fuck yourself."

No sooner did the final syllable leave my lips did I face the consequences. Crepsley grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled back with little mercy. I could feel his sharp nails digging into my skull and it took all of my will not to cry out. One wrong move and I suspected I'd be left with a bald spot. My eyes watered but I held his gaze, refusing to back down.

Despite the sharp pain, this was what I wanted. I wanted him to react from temper, emotion. No reserved, well-thought out words. With this, I hoped, the guard he build around himself, the wall, would crack just enough for him to speak freely with me another time. To break a dam, really.

Still, my eyes watered from the pain. My fingers twitched with the desire, the need, to grab his arm and force him away. But I knew if I moved even an inch, it wouldn't end well. So I focused on keeping still.

Before he could speak or even regain a sense of self-control, a new voice rang out sharply. "Larten, what is the meaning of this?" It was Seba!

My heart flipped and I felt sick suddenly. Shit! Seba found us! Well of course, it made sense that the Quartermaster would do a quick round before he slept to ensure all was well. I cursed in my mind before Crepsley released me. My scalp protested, stinging still, but I ignored it. There was now a good two or three feet between us. I thought I should speak, explain to Seba, save Crepsley from whatever would come next…but my voice failed me.

"Mistress Ivy," Crepsley's ragged voice startled me, "it would be best if you retired for the night."

I nodded mutely and walked away quickly despite the tremble in my legs. I wasn't sure if my plan worked or backfired. More so, I wanted to know what those two would be talking about.

* * *

The next day was incredibly tense. I kept to the Hall of Sports to hide from Seba and Crepsley. I caught both in the Hall once but managed to avoid them either by engaging someone in a fight or just ducking in the crowd. I wasn't ready to talk about any of last night. I wasn't ready to think about it even.

So I pushed myself in the Hall. Because of this, I won most of the fights I participated in. I think it was the ratio of how many and how many won that spread the news faster. Of my victories, that was. That night I stopped by the kitchen and hid in my room.

The following day offered a change in things.

About midway into the day, right after I won my sixth fight, Vanez pulled me aside and slapped my back in congratulations. I had to take a moment to keep from falling over and thanked him. As we walked around, he began to speak.

"You've improved rapidly!" He complimented me. I thanked him and wiped some sweat away from my forehead. "I know you're only a half-vampire, but have you thought about doing the Trials of Initiation?"

I tensed at Vanez's question. "Um…no." It wasn't a lie. I didn't know what the hell they were so how could I think about doing them? Once again, I cursed Crepsley.

"I think you'd have a grand time! Before you would make it officially known, I could train you in advance. Most Generals as of late have trained under me before they've taken their Trials. What do you say?" Vanez looked at me with a wide smile.

I stopped walking. Generals? Training? Okay, I gave up. There was no way I could be graceful about this. "Sorry, but uh…what exactly…are the Trials?" I shifted my stance.

Vanez's smile fell. "What?! You don't…" when he saw my awkward look, he cleared his throat. Then he explained. Five tasks all generally difficult – some harder than others – that those who wanted to become Generals took. Some took them for fun. Of course, they were better called the Trials of Death as if you failed once, you were pretty much dead. But, he added, with training, with beating all the trials…the person would prove themselves to be worthy vampires.

I felt as though I were in a dream. Trials? Prove your strength and worth? This was the solution I had been looking for, not all this fighting in the Hall of Sports. The Trials of Initiation. To win all the trials was to prove your worth as a vampire. I found myself smiling wide, mirroring Vanez. "Let me think about it further, I'll get back to you tomorrow." There was the chance of death. I also had no idea how long or how much training was involved. I needed to ask around, the reasonable side of me said. Don't just jump into it like…the other…vampires would…well then. If that wasn't a contradiction, I didn't know what was.

Nonetheless, Vanez nodded and walked away. I made my way to the exit. I needed a drink and some time to think. Nearly immediately when I stepped outside, I spotted the familiar blond vampire. My heart did a jump and I was grinning once more. "Kurda!" I waved at him as we walked towards each other. "About to go challenge Arra?" I joked.

Kurda shared the grin and said, "Ah, even on my luckiest days I wouldn't dream of such. Are you done for the day?" Was that hope in his voice? Or maybe I was just hopeful that he was hopeful.

"Yes." Well, now I was. "Care to join me for a drink?" We walked together side by side. I stretched my arms, wincing at my muscles protesting, and ran a hand gingerly through my hair. It was past my shoulders, I needed to cut it. "So Vanez told me at the Trials of Initiation…I think I might do it." I had to say the words out loud. I wanted to hear what someone else thought of it. Given that Crepsley and I were…not terribly talkative right now, and seeing as how Kurda was closest physically, I spoke without pause.

Plus, hadn't he mentioned something about his own Trials?

I had expected excitement and interest from him. Instead he gave me a look of shock. "What?! Why would you do that?! You're only a half-vampire."

I stopped walking and stared at him in confusion. "Er…wait, what? What does that matter?" Come to think of it, Vanez had said something similar. "I thought that was how vampires 'proved' themselves." I tried to sound casual and hide the desperation in my voice.

Kurda looked conflicted. "They do, usually to become Generals as well. It isn't suggested for someone so young and inexperienced." And half-vampire, it went unsaid.

"Why ever not?" I raised a brow, a bit miffed at how he was talking about me. Self-doubts and consciousness were already eating me up, his comments, however fact, stung. "Vanez thought that I would excel at that, with a bit of his training."

Now Kurda looked exasperated and quietly growled Vanez's name. "Alright, this isn't your fault. I'm sure this was the first time you heard of such a thing. I wish Larten would tell you a bit more instead of leaving you ignorant." He muttered to himself at the end. "You haven't given your word to Vanez that you'll participate yet, have you?"

I tensed and felt my teeth gnash together as he spoke further. This was a first. "Not yet, I said I'd think about it." I steadied my voice.

"Thank the gods." Kurda muttered with relief. "Great, then you'll tell him 'no', won't you? The Trials are not meant for the inexperience even with Vanez's…"

Something flared within me. "Actually," I said a bit louder than needed to get him to hush, "I'm going to say 'yes'."

There was a moment where Kurda stared at me in silence, just stared. I didn't know what to say so I didn't speak. When he finally reacted, it was a simple blink. Then words came to him. "Why? You _do_ realize that if you fail, you will die, don't you?" He frowned slightly, displeased at a thought that came to him. "Are you trying to become a General?" When I shook my head, knowing that took more than just five trials to complete, his look of displeasure increased. "Then are you doing it to prove something to the others?"

I tensed. He took that as an answer, but then I spoke. "No."

He didn't believe me. "What does it matter what they think? Don't risk your life and limb just to prove to them that you're tough. I thought you didn't give into illogical thinking like that!" He seemed especially upset at that last part.

This only served to further irritate me. I felt a sharp pain at his words and cursed him and myself for it. Him for speaking them and myself for reacting. I clenched my fists, nails digging into my palms. Between last night and now, I had no patience left. "I don't care what they think! I'm doing this for me! I want to prove to myself that I'm worthy, that it wasn't a mistake to be blooded!" I trembled from the force of the emotions behind my words. I hadn't vocalized them until now.

Kurda stared at me and I flinched. That was why I had to do the Trials, why I wanted to. I couldn't take his silence. I didn't know what he was thinking. I turned and made to run when he grabbed my arm. I spun around, prepared to strike him with the vocal demand to be released, when I felt just how close we were. Perhaps he thought I would run and pulled with a bit of extra strength. The result was our bodies nearly flush together, faces merely inches apart, and our legs a tangled mess.

My heart raced and I forgot how to breathe. When he spoke, it was so quiet that I nearly missed the slight shake in his voice. "There are more ways than just physical strength to prove your worth as a vampire. I should know. We may be a rare kind, but it does not make us any less of a vampire for it."

His free hand went to his chest, his heart, and, given the lack of distance between us, brushed against my own. "In here is where one should judge himself, not no bars or in a ring or on a battlefield. If you know in your heart that you're true and behave, that should be enough." His gaze focused on mine intently, emphasizing his words.

Then Kurda's expression faltered and it looked like he was struggling with the next bit. His head leaned forward just a smidge more, as if shameful – or perhaps in temptation to rest our foreheads together. "I don't want to see you die…even the chance, however minor or vast, of your death makes me feel ill…and lonely."

He became blurry in my view as tears stung my eyes. Warmth flooded my body and each breath made me feel lighter. Reaching up, I rested my hand on his arm and closed my eyes, leaning my head forward. Our foreheads met and we stayed like that, cherishing the simple touch and connection. I smiled. Though my eyes were shut, I swore I felt a tear that wasn't mine course down my cheek.


	29. Chapter 29

Needless to say, I chose not to do the Trials.

The last vampire arrived the next day which signaled the start of the Festival of the Undead. Between the previous evening and now, Kurda and I had separated for business – him Princes, me Vanez. He hadn't been at dinner and neither had I. I still wasn't ready to face Crepsley, scared of the chance that my provocation might have failed.

So when the news came this morning, it all became a rush. We gathered at the dining hall for the Princes to speak. I spotted the orange vampire across the way – how could I not? – and tried to turn and hide when I bumped into an older vampire. "Seba! Er, hi." If I thought I could dodge him now, I was wrong.

"Sam!" He greeted me as though he hadn't walked in on Crepsley and I the other night. "You were about to travel the wrong way, did you know that?" Oh, that smart ass. Before I could comment, he offered his arm and nodded towards Crepsley. "Larten and the others are over here."

Nothing got by the old man. There was no excuse I could come up with to avoid it or him, so I sighed and accepted my fate by leading the way. He wouldn't let me run off. As we walked, I heard Seba speak. "When Larten experienced his first Festival, he hobbled outside to sulk. He had been defeated twice almost instantly and went to lick his wounded ego. When I heard this, I found him and knew that he was thinking about running." Why was he telling me all of this now? We got closer to Crepsley. "I told him a story and gave him some advice…he did not understand. He did not understand for many, many years." I glanced up at Seba from over my shoulder.

"And why are you telling me this now?"

He leaned forward and spoke lowly so no one would overhear. "Because if I had not stumbled upon the pair of you the other night, he would not have realized what your ploy had been." I tensed. We were close enough to where Crepsley finally noticed us. I couldn't read his expression. Was Seba leading me to my doom? "I explained to him that whatever transpired before he lashed out was planned. I told him that you were trying to make his guard around you lax."

"How did he take it?" I gasped out the words, certain my own expression was one of horror.

"You will see." With that, we were standing before Gavner and Crepsley, the former of which greeted us eagerly. The Festival was close, he said, just some official business and it could start! Crepsley, however, said nothing. He looked away from me as soon as we stopped walking. I wasn't sure how to feel about that.

Luckily, or unluckily, the Princes spoke. They greeted, read the names of those who had died and went to Paradise in the last twelve years, and then they smiled. "Luck!" A chorus of the word repeated before chaos and bedlam ensued.

Several challenges were issued to me and, for the most part, I won them all – except for a few bruises. I used the crowds to my advantage, using whatever was lying around that had bene dropped by the others. In short, environmental taught by Crepsley. That was handy.

Time flew like that, fighting and taking hits. Blood, bruises, shouts, and even a finger or an ear flew around me. If this was how vampires acted for fun, I feared how they were in battle. Nevertheless, it was…fun. Lots of it, actually, to be wild and free like that.

Evidently such freedom referred to drinking as well.

But before I could go join a group, however, a hand touched my shoulder. I spun on and, due to the recent events, instinctively made to punch the person. Said person, however, caught my fist but did nothing more. I gasped when I saw who it was. "Mr. Crepsley!"

I had seen Crepsley in the…fun of it all as well. He let loose and even smiled while he fought – it was a sight to behold. To see him before me, however, startled me. He wasn't angry but he wasn't happy either. In fact, his hair was messy and I became suddenly interested in his scar once more. Otherwise, he didn't wear a mark – so far.

"Mistress Ivy." He greeted me evenly. "I had hoped to talk before the Festival but…" yeah. Avoidance. "I see you are fairing well." Pause. "Better than I did during my first Festival."

He released my hand and it fell to my side as I stared. Did he just…? He did! He told me a bit about his past! I mean, granted, Seba had mentioned it before but I don't think he knew that. And most importantly, it came from his lips! "T-thanks." I managed to speak.

Crepsley smiled at my shock. "Can we talk somewhere quiet?" I nodded and together we found a supply room that was, for the moment, quiet. I wanted to talk about the other night, about what happened and what my intent was…but nothing was said.

After a moment, Crepsley sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Do you recall a line I often use in the show with Madame Octa?"

"Uh." I blinked. "What?"

"The line I say after she spins a web and I consume it."

"I don't…are you…um." Okay. "You say that spider webs are a delicacy where you come from." Which I always figured to be a jest or some weird vampire thing – like caviar.

"I first met Seba in a crypt." Somehow I wasn't surprised. "I will save the tale for 'why' for another time, but I was a child and hungry. Starving, in fact. I had no idea I was not alone at the time and spotted a vast amount of spider webs nearby." A bit of color entered his cheeks. "I had hoped that they might hold something more than simply webs and…wrapped them around my finger before I ate them." I had to fight to keep my expression neutral. "The first thing Seba ever said to me to announce his presence was, 'Are spider webs a delicacy from where you are from?'."

I stared. It almost sounded like a really bad punch line to an even worse joke, but he was serious. He was absolutely fucking serious about the origin of where that line came from. But…he was telling me this. Crepsley, right now, right in front of me, was telling me of the time he first met Seba. Forget that it was utterly ridiculous, he was telling me.

Suddenly Seba's words from earlier that day made perfect sense.

That night after I left, Seba must have caught on quick and explained my plan to Crepsley. And this…this was my mentor's way of being more open with me. And, I think, apologizing since it was such an…interesting story.

I smiled. He blinked. I chuckled and brushed a lock of my hair back from my face. "I challenge you to a fight…Larten." I grinned wider as I spoke his name. It rolled off my tongue and sent a rather pleasant chill down my spine.

Evidently I wasn't the only one to feel it, judging on how he shivered. His grin mirrored mine. He understood, I understood. All was forgiven and paths were a bit clearer for the future now. For the present, however, there was a fight to be had.

* * *

In the end, Crepsley beat me. He was simply just far too quick for me to handle! It was close though and that was good enough for me. We both threw a few good punches – and kicks – and ended our interaction with a mug of ale. It was tempting to consume more than a mug, but I held back. There was one other person who I was anxious to fight today. Even though the Festival lasted three days, I wanted, needed, to fight this person today. Only then would I allow myself to get shitfaced with the other vampires.

I roamed the Hall of Sports searching. Really, the Hall of Sports was…everywhere. Vampires fought as they pleased on their way to it. I was just about to give up when I spotted my target: long, blond hair. "Kurda!" I shouted and maneuvered my way over.

He turned and spotted me immediately. If I was concerned about how he might react after last night, those concerns were wiped out with his smile. "Samantha!" He waved. "You look a bit roughed up, having a pleasant time then?" He grinned.

I glanced down at myself. Oh. My clothes were a bit torn, fairly dirty, and I became conscious of how many scrapes and sore places – bruises no doubt – I had over me. I brushed my hair back from my face and was startled to feel a bit of blood on the ends – it wasn't my blood. "Oh the best." I answered. "Yourself?" I looked him up and down but couldn't spot a mark on his bright blue suit. "Have you just been walking and drinking?!" I could smell a bit of ale from his breath, but nothing excessive. "You must be bored if you aren't partaking in any of the activities to the extreme."

Kurda gave a dry chuckle. "I'm afraid to say I don't take much enjoyment of acting like a wild child. Luckily I only have to endure this once every twelve years." Yup, I thought, he was bored. I couldn't blame him for it though. In fact, I couldn't recall ever seeing him fight, more often he would be vocally against it. And drinking…well, he seemed to enjoy being in control of himself, so why drink?

Truth be told, I wouldn't have gotten into the festivities as I had if it weren't for fighting my mentor…and the other person. Him. I wanted to fight Kurda. Why? For fun, of course, as the Festival suggested. I wanted to see his style, his preference, his behavior. I wanted to see his reaction to me in a fight. Last night only furthered these wants. Why? I'm not sure…it just felt…intimate in that sense. Enticing. Like foreplay.

But just as I opened my mouth to challenge him, someone beat me to it. "How about it Kurda? Like your chances?" It was Arra! I looked up at the woman on the bars and then at Kurda. I wasn't the only one to do so.

Kurda's expression of surprise changed into a cautious sort of sheepishness. "I have a sore leg, Arra," he called back to her.

I shifted to my other foot, feeling suddenly awkward. Well, I thought, good thing she asked first. Still, I was a bit disappointed. "Really, Kurda?" I asked softly, "Because I…was going to challenge you myself actually." I felt a bit silly saying such a thing. He turned to look at me with surprise, lips parted. I caught him off guard.

Arra jumped down one bar lower. "Come on, even a pacifist like you can't refuse a challenge during the Festival of the Undead!"

I knew that from the get-go. Still, I didn't feel right asking Kurda now. Not if he had a sore leg. Damn, I thought, I didn't want to beat him without it being fair. Arra had a point though and she didn't care whether or not if it was 'fair'. She wanted to knock him off the bars.

Kurda understood this as well. He sighed, took off his shoes, and went to pick a staff. I gaped as I followed him. Was this same nervousness and unease he felt when I had gone up to the bars? "Whoa, wait! You're going to fight her?! But she hasn't been beaten in eleven years!" As if he needed to be reminded of that.

Kurda grimaced. "I know." He picked a staff, tossed it in the air for a better feel, and then nodded to himself.

"Well…just, be careful. Dodge a lot," whoa déjà vu, "because she'll crack your head open if given the chance." Wow had our positions switched.

"Thank you for your optimism!" He snapped.

I gave a weak grin. "My optimism is that you'll come down at your own volition." I mumbled as he walked up. By that time, a large crowd of vampires had come around to watch. I also hoped his sore leg wouldn't be broken by the time this finished.

"I've been waiting for decades to get you up here!" Arra called out to the man with a grin.

"I hope it proves worth the wait." He responded as he stood across from her.

She made the first move, he blocked. She said something, then he did, but I couldn't hear from this far below. The match kept up in silence after that for a few minutes. They were intense to simply watch from the ground!

Arra's staff knocked into Kurda's knee and I jumped, barely able to restrain a gasp. He knelt, thrown off guard from the pain – was his sore leg so bad before to be in pain from such a hit? Arra caught this as well and made to dive for the kill.

That's when it all changed.

Kurda jumped to another bar while spinning around. His staff connected with the back of Arra's knees and she flew off the bars. The sound of her landing was painful and loud – perhaps it was because everyone nearby had gone silent to watch in awe and shock. It remained like that for another moment as we all processed what just happened.

"Are you okay, Arra?!" Kurda shouted with genuine concern, darting down to check.

Suddenly what Vanez had said when we first met played in my head. _'Kurda was fast as an eel, and wiry, but he hated getting his hands bloody.' _I see, I thought as I watched him land on his feet. Sore leg? He had no such thing! It had been a trick! Wiry and fast indeed! And hey, my optimism that he would land from his will alone had paid off.

I went over just as I heard Kurda speak to the defeated vampire. "I will if you take my hand." He was offering her his hand to both shake at last – surely he earned her respect – and to help her stand. I noticed then how big his smile was, how…hopeful and excited he was at the prospect.

This was a man who half just shy of half the Generals vote against him. He got a lot of flak for not fighting and not having similarly bulging muscles – never mind mentioning the vampaneze which only isolated him further. To have the respect and at least acceptance of one General…it meant a lot.

"I cannot," Arra looked away.

Kurda shifted. I caught the hurt in his expression even though he kept smiling. "That's alright, I still forgive you." Forgive her? For what, I wondered.

"Thank you. You beat me cleanly, and…it shames me to refuse your hand, but I cannot!" She suddenly stood and darted through the crowd, shamed.

I stared. The crowd, after cheering and getting over the shock that Kurda the Pacifist had won against Arra Sails, parted to other challenges. In a sense, we were alone. "What…did you forgive her about?" I asked carefully, noticing how Kurda's body language seemed to…well, sink. He caught that we were 'alone' as well evidently. I was briefly surprised by this for it meant he was comfortable enough with me to show how he felt, at least through stance and posture.

"She accused me of cheating by faking an injury. There is nothing against the rules stating this so she apologized for making an unjust allegation." His eyes and chin were pointed to the ground as he moved, his shoulders a bit slumped. I felt bad just watching him, horrible even. "I feel sorry for her." He sighed as he sat down.

I sat next to him, emotions mirrored to a lesser extent. I felt that this was as much for me as it was for him, the closeness and semi-privacy. "Which part?" I inquired, leaning back on my hands.

Kurda wrapped his arms around his legs. "Her refusal to shake my hand will haunt her for the rest of her life. It will shame her and others who think similar will also view her action dimly. How sad it is to be stuck in one's ways."

I watched him for a moment in silence. Nearly the whole clan was stuck in their ways, but I didn't say that. He seemed to think the same either way though based on what he said. "Out of the nine that passed this time," he referred to the nine vampires that died from last Council, "five could have been prevented. They were showing off, vying for the approval, to impress their fellow vampires. No doubt there will be a few souls departing to Paradise here before the three days end. All for the opinion of others."

I shuddered visibly. It was supposed to be 'fun' though. I knew loss of limb was frequent, but death amongst friends, for a challenge? I bit my bottom lip.

"It's sad. Pointless and sad." He whispered.

The mood had quickly become gloomy. I didn't want to feel this way, not after all that had happened so far. And more so, I didn't want to see him like this. I cleared my throat. "You were amazing up there though." I smiled. Don't be so somber, I thought. "I know my opinion doesn't matter, but I'm impressed!"

Kurda looked up from his thoughts and position. He looked surprised once again. "Thank you," he said, "I appreciate it. And your opinion does matter…"

I smirked, deciding to poke at him. "I thought you said that no one's matters but your heart's, that it was stupid to do anything foolish to impress another?" It was getting him out of his funk at least.

A grin took its place on Kurda's lips. "True, but for certain people I'll make an exception."

We stared at each other, saying it but not saying it. Certain people, hm? He cared a bit of what I thought. I smiled and kept his gaze until my cheeks warmed. I chuckled and looked away, embarrassed. This was new, I thought, to both feel it but not speak it. Not yet. It…well, what was the rush? We had forever a day. But I knew he knew and he knew I knew just by how we looked, how we smiled…there was a more comfortable air between us. An ease.

I made to stand, prepared to get a drink or something like it, when he spoke. "Samantha?"

My heart would never cease to jump when he said my name. "Yes Kurda?" I looked at him as he stood.

There was a mischief in his smile. "I challenge you to a fight – pick the type."

My eyes widened. He just…challenged me…to a fight?! But he…wasn't it…I smiled wide. It was because I had mentioned wanting to originally challenge him when Arra beat me to it. "You challenging me because you want to or because I want to?"

"Are you trying to deny me?" He paused, realizing what that sounded like. "My challenge to fight, that is."

I snickered. "And have my fragile ego shattered? Never!" I thought for a moment. "Hand-to-hand…not here though. Let's go outside." Usually my small stance and swiftness helped me in hand-to-hand with most vampires who were big and slow. Crepsley was tall but quick as lightning. Kurda…was tall but not as bulky. I would have to come up with a new strategy.

"Hand-to-hand is acceptable." He nodded. "But…outside? In the snow?" He raised a brow. "Are you hoping to throw me off the edge of the mountain?"

"Believe it or not, there are some things I wish to keep private from the clan's eyes. Not everything is for fame and glory, yes?" I tried not to blush. It seemed that both of us were speaking it without speaking it. He caught on and looked a bit shy as well, just for a second.

"Well said. Shall we?" Kurda's teeth flashed as he grinned.

The cold was refreshing. I had been in the mountain for so long that I forgot how crisp it smelt outside, all the snow. And bright, despite the moon being only half full. I walked a bit further when he stopped a bit away from the entrance. "First to get three good hits?"

"First to get three good hits." He agreed with a nod, readying himself.

He moved first. I think he knew I wasn't expecting it. I managed to dodge a fist and tried to kick him. He dodged and I jumped away in case he thought to grab my ankle. This similar style repeated three times. Well, this was going well so far.

I huffed. "I hope you aren't trying to go easy on me, 'Sire'." I half-joked.

"When I choose to get into a fight, I do not hold back…my lady." He smirked as he returned the half-jest.

Despite it meant jokingly, I paused. To hear it come from his lips…fuck. That was what he wanted, I realized, as I saw a limb fly towards me. I cursed and crouched only to have his foot connect with my shoulder. I flew onto the ground but didn't give into the luxury of making snow angels. As soon as I hit the snow, I rolled away – and I was right! Seconds after I did so, Kurda landed from jump his of where I had been!

Taking advantage of his moment of being unprepared, however brief, I swung my foot up from my position. It connected with the back of his head, sending him flying forward. I jumped up, partly to prepare for an attack and partly out of concern. "Kurda?!" I was relieved that we were alone. The others would no doubt tease me for my worry.

The man grimaced as he stood a few feet away, brushing off the snow. "One to one." I took this as a good sign. He made for me and I jumped back, wary of our distance. He caught on and suspected I might relent unless he did something. So with a burst of speed that palely mirrored Crepsley's, I blinked and he was before me.

It was a mess of dodging hits more than giving them. It felt like it lasted a long time but I knew it could only have been thirty seconds at best. He had me cornered, I realized as I felt the mountain against my back. I crouched and grabbed a handful of snow. When his eyes met mine, I flung the snow at his face. It made him take a step back, startled by the momentary blindness. I took advantage of this. He would expect me to strike him now like this, so I tried something different.

I used the mountain to jump off of it, jump over Kurda, and land on my feet behind him. I shoved him on the back, sending him against the wall he had cornered me with moments ago. Alright, perhaps I didn't want to punch him there. Either way… "Two to one – not counting the bounce off the wall." I panted before backing up, wary of the wall that he could propel himself off of.

With the snow free from his vision and a sharp ache traveling through his chest and back – thanks to the wall – he turned and scowled. "You used snow." It wasn't an outrage cheating accusation because despite his frustration, he sounded also impressed.

"Environmental isn't technically a weapon." I pointed out. "I'll have to be cautious of what you use since I just opened the door both ways."

"You're right." He said before he turned and ran at me. An idea occurred to me. I ran at him.

At the last second, I side stepped him – his nails grazed my cheek. I winced and cursed. Two to two. Nonetheless, I grabbed his long hair and used it to help me skid to a stop. I heard his grunt and turned, kicked the back of his knees to force him to kneel before me.

I was grinning despite the blood that slowly trickled down my face. With a tight grip of his ponytail, I spoke in his ear, "That's why I keep mine short."

"Smart idea…my lady." He panted. I could hear the smile in his words. Before I could react further or strike him to win, he reached back and grabbed my shirt collar. With a fierce throw, I found myself sailing through the air with a yelp.

I managed to land and skid on my feet a bit, startled when my stop was complete by a tree. How far had we gotten on the edge of the mountain? I glanced back at the tree and when I turned, standing as I did, I knew it had been a mistake. Kurda had sprinted before me and I had just a split second to side step his fist as it connected to the tree. The bark shattered, his fist indented in it. Fuck!

We were tied.

Given his position, so close to me, and the strength he had just used, and lost, in his miss hit…I could win this. All I had to do was strike him. All I had to do was raise my knee or my fist. He was still reeling from the tree, recovering for probably another two seconds or so. All I had to do…to the man before me…panting…both of us running on adrenaline…breathless…

My mind shut off and my body took over. My foot pressed against the tree to move me forward as my arms raised, wrapping around his neck. Before he could comprehend it – before even I could! – I tilted my head and kissed him.

We froze and took in the sensation of our lips, both chilled from the snow, touching. What felt like minutes were merely seconds. I slowly pressed myself against him, arms around, and melting into the kiss. Kurda moved only to wrap his arms around me, keeping me close as he returned with a similar needy passion.

We broke away just long enough to breathe and move before claiming each other's lips once more. I could feel his hand in my hair, far softer than the abuse I put my scalp through the other night. My nails sunk into his shoulders. I didn't want this to end, it felt amazing.

But we eventually parted, breathless as we looked into each other's eyes. We didn't move for another few minutes, simply cherishing the feeling of being in each other's arms. Content, I thought, it brought me peace. We still didn't say it. We didn't want to. But we kissed lightly, him stroking my hair and me toying with his.

Best Festival of the Undead ever.


	30. Chapter 30

A/N: Hey all. First note in a while! Well, I thought I'd update y'all. I have a part time job now in retail and it wears me the fuck out. I love it, it's a lovely social interaction, but it takes a toll on me (outgoing introverts ftw). Because of this, chapters won't be daily.

That being said, PLEASE review and give me your thoughts about the chapters or speculations on the plans next. I like reviews. They make me happy and feel like it's worth posting this, instead of writing and keeping it to myself.

Lastly, I WILL be throwing my own spin on the series. As the summary says, it has diverged from book 4 and things are going to be...interesting.

* * *

I think most of the vampires knew who their soon-to-be-Prince had an interest in. Of all people, it would be the half-vampire that showed promise, they said. If it wasn't obvious by our shared stares, smiles, and touches, then our lingering scents on each other confirmed it. Soon, they whispered, we would probably become mates. After the ceremony, of course.

The second day of the festival was spent drinking, fighting more, and the like. Kurda and I tried to spend most of it together despite the calls to fight. I was relieved, however, to see that Crepsley, despite his scowling, did not challenge Kurda. I wondered if Seba had said something to him.

I noticed something about Kurda.

There was hesitation in his eyes though. At first I thought it was from the fight when he cut my cheek – which was nearly healed already actually. Really…I didn't want to wonder what that hesitation meant. Did he long for another since past? Was he nervous? Or maybe it was nothing and I was making a big deal out of it.

Whether or not it was there, Kurda accompanied me that evening for ale, ale, and some blood. Food as well, but mostly ale. We drank and were merry, though not drunk. Kurda seemed to be careful in how much he consumed, keeping to the shy side of tipsy. I, however, stepped over that line – it was easier for a half-vampire to get tipsy – and loved it. If anyone doubted the whispers of us before, there were no doubts when my shoulders brushed against Kurda.

When it got late enough, Kurda set aside his mug and stood. "Can I walk you to your room, Samantha?" He inquired, leaning over so I could hear him over the loud cheers behind us. His long hair fell over his shoulder and rested on mine.

I grinned and reached up, stroking it briefly as I shook my head. "I am going to stay for another mug, but thank you, Prince Charming." I snickered at my own joke – no doubt few understood it. Kurda's face had warmed with more than just the effects of ale when I stroked his hair, but he didn't seem displeased.

"As you say. I'll see you tomorrow. Good night."

When he was gone, I turned back to see Crepsley staring at me. I shifted, uncomfortable. "What is it?" I asked as I took another full mug.

"You intend to mate with him." It was a statement.

I nearly choked on my drink. Swallowing the mouthful of ale, I shrugged. I must have looked quite silly, the cuts on my face white compared to the blush. "Er." Then I recalled telling Crepsley that I would tell him. "Well…let's say I do. Want to, I mean. Would…I get your blessing?" Pause. "What would that mean for us?" I blinked twice, sobering up at the thought. If I were to go with my mentor away after this, what about my 'mate'? Or vise versa?

Crepsley held his hand up to signal for me to calm. "Actually…I had intended to wait before telling you, but now seems like an appropriate time." I sat up straight. "I have been offered a position here, Quartermaster actually. If I accepted, as you are my responsibility…you would stay here along with me." Meaning I would be with Kurda _and_ Crepsley. My heart leapt.

"Really?!" I smiled.

"Yes. And if this were the case…if you and Kurda intended to enter a mating commitment…then you…have my blessing."

It sounded like it took quite a bit to spit that out, I thought. Even then it sounded like a growl. I couldn't help but tease, "I think it may have been easier to pull a tooth from you than get your blessing just there." But I was glad, relieved even in my state that he wouldn't make me choose. I knew he didn't like Kurda. It took a lot for him to spit such words out. He must have seen how happy I was though…or knew that I would be just as stubborn as he.

He nodded. "It may have felt easier as well." He mumbled into his mug. "Now then…tell me about your latest challenger."

* * *

A couple of hours later, I had sobered up. I started to head to my room, but paused. My eyes flickered towards a hall. I thought for another moment before deciding 'fuck it'. Crepsley gave me, gave us, his blessing to mate. I had been thinking about it since Kurda and I kissed, and this just pushed me over to the decision. I mean, I still had some questions about it…but I didn't think I'd be able to find Arra any time soon.

Damning it all, I threw caution to the wind and went to find Kurda's room. It didn't take too long to find his door. Before I could pause and rethink, I knocked. Almost immediately I cursed myself – he had gone to bed hours ago! Shit, I thought, what if I woke him?! Maybe I could run off and he didn't wake and…

The door opened.

I was standing before an awake, though startled, shirtless Prince-to-be. We stared at one another for a moment. Admittedly my eyes were on his chest than his gaze though. "Samantha, this is a pleasant surprise."

"I…uh…" I stared for another moment. He had a few scars and he wasn't as, ah, built as Gavner for example, but damn. The only thing that entered my mind was mating.

Luckily for me, he spoke before I could blurt out the 'm' word. "Samantha? Are…you alright?" He raised his hand as if he were brushing a strand of his hair from his face. The subtle way to draw my eyes to his face worked.

"Oh, yes, fine." I could feel my face turn hot. "I'm…I hope I didn't wake you. I just thought…I mean, I…was about to go to bed, but then…I…I'm not sure why I'm here actually." Three, two, one, boom my face caught fire. Oh. This was awkward.

Kurda didn't think so though. He laughed at my stumbling honesty and opened the door further. "Well would you like to come in as you try to find a reason for traveling several halls further past your room?"

I caught a fire burning bright when he opened the door. Ah, I thought, so he hadn't been asleep after all. Thank the gods, I thought. I stepped in and caught a full force wall of his scent mingled with ink, paper, and dirt. I loved it. I glanced around to see maps and papers scattered about, a few books set nicely, and some blankets on the floor.

I was about to comment on the blankets and even the scattered paper when he shut the door. I became keenly aware of the fact that we were alone…in his quarters…with him shirtless. I turned with the hope of something intelligent to say when I caught side of his back. His hair had no band around it, allowing it to be free from its normal prison. I gaped openly. The shirtless, free flowing haired Kurda looked…fantastic in the fire light.

More entertained than shy, Kurda turned to me with a smirk. "Nice view?"

"The best." I said without thinking. I glanced up and had to cover face briefly. "I…ahem." I quickly turned away and looked over his room. "You've gotten cozy in here." Anything to distract me and him from…well, him. It was then I realized something. "Wait, you don't have a coffin?!" Or a hammock, as I had seen in the cirque.

He nodded and gestured to the pile of blankets that I had barely noted before. "I don't find much fondness for them so I use a…makeshift bed."

"Well, looks comfortable all the same." I smiled. This trip to Vampire Mountain was my first time sleeping in a coffin. It wasn't bad when you were exhausted, but I can guess how it felt after a while. "And so many maps. All of the tunnels?" I stepped over to the table to glance at one.

He nodded. "I've filled numerous pages with routes but there are still so many blank spots on my current one." He gave a soft sigh.

I looked over a few before my gaze drifted to an aged piece of paper. Brows furrowed, I reached out and gingerly picked it up. It was a note! I tilted my head. "German?" I glanced up in question.

Kurda walked over to see what I was holding. My breath caught when he leaned over to see the note, his body brushing against mine. "Yes, from an old friend. He was an undertaker by profession but during World War II, we helped me and played the role of doctor. Together we saved a few more souls that might have died otherwise. The note is him thanking me; his name was James Ovo."

I turned to face him, keenly aware of the few inches between us. "Wait, World War II? You were involved in that? How so?" Pause. "I thought vampires stayed out of human affairs." I had to remind myself that even though Kurda looked around my age, if not a bit older, he…really wasn't.

"Normally we don't and I didn't for the most of it. When word came that the war was about to be won, however, I knew the human medics wouldn't reach the people who needed them in time. I went to help as many as I could – our spit works wonders – and one day, Larten and Arra stopped by." He caught the astonished look on my face, but didn't voice it. Crepsley never told me about this either, obviously. I was able to grasp that this had to have been when he and Arra were mates. "They stayed for a few months to help out. We traveled across the globe, to Japan…it was horrifying, the bombs the humans dropped." His voice grew quiet at this mention.

I nodded in understanding. I had heard the horror stories. "That's amazing that you helped people out. Really, I'm impressed." I thought for a moment. "You're so…kind hearted."

He gave a dry chuckle as he took the note from me, placing it back on his desk. "Not exactly vampire material, hm?" Before I could comment, he added further, "During the heat of the war, admittedly, I even helped smuggle some people out of the Nazi controlled areas." My eyes widened at this. "I received a bit of a tongue-lashing for putting myself and the clan at risk then. You see, the Nazis knew about us. They wanted us as their allies – their weapon. We said 'no' in a manner of speaking and they tried to hunt us down. They captured several…but they were all rescued shortly after."

"That…that's amazing! I had no idea! And this was all so recent!"

"Larten was one of the few who rescued the vampires that either didn't heed or didn't hear of Mika's warning to leave Europe before the war." I tried not to let my disappointment show. "Vancha – the fourth Prince – made the Nazis stop by," he gave a light chuckle, "threatening their leader, in essence. It was a very Vancha-like move more so than a Prince-like action."

My mind reeled. This put an entire different spin on the history I knew. Not only that, but the man before me…my heart warmed at his deeds. He truly was one of a kind. "Why did you decide to become a vampire? Who blooded you?" His philosophy hadn't sprung up overnight. The person who turned him must have known what sort of person he was. I wanted to meet them…thank them.

Kurda's blue eyes seemed to light up. The crackle of the wood behind us sounded loud for a second. "He found me in a saloon during a debate. He said he enjoyed my passion and logic, how I articulated my point. I think I had even changed his opinion about the topic. We spoke further and he said his clan needed someone like me. Fast forward one hundred twenty years later, here I am."

"What happened to him?"

"…He died in a duel with a vampaneze a few decades later."

My eyes widened. "And yet…you don't blame them for it?"

"I couldn't stick the blame of one person to all. Not only that," Kurda said, "but it was fair. If he had rejected the vampaneze's challenge, he would have been shamed."

I had alredy learned so much about Kurda in the past few nights than I had ever learned of Crepsley. It blew me away, all of this information. "I wish I could have met him, to thank him." I said after a moment. "You're amazing."

Kurda looked shy but laughed softly. "You give me too much credit." He muttered, rubbing the back of his head lightly.

We studied each other for a long moment. I thought I should have felt my heart racing, felt awkward, impatient, needing to speak…but instead, I was calm. He was calm. This moment felt lovely itself but something nudged me to ask something rather important.

"Kurda…can I ask you something?"

"Of course you can." He sounded curious.

I hesitated. How to ask this? "How…when…when two vampires make a…mating commitment, how do they do it? I mean, is it written or…?" I had to struggle to keep from looking away.

Kurda looked a bit surprised, but smiled nevertheless. I caught a hint of shyness in his tone though. "Haha, no not at all. You simply speak it. You say how long the contract is, what you swear to give to your mate, and what you hope to gain from your mate. Usually there are others involved to witness the promise but…"

Others? I didn't care, not right now. Eventually we would make it, er, 'official', but I didn't want to drag him out to find witnesses now. He was still talking but when he saw how thoughtful I looked, he paused and inquired what was wrong.

I bit my bottom lip and spoke. "Kurda…I…I want to be your partner. I will be by your side in battle. I will help you heal when you are hurt. I will provide a distraction and a reminder to keep you grounded while in your Princely duties. I will do what I can to help you grow, accept who you are, and be one you can lean on when times get rough or frustrating. I hope to have the same sentiments repaid." As I gave what I hoped was a passage 'mating contract', I closed the space between us. "I don't think there is another vampire out there like you, like me. We share a similar philosophy, similar opinions. We see things in a way uniquely us. Together, I think we can really be something…to each other…and others."

I looked up at Kurda with hope and a bit of fear in my gaze. He studied me with wide eyes, taking in my words. I hoped he wouldn't reject me. Then his eyes softened and his hand reached up to take my arm. "How long would you want this commitment to be?" There was a flicker of a dark shadow over his face.

I was too excited that he was open to it to notice the tinge of regret and hesitation though. "As long as you'll have me." I breathed. It wasn't a number, but I didn't care. And judging by how his expression lit up, he much preferred this answer as well.

We both leaned forward and kissed. It wasn't as soft and loving as before though. The kiss quickly escalated to a passionate, needy sort. My hands traveled over his bare chest and I started to take off my shirt. He helped with the annoyance of clothing, leading me to the 'bed' he had before the fire.

I wouldn't notice or understand the shadow of doubt, hesitation, and regret that he had before or after. I wouldn't catch how he held me tighter and kissed me longer with a hint of remorse in the afterglow of it all. I wouldn't see the tear that fell down his cheek while I slept and he lay next to me, thinking over his choices past and future.

For that night, all I knew was the pleasure, warmth, and sense of secure belonging I felt while in his arms.


	31. Chapter 31

I was briefly disoriented when I first woke. I looked around, warm from more than just the source of the fire that burned softly. When I made to roll onto my back, I felt that second source of warmth against me. It was…moving. Slowly. Rhythmically.

I carefully shifted and pushed up on my arm. It was Kurda! He was…sleeping and…naked. I was naked. Blood filled my face as I recalled last night. Oh…I hope I didn't wake anyone. I grinned at it all though. So we were mates. I smiled at this. We had slept together last night. The body of this man, my gods…

He looked peaceful, I thought as he slept. I carefully raised my hand and traced the three marks on his cheek. The vampaneze marks…usually meant to mark for death, but in Kurda's case, a sign of trust. What an odd vampire.

I made to touch them again, fascinated, when his hand grabbed my wrist. I startled but didn't react otherwise. When his blue eyes opened and found mine, I smiled. His grip slackened, showing he knew I wasn't a threat. He offered a sheepish grin in return.

"Morning." I whispered.

"Good morning." He greeted with a smile. "Did you sleep well?" His thumb ran a pattern over my wrist.

"Great…I think you tired me out." I couldn't help but grin like an idiot just there. He seemed amused as well. I picked up a lock of his hair and toyed with it in response. "You?"

Kurda watched me bring his hair to my lips and, on some wild impulse, pretended it was my mustache. "Very well." He chuckled before raising his head just enough to kiss me.

We stared at each other for a moment before I bowed my head, capturing his lips again. "Last day of the Festival…Sire."

"Anxious to challenge Gavner and Seba, are we?" They were, after all, the two I had left on my list.

"A bit." His gaze made me feel…safe and serene. It was too bad that vampires couldn't have their pictures taken, I thought, to have something for when I…oh! My eyes widened as I recalled last night. "Actually, that reminds me! Mr. Crepsley has been offered the job of Quartermaster! If he took it, I'd be staying here…with you." There was no fear that I might be perceived as clingy or needy. Though not perfect, there was an understanding between us. We were so similar to one another, to the way we thought. He understood why I was thrilled and did not misjudge it.

"That would be wonderful." He agreed. His hand reached up and threaded his fingers through my hair. I leaned into the touch. Kurda sat up a bit more to kiss me again, this time slower and softer. When our eyes met this time, I could see the desire in his.

* * *

We didn't get out of 'bed' for another hour.

When we finally did, we went to grab a quick breakfast. Lunch. Whatever. I tensed though as people glanced and stared. The fact that we were walking together wasn't terribly surprising, but I think they were keenly aware of how our scents latched onto one another. More so, since I had slept in his bed and against him, his scent clung to me.

I wondered if it was worth dealing with a cold shower at the falls or not. Before I could decide, however, Gavner walked up. "There you are, I was looking all over for you since you weren't in your room! I was…" he paused as he looked at me. I groaned inwardly. I wondered how Kurda was able to sit next to me calm as ever. Gavner smiled wide and slow. "Oooohhhh, so that's where you were! Eh?!" He winked and nudged me hard with his elbow.

I smacked Gavner's arm and hated myself for blushing in a telling manner. "Shut up!"

"Have you told Larten yet?"

I wondered if the bread I was holding was stale enough to actually do damage if I threw it at Gavner's head. "He gave me his blessing to become Kurda's mate." This was news to the blond as well. Both men looked surprised. "Mr. Crepsley is my mentor and teacher, I thought it would be wise and best for everyone if they got over themselves. After all," I purposely kept my eyes locked with Gavner, "we three will be spending a loooong time together in the Mountain."

Gavner hooted and laughed. "Well then! Congratulations, Kurda!" He smacked his friend's back.

Kurda offered a slightly shy smile. "Thank you, Gavner. And I am glad to hear of Larten's approval. I know he doesn't agree with me on a few topics, but on this…"

"Knowing how stubborn my assistant can be, I decided it was best for everyone if I did not put up a fight. When something makes her happy, I am happy." Crepsley's voice rang out suddenly.

I turned to see the orange haired man and smiled. "Hey! Glad to see you've learned in the past few years, hm?"

"It's taken him centuries to learn that trick." Gavner snickered.

Crepsley smirked but didn't deny it. He stood at the table. "Have you two made the mating commitment official?"

Ah, that. I recalled something about that last night. "Not yet." Kurda answered.

Gavner wore a shit-eating grin when he added, "They've been too 'busy'." I flung my bread at him which he blocked with ease.

Crepsley ignored this. "I would recommend doing this after today then, given the atmosphere. If it would please you," his eyes were on me, "I will be one of the witnesses of your ceremony."

My eyes widened. Him? Witness? I was surprised. I thought he had accepted this with a bit of reluctance, but to offer such a thing…I smiled. "I'd like that! But um…what usually happens at the ceremonies?"

"Didn't explain much to her before you…" Gavner didn't get too far to making a crude joke to Kurda. Halfway through, Kurda shoved his bread into Gavner's mouth. I snickered.

"Before a Prince and two witnesses, we commit ourselves. We state what we will do and how long…then ask if the other accepts. It is more of a verbal contract than written, but the same procedure." Kurda explained with a smile. Damn, I would never get tired of that smile.

I nodded. Interesting that it was verbal and not…oh. I glanced at Crepsley. I didn't think many vampires could read or write given their ages and the times they grew up in. If they thought map making was pointless, she could imagine their views on reading and writing. "Then tomorrow it is." I grinned.

"Have you decided on a set of time?" Gavner asked as he crossed his arms, having spat out the bread.

Kurda and I glanced at each other. Crepsley noticed. Before we could speak – we hadn't, actually, since Kurda accepted my 'for however long you want me' – a challenge broke out nearby. "Take it to the Hall of Sports!" Someone called out.

Taking advantage of this, since now wasn't the place to discuss time with Kurda, I stood from my seat. "Speaking of…Gavner!" He looked over at me. "I challenge you to a fight! Knives or knife?"

This swept Gavner's attention away. "Knife sounds easy enough to beat you with. Come on!" Together, we darted out. I felt bad for leaving Kurda there with Crepsley, but I knew he could handle himself.

* * *

The fight ended in blood and laughs. I was sporting a few more cuts than Gavner – which he teased me about how Kurda should wrap them – but it was a good fight. As a last ditch effort, I made to jump onto the man but he caught on quick. As a result, he flung me across the room and won the challenge. After all, I couldn't put up much of a fight with broken ribs.

He apologized profusely afterwards and helped me up, but I shook my head and forgave him – with one condition. I saw Seba briefly, not to challenge as I hoped, but for him to ensure that my ribs were just fractured and not risking damage internally. I couldn't fight anymore for the rest of the day, not without risk of death, so I tried my best to hide from others.

That was harder than I thought originally since I smelt like Kurda and blood…and several people spun around thinking that Kurda himself had fought again. Nope. Just me. The condition I set with Gavner was to act as my distractor. He was quite good at it, either talking enough to let me slip away or fighting the vampire who caught my scent.

When Kurda saw me later, he looked torn between praising and chastising me. When I told him of my plan to duck for the rest of the Festival, he relaxed a bit. "Don't worry," I smirked, "I'm no more eager to meet Death than you are."

Crepsley teased me once later that night by saying he was contemplating challenging me again. I threatened to set his coffin at the Cirque on fire if I lived through said challenge. Gavner, however, wasn't so easily swayed into behaving himself. For the rest of the night, he kept teasing both Kurda and I.

There were many 'jokes', but the one he favored was 'apologizing' for harming Kurda's 'princess'. I threatened him several ways from Tuesday, but the more ale he drank, the less he cared of my threats. Kurda put up with it with a grin, tolerating. I knew that in the vampire eyes, 'princess' implied…well, more of a damsel in distress. Not vampire-fit at all. Somehow though…when I looked at the blond, I felt…like I didn't mind so much. Like with how Kurda used my full name and made me feel feminine, this also…felt similar.

I noticed as the Festival came to a close, Crepsley's gaze was…distant. I wanted to ask but I suspected he might not tell me. I made a note to ask Seba later for some hints. I knew he gave me his blessing, but…I wasn't sure.

* * *

The mating commitment ceremony took place the next day at midday. I had asked Crepsley if I was supposed to wear anything – I was thinking like a dress, because human and female and wedding – and I caught a smirk on his face. Crepsley told me no, to simply wear my normal clothes. Vampires.

Paris, Crepsley, and Seba stood with us. One Prince, two witnesses, and two mates. We stood across from each other. Kurda looked serious even though he wore a soft grin. He spoke first. "Samantha, I ask that you be my mate…for as long as you'll have me." By the shifting in the others stance, I knew right away that this was uncommon. "I vow to be faithful, to fight in your name, and do all that I can to honor you. I will die for you if required. I will hold no claim to you when you wish to end the commitment. Do you accept my terms?"

"I do." I grinned myself and repeated it back to him. "Kurda, I ask you to be my mate for as long as you'll have me. I vow to be faithful, to fight in your name, and do all that I can to honor you. I will die for you if required. I will hold no claim to you when you wish to end the commitment. Do you accept my terms?"

"I do." He nodded.

We kissed as the others clapped lightly, congratulating us. Each commented lightly about the oddity of time, but they left it alone for the most part. As we departed, I couldn't help but think of the human traditions – being as I was still half-human and had been fully so up until six or seven years ago. It was a simple thought, but one that surprised me for the mere fact that I had it.

If this was what it was like to be married, I didn't mind it as much.

* * *

A few days later, ribs healed for the most part, I had an idea. I would do something for Kurda, a surprise that he would enjoy. Aside from the fun in his 'bed', I wanted to give him something else. So while he was out doing something or another – no doubt related to Mr. Tiny's message from Harkat – I slipped into Kurda's room.

Picking up a half-finished map, I took a pencil and started my way through the tunnels. It took a lot longer than I thought to find a new space to sketch out. I ran into two collapsed tunnels, marking them on the map. When I tried a third route, I paused.

Did I hear voices?

I frowned. I must be going insane. Or maybe I was under a…I glanced at the map. No. No Halls were above or below me. In fact, this area was so far away from any Hall that…maybe I was going insane. But no, those were definitely voices that kept talking. I stood there for another minute, taking it in. Was I mistaking rushing water for…? No, another look at the map told me there was no source of running water – no around here at least. Given that this section I was in was fairly detailed on the map, I trusted it.

I followed the source of the noise. Who would be down here? Maybe Seba or Gavner or something. Or Kurda himself. The voices got louder. They weren't familiar. I spotted a light, a fire flickering shadows. I peeked through the way and nearly gasped.

Purple skin. Vampaneze! There were at least thirteen there, but I suspected there were more. I covered my mouth and carefully, quietly, stepped backwards. Vampaneze…in the Mountain? It made no sense. Hadn't they decided to leave us be? A thought occurred that chilled me to my core. Did they find out about Crepsley and I disposing of Murlough? I had to tell someone, I had to warn the others!

I turn and ran as quick but as quiet as I could. My heart was racing. I held onto the map tightly as I retraced my steps, glancing at it only once to see where I was. I dare not stop until I found another vampire, until I told them what I had seen.

I had crawled up one tunnel and turned, thinking I was close, when I ran into a body. I jumped back with a yelp, raising my fists. Had the vampaneze followed and run ahead of me somehow?! "Easy!" The voice called out, "I've been looking everywhere for you, Samantha! Have you been in the tunnels all day?"

"Kurda?" I relaxed. "Oh, thank the gods!" I flung myself into his arms, relieved.

He returned the hug and ran a hand through my hair as we looked at each other. "Did you get lost?" He wondered about my state. "Why were you down here to begin with? It's dangerous, you know."

Yes, I thought, but for very different reasons than what you're thinking. "I wanted to surprise you," I held up his map, "by adding to this." His eyes widened. If I weren't so shaken up, I would have noticed the look of stricken horror across his face that flashed all for a second. Then tension. "I got lost though and I found something! Someone! I don't know how or why, but there are vampaneze down here! Kurda, we must go warn the others! Come on!" I took his arm and started to walk around him.

He raised his arm, however, and kept me from walking around him. When I glanced up in confusion, I finally noticed the thinning of his lips, the way his gaze rested on the ground. "Wait." He said softly.

"Kurda?" I stepped back before him. I raised my other hand and lightly touched his cheek, the one without the markings. "What is it?" My panic and anxiety went mute.

"Samantha…" he muttered, "…we can't."

"What?!" I stared at him and released his arm. We stood just a few inches apart. "What are you talking about?" Pause. Vampaneze. His peace treaty. His talks. "Do you know them? Are they your friends? Why are they here?" I didn't understand any of this, but I knew on some level that Kurda…knew these vampaneze. I shivered. "Did they lie to you, Kurda?"

His eyes remained lowered as I spoke. It was as though he were scared or…shamed. "Not…exactly, Samantha." He looked up at me with a certain steel in his blue eyes. "You are my mate, aren't you?" I nodded though still unsure of what the meaning of it all was. "Do you trust me?" I nodded again. "Then please…let me explain before you judge me."

I tensed. What…did he mean? "Go on." I managed to speak.

Kurda inhaled deeply. "I have invited the vampaneze here. I fear Harkat's message holds some truth to it. The Lord of the Vampaneze…he is real and he is with the vampaneze now. He hasn't been blooded, but he survived their test, the Coffin of Fire." My eyes widened and I wavered slightly. Kurda kept speaking though as if pausing would be the end of it. "This is our only chance to avoid war with the vampaneze. Few want to fight us and despite Mr. Tiny's message, there are few of us who want to fight them."

"So…why are…the vampaneze here? In the tunnels?" In secret? I didn't want to add it, but he understood.

Kurda spoke. "Because I'm going to give them the Stone of Blood."

"What?!" I gasped out of shock.

"It is my hope to save our race, Samantha, remember this." He added before explaining further, "With the Stone handed to the vampaneze, we will win them over and prevent a war. We will stop them from blooding the Lord of the Vampaneze – yes, Samantha, he is real and he is in their ranks as a human – and there will be peace. This will gain their trust further, allow our negotiations to serve purpose."

My head was spinning. I wasn't sure I understood it all. I knew that if the Lord of the Vampaneze became blooded, they would be forced to obey his will. But to give them the Stone of Blood? They could wipe out the vampires one by one. None could hide from them. Seba, Gavner, Mr. Crepsley…but this would…prevent a war?

I stumbled a step back not in repulsion but from shock. I nearly collapsed to my knees but Kurda, realizing that it was shock and not disgust that sent me back from him, caught me. Once I was standing firmly again, he allowed me space. "But…I…I think…I think I might understand. But…how are you going to get the Stone? Only the Princes…oh." Pause. "You're going to overpower the vampires though, aren't you? That's why the vampaneze are here. But the other Princes will stop you. How…?"

"It is my hope to keep bloodshed to a minimum, Samantha, but understand…this is for the sake of our clan's survival. A few lives for that of many?"

"But…but whose lives?" My heart ached at the thought of losing Mr. Crepsley or Gavner or anyone I had met here. He still hadn't mentioned how he would stop the other Princes. "Those vampaneze will kill whoever stands in the way." I paused for a moment. "What if…it doesn't work? What if the vampaneze just kill us with the Stone? What if they still blood their leader after having the Stone?"

"They won't. If they give their word…"

"How are you going to stop the Princes?" I asked again, feeling as though I were waking from a nightmare. "Will you tell your vampaneze," for they could be none other than his, "to not kill certain vampires? Like Mr. Crepsley? Or Arra? Or Gavner?"

Kurda gave me a sympathetic look. "I cannot, but a few vampires who die honorably in a fight will be worth saving the entire clan. Please, take a step back and look at the bigger view, my mate."

He still didn't mention the Princes. I felt sick. He was going to kill them somehow. And the idea of him being willing to let my friends, his friends, die…I felt ill. I barely managed to keep from vomiting, touching my stomach instead. He didn't move. He let me have my space. "But…Mr. Crepsley…" my heart ached. Larten…

I wanted to ask him why he hadn't brought up this plan, this piece of news, to the others. I knew the answer though. We would have gone to war if he did. The vampires would never allow the Stone to be removed. They would rather go out in a war than chance such a thing. It wasn't the vampire way.

I felt both horror and comfort in this.

Vampire…I was a vampire. I was part of this clan. The very idea of my friends dying when I could have prevented it…I closed my eyes for a moment. No. I had to warn them. I had to or else I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I would look at myself with repulsion and disgust. I would look upon Kurda with…my eyes opened and saw the serious face of my lover and mate. I thought…we were similar.

Maybe we weren't so similar after all.

"You said to stay true to yourself…your conscience. I must stay true to mine, my mate." I spun around and ran.

I cursed when I realized he held the map I had brought. I tried to retrace a path from memory, praying it wasn't a dead end. What would Kurda do if I did? What would I do? I didn't want to find out. If he was willing to sacrifice his friends for the clan…I didn't want to know if he'd sacrifice his mate for the sake of the clan.

My luck was twisted. While I didn't run into a dead end, I had, instead, run past the vampaneze. They heard me. They heard Kurda. They quickly understood and darted after me. I heard Kurda shout orders at them to not kill me, to not harm me too much. But more importantly, he repeated twice to capture me alive.

I had to get to the others. I had to find a way out of these tunnels – they had maps, I didn't – and warn the others. If the vampaneze did somehow get the Stone, then so be it, but I needed to tell my people. I needed to give them a fighting chance – something Kurda didn't see as prudent to do.

Water! I heard the roaring water! I followed it into the tunnel where they once cast their dead down the water. I could hear them closing in behind me. If I wanted to stand a chance, I had to try and jump. If the luck of the gods were with me, I would make it to the other side and find someone soon.

I jumped…and…

My fingertips brushed against the other side. My feet were swallowed by water. I fell in the rushing water and started to be carried away. By some twisted fate, I managed to latch onto a rock. I clung to it and forced myself to lean over it, shivering from the ice cold rapids.

No…no I was so close! I was so close! How could I get out of this alive? How…

"Samantha!" Kurda's voice pulled me from my panic. "Quick, someone, grab me and lower me down!" When I looked up, shivering, I saw that he was on the banks, leaning over with his hand out stretched. "Samantha! Take my hand!"

I felt sluggish in my thoughts. Was it that cold to screw with my ability to think? Or was it the sluggish shock working its magic? The vampaneze knew. He knew that I would tell. "W-what will you do with me now, Kurda?!" I sneered as best as I could. "Will you kill me?! Is there where you tell me that you want me no more?" I wasn't sure what would hurt more.

A flash of surprise came over his face before his shook his head. "No! No, I will not! I want you still, I want you safe and warm, with me! You won't be killed, I swear it! The vampaneze will not harm you, Samantha!"

My nails ached from clinging onto the rock. I looked up at him, then back at my hands. Vampaneze…he would leave me with them, their prisoner, until he became Prince and stole the Stone. And then what? What was I expected to be then? His prisoner? His 'queen'? His...I couldn't think. My friends would die and I would live, tied to this man who…who I wasn't sure about anymore.

It hurt…it hurt so bad. He was betraying the clan but it felt like he was betraying me directly. I had to tell someone…but I couldn't. I wouldn't be able to. Whether I became a prisoner or a corpse at the bottom of the waterfall, no one would know until it was too late. I had failed…I failed and I felt crushed.

"Mate," he called out again, "Please! Take my hand, you do not want to die, I know you!"

I looked up with wide eyes. Death…or prisoner…damn me. He was right. He was right, I didn't want to die! I was half-vampire, but I was also half-human and that human part screamed for life! I was only aware of the tears that hit my hand because of the blur they caused my vision. Shame…hurt…loathing…I wanted to live!

I pulled myself up and leaned over the rock, wincing when it dug into my hip. With one hand remaining on it, I stretched out my other one. Kurda…my mate…my friend…you fool. Our fingers brushed together. My vision blurred, hiding the relief in his expression. My arms trembled, numb from the water. Just as I leaned further, my hand slipped off the rock.

I fell into the water and was swept away. I swallowed more than a mouthful before I managed to get up, panicking. "KURDA!" I screamed, holding my hand out as if he could possibly get me. I was nearly at the mouth of the tunnel. No, no, it couldn't end like this…it couldn't!

"SAMANTHA!" The scream Kurda gave was the last thing I heard before I was pulled under and over. It was a scream of horror, regret, and desperation. It was the scream of a lover who lost their partner and soul. It was the scream of _my_ partner and soul.

_Good-bye, Sire…_


	32. Chapter 32

There were many rocks at the bottom. The fall was grand and the force in which my body met those rocks was fierce. The cracks I heard from several bones sounded louder in the water. I couldn't breathe at first, the pain too much. Then darkness, nothing…

Was it death?

Several minutes passed. The sun was rising when I opened my eyes. No, I was alive. I wanted to look around but I was both too tired and too cold to do so. I lay on the banks of the river. How far was I from the waterfall? I couldn't hear it…I had to be far. My foot was submerged in the water. How did I get here? Better yet, how did I survive the cold?

I tried to roll onto my back, but my wrist protested. Shit, I thought, what bones did I break? I couldn't possibly forget that loud crack from the fall. When I tried again, I heard something shift nearby. I looked up, tense. Who was it? Was it a bear? A vampaneze?

It was…a wolf! Three, actually.

Ah, I realized, they must have pulled me out of the water. I nearly whimpered from the sudden warmth they provided when they laid around me. I pulled my foot from the water though I couldn't feel my toes. I needed to get out of my wet clothes…I…

I passed out again.

When I woke again, it was almost dark. I was surprised to find that my clothes were just shy of damp. I carefully sat up and groaned. From first feel, it seemed that my shoulder was dislocated, my wrist and foot were broken, my other foot still numb, and my back protested greatly. I must have hit a rock, I thought, and wondered what the bruises around my back and stomach would look like.

But I was alive!

I had to get to Vampire Mountain…which I couldn't see from this position. I had to…I couldn't even stand. Could I crawl? With one hand…but I might freeze to death before then. Oh, the thought of dragging myself made my back ache. I must have struck my head too, everything was so fuzzy.

The wolves were back…warmth…rest.

* * *

I had no idea how many days passed before I was finally strong and able enough to move about. The wolves stayed with me the entire time though. I glanced at my stomach and saw the dark bruises had lightened. My foot was still cold, but I didn't see any need to cut off a toe or anything like Gavner had done. My ankle had rested enough to be used on and off. It would swell easily though. My wrist was the same. My head didn't hurt as much anymore.

At one point, I thought I heard Mr. Crepsley, Arra, and Kurda. I had tried to follow the voices, but by the time I did, they were gone. It reminded me though that I still had a job to do. If I were luckier than before, I would be able to make it in time. And, I realized with a start, following their voices had led me in sight of the Mountain.

With the help of my friends, we traveled. We had to stop many times given my feet, but we pressed on. By nightfall, we hid and rested. By morning, we finished the last stretch. I prayed to whatever god there might be that all was well – for now.

I slipped in through one of the tunnels. I had to guess where to go, my memory shot from before. I wondered where this one would lead me. I looked for familiar parts, but saw none. I'm not sure how long I was traveling through those damn tunnels, fighting off the panic and glimpses of claustrophobia. The more I roamed, the more I was sure I would be too late. My ankle was swollen, black, and blue…but I pressed on. Just a bit further…

I was worn out. From the journey, from the past few days, from the injuries, from the lack of proper blood…was this ever going to end? I had just taken a left when I heard a noise. It was a grunt. I tensed and carefully walked forward, focusing so much on the sound that I failed to notice the smell. It was faint.

The further I walked, the stronger the smell hit me.

Blood.

I felt sick. I froze from the unexpected scent. It lasted a moment before I moved quicker than before, pain be damned. I ran forward with the sound of my own heart racing in my ears. Blood…it smelt familiar…who lost blood? Why hadn't I heard anything until now? What…

I saw a body when I turned into a small section, a mini-cave of sorts. Before I even stepped forward, I recognized the scent. "Arra?!" I gasped out, forgetting that there might be enemies nearby still. I pushed myself from the would-be door frame and darted forward, falling onto my knees when I got close to the body. "Arra, can you hear me?!" I crawled forward, shuddering when I found myself in a pool of her blood. "Arra, please…what…"

The groan I heard earlier came from her. Where was the one who cut into her like this? I thought frantically as I studied the wound. If I had heard her be struck down minutes ago, didn't that mean the person would still be here? Before I could look around, she grabbed my wrist.

I jumped and looked at her. "Am I…going to die?" The question made tears spring from my eyes. "Am I?!"

"I-I don't…I don't know! Maybe?" She was nearly split in half, how did this happen?! "Was it the vampaneze?" I trembled. "What's happening? Arra? Arra, please, don't…"

"Sam…it's you." She seemed to just recognize me after my questions. "You've…returned." How long was I gone? I wish I could tell her the story, but I saw no point in it now. "Vampaneze…snuck in…how…"

I swallowed thickly. "I'll go get help, where are th…."

"No." Her grip became surprisingly tighter to keep me from standing. "Chaos…everyone is…either fighting or…dead." She grimaced and cursed. "The Princes…everyone except Kurda…is dead."

The room spun. Dead? The Princes, Mika, Paris, and Arrow…dead?! I was…too late? She must be mistaken. I looked down at her, unsure of what I was going to say, when our eyes met. I trembled. "Arra, I…" Tears choked me.

"Protect…the Prince. Protect…the clan." Arra gave me a weak smile. "Protect…Larten…from himself." Her grip slackened as she exhaled, a sigh of sorts.

I stared at her for another moment, waiting for her to inhale, waiting to hear more. She didn't realize Kurda was responsible. Who did? Who didn't? But I waited, hoped that she would say something. Anything. Blame me, ask me where I went, ask why I hadn't stopped this, why my mate was the only Prince remaining…anything!

"Arra?!" I shouted, my throat burning. Had I thought all of that before or did I shout it all? "Arra, please…you…you can't be…no!" I cried out, a few tears falling on her motionless body. Dead. She was dead. Gone.

I took a shakily breath. I needed to find someone, I needed to warn the others…I needed to try and save anyone else I could. "I'll be back." I swore in a whisper before forcing myself up. I winced when her hand fell to the floor. "I'll be back…I swear…I'll…I'll bring…Larten." I muttered. In a daze, I set off again. I had to be close to the main tunnels.

The Princes were dead…all except Kurda. That meant they would have to listen to him. Whatever he said would be law. So how did such fighting break out? It didn't sound like Arra knew Kurda's true colors. So how…?

I saw light ahead. The moment I exited the tunnel, I sighed in relief to see the space relatively free of blood. I had just taken one step when I felt a hand grab my collar! I turned to strike but was a second too late, seeing stars instead. I could feel my hands and feet being tied by another person. I was quickly gagged and blanched at the taste of the filthy cloth. When I was finally able to see again, I realized my captor was a young vampire. He was Kurda's assistant…Cyrus, was it?

He looked at his partner, another young vampire I never learned the name of, and lifted me once they muttered something about my appearance. Ah, I thought, my ankle. Small miracles, I thought. With that, they headed towards what I assumed to be was the Hall of Princes…Prince.

No, I realized with a shiver of cold hope. There is another Prince. Vancha! He stayed away from the Mountain just in case something like this happened! What did that mean though? Would he be able to make it here in time? What…

The scent of blood assaulted my nose once more, interrupting any thoughts I had. I looked up from being slung over Cyrus' shoulder. I saw bodies, both purple and not. I closed my eyes, unwilling to see how many more of my friends had been struck down. For the most part, however, it was silent. Where were the others?

We entered the Hall of Princes – without any guard checks. Kurda had to be in here. My heart fluttered despite it all.

Kurda…

Try as I may, I couldn't help but feel my heart pound at the idea of seeing Kurda again. I wanted to…I needed to. I was relieved and excited to. Our last meeting had ended…in a manner that was pained. Despite my hope, despite what was happening, I still wanted to see him. He was my mate, after all…he had my heart.

A thought struck me harder than anything I had suffered recently. Was…was this all a set up as well? Did Kurda use me? Or did I own his heart as well? Was it all a lie? I felt numb. Thankfully I was being carried or I would have collapsed there.

So deep in horrific worries was I that I failed to notice something. A noise caught my attention…it sounded like my name…it sounded like Gavner. I opened my eyes and looked to my left, spotting the vampire on one of the many benches. He was bloody and bruised, he looked like he was missing a finger…but he was alive!

That was when I realized there were many, many eyes on me. Vampires and vampaneze. The vampaneze stood against the walls. The vampires were seated reluctantly on the benches. There was a smaller amount than the first time I had been here during the council meeting, but they were there. Why? Why were they all seated? And where was…

I heard movement down the way. I looked and nearly cried in relief. Mr. Crepsley had stood, his eyes wide on me. Thank the gods, I thought, going weak once more. He was safe. He was alive.

How long was I gone? He must be relieved to see me alive even if I were injured. I must have worried him. And…I realized with horror as I caught sight of the blood on my bound hands. Arra's blood! He must have caught her scent on me…he…oh gods. He didn't know. I closed my eyes to will away any tears. I needed to be strong but damn it all, this was just one hit after another.

I'd rather be flung down the waterfall than deal with this.

Cyrus stopped at the steps. He gave a short bow, awkward with my body over his shoulders. Then I heard him. "Take her to my room." It was soft, too soft to recognize the emotions behind it, but it was unmistaken.

Kurda.

When Cyrus nodded and turned, about to leave, I looked up. Prince Kurda Smahlt stood before his chair. Our eyes met and I wanted to fight, to scream, to kick and free myself somehow. I wasn't sure why. I didn't…I didn't…

I couldn't do anything.

I watched him shrink in the distance as we left the Hall. I didn't even try to see who else was alive and injured. In fact, it wasn't until we left the Hall did I realize the Stone of Blood wasn't in its normal spot.

* * *

Within minutes, Cyrus brought me and left me in Kurda's room. He stood outside, no doubt guarding. The scent of paper, ink, and dirt assaulted my nose. I didn't dare look towards the fireplace where our 'bed' would be.

A thousand questions echoed in my mind. I was too numb, too deep in shock to try and get out of my restraints. The Princes were dead. Arra was dead. Vampaneze and several vampires were dead. Gavner was missing a limb and Crepsley looked fairly injured himself. Kurda…

I shut my eyes tight.

Wake up from this nightmare…wake up…this can't be real…this isn't right…I'm not supposed to be here…

A noise off to the side alerted me that I wasn't alone. I looked up and saw a flash of blond. "Samantha!" If I had felt any resentment or fury at Kurda, it left me at his voice. His voice sounded like a musical chime, the relief and tearful joy evident in just one word. It pushed me further into my disbelief of reality.

He knelt before me and took away the gag. He started to work on my ropes while I spoke, "Kurda! What's happened?"

Instead of answering right away, Kurda tossed aside the last bit of rope from my knee and tsked. "Your foot…what happened to you? You survived the fall!" He didn't hug or hold me, but he grasped my shoulders as if to assure himself that I was real.

I stared at him for a moment, only now faintly aware of the pain in my ankle. I would feel it much worse later, I knew. "I hit some rocks…my ankle is broken, I think my wrist might be too." My bruises had, for the most part, lightened and were only sore now. I shook my head, the most recent event sinking in. "Why…why did you have Cyrus tie me up? Why did you have him bring me to the hall, before everyone, just to send me here?" Although I hated to admit it, the fire was starting to warm me – and the shock was slowly leaving. I wasn't looking forward to that.

Kurda's blue eyes met mine, dim though he offered a soft smile. "So no one would think you were working with me, as my partner and my mate. This way…when I'm gone, you'll remain unscathed for loving me."

"Gone?" I stared at him. "You're leaving? After this mess you've made, you're leaving us? Me?" This jolted me a bit more.

He smile became sad. "Yes…the vampaneze are even harder on traitors than the vampires are. Still, it is a sacrifice I am willing to make if we can bring peace to the two groups. If we can prevent a war…"

I recalled the tunnel, a memory that felt like ages ago. "The Lord of the Vampaneze…but he can still be blooded. We need to find him, kill him, or it'll all be for naught."

"Yes," he admitted slowly, "and that is your task once I'm gone."

I shook my head, my heart racing. "No, what are you talking about? Me? I can't…"

"I've explained my actions to the remaining vampires. As Prince, they are bound to obey my orders. As a result, I remain in one piece. You, Larten, and no doubt a few others will find this person and ensure my sacrifice was not in vain."

A moment passed between us. The shock had worn off completely now. Everything I had seen came back to me. "Kurda…Arra Sails is dead." He looked genuinely upset. "And I saw corpses on the way here." The next words tasted like ash in my mouth. "The Princes are dead. Aren't they?" He closed his eyes though he didn't remove his hands from my shoulders. "What happened?"

Kurda sighed heavily and for a second, he looked so…old. "It was not an easy choice to make, but it was necessary. After my investiture, the three Princes drank to my health. I poisoned their drinks. When they passed onto Paradise, I opened the Hall of Princes, brought in the vampaneze, and killed the guards." He paused, unable to meet my gaze. "It was supposed to be just those causalities. The vampaneze were supposed to take the Stone and leave while the others were busy drinking, celebrating. You've been gone nearly a week, Samantha. Gavner and Seba forced Larten to join them in celebrating. Arra…Arra left the Hall early. She saw the vampaneze. She blew the whistle and…"

I was trembling as I listened. It all sounded like a story, not a true recalling of events. "By the time I came back out and gave the order to stand down…there were bodies on the floor. I had everyone come into the Hall, those who were still alive, and explained it all. I noticed Arra wasn't there, I had Cyrus try to find her. She was fighting Glalda when they disappeared." Pause. "I am greatly saddened by the news of her death." He sighed. "I had just finished explaining, after several outbursts, when you appeared." He gave me a fragile grin.

"I arrived too late." Oh, to voice the words…I knew this would eat me away for the rest of my life. I stared at my lap for a long minute. The Stone was gone. People were dead. No doubt the other remaining Prince was on his way, but it would take a few nights to arrive. We still had to find the Lord of the Vampaneze and kill him. The Stone, maybe, bought us a few years. Maybe. But…

"I don't…I don't understand." I struggled to whisper. "You planned all of this." I felt sick. "You…you knew even before we met. And you still accepted me when I asked you to be my mate. I don't understand. If you knew…you were going to do all of this, you…why?"

I was disgusted with myself for such a question. I knew I should be angry, I should end Kurda's life right here, I should hate his guts as I spill them on the floor. I knew that I should be repulsed by his behavior and shy away. And yet…

To accept the deaths – without seeing the bodies, at least – in a tale was easy enough. On some level, I understood his logic in this plan. He had betrayed the clan, not me…and that was easier to grasp than…well.

What I had trouble understanding was…us. There was no mystery as to why he betrayed the clan and murdered his own kind. I would not be haunted by the question of his authenticity in his actions and beliefs. He had been plain and blunt in everything he had just done.

But us? His feelings for me? His reason for encouraging and allowing me to fall this hard for him?

Those questions would haunt me well into even death unless I found out now. Those were the things I could not understand. Those were the things that, damn it all, I needed to be answered like I needed blood to live.

And just like the many times before of such a vulnerable, if not strange, position…Kurda understood. Our eyes met and mirrored in understanding and pain. So much fragile strength he showed in this topic. He looked ready to break if he or I said the wrong thing. He understood why I asked.

He let his hands fall to his lap, prepared for what would be a rightful rejection. He knew the difference between my current behavior and the behavior I should have exhibited to the news of so much death in this mountain. There was no self-delusions.

"When I heard of the Lord of the Vampaneze…I knew I had to make a sacrifice. I knew I had to give everything up for the sake of the clan, including myself. I was prepared to do this." Pause. "But then we met and I realized you had similar views like I did. We thought in similar ways. And the way you would look at me…the way you would talk to me, smile at me...for once, at least for a little while, I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to be selfish in your touch, in your kisses, in how you thought of me…I couldn't stand the idea of hurting you only to keep you from this pain you no doubt feel now when my plan came to light. I was weak and selfish…even if it were just for a few days…knowing I will never find Paradise for what I've done…I wanted to find just a sliver of it here, with you."

Kurda became blurry in my vision. Tears sat in my eyes, refusing to fall but demanding to exist. It hit me there just now that it wasn't going to be the same. Nothing was ever going to be the same. Arra's death, the Princes' deaths, the fighting, the Stone, the betrayl…Kurda…it all became too real.

Everything had changed.

But just for one last time, I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around this man. He wrapped his arms back around me, tight in relief to know I hadn't turned away from him. And for a minute, we deluded ourselves into thinking that the world was just this, being in each other's arms.


	33. Chapter 33

Over the next day, I was kept away. Cyrus had strict orders to keep me in Kurda's room, not for a hostage or a playmate – ouch, 'mate' – but to keep me from seeing what would happen. Kurda stated that he had gone through the trouble of making my name clear – which it was to begin with – and he didn't want to be the reason if I should damn myself by reacting to his 'arrest'.

Yes, the vampaneze would 'arrest' him as they handed over the Stone to the rest of the vampaneze. The small group he had now were waiting outside. I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I tried to slip out from the room several times, even broke Cyrus' fingers at one point, but I couldn't get far. Between being exhausted and in grief, I couldn't fight much more.

It would take just that day for the group of vampaneze to flit over here. I wondered why the remaining Prince hadn't showed up yet. I also wondered how the other vampires were getting on outside of this prison-sanctuary I was in. Had they found Arra's body? How was Crepsley taking it? Was Seba alive? What was going through Gavner's head? Had there been any more fights to break out despite Prince Kurda's orders to remain still?

What was going on?

For a moment, I was glad to be locked away. I knew that if I saw Kurda's 'arrest', I might not be able to restrain myself – say nothing about his…execution to come. I also knew that I might not be able to handle the guilt if I saw the others. I was a day late. One god damn motherfucking day late.

And look what happened.

It was my fault.

I wasn't sure how I would be able to handle that knowledge. I would worry about it when all had…settled. Did the others know? Should I just end my life here and now if my friends knew, if my mentor knew, if my mate was going to die anyway?

'Protect Larten from himself'.

Arra's words came back and pulled me away from my suicidal ideals. I had failed the entire clan once and look what happened…I could not, would not, fail again. Even if it was just to one person, to honor one person's last words…to help my mentor…my master…I wouldn't fail. I resolved myself to this much at least.

These topics, however, were quickly interrupted by my next planned escape. It had to be night again, an entire day later. I just felt it in my tired bones. When I made to burst through Kurda's door, I was momentarily caught off guard.

Cyrus…wasn't here.

What…?

I looked around before slowly walking further through the halls. When nothing or no one pounced me, I took it as a good, though confusing, sign. Where was everyone? I couldn't hear much. I tried to retrace my steps to where the dining hall would be. I thought of the Princes Hall but…too dangerous, too harsh. Vampaneze and bad memories were there.

I nearly collapsed in relief when I heard noise from the dining hall. I walked over quickly, keenly aware of how weak I felt from a lack of human blood over the past few days. Kurda had denied me that over the past day, knowing that with it, I might just escape and interfere with what he had prepared himself to deal with.

I got to the doors, seeing no purple flesh. Were they inside? I could hear talking…was it in anger or in cheering? Curiosity took over and pushed me until I opened the doors. The scent of bat broth hit me and my stomach growled. For a moment, just a moment, I felt like everything was fine, that the past few days were just a nightmare. I felt like everything was…

"Sam?!" I heard a surprised voice call out, followed by another echoing.

I looked to my left and nearly yelped, all but tackled by a familiar body. "Gavner!" I gasped, clinging to him as he hugged me tight. "Gavner, oh gods, you're here!" I was trembling. I felt the dam that I had been building, hiding behind until all the 'unpleasant business' carried out, start to crack.

Gavner spoke, "You're alive! We didn't know if that bastard," I flinched, "had killed you or not! I wanted to try and find you but…"

The second voice that had called out to me spoke, "We were ordered by the Prince to remain in this hall, our rooms, or the Hall of Sports."

"Seba?!" I looked up over Gavner's shoulder and flung myself to him, hugging him tightly. He was alive…he had survived! I hadn't realized how worried I was about this grandfatherly figure until now. He jumped but lightly rest his hand on my back. "You're alright, thank the gods!"

"What…happened to you…Sam?"

"Harkat!" I hugged him next, shaking worse now. I didn't answer him though. I noticed one person missing. "Where's Mr. Crepsley? What happened to…?"

The trio looked saddened. Seba spoke first. "After he caught Arra's blood on your hands, he persisted to find out what happened to her." Pause. "He demanded to locate her body in the tunnels…as her killer taunted him with the news."

"The prick," Gavner carried on, referencing Kurda, "refused to let him go into the tunnels – scared he'd slip away, I bet."

"So then where is he?" I stood on unsure legs. I suspected Crepsley didn't take the restriction lightly. My heart ached for the man.

"Kurda ordered…for him to be…in the jail cells…for his own safety…and to obey his…word." Harkat spoke between gasps of air.

I felt my breath be stolen away. Jail? Locked away, knowing that your once-mate was probably dead? I dug my nails into the palm of my hand. No…Crepsley, poor… "Where is he?" I whispered, staring at their feet as they stood around me. "Kurda. Where is he?" I was suddenly very aware that the talk in the hall was from a happy reason, a celebration of sorts. I didn't feel at all easy about this.

Gavner looked like he was about to speak, but Seba placed a hand on his shoulder to silence him. The elder vampire broke the news to me. "He and the vampaneze have left the mountain."

The dam that I had felt to start crack moments ago stopped now. Frozen. I tensed and felt all feeling leave my body. Left? So then…Kurda was delivering the Stone…and also…walking to his execution. That was why the vampires were cheering, if only in a bittersweet way. Kurda was leaving…

Kurda was going to die.

Gavner was no doubt happy about this. The others would be as well. I couldn't blame them. I understood. Seba probably felt similar in sentiment, but he had the tact of old age and experience to know that…I might not be entirely one side or the other. On some level, or perhaps just from recalling that I was Kurda's mate despite what had happened, Seba knew to break the news to me carefully.

I had more questions, but none mattered right now. I felt myself sway, felt Gavner grab my arm. I couldn't breathe. This room, this large hall despite the number of bodies in it, was suffocating. I pulled away, nearly fell back from my action.

I turned and ran.

I had to leave the Mountain. I had to see Kurda one last time. We hadn't talked before he left, not about what really mattered. I had to tell him…I had to say it…I had to…to…

Nobody was in my way to stop me. The guards had either been killed or ordered to stay away, probably even guarding Crepsley. Seba and the others were behind me, left. I'm not sure if they did it on purpose or were too stunned to move – or maybe following Kurda's orders as Prince. Prince on Death Row, but Prince nonetheless.

I was beaten, exhausted, worn out…but fuck it all, I kept running. Even when the cold air smacked me in the face, I kept going. The snow was freezing and nearly to my knees. The incline was hell. I toppled over and fell several times, rolling once even. I was sure I got snagged by a bush or hit a rock once or twice. I was too cold and numb to be aware of any cuts or bruises though.

All I could think about, for better or for worse, was the traitor, the Prince, the vampire who used his mind and judged himself by what felt right in his heart: Kurda. I didn't even know if I was going the right direction. I just kept running blindly. I prayed to whatever god there was that I might find him before…

Figures. Purple. There were people up ahead. All of them had purple skin. Before the group knelt one pale skinned man with long blond hair. There was no hair tie or even shirt on the man kneeling. His hair, that hair I had loved to look at and toy with, rest wildly around him. His clothes, I noticed, were ripped away. A vampaneze was speaking to him, perhaps proclaiming his…his…

"STOP!" I screamed, nearly twisting my ankle as I stepped on a rock wrong. I fell and slid down the way a bit before pushing myself up. Covered in snow and shaking for more reason than one, I shouted, "Stop! Don't kill him! Please, wait!"

Eyes were on me, some knowing but most bewildered. Then there was one pair that I knew intimately. I stopped just a few feet away, my stance wavering from it all. I looked at the man in the snow. He stared at me with shock, pain, and…and a bit of joy, I thought. Bittersweet joy. "Samantha," he spoke with a hoarse voice, "what are you doing here? I told you to keep away."

"Who is this woman?" One of the vampaneze sneered.

"I'm Samantha Ivy," I panted, trying to catch my breath, "and I am a half-vampire."

"Why are you here?" Another vampaneze looked at me closely.

My eyes never left Kuda's blue ones. We spoke at the same time by accident.

"I'm his mate."

"She's my mate."

At that moment, I knew I was glad to have run down here. For once, I wasn't late. Though Kurda knelt, torn and disgraced, ready to accept his death and the pain of never seeing Paradise…I would be able to see him one last time. I would be able to tell him something that conveyed my thoughts on his actions, his betrayal.

How I thought of him for leaving me in this fucking mess that he created single-handedly.

"Please," I swallowed thickly, my throat on fire from the cold air, "please…allow me to have one last minute with him." I didn't look away from him. I was pleading with the vampaneze, feeling no shame in this.

"Glalda…one last favor?" He asked one of them quietly. I didn't see who he was talking to specifically.

"One minute." The leader agreed before turning away. They gave us the illusion of privacy. I was grateful. Truthfully, I was in no condition to run and I knew Kurda had already resigned himself to his fate.

I walked on shaky legs before collapsing before him. We stared at each other less than a foot apart. We could see our breaths in the air. His hands rest at his side in the snow. I reached up and brushed back his hair behind his ear. His skin was cold. Hell, I was cold.

"Samantha…" he whispered.

One minute. One minute and then an eternity of never seeing him again. How cruel and unfair time was. I offered a weak smile. I didn't want his last memory of me to be a tearful wreck. "Kurda." I wanted to scream. Somehow I resisted.

He took my hand in his. I cursed the numbness of the cold for not letting me experience this feeling, to keep me from memorizing every line in his palm. I leaned forward, our knees pressed together. I rest my forehead against his. My other hand cupped his cheek and he returned the action.

I swallowed. I grinned almost bitterly before feeling the sharp sting in my eyes. Tears. Tears frozen in this cold wind. "I don't want to see you die…even the chance, however minor or vast, of your death makes me feel ill…and lonely."

I repeated what he had told me that day in the Hall of Sports, about the Trials. The first real time I felt like we were…that we were…that there could be something between us. It was the truth. All at the same time, it also told him what I felt about his behavior, the mess he left me in.

He caught it. He understood. I knew this because of the tears that joined mine. He struggled to speak without letting the tears choke him up too much. "Samantha…you will never be alone."

"Time is up." The voice cut sharp into our moment. Panic entered my veins. No. No! I refused to let this happen! He couldn't die! He couldn't be killed no matter his actions! It was easy to agree to his death in theory, but in practice, I wouldn't let it happen! I'd take a few vampaneze out with me if need be, I would die alongside him if I had to, to keep him alive!

But Kurda and I always thought similarly. He knew what was going through my mind. He squeezed my hand and leaned forward, kissing me one last time. With his free hand, he gestured something to the side. When we pulled away and my illusion of peace lingered, I realized what he had done.

He had signaled Cyrus, who I hadn't noticed standing to the side all this time, to take me away. I fought Cyrus at first but with a sharp hit to the back of my head, I became nothing more than a manageable rag doll in Cyrus' grip. My last image as I shouted Kurda's name was the man himself.

With his long blond hair wild and dirty, his shirtless body bruised and worn, he smiled gently up at me.

As if to say…

_It's alright. Thank you. I love you. _

There was never any utterance or sign of _Good-bye…_

* * *

I fell in and out of consciousness for the next two days. The run in the snow, it seemed, coupled with my recent hardship down a certain waterfall had wreaked havoc on my body. I recalled seeing Harkat, Seba and Gavner hover over me a few times when I opened my eyes. It lasted just for a moment before I fell back to the darkness. I recalled drinking something, blood no doubt, and possibly bat broth throughout that time.

There was one time when I woke, the fire low, and swore I saw Kurda standing in the shadows. When I blinked, the small bubble of hope that had formed within me popped. It was not Kurda, but Crepsley. I gasped out something, perhaps his name, perhaps a plea or an apology…and fell asleep once more.

For the first ten minutes of my actual waking, I stared at the fireplace in silence. I hadn't looked around or even wondered if someone was in the room with me. I simply turned in my coffin and glanced at the flames, my mind blank. It was blissful, to not think of anything. If only I could exist like that, like the fire…just exist…

"You are awake." It was Seba's calm voice that pulled me from my state. "We have been worried. Do you feel well enough to sit up?"

I looked over at him in the shadows from the fireplace, loathing every second of it. On some level, I knew that things would go downhill from here. I would be rejoining reality after so much time away. "I think." I winced at how sore my throat was.

In Seba's hand was a cup although I wasn't sure what it was filled with. I sat up slowly, wincing from the lack of use from my muscles. I took the cup from the older vampire and sipped, relieved to taste water. When I drained the cup, I looked up at Seba. "Say it." I murmured "Tell me what I have missed since I disappeared." Dejected. Somber. Numb. I was ready to have my world shattered and smashed to dust. I felt distant, cold, numb…

Seba sighed as he sat on a chair nearby. His expression was somber, his eyes dark, and his posture…old. Fragile. I swallowed thickly. He really did look his age in that second, I thought. His voice was neutral though laced with sorrow. "We could not locate you for nearly a week. Kurda's investiture went proceeded as planned. That night when the other three Princes," he winced, thinking of his friends, "drank to his health…they died. We were all in the dining hall celebrating the new Prince. Arra left. She came back with the news of trouble. Then she disappeared into the tunnels with Glalda." That name sounded familiar to me. "Some fighting broke out when we spotted the vampaneze. Before it could go too far…Kurda ordered us all in the Hall of Princes.

"There he explained himself. There were many outbursts, but…to kill a Prince is…not possible. As a Prince himself, he knew he was exempt. He also knew and told us that he would die by the vampaneze hand for his betrayl." Seba's face hardened. "Kurda explained why he did it. He told us of the Lord of the Vampaneze. Then you arrived…thank the vampire gods you are still here, Sam." He offered a soft smile. "When you left, Kurda restricted the areas we could go…you know the rest.

"Since Kurda's…leave," Seba said carefully, "Prince Vancha has arrived. We have spent the past two days recovering the bodies and burning them so their souls may leave to Paradise."

"And…and Larten?" I whispered my mentor's name. My throat burned.

Seba understood. He sighed. "He is taking Arra's death hard. He has been in to visit you twice, though Harkat has rarely left your side. He is not here right now only because I have forced him to eat. He will return shortly."

I wanted to ask more. Did Crepsley blame me? Did the clan? I was Kurda's mate. Did this last remaining Prince want me dead? What were the news of the vampaneze and the Stone – had anyone else died suddenly from it? I suspected not or Seba would have mentioned it. Where was Gavner? What…

But nothing left my lips.

I merely nodded and looked away. Kurda was dead. So many were dead. The Lord of the Vampaneze was not blooded yet, but he was out there. There was a weak truce between the clans. Crepsley had lost his ex-mate, no doubt a woman he still admired and…and loved. There was much to do soon, first of which required grieving…but no tears left my eyes.

I just wanted to…to exist for a while longer. Just be alive.

I would feel the guilt smack me soon. I would deal with Arra's last words and my promise soon. I would handle the loss and betrayal of my mate soon. I would recover along with the clan soon. I would help find this Lord and kill him…soon.

Soon…soon, soon, soon…soon…fucking soon!

A god damn day late!

I must have started to tremble, to breathe heavily, for Seba touched my shoulder in concern. I jumped a bit and looked up, startled. When I realized what had happened, I shook my head. "I wish to rest." I whispered. I didn't want Seba's words. I didn't want him to inquire or try to comfort me on anything. I didn't deserve it. He had lost his friends because of Kurda, because of me…I didn't deserve anyone's attention, anyone's comfort or care or words or…

I didn't deserve to be alive right now.

But I was.

And I wanted to get the most out of it, simply by existing.

Seba nodded and slowly left, glancing back twice as if to speak. When I was alone, I expected to cry. Alas, nothing happened. I simply sat there in my coffin, staring at the flames once more. I heard the door open and heard Harkat's breathing. I said nothing. He smartly said nothing either.

And so it went for another day.

Existing.

Trying to be just like the flames in the fireplace.

Just…existing.

* * *

It was the second day after I woke – two weeks after I went missing initially – that Crepsley visited me. Gavner and the others had visited the day I fully woke. Crepsley…had just made it today. I was partly dreading this visit.

When he came, however, I was surprised with myself. It was that same cold, distant feeling I had before when Seba told me what had happened. It was like…I wasn't really there. I wasn't me. I was watching this play out from someone else. Like this was a story and the main character wasn't me.

"You are doing better." Crepsley's voice was ragged, worn.

I nodded. "I…" should be dead, am to blame, shouldn't be here, don't deserve anything, am sorry for everything, am a huge disappointment, wish I had never been blooded, "…am sorry for your loss, Mr. Crepsley."

He flinched. "Thank you…Mistress Ivy." He paused for a moment. "And I…I am sorry for yours." The words were forced through gritted teeth. I flinched as though he had struck me and looked away. He caught on and cleared his throat. His voice was softer this time. "When you were brought into the Hall…were you with Arra…in her last moment?"

I looked up and instantly regretted it. His eyes were so pained, so honest and vulnerable. I expected to cry myself, for this to finally break the dam I had built since I first arrived. Nothing. Nothing happened. I swallowed thickly instead. "I was."

I knew what he wanted to know. Still, I hated to hear him ask it. "What did she say…if anything?"

I closed my eyes. I couldn't stand to see his. I ached to reach over and hug him, I wanted so bad to comfort him…but I didn't deserve his touch. He didn't need to be soiled by mine either. So I resisted by digging my nails into my palms, uncaring if I cut them open.

Crepsley deserved to hear her last words at the very least. It would not absolve me from my sins…but it might help, just a little. A smidge. A wisp. So I spoke while keeping my eyes shut, trembling. I couldn't stand to see his reaction. "'Protect the Prince. Protect the Clan. Protect Larten…from himself.'"

Protect…protect so many…I had failed one already, failed another shortly afterwards…and the third? Arra was a fool to ask such from me. I was a fool to agree to it. Protect so much. I wasn't worthy to do such. I wasn't…

I heard a sob. My eyes snapped open and I looked over to see Crepsley doubled over, sobbing. I made to stand with the intent of hugging him, of touching him, of offering some sort of comfort…but then I felt a cold chill invade my bones despite the fireplace. It was my fault he was like this. It was my fault Arra had to utter her last words.

I did indeed stand and step out of my coffin, but I did not go towards Crepsley. Instead I walked by him and ran out. If I stayed a moment longer while he shed tears, _tears_, I would cave. I would hug him, I would apologize profusely, I would lose it. I would break.

I couldn't. He didn't need that from me. I wasn't worthy to do such a thing.

I failed. I was a failure. I should have never been blooded. I ran through the tunnels, entering one of the smaller ones. I nearly fell twice. I didn't stop until I reached outside. I left the warmth of the tunnels, of the mountain, and flung myself out into the snowy edge.

Cold. So cold. Freedom. Space.

I sat on the edge of the mountain, staring down. If I fell from here, would I die? Could I finally stop the voices in my head? Would my death make up for the countless ones, the people who were worth fifty of me that had died?

I sat on the edge and grew numb, both emotionally and physically. I wondered if I could freeze to death. I hoped it would be a pleasant way to go out. But did I deserve such a painless way? No. Yet I couldn't force myself to jump.

So I remained there for hours. Snow built on top of me. The sun was out but was hiding behind the clouds. So be it, I thought and remained a statue. If I get sick or freeze or fall…so be it. At least then I could escape it all…

It was midnight.

My lips had to be blue by that point. I suspected I was nearly frostbitten. How much longer until my heart stopped working? I wasn't sure if I could move my limbs. I was glad though, glad to have traveled though the tunnels in a way only I knew how to get through, thanks to…to Kurda's maps.

I wondered if they had cleared his room. I'm sure they had, nearly a week later. I was sure everything went up in flames. I smirked. Flames sounded nice right now to my near frozen body. Just a bit longer and I was certain I'd become an ice statue.

A noise startled me from the tunnels edge.

I turned and stood, cursing inwardly at the pain from it all. Yet no matter how much it hurt to move, to stand, I remained numb. It was an odd feeling, but the pain from moving had faded away shortly after.

Who was here, who had found me?

A moment passed, then another. A figure stepped out of the tunnel, looked left, and then looked right to see me. It…it was Gavner. I tensed, unsure of what to do or even say. Although I had seen Gavner several times since I woke, I knew his feelings about Kurda. I didn't blame him. I understood.

We locked eyes. I fought to keep my composure. To weep so openly over a traitor…it was shameful, to me, to Crepsley…but that wasn't why I held myself back. To hell with the opinion of others, that was a lesson I kept close from Kurda. It was because I knew that once I shed the first tear, accepted Kurda's death…I would break. And truthfully, I was scared that I might not be able to put myself back together.

But then Gavner frowned and a sort of sympathy came over his face. He held his arms open in a silent statement. I lost it. I took his permission and dove into his hold, wrapped instantly by his broad arms. Tears blinded me and I let out a keen howl of agony, as if I were being ripped apart by a bear. I screamed and sobbed wretchedly as I clung to Gavner, holding to him as my last hope. If I let go, if I let go I might be lost forever…if he let go of me…

He only held tighter.

Gavner hugged me back so tight that I might snap in two. I cherished it. I wanted it. I needed the physical strain to keep from focusing on the emotional one, to stop from breaking from the emotional strain. My screams of remorse and agony echoed off the mountain. I must have shouted Kurda's name because I heard it shouted back to me in the wind.

The shouts died out and were exchanged instead for cries. This was the first real grief, the first real, true loss of a love I had felt. I knew there would be more in my long life, but I couldn't fathom any future past this moment, this man that no doubt was dead by now.

My legs must have given out for when I opened my eyes again, Gavner and I were kneeling in the snow. My throat was on fire from the crying and shouting, my head pulsing, my eyes aching from all the tears. It was only as my sobbing died down that I realized that Gavner had rest his chin on my head. He was trembling, not as fierce as me, but I knew without looking that he was affected by it all as well – or maybe it was just my mournful howls that made him tear up. Perhaps it was the raw emotion behind it that made him sympathize, brought back his own tragedies, or made him mourn for me mourning for Kurda.

I'm not sure how long we sat there. Gavner held me tight as I held him, though my grip had slackened as I calmed, drained and exhausted. Snow had started to land and build on us. We must have been out there for hours. I didn't let go though and neither did he, even when we had fallen silent. I think he understood that I needed a friend, needed him…no judgement, no scowls, no sneers…just friend.

I grimaced when I tried to swallow, my throat protesting. I looked up at him, too tired to be startled by the dark rimmed eyes that watched me in return. It didn't need to be said, the question of if I felt better for the moment or the confirmation that, yes, I felt better…for this moment alone.

He did, however, speak to ask something a very important question. "Ale?"

I nodded and tried to speak, wincing from the pain. I couldn't speak, so I mouthed the words 'no hall, no group'. He understood. Together we stood and as we walked inside, my frame still trembling, he kept his arm around me. Maybe he knew that if he let go, I would fall to pieces and never be put back together.

But I knew as we walked into the tunnels that the 'soon' I had thought of so long ago…'soon' was 'now'.

And it was going to be hell to experience…but I wouldn't face it alone.


	34. Chapter 34

For the next couple of nights, Harkat remained at my side when I couldn't sleep, had nightmares, or just cried endlessly. That happened a lot, the last thing. I didn't know it then, but Harkat would often be at my side when I burst into tears for one reason or another in the next few years. Usually it would be about Kurda, but Harkat stood by me as a silent comfort.

I owed him so much for that.

For the next week, I stayed pretty much in my room. I didn't want to see anyone outside of my friends. I felt like they might…be upset with me. I was scared that I would walk into the dining hall only to have bat broth and stale bread thrown at me. I was scared they'd snarl and chant hateful things at me. I was scared they would chalk up my failure to Crepsley's, and that I would add onto my master's trouble on top of his own grief.

Crepsley…

We didn't see much of each other, Crepsley and I. He was dealing with his own loss and I was dealing with mine. It extended past Arra, to the Princes. He had known them better than I. And…and I think perhaps he blamed me. That was fine. I was still processing my own guilt. To grieve over a traitor while he grieved, while the clan grieved…it was, I felt, like adding insult to injury.

Still, there was one thing that worried me. How was I to take care of Crepsley if I couldn't even take care of myself? It was my mate's fault that his ex-mate had been killed. How could he even stand to be with me, near me? I had no idea how this would change our relationship down the way. Would I be left at Vampire Mountain? Left somewhere to deal alone? Ignored indefinitely?

I had no answers to any of this.

I felt heavy with emotions and unanswered questions. So heavy, in fact, that I often didn't move out of my coffin much for that week. Once again, I owed Harkat so much – my life in fact – for encouraging me to drink and eat. Gavner brought the food and drink – another friend I owed so much to – in between his busy General business. Seba visited and talked softly of different points of history, anything that didn't involve the clan. It was soothing, his voice.

How was I to redeem myself to the clan, to Crepsley, to myself?

Another question that had no immediate answer.

By the end of that week, Seba arrived with a tense walk. I immediately sensed something off. He hesitated. "Sam, I have…something to tell you." I didn't budge from where I stood. "I have tried to delay it as much as I can, but I believe this is it. Prince Vancha wishes to see you. Now. He has, after much of my own persuasion, agreed to see you alone, but he wants to see you in the Hall of the Prince. I am sorry…"

"Why?" Fear dripped off that one word.

"I am not sure." Seba admitted. "Vancha…is a bit wild, but he is a great vampire and Prince. He is fair. He lives by the old way, honorable…I suspect he wishes to see the new half-vampire."

I swallowed thickly, feeling like I was going to vomit. I hadn't eaten much that day, but all the same. "To see the traitor's mate you mean?" It was the first time I had spoken so bluntly, so coldly about…well, me. With venom. He flinched at it even though I didn't. "Will I be punished? Maybe even killed?" I wasn't sure whether I was excited or not by the idea.

"Vancha is harsh but he is just. You had nothing to do with what happened, Sam…you were not even here. He simply wants to meet you, to talk. Please do not be worried. No form of retaliation will be taken against you…_from anyone_." He emphasized the last two words. Now he understood why I hadn't ventured out of my room for the past few days.

"Liar." The word escaped my lips on accident. I regretted it immediately.

Seba's face became stony. "Be very careful who you call a liar, Sam." He stated firmly. After a moment, his expression softened as did his tone. "Nobody blames you for what happened. Please believe this."

I sighed, exhausted. Could I just go back to bed? "I apologize for calling you a liar." That was all I would say on that matter, ignoring the last bit. "I'll get dressed…will you walk with me to the Hall?"

"Of course." He nodded before leaving, giving me privacy.

I dressed as best as I could. I hadn't showered in…a while. I winced but hoped this new…this only Prince wouldn't mind. My clothes were a bit wrinkled but they were clean. I cursed inwardly for feeling this…nervous. Scared. While I trusted Seba, I also knew Princes could do as they pleased and were immune to, well, anything.

The walk with Seba to the Hall was quiet. I stared ahead and said nothing as the new guards checked me over to ensure I held no weapons. If it wasn't for the fact that they did this even before the incident, I would have felt insulted. But no, everything was…as normal as it could be, for now.

When we entered the Hall, I caught sight of a Little Person and a built vampire nearby – Gavner and Harkat! I smiled a little, relieved to have a crowd cheering for me, as it were. I noticed with disappointment that Crepsley wasn't there.

Seba must have caught my expression as well for he said softly, "I could not locate Larten on such short notice." Naturally he had caught and told Harkat and Gavner, who no doubt were on their way to visit me anyway. I felt grateful for at least that…although I didn't deserve it.

Brushing away this train of thought, I focused on the person sitting on the one throne a few yards away. It looked lonely, the one throne. I faltered in my steps for a moment. Could I really do this? Well, I didn't have a choice, now did I? I couldn't shame Crepsley by proxy again after my failures already.

The man on the throne sat tall. His hair was green – although this didn't surprise me quite as much since I had been blooded by an orange haired vampire – and he wore animal pelts as clothes. He was built, like most vampires, and a bit red as though he had a dusting of a sunburn. Again, my steps faltered when our eyes met.

I looked down and stopped walking once I reached the steps. I could sense Seba a few rows behind, Gavner and Harkat a few rows further behind that. I bowed deeply to the Prince, fighting my brain to keep on the present moment. No thinking of how I was supposed to have done this to Kurda should happen, I thought. Nothing…but…this Prince.

"You…wanted to meet me…Sire?" It was difficult to spit the words out mostly due to the spike of fear I felt from his heavy stare. He looked over every inch of me. I shuddered, wishing that Crepsley were here. Why? I wasn't sure…it was a childish want.

"You're the new half-vampire?" His voice boomed. I flinched. It was steady, sturdy, and fierce.

"Yes." I whispered.

Still, he heard me. "You look a lot younger than I was expecting…Samantha Ivy."

"Don't." I snapped so fiercely that it felt like fire had left my throat. "Don't call me that." I looked up as I made my demand, glaring. When I sensed the shift behind me and the raised brows on the Prince, I came back to my senses. "Pardon me, Sire. I…simply do not like people using my first name like that. Please, call me 'Sam'."

Samantha…only one person could get away with calling me it.

And now I would never hear it again.

"Alright." The Prince seemed to understand this. "Only if you cut this 'Sire' business and call me 'Vancha'." In a blink of an eye, the Prince changed from a figure of the title to, well, himself I imagine. He spat off to the side, dug a finger into his ear, and broke wind.

I stared, caught off guard and between a mixture of disgust and astonishment. Surely I hadn't just…imagined that, had I? The quiet snickering behind me told me that I hadn't. "Er." I stared for another moment, watching as the Pri – Vancha picked at his ears.

"Surprised, huh? Well, as am I." He stood from the throne and walked down the steps. He looked bigger than he had up there. I could easily imagine how he might intimate someone. Had it not been for his…breaking character…I would have trembled. "So you're the woman Larten turned…you know, I'm always looking to take on an assistant myself." He winked.

I blinked. "Excuse me?" Did he just…?

He stood before me and grinned wide. "I can be a better…master than Larten, ya know."

Rage flared within me. Without thinking, I raised my hand and made to slap him. Before I could touch him, a hand wrapped firmly around my wrist from behind me. I exhaled sharply, sense returning. Vancha's expression had changed to a slightly amused though mostly serious look. It was against the rules to strike a Prince…and given the past few days…and my status…I swallowed thickly.

"Pardon Sam, Vancha," Seba spoke diplomatically, "the mood the past few days have not encouraged a joking state of mind." I could practically feel the rumble of his chest as he stood behind me, holding my wrist.

Something flashed over Vancha's eyes, perhaps recollection, and his expression darkened. "Ah, that's right. My apologies, Sam," he said with earnest, "I had forgotten momentarily that you are recently...missing a mate."

Seba released my hand but smiled at me as I glanced up at him. "Vancha is well known for many habits and behaviors, one of which includes…complimenting females."

"Only the most beautiful." Vancha winked though his heart didn't seem into it.

I wanted to shrink away. What was Vancha thinking? Was he thinking of Kurda? How I might be of the same vein? Maybe he was wondering how he could end my life. I swallowed thickly, my gaze flickering away. "Apologies for my temper, Sire."

Vancha waved his hand as if to wave away my statement. "No, it was out of line for me – I'm not known for my tact!" He smiled this time and I felt like he meant it. "And what did I say?! Call me 'Vancha', little Sam." My face flushed at his add-on. 'Little'? Before I could question him, however, he carried on, "If you should wish to challenge me to a fight, even just a spar, I'm more than glad to show you how true vampires fight!" He winked at the others behind me.

I wanted to ask what he meant, but my mind flashed back to Arra. I flinched. It was too fresh, the fight, the treachery…instead I asked in a strangled voice that wasn't quite mine, "If you wish to find an excuse to kill me, you do not need to make one up…Vancha."

The Hall went still. Surprisingly it was Vancha who moved first. "I see I've worn you out. Allow me to walk you to your room. Seba, Gavner, Harkat…I'll see you three in the dining hall later." Then without letting anyone get a word in edgewise, Vancha walked towards the door. Without sparing anyone a look, I followed.

It wasn't until we were in the hallways did he speak, his tone light and his eyes forward. "I knew Kurda from just after he was blooded. I didn't blood him, but we often debated about the vampaneze. While I didn't agree, I understood his points…and I admired his passion." He gave a soft chuckle, not quite bitter but hollow, "Had I known he took you as a mate…I would have liked to see how he behaved while in love." I flinched as if he had struck me. He didn't comment on it. "What he did saddens me greatly. It also makes me nervous. From the reports I've heard, however, you had tried to warn us…but ended up in the wilderness. Better death than captivity." He mused. "I do not blame you. No one blames you. You will not be held responsible for the actions of your mate. Do you understand me?"

I couldn't speak right away. I had to swallow twice and even then it felt like my throat was sandpaper. "But it is my fault." I whispered. "If I had come back one day earlier…if I had found Arra a minute sooner…so many people would still be alive. And…and I…" _still love the traitor even though his soul was no longer with us._

"Then would you like for me to kill you, right here and now?" He stopped walking and turned to face me. "Larten will be upset with me, as will the others, but as a Prince, my decision will always be right."

I stopped as well and looked up at him, staring. My lips parted. Did I? Did I want to die right now? Where would my soul go? Would I find Kurda? Maybe I should…maybe I would no longer feel this sharp longing, grief, and guilt. Maybe…

I took too long to respond. Vancha's expression flashed and suddenly he had his hand around my throat, shoving me against the wall. He held his hand back, prepared to drive it through my heart if my guess was right. "Well?" He growled quietly.

Panic filled me. I grabbed his arm, sinking my nails in until I drew blood. I wanted to strike him, to fight, but he was just far enough away from me where I couldn't strike. His grip tightened and my eyes widened.

No…no, I didn't want to die, not now! Just like the waterfall all those weeks ago, the human side of me screamed out. I wanted to live!

I had so much to do! I had to keep Arra's promise! I had to see the world! I had to learn how to live with this guilt and grief! I couldn't die at twenty-something!

My eyes watered. With a flash of determination, I raised my leg and kicked him in the stomach.

Vancha groaned and stepped back, smirking at me as he rubbed his stomach. I coughed and tried to catch my breath, gasping for oxygen. When I looked up at him, we stared at each other for a long moment, adjusting.

"Glad you could see reason…little Sam." He turned to leave, calling out over his shoulder, "I expect to see your face in the dining halls more often…that's an order!"

I stared after him, unsure of what all had just happened.

* * *

Hey all, so what do you think of the turn of events thus far? Please review, it makes me happy.


	35. Chapter 35

What option did I have? I obeyed Vancha's orders that night and showed up with Harkat by my side. The same went for the next night, and the next. By night, I was socializing awkwardly and half-listening to people talk of something or another. By day, I was either in a fitful, tearful, pitiful excuse for a slumber or staring at the wall, afraid to sleep.

I didn't see much of Crepsley. If I did, it was at the hall where he ate and drank just enough to keep him alive. I wondered if Gavner or Seba pushed him to do that. I didn't want to talk to him – I tried, but I could never think of anything to say. It was…I don't know. Perhaps I just felt too guilty or awkward? Each time I recalled his own cries, my heart would clench and I would feel the urge to cry.

How would I ever get over this?

We rebuilt slowly. We adjusted. We were healing from what had happened, some quicker than others. Life moved on.

Nearly a month later, however, life threatened to crash down a second time.

Harkat entered my room without knocking. I jumped from the surprise – not like I was doing anything but staring at the fire – and looked to see my friend trembling. "What's wrong?" My heart stilled for a second.

"M-Mr. T-T-Tiny…"

That was all I needed to hear. I got out of my coffin and followed the shivering Harkat down to the Hall of Princes. Mr. Tiny? What was he doing here? It had been nearly two months since the…incident. Why did it take him so long?

When we entered, we saw all the vampires were already seated. Vancha stood at the stairs while Crepsley and the rest were front row. On the throne, the singular throne up front, sat Mr. Tiny. I shivered and made my way to Crepsley's side, as if it served as some sort of comfort, protection even.

Crepsley gave me a grim look. I tried not to flinch. Harkat sat next to me.

"Well, well," the man's voice sent chills down nearly everyone's spine, "now that we're all here…I can start." Pause. "In six years, the Lord of the Vampaneze will be blooded. It will be downhill after that with little to no hope for survival of your kind." Mr. Tiny's grin grew.

There was a brief uproar amongst the vampires. How could they not? If the brat was blooded, he also had the Stone of Blood. It was certain death for us in six years if it happened. Vancha gritted his teeth and I could feel Crepsley tense, even shiver, beside him. I wondered if it was from the thirst of revenge.

Mr. Tiny held a hand up and silenced all. He continued. "Seven hundred years ago, I told your forebears that the vampaneze Lord would wipe you out. But it is nothing gmore than the most likely truth ahead of you. The future is both opn and closed. Out of the hundreds of 'can be's' In your future, there are some in which the Vamaneze Lord and his followers can be defeated. The Vampaneze Lord is only human for now….his number of followers are small. If you kill him before he gains more…before he is blooded, victory will be yours."

Another roar erupted in cheer. I flinched at the noise. This reminded me an awfully lot of a used car salesman for some reason. Gee, I thought, wonder why.

"Long ago I looked into the future and saw there were five chances for victory. One has come and gone – Kurda Smahlt." I flinched at the name and sat rigid as Mr. Tiny spoke. "His actions have delayed the war he sought to stop. You should add his name to the Hall."

Many cursed, spat, and scowled at the name. My fists were clenched on my thighs as I took it all in. Delayed? Delayed the war? Delayed?! Mr. Tiny seemed to be about to talk further when a hot stab of loathing and grief prompted me to act. I stood, startling many of the vampires into silence or a quiet gasp.

"Delayed?!" I shouted, heart pounding. "Delayed?! Kurda performed his actions in the hope that it would stop the war completely! Are you saying all of this, his betrayal and his death, was pointless?!" I couldn't help it. I was shaking with the fury I felt. Kurda's actions were all for naught. If anything, he may have damned us further. But it didn't make sense. "The vampaneze have the Stone, it was said that no war would erupt if they did! What…"

Before I could get further into my snarl, Mr. Tiny's heart-shaped watch glowed red and his expression took on a menacing sneer. I flinched, my heart feeling as though he had seized it right through my ribcage. I remained standing though, refusing to back down. I could feel sweat start to form and travel down my back, but I wouldn't let go of this until I had answers.

And Mr. Tiny knew this.

He wore an unamused grin. "Samantha Ivy," he hissed, "such a little nuisance you are…how you've gotten this far baffles me at times. Irritating little spec, you shouldn't even be here."

It felt like my heart had stopped completely. It felt like everything around me and fallen apart. I…I shouldn't…be here? But…what? How did he…? Was he…? I felt my head spin.

A hand grabbed around my waist, pulling me down onto the bench. I inhaled deeply as if I had been choking, looking up to see it was Crepsley who watched me as if I were insane. Hadn't he heard Mr. Tiny? Hadn't any of them? I couldn't gather the energy to speak.

"Nevertheless," Mr. Tiny smiled wide, his watch no longer glowing, "the war will break out soon, closer to the time in which the lord of the vampaneze is blooded. It is set and simply cannot be stopped." I was barely hearing him, my head reeling from this.

"But back to what I was saying…you still have four chances between now and your demise. Assuming you follow my advice, the first three will happen within the next five years. Three times a certain group of vampires will come across the lord of the vampaneze. Three times he will be at your mercy. Seize your chance and the war will be yours. If you fail these three…then the last chance will be on the eve of the sixth year, the year he is blooded and your race…goes poof into the night."

Vancha was speaking. I couldn't hear much, my own thoughts louder. Probably being Princely and thanking the bastard. I looked up and heard Mr. Tiny speak again. "There will be three vampires that will act as hunters in this journey. Only these three vampires can search and kill the lord of the vampaneze. The hunters are you, Vancha…Larten Crepsley…and Samantha Ivy." He seemed displeased at my name.

I said nothing. I could feel my nails drawing blood from the palm of my hand as I clenched my fist, trembling. Only me, Crepsley, and Vancha? It seemed like a bad joke. We had to find the lord of the vampaneze…I knew this even before Kurda had been executed.

_'You, Larten, and no doubt a few others will find this person and ensure my sacrifice was not in vain.'_

Kurda knew it too. So it had to be this way…I had to go. I couldn't fail. I squared my shoulders and spoke coolly, silencing the uproar that had wrapped around me during my thoughts. "So be it."

Mr. Tiny stood to leave. I felt Harkat trembling so bad that he bumped into me in his seat. "Come, Harkat! You have delivred my message and served your purpose admirably. If you come with me, I'll reveal the truth of your former identity. Care to join?"

I looked at the Little Person and blinked. Former identity? I wondered what he might say.

"I have…a feeling," he spoke, "something whispers to me…here. I feel that I should go with Sam…and Larten."

"What? Harkat," I spoke soft, "aren't you curious? Go with Mr. Tiny, find out the truth!" Save yourself from the next six years of hell, in other words.

Harkat looked at me and for a second, I felt a familiar shiver. "I think that if I leave you…to learn the truth…the person I was before…wont' like what I've done." I fell silent.

Mr. Tiny shrugged and started to walk. "So be it. If you do go with them, your participation could be important in defeating the vampaneze lord. However, a warning…try not to let the nightmares eat you alive."

* * *

Short chapter. I want to say, however, that this should be wrapping up in, I dunno, ten chapters?

As you may have noticed, my speedy updates have slowed. It is not from a lack of inspiration, but from...well, motivation.

So far I've not cared if I had a review or two. Now, however, as my time has become a precious resource and I've other stories and projects to do...please review.

The speediness of my updates will depend on how many reviews I get.

Remember, I'm doing this for free so...gotta use my time wisely. If I see a genuine interest in wanting more, I'll dedicate more of my time to it. If not, then oh well.


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